Shahana

by Rosanne Hawke

  Chapter 25

  Shahana ignores Amaan’s advice and goes to find the army base. She knows she shouldn’t go alone – her mother’s and Nana-ji’s voices both shout in her head but she ignores them too. She walks up the mountain along the Line of Control, passing the mound of snow she and Zahid were buried in, but there is still no sign of the base. She rests, then trudges further, following the razor wire until she sees huts. At first she thinks she is back at the militants’ camp, but these huts have a fence around them, a fence with curled razor wire, like the Line of Control. She finds the gate. The base is smaller than she thought it would be. A soldier is sitting in a small shelter. When he sees her he stands, and points his assault rifle at her.

  ‘What are you doing here? This is out of bounds for civilians.’ His voice is rough but his gaze isn’t as piercing as Amaan’s.

  She eyes the rifle. Could it go off by accident? The man makes an impatient movement and she takes a deep breath. She speaks as though she’s been sent for. ‘I’ve come to see the doctor. He has my cousin in the clinic.’ She is satisfied to see the surprise on the man’s face when she speaks Urdu.

  The soldier asks her name and then talks into a two-way radio, but Shahana can’t understand what he is saying, other than when he uses her name. ‘Okay,’ he finally says. Then he looks at Shahana. ‘The doctor will see you but he is busy.’ He points to a hut opposite them in the compound. ‘That is the clinic. Make sure you leave immediately after you’ve spoken with him.’

  ‘Ji, janab, shukriya.’ Shahana is glad there are not many soldiers around. She knocks on the clinic door and waits. When the door opens, she sees the doctor in the doorway.

  ‘Come,’ he says. He doesn’t smile, and Shahana feels a sudden jolt of pain. Did Amaan lie when he said that Zahid was well to save her from worrying?

  ‘Is my cousin well?’ she asks before she sits on the plastic chair the doctor gestures towards.

  The doctor waits until they are both seated before he answers. ‘He is as well as can be expected.’

  She waits to see what this means.

  ‘Shahana, your cousin has a heart condition. Did you know this?’

  She shakes her head slightly.

  ‘I believe he has a hole in his heart, but tests at a hospital will tell for sure.’

  ‘A hole?’ She imagines the blood rushing out of his heart into the rest of his body.

  ‘He has probably always had it. When he gets older he will need an operation. It will be why he has little energy. Have you not noticed?’

  Shahana thinks of when they first found him, and how he got out of breath on the mountain, how he couldn’t pull Tanveer out of the stream. Did Zahid know? Was that something else he hadn’t told her?

  ‘He will be all right after the operation?’ she asks.

  ‘Yes, but it is expensive. At the moment it is only in times of extreme exertion that it will bother him. It’s then that his heart doesn’t pump well enough.’

  ‘When can he come home?’

  The doctor regards Shahana. ‘Are you able to look after him?’

  ‘Ji, janab.’ Shahana speaks without thinking how she will do it. She can ask Mr Pervaiz.

  ‘Actually, we need the bed, so if you can take him with you now, that will be good.’ Then the doctor speaks in a lower tone. ‘Shahana—’

  She looks up in surprise.

  ‘Even if Zahid is really your cousin—’ He stops and Shahana feels an icy finger creep up her back. This man may be a doctor, but he is still an army officer.

  ‘He must either apply for refugee status or leave Azad Kashmir.’

  Shahana doesn’t know what to say; she stares at him in shock. Will they be punished?

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Even the orderly heard him talking in Kashmiri when he was delirious. Too many people know. He is not safe.’ He sighs. ‘You are just children and I will not report you. Get him strong again then send him home across the LoC. Here is a travel paper so our army will let him through, as well as his medical documents for when he visits a hospital in Srinagar.’

  ‘But the soldiers on the other side . . . ’ She leaves the sentence unfinished. Her father was on the wrong side of the Line of Control and he was shot. Why would Zahid be any safer?

  ‘Do not worry, his travel document explains that he is visiting.’ The doctor smiles. ‘You’ll need to give him different clothes before he crosses. In the meantime, keep him out of trouble.’

  Shahana puts the envelope in her pocket as the doctor disappears through a door. When he returns, Zahid is with him. He is dressed in a Pakistani army uniform. No wonder the doctor mentioned his clothes. There are dark shadows under his eyes; he is pale, and thinner, but there is a grin on his face. He also has a plastic bag containing his clothes and Nana-ji’s pheran.

  ‘Zahid, I have come to take you home.’ She tries to speak brightly, but he looks even worse than when he was recovering from being in the river the first time.

  On the slow walk back to Nana-ji’s house, before Shahana can tell Zahid about Tanveer, he tells her he must leave. At first she says nothing. All along she has known this would happen, but she didn’t expect her heart to feel so heavy.

  ‘Wait until you are strong enough,’ she finally says.

  He doesn’t mention his heart, even though Shahana is sure he must have been told. ‘I think Amaan can be trusted,’ she suddenly says, and she tells Zahid he is looking after the house. ‘He said I can leave a note if I need him.’ She doesn’t tell Zahid everything, for she suspects he would not like to feel beholden to Amaan.

  Zahid makes no comment and Shahana isn’t sure if he is angry or just trying to negotiate the mountain path.

  They don’t speak again until they arrive at the site of the avalanche. Zahid searches in the snow and comes out with Nana-ji’s Lee Enfield. ‘Veer will need this when he is older.’ And that is when she tells him where she believes Tanveer is.

  ‘You mustn’t go near this Mr Nadir. If you do he will have both of you.’ He sounds just like Amaan.

  ‘But Tanveer’s lungs . . . ’ Why won’t they understand she has to get him back?

  Zahid says more gently. ‘I haven’t heard of many boys escaping bonded labour.’

  ‘There must be something that can be done.’

  If she is hoping for Zahid to say he will rescue Tanveer, she doesn’t hear it. Even Amaan, who cares for her as a sister, hasn’t offered. It is truly up to her. She is the only one who can save Tanveer.

  Chapter 26

  After a rest at Nana-ji’s house, Shahana picks up her belongings and takes Zahid to Mr Pervaiz. She knows Aunty Rabia will not let him sleep in her house and he can’t stay alone when he is so weak. He has managed to walk down the mountain but could he hunt? Mr Pervaiz lives alone; his daughters are married and living with their husbands’ families. If he is surprised that she should bring a refugee for him to look after, he doesn’t show it.

  ‘A jao, come,’ he says to them both, but Shahana doesn’t go inside.

  When she returns to Aunty Rabia’s house, Ayesha is working on the computer. ‘Come and see,’ she says, and shows Shahana the screen. Shahana reads the words she wrote on the piece of paper, typed up on the website as a story. ‘My Brother Tanveer,’ she reads at the top. ‘I have the responsibility for my nine-year-old brother, Tanveer. He has weak lungs, and I embroider shawls for a cloth merchant to make money to buy his food and medicine. Now Tanveer is lost and I believe the cloth merchant has him working on a carpet loom. I do not have enough money to buy him out of bondage. But I will die if I do not get my brother back. I cannot live like this where there is no peace or justice and little boys are abducted. My brother is my only relative. We are orphans of the conflict.’

  There is silence while Shahana thinks. Underneath the story is her first name, with the words ‘age fourteen, Neelum Valley’ beside it. It is the first time she realises she is fourteen. She hasn’t noticed that they have passed the par
t of winter when the forest burnt at her birth.

  ‘Will I get into trouble?’ she asks.

  Ayesha smiles. ‘No, this is a safe website for people who care about us. Look’ – she clicks on an arrow – ‘here is my story.’

  Shahana reads that too. It is about Ayesha’s father and the agony she feels over missing him, not knowing if he is alive or dead, and the prejudice she and her mother have had to endure.

  ‘Thank you, it does feel good to tell the story,’ Shahana says, even though her heart is beating too fast.

  ‘Ji, and it may help someone else not to feel so alone.’

  At that the tears dribble down Shahana’s face and she sniffs.

  ‘Shahana?’

  ‘It is just that I did feel alone.’ She gives Ayesha a watery smile.

  Ayesha slips her arm around Shahana’s back. ‘You may have felt alone but you have done so much – you have climbed a barrier to reach me and to share your story with the world. Maybe someone who sees it will be able to help.’

  Shahana doesn’t think that will happen. Even the people she knows can’t help. Who else will give a thought to the plight of children at the top of the world in a mountain valley, especially in the middle of winter? Her heart jolts. She hasn’t time to wait for someone to see the story on the website. Mr Nadir will probably move Tanveer to a proper factory. She hopes Ayesha will understand what she is about to do. While Ayesha works on the computer, Shahana sits on the bed and takes out the dupatta and spool of gold thread. She threads the needle and embroiders around the remaining side.

  In the morning Shahana goes out with a bucket to milk Rani and say goodbye. Rani gently butts her head against her arm. Shahana rests her forehead against Rani’s flank as she used to. ‘Rani, if only things were different, if Ummie and Irfan, Abu and Nana-ji hadn’t died.’

  Later, she goes to see Zahid. She stands at the door, fiddling with her hands. Mr Pervaiz draws her inside and greets her. ‘Wa alaikum assalam,’ she murmurs in response.

  Zahid is sitting on the floor eating from a tray filled with small dishes of food. It is how her mother often served their khana.

  ‘Baitho, sit,’ Mr Pervaiz says. ‘Eat with us.’ There is rice, dhal, chicken and yoghurt. Shahana dips a piece of bread into the chicken curry and pops it into her mouth. She hasn’t had chicken since the last Eid when Nana-ji was alive.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Zahid says when she finishes her mouthful. It is hard for her to think this is the last time she will see him. She will send Tanveer to Aunty Rabia’s and then she will be able to face anything knowing she has done her best for Tanveer.

  She gives Zahid a nod. ‘Are you feeling better?’ she asks.

  ‘Ji.’ He is telling the truth. She can see he is rested and looks as if he is ready to run outside and hunt. She stops a sigh just in time.

  Mr Pervaiz frowns at the brown paper bag by her side. ‘Where are you going, beti?’

  It is the first time he has called her daughter. Her heart grows still as she stares at him. If only he were her father and she could tell him everything and let him handle Mr Nadir. But she is realising there are not many men who will confront Mr Nadir like her father did.

  ‘My hands are better and I need to get more embroidery work from Mr Nadir.’ She bites her lip. Why did she say that? Zahid has narrowed his eyes and Mr Pervaiz looks uncertain.

  ‘Be careful, beti,’ he says. ‘Mr Nadir is not a man to be trifled with. He has powerful business partners and can bring anyone down with an order. I would rather you didn’t go there.’

  Mr Pervaiz is not her father and can’t forbid her to do anything but Shahana nods respectfully. When she finishes eating, she stands. ‘Shukriya,’ she says before she gives Zahid one last glance.

  Shahana opens the door to Mr Nadir’s shop. He isn’t there but she walks in anyway. Without his presence in the room she sees things not easily noticed when he fills the room: the jewellery in the glass case under the counter and more carpets than she remembered rolled up along the back wall. She hears voices coming from the adjoining room, then Mr Nadir enters the shop.

  ‘Ah, Shahana, daughter of Anwar Khalif.’

  Shahana glances at him warily. Her father’s name helps her to stand taller, but why does Mr Nadir seem amused?

  ‘I can guess why you have come at last,’ he says.

  ‘M–my hands are getting better,’ Shahana says. She puts the paper bag on the counter. ‘I’ve brought back the dupatta.’

  Mr Nadir’s smirk fades slightly. He takes the dupatta out of the bag and scrutinises it. His eyebrows rise. ‘Even with injured hands, your stitches are almost as good.’ He puts the scarf down and regards her. ‘So, what else do you have to say?’

  Shahana licks her bottom lip. Is she brave enough to follow her plan?

  ‘I would like the money for the work on the dupatta.’

  Without shifting his gaze from her, he takes a note from his pocket.

  Shahana doesn’t take it. ‘Ten rupees is not enough for gold work, janab.’

  His eyes bore into her but she does not flinch. Amaan’s piercing stares have taught her to stand firm.

  Mr Nadir pulls out another ten rupee note. Shahana suspects there should be three, but his face is growing darker, so she takes it.

  ‘Shukriya. Now—’ She swallows.

  ‘Now what?’ Mr Nadir cuts in, impatience bringing his brows lower.

  She takes a deep breath. ‘I want to see my brother go out that door before I accept the marriage proposal.’ She gestures to the outside door. She has to make sure Tanveer is there before she bargains.

  Mr Nadir’s mouth drops open, then he laughs. It isn’t a laugh Shahana wants to join in with. ‘Who are you to ask for terms? I can keep both of you. Why should I let the boy go?’

  ‘With respect, janab, I will not accept otherwise, and you can make more money from my marriage than in all the years you will have my brother.’ She could see the calculations whizzing behind his eyes. Would he believe her? ‘And besides,’ she adds, ‘Mrs Sheikh will never do business with you again if you do not.’ Shahana thinks Aunty Rabia and Ayesha won’t do business with him anyway, once they find out he has her.

  Mr Nadir’s silence is nerve-racking. Has he taken the bait? Or, like a fox, will he outwit her?

  Mr Nadir’s dark look clears but this brings no comfort to Shahana. ‘Very well. I will still have my revenge on your father for setting up business against me. I will take his precious daughter instead.’ He strides to the door of the adjoining room and barks an order.

  In a few minutes Tanveer appears in the doorway.

  ‘Oh.’ It takes Shahana a moment to react. Then she rushes to him. ‘Are you okay?’ He looks pale, as though he has been in a cave for a week.

  He nods with a wary eye on Mr Nadir. ‘Can I come home now? I don’t like it here.’ He whispers, but still Shahana can hear his raspy breathing. She pokes the twenty rupees into his qameez pocket.

  ‘You must run to Aunty Rabia’s,’ she whispers back. ‘Straight away. I will come later.’

  She stands up and faces Mr Nadir, pulling Tanveer behind her. Will he still let Tanveer go or will he change his mind before Tanveer reaches the door? Mr Nadir is watching her as if observing a strange life form.

  ‘Your father was the same, that stupid, arrogant sense of right and honour. And I see you have it too. It will get you nowhere with your husband.’ He sneers, as if he has thought of something amusing, but Shahana knows it is not for her benefit. He switches his gaze to Tanveer. ‘How touching. I am sorry to lose your talent, boy, but this is not the end. You can go now but you won’t be able to feed yourself. You’ll be back.’

  ‘Go,’ Shahana whispers. ‘Run!’

  But he hangs on to her. ‘You’re coming too?’

  ‘Later. I must do some business first.’ She hopes he will forgive her lie.

  Mr Nadir makes a move towards them and Shahana pushes Tanveer out the door. He turns just the once as he is going
and she forces herself to smile at him.

  ‘So, Shahana Anwar Khalif, do you accept the marriage proposal?’

  She hesitates only slightly, then lifts her chin. ‘Ji, janab.’

  ‘Actually, there are three men who want to marry you.’ He is holding his hands together as if in a silent clap.

  Shahana feels her legs sag.

  ‘Of course, only one eventually will. I shall take the highest bidder.’

  He is grinning at her, but a fog descends into her mind. She can hardly stand. So Amaan was right: this won’t be a real marriage. Will the man even keep her after the ceremony? Mr Nadir has outwitted her after all. She ignores the shaking in her legs and forces herself to lift her head. Tanveer is safe. She will face what is to come the way she has been taught – with a show of courage, whether she feels it or not.

  Chapter 27

  Mr Nadir takes Shahana into the room Tanveer emerged from. The loom sits in the far corner near a high window, with three boys even younger than Tanveer tying knots and cutting wool, their curved knives a blur. The boys don’t even look up as she walks through, their hands flying like little birds. A young man with a pattern in his hand stands behind the boys, checking their work. Shahana is taken into a smaller room. There are mattresses piled along the wall, but there is no window.

  ‘This is where the little boys sleep. You can sleep here too,’ Mr Nadir says. ‘It will only be for a few days while I organise the marriage.’ His hesitation and grin when he says ‘marriage’ aren’t lost on Shahana.

  There is a bucket of water and another bucket with a lota, a plastic jug, beside it to wash with. She doesn’t dare go outside to relieve herself during the first day for she will have to pass the young man supervising the boys. Instead, she uses the bucket in the room, and empties it after the man has gone home.

  That evening after the boys eat their vegetable curry and roti, they are so tired they fall onto the mattresses Shahana has put out for them. Fortunately, there is enough roti and curry for her, too.