by KD Robichaux
“Why can’t you drive in the dark?” Tony questions, leaning down to inhale the top of Josalyn’s head. He loves that clean baby smell; he did it several times last night too while she was sleeping on him.
“Ever since I had her, for some reason, driving at night messes with my eyes. It’s like I have no depth perception anymore. Headlights look like big starbursts, and I can’t tell how far away cars are. I think it’s called being night blindness,” I explain.
“Have you been to an optometrist for it? You need to get that checked out, sis.”
“I don’t have any insurance anymore. I don’t really go places at night anyways, so it’s no big deal.” I shrug. “Jason said he wants to take me out sometime while I’m here, so he’s going to come and get me then bring me back, but tonight we’re just going to hang out at his house and get some dinner.”
“If your eyes get any worse, just let me know. I don’t mind paying for you to get your eyes checked, kid. You kinda need them,” he offers, and I nod.
I clap my hands at Josalyn and she reaches up to me as I stand. “Let’s go wash that cereal down with some milk, big girl,” I tell her, holding her on my hip while I gather up my trash and her empty bowl. I rinse the bowl and spoon off in the sink, throw away my paper plate, and then head upstairs to nurse her. No matter how cool my brothers and I are, it’s still weird to breastfeed her in front of them. Even if they don’t look, it’s awkward. So I grab my book out of my bag and read while sitting up in the bed as she tops her fat little belly off with her morning meal.
After a few hours of hanging out with Tony, Buffy, and Mom, it’s finally time to start heading to the south side. As much fun as I’ve had conversing with them, getting to know Buffy, and telling pregnancy and baby stories about Josalyn, time has crawled waiting for the clock to strike noon so I could leave and see Jason again.
I’ve spent the last hour getting ready, packing up Josalyn’s diaper bag, and making sure I have everything I need for the day. Mom, in her usual way, is running off a verbal checklist, double-checking what I’ve already triple-checked myself. By the time I’m headed out the door, I’m so freaked out that I’m ready to leave everything here and run. I’ll just buy whatever I need when I get there. But seeing she’s making me nervous, Mom stops her pestering, gives me a hug and Josalyn a kiss on her chubby cheek, and tells me to be careful as I hop in the car.
It’s surreal driving my old path to Jason’s house after this long. God, I used to drive this forty-five minute route every single day, just to see that boy. How did I do that? Nowadays, I can’t even stay up very late without feeling hungover the next day, even if I don’t drink! How the hell did I used to drive down there, stay out playing pool until the bar closed at 2:00 a.m., spend like an hour at IHOP sobering up enough to go back to his house and make love, and then drive all the way back home, putting me in bed at 5:00 a.m. before having to be in class by eight? What in the world was I thinking?
I smile a secret smile. I was in love. That’s what. And as I take the exit for Dixie Farm Road, I get an overwhelming feeling of coming home after a lengthy time away. Everything looks exactly the same, and as I pull into the Robichauxs’ driveway, I can’t help the happy tears from welling up in my eyes. I’ve missed this place and the people inside so very much, and for a long time thought I’d never see them again.
I glance into the backseat and peek over the back of Josalyn’s carrier, seeing she is fast asleep. There are a couple of SUVs in the garage, but Jason’s car isn’t here. Looking at the time, it’s a quarter ‘til one. The school is just five minutes away, so I decide to wait for him to get here instead of going inside without him. I have just enough time to feed her before he gets home. I love his dad to death, but I think it would feel too awkward showing up without Jason here. Plus, I want Jason to be the first one to meet Josalyn.
I get out of the car and walk around to the passenger back door to gently wake my daughter up. She makes the most adorable scrunched faces as she stretches herself into consciousness, and then looks at me with glazed hazel eyes. I unbuckle her, close the door, and carry her back to my driver seat. It’s actually really comfortable breastfeeding in cars, because you have the armrest to prop your elbow on while the baby nurses.
Just as she’s finished and I sit her up, Jason’s car pulls into driveway, and he parks next to me. I quickly rearrange my bra and straighten out my shirt, pulling everything back down into place. He opens my door for me just as I’ve covered up my stomach. I grip Josalyn as I stand up out of the car, and the way I had to tilt her and then pull her back upright, she lets out a gigantic belch, and Jason bursts out laughing.
“Oh, my gosh, baby, that was so not very lady-like!” I chuckle then kiss her cheek. At least she didn’t spit up all over the place the first moment Jason met her. It’s a little chilly, so I pull the hood of her pink cherry-print zip-up sweater over her head, making sure her ears are covered.
“Hey there, Tooty.” Jason leans down, smiling into her happy face, and my heart swells at his use of her nickname. I’ve called her that since the day she was born, because the tiny girl can rip ass as loud as a grown man. I told Jason about it when we first started talking again, and he thought it was hilarious, sounding quite proud of her, especially the first time he actually heard it over the phone. Gassy little thing. “Let’s get y’all inside. It feels like the temperature dropped,” he comments, and he leans into my rental and pulls out my purse and the diaper bag from the passenger seat without me even asking.
What is this sorcery?
I follow him to the door inside the open garage, having flashbacks of the first time I walked up the driveway and spotted him as he came out from underneath his truck, covered in streaks of oil and cursing up a storm. God, he was breathtaking back then, and still is as he hitches both the bag and my purse up on his shoulder, giving zero fucks of what someone might say. Not that anyone would dare make fun of Jason for anything—not if they wanted to keep all their teeth.
As he opens the door, everything looks exactly the same. We enter into the utility room, which houses the washer, dryer, and the extra refrigerator his mom always kept stocked with her wine and the guys’ beer, passing by the half-bath I used to run to during our poker games on the back porch while the boys always just relieved themselves in the yard.
Walking through the doorway, the dining table I had many a dinner at still sits, surrounded by its six green-checkered cushion-seated chairs, and the kitchen straight ahead. But we turn right through the archway, and there, in the same squeaky green-leather recliner, sits Steve Robichaux, Jason’s wonderful dad, who hops up when he hears us walk in and immediately wraps Josalyn and me in his strong arms. When he pulls back, he’s smiling ear-to-ear, and he pets Josalyn’s plump cheek with the side of his pointer finger. “Well, ain’t you just the cutest?” he clucks at her. “Gosh, you look just like your momma, you pretty thang.”
She grins and then goes off on a baby-babble tangent, ending with a loud, “Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!” as the three of us laugh at the serious face she makes when she’s done.
“And how you doing, baby doll?” Steve asks, giving me a quick peck on my cheek before reaching up to pull Josalyn’s hood off her head, running his big hand over her soft hair. It warms my heart seeing him be so comfortable and affectionate with her. His dad has a ton of nieces and nephews, so it’s not surprising, but it makes me feel good that he’d be that way with my daughter too.
“I’m fantastic,” I beam, looking up at Jason.
“Well, I’ll let you get all your stuff put down and relax for a little bit after that drive. I was just watching one of my episodes of King of Queens I recorded. If you need anything, just ask Junior there.” He winks, lifting his chin at his son and making me giggle. He sits back down in his chair and turns the TV back up, effectively relieving us of small talk so we can head back to Jason’s bedroom.
We walk through the foyer, and visions flash through my mind of Jason and me sneak
ing down this very hallway in the pitch-black hours before dawn. Unable to keep our hands off each other, we tried to be as quiet as we could as we’d make our way to his room, always starting the festivities with him tossing me onto his queen-sized bed before he’d close his door. My face heats and I smile, remembering how wonderful it felt every time he’d grip me by the ankles, haul me to the edge, and then lay himself between my legs, kissing me fiercely before deciding what he’d do to me that night. It was always different, always an exciting surprise to see what he’d introduce me to each evening, never ending until I was completely satisfied.
As we turn left at the end of the hall into his bedroom, I have to stop in the doorway and take it all in. It’s arranged differently than the way it was before. His bed is up against the far wall, the one with the window, with his TV on his dresser facing it from the left of us. On the right wall is a long black leather sofa, the other end of it stopping just at his walk-in closet’s doorframe. Jason sits the bags down on the sofa, takes off his black pea coat, and then turns to face me, still standing with Josalyn on my hip and looking around his room. Even the smell is bringing back blush-worthy memories. I’m so glad he still wears his Realm.
“I haven’t worn it since you left,” he says, my eyes snapping to his. Did he read my mind? “You used to close your eyes and inhale deep like that all the time back then. I could never bring myself to wear it without you here to tell me how intoxicating I smelled,” he emphasizes as he paces toward me, using the word I always had to describe his scent. I could happily drown in the dark depths of his eyes as they twinkle down at me, but then he breaks the spell when he turns his gaze on the little girl in my arms. “God, she looks just like you, babe. Can I hold her?”
“Of course you can,” I breathe, shifting Josalyn off my hip to face forward so Jason can take her easily.
He slides his hands under her armpits and lifts her into his embrace, and she instantly latches onto him with her pudgy fingers. Grasping his faded black T-shirt, she leans back to look into his face, giving him a thorough once-over. Then, letting out a long stream of intelligible words, she lets go of his shirt with one hand and grabs ahold of his nose.
I lunge forward, about to remove her grip, but he takes a step back and shoots me a look that tells me he’s fine, shaking his head gently so she doesn’t let go.
“You like that nose, pretty girl? It’s big, huh? You gotta thing for big noses like your momma?” he asks her lightly, raising his deep drawl slightly.
She smiles and growls out, “Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma,” once again, and turns to cheese at me.
“You wanna sit down?” Jason asks, and pivots to carry Josalyn over to the bed where he takes her into his hands and flies her to the center of his mattress. She giggles as she lands gently on the soft comforter. The opposite side of the bed is up against the wall, so I sit on the edge to make sure I can catch her if she decides to take a crawling leap.
She grabs ahold of Jason’s finger and ungracefully pulls herself up into a seated position, and he slides himself down until his knees are on the floor but his torso is still on the bed. I watch, fascinated at their interaction, a smile stretched across my face I wouldn’t begin to know how to wipe off.
Josalyn lets go of his finger and claps her tiny hands, watching Jason expectantly. When he doesn’t do what she apparently wants him to do, she takes hold of his pointer finger on each of his hands and brings them together, apart, and then together again, lets go of him, and then claps her hands once more. When he claps by himself this time, she erupts into a fit of giggles and looks up at me with her eyebrows raised, as if to say, “Look what I taught him, Mommy!” It’s all I can do not to burst into tears at the scene, and I grab my camera out of my purse quickly to snap a picture before tossing it back on his couch.
To get ahold of myself, I use distraction, leaning over to unzip Josalyn’s hoodie and pull it off her. Leaving her in a baby pink onesie, the cherry sweater’s matching pants, and fluffy socks with grippers on the bottom. She’s really starting to get the hang of cruising now, holding onto furniture while she walks along wobbly, so I got her these new socks so her little feet don’t shoot out from under her.
“So what do you want to do today?” Jason asks me, continuing to clap his hands lightly for Josalyn.
“Isn’t there a TGI Fridays close by? I’ve been seeing an advertisement for fried green beans from there that look delicious, but I’ve never been to one before.”
“Yeah, there’s one over by Baybrook Mall. Are you hungry now? I haven’t had any lunch yet since I’ve been in class since eight.” He looks at me hopefully.
“I’m starving. I only had a kolache and a donut early this morning, and I definitely need to eat. Don’t know if this is too much info or not, but I still nurse Josalyn, so I eat like a pig,” I confess.
“Why would that be TMI? Babe, there’s nothing you can’t share with me,” he assures seriously.
“I just… have you ever dated anyone with a kid before? Or, more specifically, a baby? I didn’t know if you were one of those people who think breastfeeding is gross.”
“No, I’ve never dated anyone with a kid before, and no, I don’t think breastfeeding is gross. I mean, I wouldn’t want you to just whip your boob out for the whole world to see when we’re out in public, but that’s just because they’re mine and I wouldn’t want to kill anyone for looking.” He gives me a grin that immediately puts me at ease and makes me laugh.
“Actually, they belong to her for three more months, and then you can stake your claim. I’m gonna stop when she turns one.” I reach over and tickle her belly, loving the giggle she lets out. “I normally time everything around feedings though. If I get desperate and have to feed her in public, I usually do it in my car, or at least find a secluded area and cover up with one of her baby blankets. You can’t even tell I’m doing it with the clothes I wear. It just looks like I’m holding her while she sleeps.”
“I’m not worried about it, babe,” he says, getting to his feet. “So, TGI Fridays? I haven’t been there in a while. Sounds good. You want me to drive?”
I stand as well and then put Josalyn’s hoodie back on her. She gets frustrated, swatting at me and whining after I just took it off her, but it’s gotten too cold outside to let her go without it.
“Yeah, I just need to grab her car seat out of my car,” I reply, picking her up after I zip her sweater.
“Okay, you do that and I’ll get your bags. You have everything you need in the diaper bag?” he checks.
Instead of getting annoyed like I would with my mom, him double-checking makes me smile. It amazes me how naturally all this is coming to him. “Yep, I brought Miss Tooty some carrots for lunch!” I say excitedly, bouncing her on my hip and blowing a raspberry against her cheek to pull her out of her suddenly grouchy mood. I swear the child would love to be naked all the time if I let her.
“Well, that just sounds delightful,” Jason says, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he gestures for me to lead the way out of his room. “Dad, we’re headed out for some lunch. Be back in a couple hours. We may get into something after we eat, but we’ll be back. Kayla wants to see Mom before she leaves later.”
“Good, Barbara would be pissed if she didn’t get to see y’all, knowing you were coming to visit today,” Steve tells me, and it makes me smile knowing Jason’s mom is excited to see me too.
“Say bye-bye, byyyye-bye,” I prompt Josalyn, and she grips and ungrips her hand toward herself instead of at him, making us all laugh. “We’ll keep working on that.”
I open up the back passenger door of my rental and buckle her into her carrier, adjusting the handle so I can lug her over to Jason’s backseat. She’s getting too heavy for me to carry her around this way. I thread the seatbelt through and fasten her in, and then get into the passenger seat, Jason observing me the whole time.
“What?” I ask when he smiles at me.
“I just like watching you in mommy-mode. You loo
k so happy doing the simplest tasks, taking care of her,” he states, reaching over to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I finally found something I’m good at, I guess.” I shrug. “Of course, she’s the easiest baby on the planet.”
“What do you mean ‘finally found something you’re good at’? I know lots of things you’re, like, pro-status.” He gives me a playful, lascivious look and I smack him on his bicep as he backs out of his driveway. “Hey! Driving precious cargo here.” He smirks, and I growl at him, crossing my arms over my chest.
We arrive at the restaurant about fifteen minutes later, taking a little longer than I remember, but it could be because Jason was driving more carefully than I’ve ever seen him drive before. I’m definitely enjoying this more mature version of the man I fell in love with, but happy he still has his playful, naughty personality.
He walks around and pulls Josalyn out of the backseat in her carrier, holding the handle easily in his grasp like it weighs nothing. I grab my bags out, and we head inside the restaurant, where they seat us immediately. It must be a good time of day to come, in between lunch and dinner hours, because the place isn’t very busy.
“Do you want a high chair for the baby?” the waitress asks Jason, who looks at me for the answer.
“No, thank you. Will you just slide her all the way into the booth? Like, sideways, where she’ll be facing me when I sit,” I instruct, and he does as I ask then takes a seat across from me as I slip in.
“What are you having to drink?” she asks Jason, smiling at him as she faces her body fully toward him, giving me her back. I cock my head at the back of her head, narrowing my eyes.
“I’ll have Coke,” Jason answers, seeing the look on my face and smirking. “Baby, what would you like?” he asks me after a few empty moments when the waitress makes no move to.
Is this chick serious?
I clear my throat and take a deep breath to control the rising tempo of my heart. “I’d like ice water, pl—” Before I can even finish the word, she walks away, swishing her hips as she passes Jason.
