by Mary Smith
“Shit.” I sit up. “What time is it?”
“It’s seven a.m. My first meeting isn’t ‘til eight, but I wanted to get ready so you would have time.” She kisses my forehead. “I hated to wake you. You were sleeping so well.”
“No. No, I should have already been gone.” I swing my legs over the side of the bed and get up. “I don’t want to make you late for work.”
“Stop.” She grabs my shoulders. “My meeting is here down in the conference room. I’m not going to be late at all.” She drops her hands and steps away. “I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted last night to last.”
The sadness in her eyes and tone pulls at my heart. “When do you leave?”
“I fly out right after my meeting.” Her voice cracks.
“When will you be back?”
“I’m not sure. If all goes right about two weeks.”
“Stay here for ten minutes. Don’t move.” I dash around the room and gather all my clothes and go to the bathroom. I wash up as fast as I can and use Macy’s mouthwash since I don’t have a toothbrush with me. When I come back out, she’s still in the same spot.
“Taden, I need to say something and it’s going to sound like a repeat, but just hear me out.” Macy takes my hands in hers. “When I come back in a couple of weeks, I’d like to see you again. If you want. I know we had sex last night, but I do want to be your friend.”
“Macy.” I remove my hands from hers and cup her face. “I want to see you again too.” She smiles, and I lean down and kiss her lips. “I’m going to go but text me when you can.”
“Okay.” She beams and kisses me. “I’ll text you.”
I leave her hotel room and walk to my car with a bounce in my step. Should I care about a woman when my wife has only been gone for less than four months? I don’t think there’s a set time on the grief process.
What will happen?
Nothing, right? I’m having fun with a woman. So, nothing should happen but fun. I stroll into the parking garage toward my car when I hear a woman’s voice.
“How can you be such a jerk?”
Janan?
“I’m not and I don’t want to be.”
Hamilton?
I turn on my heels and go toward the voices. Sure enough I see Hamilton’s massive truck. I lean down a bit and see their feet on the other side. I quietly step up and hide behind the tailgate of the car.
“We just had an incredible night together,” Janan says.
My heart drops. Hamilton and Janan are having sex?
“Jan baby, we just talked all night.” Hamilton reasons with her and I feel a bit better. “And a few other things.”
And now I’m feeling sick.
“I know and it was great. Why are you bringing up my damn age again? After all we talked about together.” My daughter’s voice cracks.
“Jan, I want to be with you. Trust me when I say I want to be with you more than any other female I’ve ever been around, but you’re nineteen. I’m going to be twenty-nine soon. You have too much going for you, and I’m too busy with hockey.”
There’s a short pause before he says the one thing no man should ever say to a woman.
“It’s a mistake.”
Oh Baer, you’re about to feel her wrath.
“A mistake? I’m a mistake?”
I hear Janan’s feet shuffle, and I know she’s getting closer to him.
“Let me tell you something. You just stood here and told me how you want to be with me. Last night we were this close to having sex. You called out my name when your dick was in my mouth.”
Yep, I’m going to be sick.
“And now you’re going to throw me away without even giving us... you and me... a chance. How dare you treat me this way? I’m better than this.”
Her tone is firm, but I hear the waver in it. She’s about to cry and Janan hates to cry. I step around the back of the truck.
“Janan.”
They both whip their heads to me.
“Daddy?” Janan’s face pales.
“Fuck.” Hamilton runs his hand through his hair and turns away from me.
“What... what are you doing here?” Her eyes shift between me and Hamilton, who’s now looking at me.
I step up between her and Hamilton, there’s not a lot of room but I stare down at my daughter. Poor girl isn’t the tallest, but she doesn’t move. “Do you remember what I told you the other day?”
She shakes her head.
“I told you age wasn’t an important factor of a relationship. A true man will see you for what you’re worth. Your amazing personality, your smarts that are off the chart, and your tender heart. If he can’t see all of those wonderful traits, then he isn’t worth your time.”
Tears fill my daughter’s eyes. “Thanks, Daddy.” She hugs me and quickly leaves and walks two cars down, gets into her car and leaves.
“Taden. Coach. I…”
I turn to Hamilton. He’s at least six inches taller than me, but I don’t care at this point.
“Baer, you’re a good guy, but you just let the one good thing in your life walk away.”
“She’s just nineteen.” He looks as if he’s about to cry now.
“Janan has never been just anything. She’s been an independent, adult woman for as far back as I can remember. If she wanted to date you or whatever, then she has already thought out all the pros and cons because that’s how amazing she is. You just lost out.”
I leave him standing at his truck, and I walk to my car and head home. This has been the craziest twenty-four hours.
JANAN HASN’T SAID anything since I arrived home, but I can tell she’s been crying. After I got cleaned up and changed, I hugged her for a full minute not saying anything but letting her know I’m there for her. I know she’s nineteen and Hamilton is much older, but Janan is different. Not in the way of abnormal or anything, but she’s always known what she wanted. All those earlier years when she was so shy, was mainly her studying people and mimicking them. She has always done things on her own. Of course, Sharon wasn’t a help to her growing up, and I thank God she had Nova when I was gone.
“Let’s go shopping.” I pull away and kiss the top of her head.
“Okay.” She smiles and calls out for Nova.
The first place we hit is the furniture store. Janan and Nova had a sketchbook of the room and measurements of what is needed. The girls are the most organized females I know. I hate to say it, but they get it from Sharon…
“How fucking stupid are you?” She shoves me out of the way in the walk-in pantry. “Can’t you fucking read?” She points to each of the shelves where she has labels for everything.
“I was just trying to help.”
She jerks the can from me. “You’re trying to help? How laughable? You’ve never helped me in your life.”
I sigh. “Fine, Sharon. I’m in no mood to argue with you today. Do whatever you want?” I set the can down and move past her to go out to the kitchen where the rest of the groceries sit.
The next thing I know I am on the ground with a raging pain in my head. Soon cans begin to pellet me as my wife throws them from the pantry. I can’t really make out what she’s saying, but she keeps throwing them until the blackness comes.
“Daddy?” Janan touches my shoulder and Nova’s face is full of worry. “You okay?”
“Yes.” I smile. “I am. Come on let’s keep going.” I nod over to the kitchenware area.
We go through each department as Nova puts a line through each item and Janan collects the tickets of the items and takes measurements, if need be. I’m glad the girls are as independent as they are. Yes, I’m aware I’m going to be paying this bill, but they never ask for anything. They really don’t. This is my treat to them.
Once we finish up, schedule a delivery, and pay, the girls suggest taking me out to lunch as a thank you.
“You don’t have to.” I hug them both.
“Please, Uncle Tad. We want to.” Nova’s eyes sl
ightly beg.
“Okay.” I smile and we drive over to the diner. I don’t want them spending too much money on me because I know they want to pay their own bills. They’re such great girls.
Once we’re seated and order our drinks, Janan asks me a question I should have expected. “Daddy, why didn’t you come home last night?” A sly smirk appears as Nova covers her giggling mouth.
“I was out with a friend,” I answer honestly. “And no I’m not going into any details.”
“You don’t have to. We can see it all over your face.” Nova winks and laughs again.
“Is it serious?” Janan’s question is a loaded one and one I’m not sure how to answer.
“I don’t know. She lives in Oregon and I’m here, but there’s a possibility she’ll relocate out here. Although, I like her. She and I are friends,” I explain trying to make sure they know I’m not jumping into another relationship.
“I think it’s great.” Janan beams and Nova nods. “I hope you find someone who will make you happy.”
The waitress comes back and takes our food order and I ask Janan, “What’s the deal with you and Hamilton?”
Her cheeks blush. “It’s hard to put into words.”
“Try.” I push. Normally, I wouldn’t but I’m curious on what is happening. She’s my daughter.
“It was a few months ago when our joking turned into flirting, and it just happened. But you can see how that turned out.” She plays with her straw spinning it around in her drink.
“You want more?”
“I do, but he really can’t get past my age. It bothers him more than anything. I don’t understand.” She stops messing with her drink and looks up at me. “I’m not saying I’m the most mature person in the world, but I think I’m better than most. On top of that, I’m a good person. I really am. I don’t see why I can’t be with him.” She leans back in the booth and rolls her eyes. “Shit, I should just swear off all of the male species and focus on school and a career.”
“As much as I would enjoy you doing just that, you can’t.” I shake my head. “Gaining, losing a male, boyfriend or whatever, is part of growing up. You both have not had the social skills you should have because of Sharon. You have really never been normal girls.”
“Normal is overrated,” Nova says. “Our life, as crazy as it is, has been our normal and made us who we are today.”
“A lot of it sucked, but there were good times. Especially with us three frogs.” Janan beams.
“To us three frogs.” Nova holds up her water glass.
“Three frogs,” I say and we all toast.
THE DOORBELL RINGS and when I open the door Carmen Stephens stands on the other side. She looks exactly like her photo from the real estate webpage.
“Mr. Long.” She holds out her hand, and I firmly shake it. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Same to you. Please come in.” I hold out my hand to lead her in.
“Wow.” She gasps and looks around the foyer and living room. “This is nice.”
“Let me give you a tour.”
“I’m going to be taking pictures and measurements.” She pulls out a large digital camera.
“Do what you need to.” I give her a small smile and we begin the tour of the house.
Carmen seems impressed by the large rooms and the even larger backyard. She took several photos and jotted down notes as well. I answered all her questions and when we finished I asked her about looking for a home for me.
“What are you looking for?”
“Small. Two to three bedrooms, in case the girls need to move back. A couple bathrooms, but I don’t need this type of square footage or yard to maintain.”
“Actually, I just listed a condo. It’s on the outskirts of Manchester but close to the arena for you. It’s two bedrooms, one and a half bath, and no yard. What’s your budget?”
I tell her and she smiles.
“It’s perfect for you. Do you want to look at it?”
“When are you able to?”
“Well, I can right now.”
“Let’s go.”
She gives me the address, even though I follow her to the place. It’s in a new up and coming neighborhood. I know because a couple of Bears live over here. As I walk through the place, I know how perfect it would be for me, and I told Carmen I’d take it.
“It’s move-in ready. I know the owner wants out of it fast, and I can make it happen.”
I can see the dollar signs in her eyes. “Make it happen. I need a fresh start.”
CARYN IS STARING at me with a deeply shocked expression. “Well, Taden, I think you’re making great progress. How are the panic attacks?”
“I did have one with Macy I told you about, but I’m feeling positive about this change.” I can feel a weight being lifted off me. It isn’t happening all at once, but I need to focus on me for once.
What will happen?
Happiness.
“Like I said, I’m glad and a bit surprised of your progress, but if you keep moving ahead you will see great results.” She writes out a few notes on her pad.
“Do you think it’s too fast?” Suddenly a small wave of doubt comes over me.
“There’s no too fast or too slow. Everyone is different in the way they deal with their experiences.” She taps her pencil. “My worry for you is too much at once. The girls are moving out, you’re selling your house, moving into another, and now Macy.”
“Yes, it does seem like a lot very quickly, but I’m ready for my life to start. This is my second chance on life.” My voice raises. “Why can’t you say something more praising?”
Caryn blinks several times. “I never said I’m not happy of your change. But with so much at once I don’t want you to fall back.”
I shake my head. “I won’t because this is my time,” I say with a determination in my voice I didn’t hear before. I felt it deep down. I’m ready for the change.
TODAY IS A beautiful day. I woke up with a smile. I can’t remember ever doing that before, or at least not in a very, very long time. I made arrangements at a local moving company to have empty boxes delivered. Carmen thinks the condo will close quickly and it’s time to pack up this house.
I’m ready.
I even made plans to have dinner with Oliver and Connor. My doctor had sent over all the appropriate forms and letters to give my all clear. Although the season is ending in less than two weeks, the Bears are back in dead last in the league. It’s disappointing because I know how hard the guys work to be at the top of their game. I know my absence didn’t help the situation at all, but it’s time to get back to work.
My phone dings and my heart skips a bit.
Macy: Taden, I’m going to be back in NH next Friday. If you still would like to meet up I’d love to.
I can feel the smile growing on my face.
Me: I’d love to.
“Wow, looks like someone is getting one of those naughty texts.” Janan comes strolling into the kitchen. “Daddy, are you sending nudes?”
“No.” I growl at my daughter jokingly. “What are you doing today?”
“I have class and then I’m going to finish packing tonight. Nova is working all day, and I told her I’d pack some of her items as well.” She pours some orange juice into a tall glass.
“Heard from Hamilton?” I know she may not want to talk about this, but I want to make sure she’s okay. I don’t believe Hamilton would use her. Hell, the guy really isn’t bad at all, but maybe a bit confused on the situation he’s in.
“No. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be bothering me anymore.” She’s trying to sound as if she doesn’t care, but the truth is written all over her face. She cares and now is heartbroken.
Her first love.
Her first heartbreak.
I hug her. “I’ll help you pack because I’m going to be doing the same thing all day today. Is there anything you want to keep? If not, I’m giving the majority away.”
“Really?�
�� She steps back. “I’d figured you keep all of Mom’s stuff.”
“Time for a change, right? What will happen if I keep it all?”
“Good point.” She chugs the rest of her drink. “I’ll be home in a few hours. Love you, Daddy.” She gives me another quick hug and rushes out the door.
Not long after she leaves, the boxes arrive. I’m not sure how many I’ll need, but I’m ready to get started. I start in the living room. It’s surprising the girls and I don’t use this room more, but we’re not the type of family to watch movies or TV for that matter.
Sharon always hated the TV on…
“What is this shit?”
I walk into the house to Sharon yelling. I’d been on the road for almost a week and the headache from our last fight is still pounding since I left.
“I’ll ask again because you’re stupid, what is this shit?”
I come into the living room and Nova is standing in a corner and Janan is on the floor covering her face with Sharon over her.
“Sharon!” I holler at her. “What’s going on?”
She slowly turns to me. “This is no concern of yours. Go away, just like you always do.”
“I’ve been at work.” I lower my voice and hope I can get her to focus on me and not the girls. “But I’m home now.”
“Who cares?”
“Why are you upset with the girls?” I set my bag down. “Is there something I can do to help?”
She turns fully toward me, and the anger is deep within her eyes. She’s beyond pissed right now. “What could you possibly do? What? All you know how to do is be a dickless wimp of a husband and father. You’re nothing more.” She flings the remote at me, and it shatters against the wall next to me.
“What did they do?” I’m keeping my tone the same.
“Your stupid, precious babies are trying to watch the fucking Little Mermaid for the billionth time and I don’t want to listen to obscene bullshit.” She keeps inching herself toward me.
“They like it.” I reason with her.
Her eyes narrow and I know that was a mistake.
