Second Time Around

by Carol Steward

  She shook her head. “I’m fine, but feel free to get something if you want.” The opportunity to get into a new discussion had passed, she realized.

  Traffic moved like molasses on a winter day, and Kevin pulled into the first burger joint they saw. “We may as well eat something while we sit in the traffic. I know you’re not fond of junk food, but they do make a great bowl of chili.”

  She smiled. “That sounds good. Here, let me.” Emily pulled a bill from her purse.

  “I thought we covered this already.” He quirked his eyebrow.

  “So did I,” she said, gently reminding him of the conversation they had had the previous week about the joy of giving, and learning to receive graciously. “I didn’t argue when you made the reservations for both of us, did I? Well, not too hard, anyway.”

  He placed the order and accepted the twenty. “Thank you for dinner.” She didn’t fail to notice the note of resignation in his voice.

  “You’re welcome. And thank you for making me take time to relax.” Emily tried to keep her own tone playful.

  Finally the traffic thinned, and they were able to find a parking spot at Union Station. After checking their luggage, they boarded the train. Emily sat next to Kevin, feeling snug and comfortable. Conversing quickly became awkward over the noise of other passengers. The rhythm of the train ride was strangely relaxing. Emily fell asleep with her head resting on Kevin’s shoulder and didn’t wake until they pulled into the station at Glenwood.

  The shuttle driver met them inside the small station to take them to the hotel. Emily and Kevin found their bags and climbed into the van. Immediately offended by one of the young men whose breath smelled like the inside of a beer barrel, Emily leaned closer to Kevin.

  Kevin wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulder. “We should be there soon.”

  A few minutes later the driver pulled up in front of the historic Rockfront Inn. Kevin grabbed their luggage from the back and escorted Emily to the registration desk. “Why don’t you pick up a few brochures, see if you can find something fun for us to do tomorrow. I’m taking care of this,” Kevin whispered.

  She started to speak, then saw the look of reproach in his gaze. Reluctantly, Emily glanced at the advertisements, picked up a few that looked interesting and waited for Kevin to return.

  “We’re on the second floor. The pool is closed for tonight, but opens at ten in the morning.” With Kevin leading, they climbed the wide stairs and turned left.

  Emily paused momentarily to admire an antique chest in the hallway. Kevin set their bags in front of a door and inserted the key.

  I have to say something, she thought.

  “Here you go.” Kevin opened the door and motioned her inside.

  Her feet were like lead. She dragged herself into the room and looked around. Her stomach churned with anxiety. Though she was relieved that he’d reserved a two-room suite, she still had to make a few things clear. The door closed at the other end of the room, and Emily panicked.

  “Kevin, we can’t share a room,” she blurted out, rushing on before she lost her courage. “There’s someone more important in my life now—”

  Emily spun around. The room was empty.

  “Kevin?” She searched the bedroom, the bathroom, the closet. No one.

  She ran to the door and opened it. Across the hall, the door opened and Kevin stepped out.

  “How’s your room?” He gave her an irresistibly devastating grin, and she knew she’d been set up.

  “You…are so ornery!” The tension broke, and Emily began laughing.

  The smile in his eyes contained a sensuous flame. He lifted her room key and quirked a brow questioningly. “May I? I’d like to explain, in private.”

  Emily took the key defiantly and crossed her arms in front of her. “I don’t know,” she teased. “I’m not very happy that you made me agonize over this for the last six hours.”

  “Forgive me?” His brilliant blue eyes sparked with excitement. “I wanted to see how much you trusted me.”

  “Now you’re testing me?”

  “Us.” Kevin took her by the shoulders and pulled her close, his gaze as soft as a caress. “Testing us,” he whispered. He paused as if asking for permission before his mouth covered hers.

  A few moments lost in the velvety warmth of his kiss, and all the emotions of their past returned. The warmth of his embrace was so male, so comforting. Emily wanted the moment to last forever. Kevin leaned against the wall, holding her firmly against him as the kiss ended.

  Emily opened her eyes, drinking in the sight of him. A small one-inch scar from the accident was all that was left to remind her that she’d almost lost him. Tentatively, she reached up and touched the tender skin on Kevin’s chin.

  Kevin jumped slightly, releasing his hold on her, both emotionally and physically. “It’s late. Why don’t we talk tomorrow.” His voice was low and ragged.

  Emily felt her own control wavering, and appreciated Kevin’s wise decision. “Call when you wake up.” She kissed him again, then backed out of his embrace, turned and opened her door.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kevin was amazed that he had had the control to walk away. He opened his suitcase and took his shaving kit to the tiny bathroom. There he looked at his reflection in the mirror, focusing on the scar that had drawn Emily’s attention. He knew what she had been thinking—the same thing he did every so often: he’d almost died. His finger touched the mark, bringing to mind the reality that even his own days were numbered.

  After that kiss, he had thought he was protecting her, but as he lay in bed trying to sleep, he realized it was himself that he was guarding. He was afraid of losing her. Once had been torture, but to think of going through that again was more than he could comprehend.

  The next morning, Kevin awoke and showered. It was still too early to take the chance of waking her, and he made a pot of the complimentary coffee included with the room. He turned on the television and occupied the time mourning the degeneration of Saturday morning cartoons.

  When he called Emily’s room, there was no answer. He left a message. A few minutes later she returned the call, saying she’d gone for her morning walk.

  “Why didn’t you call? I’ve been waiting to call because I thought it was too early. I’d have gone with you.”

  “I hoped you were getting some rest, I guess. I try to walk every morning. It’s my chance to start the morning on the right foot.” They decided to walk down the street for breakfast, then tour some of the historical sites in town. While they ate, Emily told Kevin little bits about her visit with Ricky’s grandparents. She was tempted to tell him that she was named to be Ricky’s guardian, but still she hesitated.

  She’d convinced herself that it was her decision solely, that it couldn’t be based upon what happened with her relationship with Kevin, or anyone else. While she would love to have someone else she could talk to about the situation, her sister’s persuasion made it clear that the more opinions she sought, the more muddied the waters would become. She couldn’t take any more pressure. It was something she had to trust God to help her answer in His own time. She only hoped that happened soon enough to suit Ricky’s grandparents.

  After shopping the morning away, they visited Doc Holliday’s grave, had lunch, then stopped in to see the vapor caves before returning to the hotel.

  Throughout the day, there had been an undercurrent of tension that became stronger as they approached the hotel. “Why don’t we meet down at the pool,” she suggested.

  “You sure? We have a lot to talk about, Emily.”

  “After that kiss last night, I have a feeling it would be better if we avoid being alone. Hopefully we can find a quiet corner of the pool to have our visit.”

  His blue eyes brimmed with passion and understanding. Awkwardly, Kevin nodded, and they both escaped into the retreat of their own rooms.

  Twenty minutes later, Kevin knocked on Emily’s door, and the two of them walked to the po
ol together.

  Keeping her voice low, she said, “I want to thank you for not presuming we’d continue from where we left off eight years ago, Kevin.” She wasn’t sure if that was a promising sign or not, but she knew it was right.

  “I couldn’t do that to you. I’m sure it was as difficult on you as it was me when we broke up last time. I want to be sure before we make that decision.”

  Emily took his hand and looked into his eyes. “With your charm, you make your restraint as flattering as a full seduction.”

  “I’m not trying to be charming, Emmy. I mean it. I care too much about you to hurt you again.”

  His smile showed the agony he, too, was feeling.

  They reached the lobby and separated long enough to enter the pool area through the segregated locker rooms. After the required shower, they met on the other side and stepped into the two-block-long hot springs pool.

  Emily had pulled her hair into a bun atop her head. She dipped into the water, clear up to her chin. It felt like a soothing massage on her tired legs.

  “Now this ought to work off some of that work-related tension!” Emily looked at Kevin. “Wanna race?”

  He smiled. “To that shady corner. Looks quiet there.”

  Emily looked to the corner he was referring to, squinting. “You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s like a marathon.”

  “Are you forfeiting? Too tough for you?” The laughter in his eyes was a refreshing sight.

  Emily turned and started swimming, knowing she would need every advantage available. She felt Kevin’s hand around her ankle, and he tugged her backward while he took the lead.

  Halfway to the goal, she reached over and reciprocated. It was obvious he wasn’t half as interested in winning as having a relaxing swim. He could have beaten her with both hands tied behind his back.

  Finally they both reached the end and grabbed hold of the edge. “I forgot how much more tiring it is to swim in warm water,” he groaned.

  “Yeah, that’s my problem.” Between the altitude, the heat, and her own foolishness for actually trying to win, Emily was light-headed. “I need to get out for a few minutes.” She climbed out, staggered to the chairs, and collapsed into the curves of the chaise longue.

  Kevin grabbed two towels from the towel stand and sat down next to her. “Next time you decide to swoon, let me know ahead of time, would you?” He laughed. “You okay?”

  She rolled her eyes and tossed her head back. “I’ve never had this reaction to hot water before you came back into my life.”

  Kevin snapped the towel open and covered her. “It’s still a bit chilly.”

  “Speak for yourself.”

  “I’m going to go get us something to drink. I’ll be right back.”

  Emily watched him walk away, acutely aware of his athletic physique. His shoulders were already more tanned than her own arms, and summer hadn’t even started. When he returned, she studied his face, imagining Ricky all grown up and looking just like the man in front of her.

  “Do you want orange juice or grape? I had to tell them you nearly fainted to get them to let me bring the bottles out here, so you’d better make a good show of drinking one of them.”

  She chose the orange juice. Kevin sat down and guzzled his grape juice in silence.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  “I’m not the same man you walked away from eight years ago—and much as I hate to say it, I’m probably not the man you need now.”

  If she didn’t know him so well, she would have found him almost convincing.

  “I have a business that takes a lot of time, and that isn’t bound to improve if I expand the company.”

  “I don’t believe that, or we wouldn’t be here now. I don’t think you do, either.” Emily dragged in a deep breath of the thin mountain air.

  She shaded her eyes from the late-day sunshine. “I’m not the same woman you loved, either, Kevin. There’s someone else in my life whose love is more important to me than anything. It was His love that carried me through the years without you.”

  Kevin sat up, straddling the chaise longue. He looked at her, pain filling his gaze. “That’s just it, Emily. You had that one love, and I spent eight years running from Him. Until I saw how Laura’s love changed Bryan, my conquests were about as far from what God wanted of me as they could have been.”

  Emily reached over and placed her cool hand against his cheek. “We all have things in our past we want to forget, Kevin. I’m not condemning you. I just want you to know that my relationship with God is even more important to me now than it was before. I loved you, and it was beautiful. But it was nothing compared to what it could be once God is part of both of us.”

  “He is, Emily. But it still isn’t easy to change everything all at once.” Kevin heard voices behind them and turned to see a family set down their towels. The kids ran and jumped into the water. “We’re here, together. What more do you want?”

  Emily couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was like riding a roller coaster. “Why did you ever make your way back into my life? You could have used any project to launch your commercial career, so don’t give me that line again.”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head. Maybe she was right. Maybe deep inside, he had once hoped they could try again. Unfortunately, he had enough honor left in him to know that he couldn’t take a chance on hurting her. There were plenty of ways he could have handled things when his life fell apart, but he’d run away from God and even shunned his own morals. Admitting as much to the only woman he’d truly loved would only hurt her more. He couldn’t lie to Emily, and he couldn’t tell her the truth. He had to walk away now, before it was too late.

  Kevin stood up and gathered his towel.

  “Don’t even think of leaving here without giving me an answer, Kevin James MacIntyre.” She felt her voice crack, felt herself losing control. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t let him walk away again. Something had hurt him. She had to know what had changed the man she loved. The only man she would ever love.

  “I didn’t come to Springville for you, Emily!” He raked his hands through his hair and took hold from the roots. “Or to prove anything to you. And especially not to hurt you. Yet that’s all I’ve done. You deserve better.” He hesitated before meeting her gaze.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Emily rose from the chair and stepped closer, lowering her voice. “You brought me here, Kevin.” She wondered if he understood the reference to the resort where he had planned to surprise her on their honeymoon. “Why?”

  “For some R and R. I’m tired of that jerk taking advantage of your generosity!”

  “You could have done that any place. It didn’t have to be here.”

  A faintly uncomfortable look of understanding flashed in his eyes. “I didn’t realize you knew,” he quietly admitted.

  “The hotel called the day after our—when we never showed up. You weren’t at home, so they tracked me down, somehow.”

  Kevin dropped into the cushioned sofa. “It was a lousy idea, coming here. You have dreams I can’t share anymore.”

  Dare she hope he would change his mind? Could she convince him that there was hope for a future together? It felt so right telling Dr. Casanova that she and Kevin had plans. It felt right accepting his invitation. It felt right being here with him.

  Despite her inner turmoil, she had known all along that she still loved Kevin. But was their love strong enough to heal the pain that had cost him his dreams?

  “I had hopes that your bringing me here was a positive sign.” She moved next to him and brushed his smooth cheek. Kevin pushed her hand away.

  “I’m not going to have this discussion out here.”

  “Fine, Kevin. Go on up. I’ll call when I’m dressed.”

  Kevin went on ahead, and Emily waited. She took her time, wanting some space to think without the temptation of Kevin’s nearness.

  Emily showered, anxious to rinse the drying mine
rals off her skin and out of her hair. When she was dressed, she went to Kevin’s room, surprised to see that it was tiny, with only a bed and chair.

  “Do you mind if we go downstairs for dinner first?”

  “Yes, Kevin, I do mind.” Emily turned, opened her door again, and walked in and sat down on the sofa, struggling with the sudden uncertainty that had been wakened between them.

  She recalled his proclamation of love while he’d been taking the strong painkillers, and longed to hear those words again, ungarbled and clear-minded this time.

  Emily placed her arm on the back of the sofa.

  Kevin squirmed away, forcing a smile. “Don’t do this, Emmy. I…want you in my life. I don’t want to, but I do.”

  “I know. I feel the same way.” She moved away. The harder she tried to deny the truth, the more it persisted. She couldn’t hold her feelings inside any longer. “I love you, Kevin.”

  Their eyes met, and Kevin’s smile disappeared. “This was a mistake.” He jumped up, his long gait carrying him quickly to the door. “Do us both a favor. Lock the door behind me.”

  Emily hugged her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees. God, I can’t do this alone. I can’t stop loving him. I can’t change him, but I can’t let him give up, either. She let the silent tears fall, and listened to the door bang on the other side of the hall.

  Several minutes later, she stood and crossed the empty hotel room, locking the door on her way to the kitchenette. As she opened the tiny refrigerator, she heard a quiet knock on the door. Emily set the apple on the counter and tentatively walked to the entrance to put her eye to the peephole.

  It was black. Someone was holding a hand over the glass.

  She paused. “Take your hand off the peephole.” She waited a second, then looked again. It was Kevin, his head drooping as if he’d lost his best friend.

  “I have one more thing to say, Emily. Please give me just a minute.”

  She opened the door, praying that it would be the last barrier between them.

  He stood, hands braced against the doorjambs. “I can’t predict the outcome, Emily. I’ve spent eight years learning to block out all the emotions you’ve brought back to life in a matter of weeks.”