by Natavia
I couldn’t breathe. My face was drenched in tears. The waiting room was crowded with friends and family. Corey was silent. He hadn’t even blinked. I was almost sure that he even stopped breathing a few times. He mugged me and I could tell that he thought it was my fault. They think Koran had something to do with it but I know in my heart that Koran wouldn’t go as far as trying to kill someone.
“Why the fuck you sitting over there crying for? It’s because of your hoe ass that my brother is fighting for his life. You led two men on and now look what happened!” Corey yelled at me.
I cried harder than I did before. Was Koran really capable of doing something like that? Corey was right about one thing; I have led Koran on. I was allowing him to call and text whenever. Not once have I ever put him in his place. A part of me wanted Koran to chase me. It finally gave me control over him.
Royal was right all along. I couldn’t fully let go. What I needed had been right in my face. I wouldn’t say I’m still in love with Koran but having someone to mistreat you for years would screw your head up about love. When Koran started confessing his love for me, it made my head bigger because I always wanted him to do that. I also wanted him to feel what I felt all those years. Playing games with him almost caused me to lose my man.
“Don’t talk to that poor child like that. All we can do is pray. This is not the fucking time to be starting that bullshit. My damn child is back there fighting for his life,” Pam sobbed into Tee-Tee’s chest. The sound of a mother’s cry echoed throughout the waiting room. Everyone had tears falling down their faces.
Jamie hugged me as we cried together. I never thought that the beef between them would escalate into this. It has gone too far. If I find out Koran had something to do with it, I will kill him myself. I’m four months pregnant and I’m still spotting like my period is coming on. The doctors said that was normal in the beginning but I had to monitor it to make sure I don’t bleed too much. I wasn’t ready for more babies. Parker was only one and a half. Now I might be stuck with two small children. I can’t complain because I never made him wear protection.
Royal was so excited when I told him that he was going to be a father. I would give anything to see him smile like that again. I burst into tears. Who would have known this morning would’ve been the last time we made love.
I went into a crying fit. “He can’t leave me.”
“Stay strong, Cam. Royal is a fighter. You know he wants to see his baby be born. That’s all he has been talking about. God has plans for you two. Trust him. He makes no mistakes. My brother is going to pull through. I have faith, Cam,” Jamie said rubbing my back.
I don’t understand her strength sometimes. Her brother is fighting for his life, her husband left her while pregnant, and she was still holding up.
Killa hugged me “He going to be good, baby girl. Believe that.”
The doctor came out hours later to inform us that Royal slipped into a coma and the chance of him surviving was a little to none.
“Noooo!” I screamed. Jamie and Killa had to help me up off the floor.
“Be strong for your baby, Cam. You are already bleeding. You don’t want it to escalate into something else. Royal would want you to be strong for the baby and Parker.” Tee-Tee hugged me.
I heard what they were all saying but I couldn’t do what they were telling me. How could I be strong when the man I love with all of my soul was on a deathbed? All I could see is that smile he gave me in the morning when we woke up. The smell of his cologne was still tickling my nostrils. I could still feel his strong hands as they caressed my body. My pussy was still throbbing from the love we made this morning. I carry his presence with me day in and day out. How could I be strong? I cried on Tee-Tee’s shoulder as I placed my hands on my stomach. What if my child never sees his or her father? I’m not strong enough to deal with this.
****
It’s been two weeks and there is no sign of life left in him. I bathed him, read to him, and talked to him. Tears ran down my face.
“Baby, please wake up. I need you,” I cried over him.
Get Well balloons, cards, and flowers filled the room. Royal was loved from everyone. Despite what he did, he had a good heart.
I barely went home. My mom had to bring Parker to see me. I know it seems like I’ve been neglecting my daughter but I’m no good to her right now. I can’t have her seeing me emotional like this. I practically lived here. I showered here and slept on the sofa bed in his room. My co-workers brought me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be eating. I even missed my prenatal visit. The spotting has finally stopped which was a good thing.
Tee-Tee
I was standing at the stove cooking and humming to Ashanti’s song Baby that was playing on my iPod. My brothers were locked up in their rooms. Since the death of their parents, they haven’t said too much. Royal was still in a coma but I had a feeling he was going to wake up. Royal was a strong man and he couldn’t go out like that. We have been living in our new house for a few days now. We needed the extra rooms because of my brothers.
A pain shot through my lower back and I doubled over. I quickly breathed in and out for a few seconds like they taught me in my Lamaze class. I turned the stove off and sat down at the kitchen table. Corey was down the hall putting up his TV in what he called his man cave. A thick fluid like substance came gushing from between my legs.
“Corey!” I screamed.
“What, Tee-Tee? I’m busy!” he said.
“Well stop being busy, nigga, and get your black ass in here!” I screamed.
“Give me ten more minutes!” he yelled.
“Motherfucker, my water just broke! I can’t wait for ten minutes!” I screamed with pain shooting through my lower back. If I knew having a baby would be this damn painful, I would’ve gotten on birth control.
I heard the sound of tools dropping and him running down the hall. “Oh, shit, Tee, your water broke!” he said nervously.
“No shit! Grab my bag so we can go!” I screamed and doubled over. He just stood there with his eyes as big as saucers.
“Bitch, do you hear me talking to you?” I cried in pain. He ran down the hall and came right back with my bag in his hand. Something told me to pack it this morning and I’m happy I did because this motherfucker was moving too slow for me.
“What about Raymond and Rashaad?” he asked.
“You can come and get them later! I don’t have time to wait for them to get ready! They are old enough to stay home, shit! Help me up!” I yelled at him. I wanted to fuck him up because he was still moving in slow motion.
He helped me to my feet as another pain shot up from my lower back up my spine. It almost took the breath out of me. I bent over .he picked me up and rushed me outside and into his truck.
“Please drive faster! I feel like she is about to pop the hell out!” I screamed.
“I am, Tee-Tee, damn! Just breathe in and out like they taught how you to do!” he said.
I smacked him in the back of his head. “Does it look that shit is working?” I screamed at him.
I was in so much pain that I started screaming and yelling which caused Corey to swerve off the road. His hands were shaking while they were on the steering wheel.
“Tee-Tee, I don’t know what to do! This shit is scaring the fuck out of me! You cussing me out and shit is making it worst,” he panicked.
It took us twenty minutes to get there when the hospital was only ten minutes away. He rushed me in and they paged my doctor to let her know I was in labor. Once they got me into a room and on the hospital bed, I felt like I could’ve died.
“I fucking hate your retarded ass! Why did you do this shit to me?” I screamed. One of the nurses tried to calm me down but I wasn’t having it.
“Corey, it hurts! It fucking hurts!” I said.
They checked to see how many centimeters I was dilated and it was only six centimeters. I kept still so they could give me an epidural. If I ev
er get pregnant again, I’m telling someone to just shoot me.
“Tee, calm the hell down!” he said as he began rubbing my nappy ass head.
My perm had been sweated out and now I had a little afro. Cam told me I should get braids but I didn’t. Now I look a hot ass mess. I smacked his hands away.
“Don’t you touch me! Don’t you fucking touch me!” I cried. He hugged me and I pulled his dreads.
“Y’all need to give her ass something else before I kill her ass in here!” he said. In return, he got a bunch of angry stares from the doctor and the nurses. I don’t know who lied and said the epidural made the pain go away. It wasn’t as bad but I could still feel an uncomfortable pressure down there.
12 hours later…
“Okay, one more push, Teyana!” Dr. Lee said.
I screamed and pushed with everything I had. Corey was just standing there watching. As black as he was, he almost turned white. He didn’t know what to do or say. For the last ten minutes, he hadn’t said much.
“You are almost there! I can see her head. Just give me one more push!”
I pushed and until I felt like I had shit myself. A few seconds later, I heard crying and relief flushed over my body. Corey cut the umbilical cord with shaky hands and, all of a sudden, I felt bad for cussing him out. After they cleaned her up, they finally gave me our daughter.
“She is so beautiful!” I cried.
Corey kissed her forehead and all the nervousness he had was gone.
“I’m sorry, babe, for acting like that!” I apologized and he laughed.
“It’s all good, shorty. It was worth it. If I had to go through it again, I would!” he said admiring her.
They took her from me. “We will be right back. We just have to weigh her and check her hearing and all of that,” the nurse said.
Corey got on the phone to call everyone to tell them that the baby was here. After he was done making calls, he broke down and sobbed into my chest. As I rubbed his back, he told me that he wished that his brother was here to see his daughter. Now, I really felt bad by the way I acted towards him earlier.
Camren
On week three, Pam came in. “You need to go home, Cam,” she told me.
“I can’t leave him. I can’t. It feels like all of this is my fault,” I cried.
“You know that Tee-Tee is in the maternity ward. She just had the baby. Maybe you should go see her. I will keep an eye on him,” she told me.
“Is Corey there? I’m not his favorite person right now.”
She waved me off. “Girl, nobody is worried about that child. No one is his favorite person. You know how Corey can be. He still doesn’t know how to express himself without being violent.”
Tee-Tee was lying in the bed holding her daughter. Everyone went to see Royal. It was just us in the room. I rubbed my hands with sanitizer.
“She is beautiful. Can I hold her?” I asked.
“Sure.” She handed her to me.
I held Coren in my arms. She was dark like her parents with a head full of big black silky curls. She looked just like her daddy.
“I see why you always had heartburn. This girl is going to have hair like her aunt. Oh Lord, she is going to be a mini Jamie. They say your child always comes out like the person you can’t stand and you know Corey and Jamie bumped heads a lot,” I laughed for the first time.
Tee-Tee laughed with me, “Girl, when she came out, you know Corey’s black ass almost turned white. He scared the baby out of me. Seeing someone change complexion like that isn’t normal. I thought he was ready to turn to Casper on my ass. He almost fainted. He talks all that shit and seeing his daughter born had him shook.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through this without your parents. I can’t believe someone killed them like that. I hope they find whoever did it and give them a lethal injection.”
She waved me off. The day the police informed her about her parents, she did not shed one tear. That was odd since she was very close to her mom.
“I know what you are going through but you got to hold your head up a little higher. You have a daughter and a baby on the way. You are going to give yourself a heart attack. You are pregnant. You are not supposed to be losing weight. You look sick,” she fussed.
I didn’t say anything as I gave her back Coren. I didn’t want to hear none of that shit. This was coming from the same woman who drank and popped pills while she was pregnant. Thank God that Coren was healthy because Tee-Tee was doing that poor child wrong. I rushed to get back to Royal. This was the longest I had been away from him. I kissed Tee-Tee’s cheek then Coren’s and walked right out of her room.
“Lord, what am I supposed to do?” I asked myself.
Corey
I’d been looking for Koran for days. I knew that nigga had to be responsible. It’s like he disappeared; his shops were even closed. I’m glad Royal told Ashaun to step out, that nigga was always careless. It took him months to find out if his cousin was the one stealing. I’m going to make peace with his bitch ass for my brother’s sake. They own a few spots together and I have to take Royal’s place until he wakes up so I have to deal with the nigga. I’m stepping up completely with running this whole operation on my own.
I know blaming Cam was wrong but I was pissed. Royal took nine bullets. Just thinking about someone trying to kill him like that pissed me off. This past year was the worst for everyone. The only good came out of this year was my daughter. I still can’t believe I’m a father. I told Tee-Tee I needed a DNA test but I don’t need one. Coren is all me. My daughter looks just like her daddy. True to her word, Tee-Tee has been chilling out. She even surprised me with her motherly instincts.
“This girl is getting on my fucking nerves,” Killa said as he looked at his phone while riding shotgun. I laughed. “This is my shit right here. You fuck with this?” he asked. It was Rich Homie Quan’s Some Type of Way.
“Yeah, that shit alright,” I said.
“There goes that nigga, Twan, right there,” Killa said.
Twan was Koran’s other right hand man. Twan and Damon were actually fraternal twin brothers. We pulled up in front of him. He ran as soon as he saw us. He knew what time it was. He’s meeting his brother right in hell.
I got out and chased his ass. It was two in the morning so there weren’t too many niggas was outside. This nigga was fast as shit. He ran like he was a runaway slave and I was his master. Forest Gump didn’t have shit on this nigga. I pulled my gun out and shot him in his leg.
“Nigga, I should fuck you up. Got me out here chasing you like I’m the fucking police.”
I kicked him in his face, splitting his lip and making his nose bleed. I smoke too much weed because I was out of breath from that short distance.
Killa pulled up. We were right on the strip off Pennsylvania Avenue in Baltimore, thirty-five minutes away from Annapolis. We picked his ass up and threw him in the trunk of my Crown Vic.
Twenty minutes later, we pulled up in abandoned old office building in Curtis Bay.
“Your bitch ass shot me in the fucking leg!” Twan screamed.
Killa punched him in his bloody face “Keep talking shit, nigga.” he warned him. He spit in Killa’s face. Twan was a goon. He goes harder than most of the niggas he bangs with. Killa gave him another blow to his face that knocked him out cold.
“Let’s tie his ass to the chair,” I told Killa.
Killa shook his head. “You need some help, nigga.”
I smacked his ass. “Nigga, wake the fuck up. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Where is Koran?”
“I’m not telling you shit, nigga. Fuck I look like? Y’all niggas killed my fucking brother! Do you think I give a fuck about yours?” Twan snapped.
“Word?” I asked.
He spit blood on my shoes. “Word, nigga. I’m not telling you shit so do what you got to do. My brother is gone and I don’t give a fuck about seeing hell.”
Under different circumstances, I would’ve dapped
him up because I respected his G, but we were on different sides of the fence. I took my machete out of its leather case that I had attached on the inside of my sweat pants.
I had gotten it costumed made by this old Chinese martial arts dude. The blade was gold and had deep ridges, almost similar to shark teeth. I could even put my fingers through the handle of it like brass knuckles. I paid a couple of Gs for this and it was worth every single dime. Royal and I have always been fascinated with martial art weapons. I still used a gun but nothing compares to my knives.
“Yo, please don’t tell me you got Chang Pu to really make you that shit!” Killa said in disbelief.
“Hey, what can I say, my G? You know I don’t bullshit! If I say I’m going to make it happen then that’s what the fuck I mean,” I told him.
“What you going to do with that?” Twan asked. A blade like this would make any nigga fold.
“Turn your ugly ass into sushi. Do you know what ikezukuri is?” I asked wielding my machete around. He didn’t answer but Killa did.
“What is it?”
“It’s live sushi. They filet and gut the fish then serve it on a plate sliced with its heart still beating. The trick is to cut it up without killing it. Its torture being killed without dying at that moment.”
It was so quiet. Killa looked like he wanted to throw up and Twan had tears in his eyes but they would not fall. I brought my machete down and chopped his forearm clean off. He screamed out in pain. Shit like this excited me. It was a good high. Killa, with his weak stomach, threw up.
I held Twan’s life in my hands. This was power. Most niggas like having power by owning the streets and flooding it with kilos. I would rather flood it with blood.
“Can I shoot the nigga?” Killa asked. I ignored him.
“I don’t know where Koran is. He has been missing since the shit with Royal happened. I don’t know what happened,” Twan cried.
