Searching for a Silver Lining

by Miranda Dickinson

  Because you loved me

  I can face today

  Chase my blues away and smile

  It’s because of you

  That happiness is mine

  Because you loved me

  All my crazy dreams

  Find their feathered wings and fly

  I am free, love

  Because you loved me

  Tommy, June and Alys began to bring their harmonies and the band kicked into life, bringing ‘Because You Loved Me’ to a lively swing tempo, taking the arrangement back in time and every person in the club to the edge of their seats. The Silver Five sang it as if welcoming back an old friend, and Mattie imagined the spirit of Johnny ‘Chuck’ Powell standing tall behind his granddaughter playing the piano so beautifully, tears streaming from her eyes.

  Because you loved me

  All the world is mine, darling

  And in time we’ll see

  Joy forever

  Because you loved me

  The final bars sounded – and the whole room erupted into an ovation that swept every person to their feet. At its centre The Silver Five stood, dumbstruck, their hands clasped to their hearts, finally receiving the adulation they’d dreamed the Palm Grove audience would give.

  It seemed an eternity before the applause subsided, the house lights rising a little to allow the ecstatic group to take their final bow. Their families rushed forward, greeting their loved ones with loud congratulations – and Mattie saw Reenie Silver in the arms of her family, finally allowing her tears to fall.

  Unnoticed, Mattie slipped between the gathered well-wishers and hurried up the steps onto the stage. Out of sight of the crowd, she ducked down in the wings and pulled up a section of the restored red velvet stage curtains. The final act of her graveside promise was now upon her, and she had never been more certain of anything than she was of this. Reaching up to the strap of her dress, she unpinned Grandpa Joe’s silver sixpence on its candy-cane-twisted stem and tucked it carefully into the wide fold of the curtain hem, just below where it could be seen.

  ‘I’m leaving you here, Joe Bell,’ she whispered. ‘Where you should have been, sixty years ago, instead of having your heart broken by someone who didn’t deserve you. I love you, Grandpa Joe. But it’s my turn to live now.’ She lifted the curtain hem to her lips and kissed it, then quickly left the stage.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  ‘It Doesn’t Matter Anymore’ – Buddy Holly & the Crickets

  ‘Reenie! You did it!’ Reenie’s tear-stained face beamed as Mattie pushed through the crowd by the stage.

  ‘We did it, kid. And this must be your family. About time I met them.’

  Joanna and Jack stepped forward to greet Reenie. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms Silver. Mattie’s told us so much about you.’

  ‘I’ll bet she has. Lovely you could make it.’

  ‘Family is important at times like these,’ Mattie said, casting a wry grin at her friend.

  ‘It is indeed. Any news on the van, love?’

  Mattie’s heart deflated a little. She’d received a text message from Kelvin after the concert:

  Rusty at garage. Not a big problem but won’t be fixed till the morning. Sorry. K

  It was hard to bring her mind back to practical concerns after the emotion of the night, but Mattie did her best to think of solutions. ‘I suppose Reenie and I could call the garage tomorrow and see if we can pick Rusty up from them.’

  ‘I have a better idea, love. Leave it with me. I’ll get my daughter on the case – she’s a whizz at this sort of thing. She can arrange our transport home tomorrow and get the garage to send the rust-bucket back, too.’

  Mattie wasn’t listening, her brain jammed with logistical considerations. ‘We need to think about how we’ll get from the hotel to the garage. It could be quite a trek across town tomorrow.’ She wished now she had chosen accommodation nearer the club for tonight. When she and Reenie had booked the last night’s stay, they had assumed they would be able to drive in and out of Soho in Rusty, and needed to be somewhere close to the motorway for the drive home.

  ‘That crappy Premier Lodge in Chiswick? No, I cancelled that, love.’

  What was it Reenie had said about revelations she’d forgotten? Mattie turned to her. ‘What? When?’

  ‘Yesterday. Made other arrangements.’

  ‘How, exactly?’

  Reenie gave Mattie a look like a teenager pitying her parents for trying to be cool. ‘I know the interweb, love. How do you think I keep tabs on my intellectual property, hmm? I’ve one of those iPad thingies in my handbag. It’s all arranged.’

  ‘Reenie, where are we staying tonight?’

  ‘Only the best place in town!’ Reenie spread her arms wide like a ringmaster introducing a show. ‘Tonight, my good friend, we are living it up at the Ritz!’

  ‘Oh wow – Mattie, what a lovely surprise!’ Joanna exclaimed. ‘I feel better leaving you here now.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Enjoy every minute,’ Jack said, kissing Mattie. ‘We have to get going. Ms Silver, thank you.’

  ‘Safe journey,’ Reenie grinned.

  Stunned, Mattie accepted their hugs and watched them leave before turning back to her friend. ‘Reenie, do you know how much it costs to stay there?’

  ‘Of course. Look, we’ve slummed it enough. I am a star – as are you. More than that, you’re my family now. As much as that lot over there are. Besides, if I can’t treat you for all the support you’ve given me, it’s a poor show. And anyway, where else are you going to kip tonight?’

  Put that way, Mattie had little choice. She’d had enough fighting to last her a long time, and Reenie was so pleased with herself for surprising them all.

  Leaving a delighted Reenie to be welcomed by her real family, Mattie headed for the dressing rooms to collect their bags. Backstage, the air was still and cooler than the main club, as if only the ghost of the performance remained. She caught sight of herself in the make-up mirror, her face illuminated by the old-fashioned light bulbs surrounding the frame. She looked tired, but there was something new in her expression: peace. She had done everything she’d set out to do, brought Grandpa Joe to the concert he’d regretted missing sixty years before and put her own feelings about what had happened between them to rest at last.

  Reenie was waiting for her when she arrived back in the club. Most of the audience had gone, the few remaining family members standing at a respectful distance while The Silver Five gathered in the middle of the dance floor to say goodbye.

  ‘Thank you, Mattie,’ Tommy said, holding out his hand to her and pulling Mattie into their circle. ‘On behalf of us all, thank you. You believed in us, not just as members of The Silver Five, but also as people willing to give our long-lost sister a second chance. Without you, this couldn’t have happened. And it’s been wonderful.’

  ‘Oh, leave it out, Tommy,’ Reenie scoffed. ‘You planning on running for Lord Mayor with that speech?’

  Alys, June and Thalia laughed as Tommy feigned offence.

  ‘Thank you,’ Mattie replied. ‘For all agreeing to take part tonight. Everyone loved you. I reckon you could go far.’

  As a group, they embraced, five weary performers and an exhausted concert organiser celebrating their triumph together. Then, one by one, the group dispersed to their families and friends, until only Reenie and Mattie remained in the centre of the empty club.

  ‘Are you off?’ Colm and Derry were walking towards them, looking as tired as Mattie felt.

  ‘We are, lads,’ Reenie grinned. ‘Colm, your grandad would have been mighty proud of you and Gil tonight. Thanks for taking a chance on us old biddies.’

  ‘My pleasure, Miss Silver,’ Colm smiled, kissing Reenie’s hand. ‘Any time you fancy a repeat performance, just give me a shout.’

  ‘I might take up stand-up comedy and storm your open mic night,’ she chuckled. ‘Never too late for a career change, I reckon.’

  Colm l
ooked over his shoulder towards the bar. ‘I should find Gil before you go. He’ll want to see you.’

  Reenie shot a look at Mattie and quickly shook her head. ‘It’s late, kid. He has my number. I’m sure we’ll chat soon.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure?’ He seemed to direct his question to Mattie.

  ‘Come on, lady. The Ritz awaits!’ Reenie led the way out of the club. At the doorway, Mattie paused, taking one last look at the club she felt she knew so well through Grandpa Joe’s diary. This was how she would always remember it: the decadent nightclub in all its splendour. With a final nod towards the stage, she hurried outside.

  They were walking away from Kendrick’s when Reenie stopped and turned back. Mattie turned too, and saw Gil. He was standing on the pavement outside the club, hands shoved into his pockets, watching them.

  ‘Listen, you go ahead. They’re expecting you at the hotel. I just need to do one more thing before I join you. Go, go, it’s fine!’ Patting Mattie’s arm, Reenie began to walk away, calling, ‘Oi! Kendrick! I want a word with you . . .’

  ‘. . . And here’s your room, Miss Bell.’ The white-gloved porter opened the door – and Mattie almost passed out. It was the most sumptuous room she’d ever seen, let alone stayed in – decorated in opulent Louis XVI style, with an ornate fireplace at one end and a huge, expensively dressed bed at the other. Every piece of furniture and light fitting had been decorated in gold leaf, and elegant swags of thick brocade fabric surrounded the full-length windows.

  It took Mattie the best part of an hour to feel at ease in the room, half-expecting someone to burst in and evict her at any moment. But once she had found the minibar and changed into more comfortable clothes, she began to relax. One thing still intrigued her: what had happened after Grandpa Joe had been jilted?

  Settled against the luxurious pillows on her bed, she retrieved Grandpa Joe’s diary and found the next entry.

  Tuesday, 9 October 1956

  Father has news from London. It’s shattered any hope I have left. I have been an utter fool.

  Una and Len Myers are not brother and sister. They are man and wife. And they do not exist. Their real names are Jack and Isobel Lacey. And I am not their first victim. According to the police, Scotland Yard is pursuing them for charges of multiple fraud.

  I thought Una loved me. I believed her with all my heart and trusted her with everything I had. Instead of making me the happiest man alive, she has taken me for a fool and destroyed my life. Uncle Charles was remarkably fair about it all, but I couldn’t stay in his employment knowing I’d lied to him. I’ve lost all the money I’d saved for my London year, together with everything I’ve saved while working. Most of all, I’ve lost faith in my own convictions. I’m going to work on the farm with Father until I can decide what best to do.

  And the worst of it is that every day I wonder how Una is. Where she is. What she truly thinks of me. Did she ever feel anything for me? And what of Len? What kind of husband allows his wife to be unfaithful in the hope of material gain? I have lost a friend, the love of my life and all my money.

  Never again will I let my head be turned by my heart. I will not allow this to happen again in my lifetime. My heart will not survive another such beating . . .

  Suddenly, it all made sense: Grandpa Joe’s transformation from devil-may-care adventurer to moralistic pillar of the community. It wasn’t a progression into maturity; it was a shield to keep his heart safe. Mattie knew that her grandmother had become the real love of Joe Bell’s life and his absolute soul mate, but she could see now that he had chosen to pursue security and the fiercely loyal love of a woman who wouldn’t let him down. Una Myers – or Isobel Lacey, as she was revealed to be – had shown Grandpa Joe the dangers of following his heart. Hurt and humiliated, he had changed his worldview overnight to ensure his heart was never broken again. No wonder the young man writing his diary in 1956 had been worlds away from the man Mattie had known and loved. He was as far removed from that person as it had been possible to be.

  He was a good man and had gone on to build a great life for himself, growing a family who’d rightly loved and admired him – and still did. He’d established a dynasty that led to a granddaughter who would do anything for him – or so he’d thought. When he’d seen how completely in love Mattie had been with Asher, no wonder alarm bells had begun to ring! Mattie knew how she’d been when she and Asher got together. It had felt like the beginning of something that couldn’t end. And while she could see now she’d been wrong to trust him, back then it had been more natural than breathing itself to believe that Asher was the man she would grow old with.

  Grandpa Joe had long said that Mattie reminded him of himself as a young man. She used to brush it off, but now she could see how much that must have scared him as well as made him proud. It must have served as a warning to him. But had his resulting actions come from a desire to protect Mattie, or out of fear for himself? Did he look at his granddaughter and see a chance to absolve himself for entrusting his heart to a woman who lied to him?

  Confused and battered from the journey she’d taken to this evening, Mattie needed answers. There was only one person she could speak to. Finding Joanna’s number in her phone, she called her sister.

  ‘Hey you. We’re almost home. How’s the Ritz?’

  ‘Opulent. But I feel weird being here, especially after ten days on the road.’

  ‘I’ll bet. Make sure you enjoy it, though.’

  ‘I will. I just –’ Tears filled Mattie’s eyes as emotion jammed at the back of her throat. ‘I think I know why Grandpa Joe stopped talking to me.’

  She could hear the steady flow of her sister’s breath quickening down the line as she relayed the tale from Joe Bell’s diary, and a definite sniff as she delivered the dramatic revelation of Una Myers’ true identity.

  ‘Oh M,’ Joanna breathed, her voice shaky and small. ‘That explains so much.’

  ‘I know I should feel peaceful after finally finding the answer he promised me, J-J, but the worst thing is, I don’t. I feel angry with him. He decided I was exactly the same as he had been, and he reacted accordingly. He made me feel like it was my failing for not instantly agreeing with his decision. But it was my decision to make: my mistake to trust Asher. He had no right to demand to call the shots in my life like he did. I don’t know if that’s fair of me to say so but for months now I’ve been trying to put right a wrong I thought I’d inflicted on him, when he should have been the one making amends. Does that sound terrible? Because even if it is, it’s how I feel. And I think I’ve finally come to the point where I’ve accepted this was never my problem.’

  Her sister made a sound somewhere between a sob and a whimper, and Mattie realised Joanna was crying too. ‘My darling, you’re right. You’re so right. I should have said something before but I – oh Mattie, I’m so, so sorry.’

  Mattie stared at her reflection in the hotel room window, the lights of London painting her confusion in soft shades of orange, blue and white. ‘Why should you be sorry? It wasn’t your fault he . . . Hang on, are you telling me you knew?’

  ‘No, not about the woman in London. But I knew what he was like when he decided something was right. And I should have spoken up then, but everything with Fred had become so very difficult and I – I’m ashamed to say it, Mattie – I wasn’t strong enough to tell you.’

  ‘Tell me what?’

  ‘That you weren’t the first person in our family to receive an ultimatum.’

  Her words seemed to reverberate around the room, even though they came from one hundred and forty miles north of where Mattie stood. She couldn’t reply, her open-mouthed glass doppelgänger staring goldfish-like back at her.

  ‘He wasn’t right about Fred being the only man for me. That’s what he said. Only my ultimatum wasn’t delivered in front of the family, so I had no witnesses. He’d obviously refined his approach when it was your turn. For me, it was given in private, with a strict instruction not to tell anybody
else. At least you stood up to him. I didn’t. And I can’t help thinking my life would have been happier if I’d been more like you.’

  Slowly, the terrible truth dawned. ‘He made you choose, too?’

  ‘Yes, he did. I wanted to travel, see the world a bit before I settled down. Fred wanted a home, a wife and kids immediately after we left university. Grandpa Joe made it clear what my priorities should be. And I was too scared to stand up to him.’

  ‘Oh J-J, I didn’t know . . .’

  ‘Nobody in the family does. Not even Mum. In a funny way, I don’t blame him. He was mistaken, but he stuck to what he believed. I blame myself for being so easily swayed. Don’t get me wrong – in most respects Grandpa Joe was a wonderful, kind, funny, infuriating man and I will miss him every day of my life. But he wasn’t a plaster saint. He got things wrong.’

  ‘I think I understand that now. He just couldn’t let go of his own regret and assumed we were all the same as him. He was wrong – and now I wonder if he’d worked that out when he told Phil to give me his diaries. Maybe this was the only way he could say it.’

  ‘Maybe it was.’

  ‘I just wish I’d known about you and Fred. I could have done something.’

  ‘Would you listen to yourself? We are not your responsibility to put right, Mattie, any more than Grandpa Joe was. You have done so much to help me turn my life around. You made me believe in myself again.’

  Tired and bewildered by the turn of events, Mattie sank into a luxuriously upholstered armchair by the window. ‘How did I do that?’

  ‘You let me look after Bell Be-Bop. You’ve opened your home to the kids and me. And you let me share the journey you’ve been on. Every night we’ve chatted over the past ten days I’ve heard the change happening in you. You’ve started to find what you want for yourself. And you’ve given me the space to discover what I want for me. You haven’t just changed your life, Mattie Bell; you’ve changed ours, too.’