by Ellie Wade
“I didn’t mean any of the cruel words I said to you—earlier in your office or in the past.”
“Ah, so you’re not interested in a hard fuck to fulfill your needs and nothing more?”
He raises an eyebrow, and, damn it, even when he smirks, he’s sexy.
“Ugh,” I groan, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. “No, I do not want that. I’m sorry.”
“I accept your apology, and thank you. It means a lot.” He smiles, the sadness from just moments ago absent from his gaze. “So, friends?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I want that,” I say softly.
He exhales and lets his head fall back. He looks up toward the ceiling, his body rigid.
“Or I guess I should say that I don’t think I want just that.”
He lowers his head and squints in question.
I step toward him, closing the space between us. “Of course I want to be friends. Despite everything, you’re the truest friend I’ve ever had. But you were right back there. I did feel it. That kiss was the most beautiful kiss I’d ever had. It made me feel things that I hadn’t known I could.”
He steps in closer, putting his hands around my waist. His fingers press into my skin, causing all sorts of emotions to course through me.
“And?” he questions, lowering his face until it’s a whisper away from mine.
I swallow. “And I want to do it again.”
I don’t have to ask twice. The second the words have left my mouth, Liam’s hands cradle my face as his lips press against mine. The kiss is everything that it was before, except, now, it’s even more incredible somehow. This time, I asked for it, and I finally realize how much I truly want Liam, how I’ve always wanted him.
Liam picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He pushes my back up against the coarse wooden wall of the barn as his lips continue their unbelievable assault.
As our kiss continues, I allow my guard to fall, releasing all the pent-up rage that’s been simmering beneath the surface for so long.
I just feel.
I take Liam in—his scent, his sounds, and the way his tongue continues to caress my own, as if kissing me is its sole purpose. Most importantly, I stop denying my heart, and I let it fill up with everything that is Liam. For the first time, I allow it to love who it wants, who it’s always wanted.
My body shakes with desire. Liam’s kisses leave my mouth and continue their mind-blowing worship against the skin of my neck. I vaguely register the sound of my moans into the open space, but they don’t make me feel uncomfortable. If anything, the unrestrained noises of pleasure cause me to need Liam even more.
“I want you,” I pant as Liam’s hand moves up my chest and under my bra. “God, I want you. Please, Liam,” I say on an exhale, moving my body in a rhythmic motion against his.
The pleasure is astonishing. I can’t wait to get our clothes off.
Liam stops kissing me and pulls his hand from beneath my shirt. He presses the palms of his hands against my cheeks. His warm exhale blows across my skin as he presses his forehead against mine.
“Leni.” His voice is rough with need.
“Liam.” His name leaves my lips with palpable want.
“We need to stop.” His words bring me back to myself.
“What? Why? No.” I shake my head.
I don’t want to stop. I want to keep going and then go some more. I want Liam in every way I can get him, and I want him now.
He leans back and lightly kisses me where his forehead was just resting against mine. “I just got you. I’m not going to spook you and risk losing you.”
“I won’t get spooked,” I protest, dropping my legs to the ground.
“I know.” He agrees with a smirk. “Because we’re not going to rush into anything that will scare you away.”
“I promise,” I almost whine. “Come on. I swear. I’ll sign something.” I feverishly look around, as if looking for a nonexistent contract. “Pinkie promise! Liam!” I say frantically.
He shakes his head with a grin and steps away from me. I follow him as he makes his way toward the stable with the newly born calf.
“Do you find this amusing?”
“A little.” He chuckles.
“You’re not playing fair. You can’t kiss me like that and pull away like it has no effect on you.”
“Leni, baby, everything about you turns me on. But I have lots of practice at pretending like it doesn’t.”
I cross my arms over my chest and throw my face into a dramatic pout. “I’m not very happy with you.”
Liam pulls my face into a kiss. It’s short and sweet, but it’s everything.
“We’re taking it slow,” he tells me when he steps away. “Come help me with the calf.”
We put new straw into the stall and get the new mama and her baby all set up for the night. I stick my index finger toward the cute little thing, and she starts to suck my finger. It tickles, and I giggle just like I did when I was young. Liam laughs beside me. I pull my finger from the baby’s mouth and wipe the dripping saliva that lingers on Liam’s shirt.
“Nice. Thanks for that.” He chuckles.
“You’re welcome,” I tease. “Do you want to have dinner with Mimi and me?”
“Sure. I’ll wash up and change my clothes first.”
“Can I name her?” I nod toward the calf.
“Yeah, of course . . . if you want. Do you have a name in mind?”
“I think I want to call her Hope,” I answer.
Liam nods. “I like that. Hope, it is.”
I leave Liam in the barn to shower for dinner, and I head back up to the house. I stop in the yard and take in my surroundings. It really is so beautiful here. The chatter and chirps of the resident bugs and birds have started now that dusk is drawing near. The sky is colorful, and the air is warm against my skin.
It’s hard to believe the gamut of emotions that I encountered just today, but they were all long overdue. I feel lighter.
Happier.
I’m not certain of the future Liam and I will have, but I’m really excited to find out. Hope has pushed out the fear in my heart, and I feel good.
Really.
Really.
Good.
Chapter Twelve
Liam
MY BODY TINGLES, AND MY desire pulsates through my veins as Leni’s lips move against mine. I could make a career of this, spending the rest of my days lost in her lips, and I’d be completely happy. I muster all my willpower, and I pull away.
My eyes remain closed for a moment after the kiss has stopped, catching my bearings. When I open them, I see her—my Leni girl. Her hooded eyes and lust-filled expression tell me that our kisses affect her in the same way they do me.
I clear my throat. “I have to get back to work,” I say with little motivation behind my words.
“No. Stay here and kiss me.”
She splays her hands across my chest, and I groan because my need for her has reached the point of uncomfortable.
“I can’t, Len,” I say, readjusting my jeans. I nod toward the window and the ranch beyond. “I have . . . stuff . . . to do.” My hormone-muddled brain is barely able to make much sense of anything right now.
“Stuff?” she questions, raising an eyebrow. “Stuff doesn’t sound too important. Stay with me. I need you,” she pleads.
Hearing her say those last three words almost make me comply. Yet I can’t. We’re not teenagers anymore, and mortgages aren’t paid with kisses.
I shake my head. “You have work, and so do I.” I motion to the pile of paperwork on the desk of my office.
I’m not sure exactly what it is, but Leni was intently going through it when I stopped by to see her a few minutes ago.
“My work can wait.” She shrugs with a cheesy grin.
“Well, mine can’t.” I chuckle and lightly kiss her on the forehead before stepping back. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“Okay.” She nods. “My l
ips will miss yours while you’re gone.”
“All of me will miss all of you.” The incredibly sappy words leave my lips, and I don’t even care because they’re true.
Every inch of me craves every inch of Leni . . . all the time.
I leave my office and walk out to my truck with a huge grin on my face.
The past few weeks with Leni have been nothing short of awesome. We’ve fallen into a comfortable routine. She works on ranch stuff for about half of the day and paints in her studio the other half. I visit her at both places when I can, and our lips get lost in one another. In fact, a lot of our time together is spent kissing. I just can’t get enough of her.
The two of us always eat dinner with Mimi, and a few times a week, my parents join us. I think Mrs. Turner loves having the extra people around to feed. My parents love the time to see me. With ranch commitments and Leni, I haven’t seen them as much lately.
Our evenings are spent hand in hand, walking around the open land, or tucked away in my makeshift bedroom in the barn, making out like crazed teenagers. If there were an Olympic medal for restraint, I would win gold, hands down.
I want Leni more than I want my next breath, but I haven’t let it go all the way—yet. For some reason, I can’t. I suppose, given our history, I’m just waiting for the ball to drop. I know I shouldn’t be, but this girl has broken my heart several times before, and that isn’t something I can forget. If I had Leni in every way possible, if I felt what it was like to be inside her, and then she ran, I don’t know how I’d recover from that.
I know I’m being an idiot. The girl of my dreams, the one I’ve loved since I was young, is begging me to have sex with her on a daily basis, and I refuse. I’m not a prude when it comes to sex either. I barely knew the names of some of the girls I was with in college, yet that didn’t stop me from screwing them. But Leni isn’t just some girl; she’s the girl. For me, she always has been, and the instant her beautiful greens, wide and surprised, greeted me in front of my truck a few months back, I knew she’d be mine. I just need her to know it, too.
She’s still whispering dreams of leaving and making it out in the world. I want her to realize that she’s my world, and it’s crucial that I’m hers as well. I can’t leave the ranch. This is what I’m meant to do with my life. Leni is meant to be an artist, no doubt. But she can be one here. She can have a beautiful life here. She needs to stop chasing happiness and just live in it.
***
“Oh my gosh!” Leni squeals, her eyes bright with excitement. “I haven’t been here since . . .” Her voice trails off as we both undoubtedly think of the last time Leni came to the river.
“Since you were thirteen,” I answer for her, remembering everything about that day.
“Yeah.” She nods. “Not a great memory, huh?” she questions, the jovial tone now absent from her voice.
“Don’t sweat it. It was a long time ago. We’re different people now. Plus, that wasn’t the last time you stormed off on me. I kind of got used to it.” I smile, nudging her in the side.
She turns to face me. “You kept coming back, every summer, multiple times. It was like you couldn’t take a hint,” she teases before her words ring more serious. “Why didn’t you give up on me? I was so horrible to you.”
“I could never give up on you. You were the answer to my dreams before I even knew to dream them. You were my favorite person in the world, and I just hoped that, if I tried hard enough, you’d come back to me.”
“And I did,” she says softly.
“Did you? Are you mine, Leni?” My voice lowers as I swipe a lock of her hair behind her ear and step in closer.
Her body leans in as her green eyes stare into mine. “I am.”
My heart beats loudly at her words, and hope fills my chest. I want to believe her; I do. I wish I weren’t waiting for something to go wrong, for the inevitable end . . . but I am. Loving a girl like Leni over the years has given me some trust issues—at least with her.
“I know we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, but I’ve known and loved you most of my life. I understand why I acted the way I did. I’m not the same person I was when I got here. I’m not the same girl I was in New York. I’m not the same girl I was when we were young. I’m not going to hurt you, Liam.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, and we pull each other into an embrace.
I don’t answer. Instead, I hold her against me. After a few beats, I step back and remove my shirt. I shake my head with a laugh when Leni ogles over my bare chest. She quickly follows suit and removes her clothes until she’s standing in her string bikini. Flashbacks to when I was fourteen enter my mind, except, this time, I don’t have to hide the fact that her bikini-clad body turns me on.
“You are so gorgeous,” I say before pressing my fingers against her waist and pulling her into a kiss.
We make our way to the old oak tree at the bank of the river. The rope that we used to swing from still hangs from a long branch.
“Are you sure this is safe?” Leni asks. “This rope has been here forever.” She skeptically eyes it.
I give it a couple of hard tugs. “Completely safe. Want to wager a bet for old times sake? See who can go further?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
Leni’s eyes light up, and she bites her lip with a nod of her head. “Hmm,” she says, pressing her index finger against her lips. “I think we should. But what should it be?”
“Well, I think we’ve outgrown our wagers of the past.” I chuckle, thinking back to some of the things we used to bet. I no longer have any interest in making Leni clean out a horse stall or have her give me the rest of her pack of gum.
“Definitely.” She giggles before turning more serious. “But there is something I want that you aren’t giving me.”
Tingles run up my spine at the thought of being inside Leni. “You’re going there?”
She nods. “Yep,” she answers, making a popping sound at the end of the word.
“Okay, if I go further . . . you stay in Texas.” I lay it all on the line.
“Liam,” she sighs. The tone of her voice causes my hopes to plummet.
“Forget it.” I wave my hand and smile. “Um . . . if I win, you buy me some gum—and not just any kind. Big League Chew.”
“Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen a pack of Big League Chew in years!” she exclaims. “I forgot all about our obsession with it. Do they still make it?”
I shrug. “Honestly, I’m not sure. But they have to, right?”
“I hope so. Though it’s not going to matter since I’m going to beat you anyway.” She shoots me a wink and reaches out her hand. “It’s a deal then.”
“It’s a deal.” I shake her hand.
I plant a quick kiss on her lips before jogging back a few feet and running toward the rope. I grab hold and swing in the air before releasing when the rope is at its highest point. When I surface from the water, I see Leni catch the rope. After ensuring that it stays still, she copies my previous movements and swings through the air with a shriek.
She rises from the water, a couple of feet in front of me. She’s grinning wide as she swims a couple of strokes toward me and throws her arms around my neck. “So not fair,” she protests.
“Oh, it’s fair,” I say as she circles her legs around my waist. “When we get back, you’d better start your search for my gum.”
“You’ll get your gum,” she promises before her lips find mine.
We have just as much fun swimming in the river as we did when we were kids. Except, now, I can kiss her, and that makes it a hundred times better. And, if I ignore the nagging voice in my head, reminding me that she still wants to leave, I could say that I’ve never been happier.
Except I can’t.
The only thing worse than never having Leni would be to lose her after knowing what days like today—afternoons with Leni’s wet body against mine and her warm lips gifting me with kisses—are like.
Leni and I lie on our towels on th
e bank of the river, staring up through the leaves of a tree. The bright blue sky peeks through the swaying branches.
I have a surprise for Leni that I can’t hold in any longer. I wanted to wait for a grand way to tell her, but I suppose now is as good a time as any.
I sit up. “I have a surprise for you.”
She sits up, crosses her legs, and faces me. “What?” she asks eagerly.
“Well, I’ve been making some calls to a few friends from college. One of my friends knows the owner of an art gallery in downtown Austin.”
Leni sits up straighter, her eyes going big. “Yeah?”
“So, I contacted the owner, Frank, and told him about your work. He asked for some photos, so I took some pics of your work and sent them to him. Long story short, he wants you to do a show in his gallery.”
“You’re lying! No way! What? When? Seriously?” she shrieks.
I throw my head back in laughter. “Seriously,” I say through a grin. “He loved your Texas-themed paintings and thinks there’s a huge market for them. He said you’re very talented, and he really wants you to do a show.”
Pure joy radiates from Leni as tears roll down her cheeks. She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you did something like this for me. You’re too good to me. This is so amazing. I just can’t . . .” She chokes on her words.
I lean in and swipe my thumb across her cheek. “I would do anything for you. I love you, Len.”
“I love you, too,” she says. “I don’t deserve you, but I love you.”
“You deserve everything. I’d give you the whole fucking world if I could,” I tell her.
If only I could give her the world, then maybe she’d stay.
Chapter Thirteen
Leni
I CAN BARELY BREATHE AS I look around the beautifully lit space. This studio is simply gorgeous, and I’d be lying if I said that my framed pieces didn’t make it even better.
“I’m so proud of you, Leni girl,” Mimi says beside me.
“Thank you for being here, Mimi.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, my girl. These are some of your best pieces to date, I do believe.” Mimi nods her head in approval as she scans the room.
