Deacon's Defender

by Pandora Pine

  I wasn’t expecting that answer, or his raw honesty. “We have all the time in the world. If you think things are going too fast between us, then let’s slow them down. If you’re freaking out because I had my hand on your dick and vice versa, let’s see how you feel in the morning.”

  “After everything that happened last year with Stark, my encounters with other men have been a bit sterile, if you know what I mean. It’s different with you. In a good way, I mean. I guess I’m just not used to feeling like this.” Ozzy sighed.

  “Feeling like you could touch the stars, you mean?” My words were either going to fail spectacularly, or Ozzy was going to open up even further and agree with me.

  “That’s exactly how I felt when you, uh, well, you know.”

  Ozzy’s sudden shyness was absolutely endearing. Here was this hulk of a man, someone who ran into burning buildings for a living, and he was afraid to say the word orgasm out loud. Some people got shy after sex, for some reason I felt emboldened by it. That a man like Ozzy wanted me enough to drive my body to the brink and then pull me back again, gave me a feeling of power and confidence I’d never experienced before. “You mean when I spunked all over your hand?”

  Ozzy snorted, sounding like my words surprised him. “Yeah, something like that.” He gave his head a shake. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never been this introspective in my entire life. I don’t know why my brain chose tonight of all nights.”

  I had a feeling I knew why this night was the night. In more ways than one. “Maybe because tonight is different?” I didn’t want to push him to feel a way he didn’t actually feel, but I supposed it didn’t hurt to point out the obvious.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You said it yourself a few minutes ago. For the last year or so, all you’ve had is casual sex. You went to a great deal of trouble tonight. Finding out the kind of dinner I would enjoy, ordering it, getting your brother involved with setting up the boat and delivering the meal for us. This wasn’t some spur of the moment date, where you took me to the first restaurant we drove past. It was obvious you put a lot of time and effort into this evening so that we would both have a good time. If you don’t mind me saying so, this isn’t the kind of night you’d plan for a man you only intended to have a one-night stand with.”

  “Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m just not sure what happens next. I know what I’d like to have happen next, but I don’t know if that’s what you’d want too. Christ, I’m a mess. It’s like all of my usual control slipped out the head of my dick when I came.” Ozzy sounded in awe of himself.

  I knew very clearly what I wanted to have happen next. I’d known exactly what I wanted months ago when Ozzy and I met for the first time. I wanted this very opportunity. I wouldn’t have given myself to him if I thought things ended here and now. I was hoping for something bigger and better. I was hoping for the long haul. “Tell me what you’d like to have happen next and we’ll see if my thoughts match yours.”

  “My family is having a barbecue tomorrow. All of my brothers are so busy that our parents try to wrangle us all together whenever our schedules coincide. Tomorrow happens to be one of those days. Hennessey and Dallas will be there. So will Kennedy and Gunnar. I was thinking maybe you’d like to come with me?” Ozzy was back to being shy again.

  I wanted to say yes immediately, but I didn’t. I wanted Ozzy to think I was mulling over my choice. I’d never played hard to get in my entire life. I finally understood why people did it. I didn’t want to seem overly eager, as if Ozzy could snap his fingers and I’d jump. “I’d love to come with you. What should I bring?”

  Ozzy slowed, and then stopped the car at a red light. He turned to stare at me as if I’d just admitted I’d seen aliens crossing the street in front of us.

  “What? My mother would have an absolute bird if I showed up at a party and hadn’t brought anything.” I had manners.

  Ozzy was silent for a few beats. The light turned green and he started driving again. We were almost back to my house. “Stark never would have asked what he could bring to a party he didn’t want to go to. He had this way of always wanting to monopolize my time when I was free, meanwhile, he’d been out fucking anything he could get his dick into, behind my back.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know why the hell I’m telling you this. It’s like verbal diarrhea or something. I can’t stop the words from flowing out of my mouth.”

  I understood what Ozzy was doing, comparing me to Stark Givens. On the outside, it had seemed to me that the ER doctor had everything going for him. Yes, he was handsome, and obviously good at his job. I never would have guessed he was a man whore, but then again, I could never imagine wanting or needing to cheat on Ozzy. The man was everything I had ever wanted. It was hard to believe Stark hadn’t felt the same way. “I think you’re telling me because you trust me. Or because this is one final attempt to push me away. It won’t work, you know. There isn’t anything you could do or say to make me never want to see you again.”

  “I hope you mean that.” Ozzy parked the car in my driveway and was out the door on his way to my side before I could answer him. He helped me out of the car and walked me to my door.

  “I had a wonderful night.” He kissed me chastely on the cheek, then was down the stairs and hurrying toward the car. If I didn’t know better, I would think he was running away from me. On the contrary, I had a feeling he was running away from himself.

  21

  Ozzy

  Deacon’s words from last night played on a loop in my head. “There isn’t anything you could do or say to make me never want to see you again.” As much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn’t. The secret I was keeping from him was most definitely going to tear us apart in the end.

  There was nothing I could do about it. All that was left for me was to play the hand I was dealt. When the time came to tell the truth, I would find a way to make Deacon understand what I’d done. Why I’d done it. It used to be that no one ever questioned obeying direct orders. Now, it was happening all the time. I didn’t think Deacon would understand the fact that I was only doing what had been asked of me, not only by my own boss, but by the chief of police.

  What I really had to worry about, was Deacon thinking my feelings were only a product of my orders. They weren’t. Not by a long shot. As a matter of fact, they were what was complicating this situation.

  Every time Deacon and I spoke about the fires and the arsonist, he seemed genuinely appalled by the crimes this person was committing. I’d really stuck my foot in it last night, when I’d accused him of not being afraid of the arsonist. I’d been humbled, and guilty as fuck, when he told me the reason he wasn’t afraid of the arsonist was because he knew I would be there to protect him. So far, Deacon had been the one protecting Gloucester from the menace that was the Scorcher. I hadn’t been in time to stop any of the deaths in these arsons. I don’t know why Deacon thought I would be able to protect him.

  I suppose maybe that’s the way you responded when you were falling in love with someone. He obviously thought the world of me, and here I was tricking him, trying to get him to divulge that he was the one going around town setting these fires. It would be so much easier to just ask him. “Are you the arsonist?” I’m sure I would be able to gauge his truthfulness in his response. I don’t know why I hadn’t done that so far.

  Actually, that wasn’t true. I did know why. Not only was I afraid of his answer, but I was afraid he would figure me out. I was so fucking confused. I didn’t know if I was coming or going.

  “For someone bringing a young man home to meet us you seem pretty out of sorts, son.” David said from behind me.

  I jumped a mile. “Jesus, Dad, you scared the crap out of me.” I’d been standing out by the back fence, scene of many army battles between me and Quentin when we were boys.

  “I could see your mind spinning a mile a minute and I figured I would come over here and give your poor brain a rest. What’s going on with you?”


  “It’s a long story, Dad. A really long story.” I wanted to confide in my father more than anything. I knew, from what happened with Hennessey, he thought obeying orders at any cost was a crock of bullshit. There was no way he was going to think what I was doing was any different than what Hennessey had done a few years back.

  “You really like this guy, don’t you?” My father smiled at me.

  I nodded. “How do you know that?” When I was little, I thought my father could read minds. It turned out David paid attention to everything. Every word out of our mouths. Every emotion we felt or that showed on our faces. He’d taken the time to get to know each of us and was a better father for it.

  “I’ve never seen you in this much of a tizzy over a man before. Usually you’re so calm and collected, but today you’re jumpy and a little worried. Are you afraid your mother and I will do something to embarrass you in front of him? Or are you more afraid of the hell your brothers will give him?” David laughed. We both knew how formidable my brothers could be.

  “There’s something going on, Dad. Something to do with Deacon that I can’t tell either one of you.” I felt like if I said much more, I’d be on the edge of telling him everything. I hadn’t been sworn to secrecy by either of the chiefs, but I’d been a fire captain long enough to know loose lips sink ships.

  David was silent. He seemed to be weighing his words carefully. “In a hypothetical world, I’m guessing that boss of yours has a hand in this somewhere. I’m also guessing he thinks he’s doing the right thing by involving you in whatever it is he’s gotten you into. You and I both know what happens when you follow orders blindly. Your brother paid a heavy price professionally. I know you would pay a heavy price if you refuse to do what’s being asked of you, but I wonder if the personal price you’ll pay when this is over will have been worth it.” Without saying another word, my father walked away from me. Gunnar and Kennedy had just arrived, and David was hugging both of them.

  There was never a question how readily my family would accept Deacon. My point was proven a few minutes later when Deacon came through the back gate carrying a grocery bag. Both of my parents hugged the stuffing out of him, with Gunnar and Kennedy following suit. I headed over to the group before Kennedy could start telling an embarrassing story about me from when we were kids.

  “We were eleven years old and there Ozzy was, sitting on my back with my leg twisted back about to bite me, when…”

  Christ, it seemed like I’d gotten here just in time. “Hi, Deacon.” I hugged him, all the while trying to pull him away from Kennedy and Gunnar.

  “Where are you going, big brother? We’re just trying to get to know Deacon a little better.” Kennedy wore his best shit-eating grin.

  “Bullshit! You’re trying to corrupt him with the story of how you ended up in the emergency room screaming that I had given you rabies.” I slapped a hand against my forehead. I’d interrupted Kennedy’s story to keep him from telling Deacon the punchline and I’d just done that very thing myself.

  “You gave Kennedy rabies?” Deacon started to laugh.

  “No, I did not give Kennedy rabies.” I rolled my eyes dramatically.

  “He just needed ten stitches and a shot of antibiotics in his ass.” Dallas laughed, before half hugging me. For weeks after that, when Ozzy would come anywhere near Kennedy, he would hold up his fingers in the sign of the cross, like scared villagers made in those vampire movies and yell…”

  “Keep your rabies to yourself!” Hennessey shouted. “After a while, we all started chanting that around Ozzy. It wasn’t until Dad threatened to make us cut the lawn with kitchen scissors that we finally stopped tormenting Oz. Isn’t that right, brother?”

  “No, that isn’t right. All you did was stop yelling it. There were still plenty of times when you’d walk past me and whisper ‘rabies’ into my ear. I knew if I struck back, that’s what Mom and Dad would see, and I’d be the one to get punished.”

  “Stupid question, but how on earth did a bunch of eleven-year-old boys know what rabies was to begin with?” Deacon looked around at all of us with curiosity.

  “It turns out the boys had a friend down the block, Dougie Schmidt, whose parents had every cable station known to man. They’d gone over to his house one afternoon to watch a movie. What movie was it again, Kennedy? I’m an old man and my memory is starting to fail me.” David’s blue eyes twinkled. It was obvious the man hadn’t forgotten a thing.

  “Babe.” Kennedy snickered. “You know, the one with the talking pig?”

  “Oh, that’s right.” David was all smiles. “That sweet little G-rated movie. Refresh my memory again, would you, Kennedy? What movie did you end up watching instead?”

  “Cujo,” all four brothers chorused together.

  “We’d spent that entire summer watching movies we weren’t allowed to watch at home. We were supposed to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street the next day, but Kennedy’s big mouth spoiled it for all of us.” Hennessey crossed his arms over his chest. “I still haven’t seen that movie.”

  “All I did was accuse Ozzy of giving me rabies. It was Dallas who spilled the beans about where we learned about it.” Kennedy snickered. “Thanks to his big mouth, Dad marched us all over to the Schmidt house,” Kennedy barked out a harsh laugh. “He made us apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt for misusing their cable and lying about it.”

  “I bet that was a real Schmidt show,” Deacon said with a straight face.

  The entire family burst out laughing. Hennessey pulled Deacon in for a tight hug. “He’s one of us!”

  “One of us! One of us!” my brothers and I cheered together.

  What the hell had I gotten myself into? Everyone was in love with Deacon.

  Mandy managed to pull Deacon away from Hennessey, who was jumping up and down like this was some sort of a mosh pit. “You’ll have to excuse my boys,” Mandy started, “they’ve always been little barbarians when we had company.”

  “Little?” Deacon started to laugh.

  “I read your article about Ozzy in the paper the other day. I don’t know how you got him to open up about his job and our family. Out of all my boys, Ozzy has always been the quietest one. Whatever it is you did or said to bring him out of his shell, thank you.” Mandy’s eyes looked a bit misty. “I’m sure you know a little bit about what happened last year with that doctor. I didn’t think I would ever see him with someone else again. I know I don’t have to tell you to take care of him.” She raised a silent eyebrow at Deacon, in what, under other circumstances, could be considered a threat.

  “I promise you, Mrs. McCoy, I would never do anything to hurt Ozzy.” Deacon held up his pinky finger to swear.

  Mandy wrapped her little finger around his.

  “This looks dangerous.” I wrapped a possessive arm around him. Deacon didn’t mind one bit.

  “Nonsense.” Mandy waved a distracted hand at me. “I was just telling Deacon how much I enjoyed the article he wrote about you. I cut it out of the paper and pasted it into your scrapbook.”

  “I’m going to start the grill. Who wants what? Hamburgers? Hot dogs? Chicken?” David was wearing an apron that said, “Relish today. Ketchup tomorrow.”

  “All three!” I called back. Each of my brothers copied my order. As usual.

  “With all of these boys around, how did you ever get a bite to eat?” Deacon asked.

  “David always makes far more food than any of us can eat. I swear he asks the question because he just likes to hear the boys shout out what they want.” Mandy wore a wistful smile.

  “I’ll have a hot dog!” Deacon called out.

  I snorted, but my brothers beat me to the punchline. “He’ll have what we’re having!”

  Deacon had been truly accepted as one of us by every member of my family. I knew this would happen. They love everyone I’ve loved. Wait, was I in love with Deacon Fairbanks?

  Yes. Yes, I was.

  22

  Deacon

  Three days
later, I was off to have lunch with Finley. He worked from home one day a week and liked to come out to Gloucester when the weather was warm. I had so much I wanted to talk to him about. We hadn’t really spoken much since the last time we’d gotten together. I’d been so busy with work, and with Ozzy, I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to connect with my best friend.

  Finley was waiting for me at our usual table in the back of Geppetto’s Pizza. He raised a hand to wave when he caught sight of me, but his usual infectious smile was gone. I could tell instantly something was wrong with him, I only hoped it didn’t have anything to do with his job.

  “Hey, it’s good to see you.” I opened my arms to hug him, but he stayed seated in the booth. Not a good sign. I dropped my arms and slid into the side of the booth across from him. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m peachy.” Sarcasm dripped from Finley’s voice.

  “I hope it’s nothing I’ve done.” I always felt guilty when something I did or said affected Finley. He didn’t make friends as easily as I did, and had the tendency to be a tiny bit awkward socially, but who among us wasn’t?

  Finley’s face morphed instantly from a look of annoyance to one that made him look just plain exhausted. “This new account at work is driving me crazy. They’re an organic dog food company no one has ever heard of and they’re acting like King Shit. Nothing I’ve come up with so far has even remotely appealed to them. The CEO threw a fit this morning and insisted on speaking to my boss. I have a zoom meeting with him this afternoon. Who the hell knows what’s going to happen next?”

  “I’m so sorry, Finley. You’ve dealt with diva-type customers before. I know it will work out for you.” I had no idea how he worked in that kind of high-stress atmosphere. It was never a good sign when a customer wanted to speak to your boss. I’d been in similar situations after something had published, but my editor always had my back. That wasn’t always the case with Finley’s boss. His loyalties always laid with his clients.