by Mary Smith
“It’ll fade with time. How’s the packing going?”
“We have one more game tonight. Then I’ll get it all finished up. I’m hoping Carmen calls me today like she said and the closing will be scheduled.”
“Are you happy?”
“More than I’ve been in a long time.”
THE MANCHESTER CROWD is loud. Louder than I’ve heard in a long time. We won our last game of the season, but we’re still in last place in the league. You wouldn’t know it from the roar. The team is in the middle of the ice, sticks high in the air, saluting the fans who’ve been by our side this entire, sucky season.
The locker room is quiet as the guys undress for the last time this season. I can see the sadness on their faces as a terrible season ends.
“Hey, guys, listen up.” I step up in the middle of the room. “Now, there are no words I can say to soothe over the disappointment you’re feeling right now. However, I want you to take this pain and turn it around. Kevin, Mike and I are going to call each of you individually and give you some pointers for the offseason. Also, Oliver wanted me to tell you there’s a mandatory end of season party he’s throwing tomorrow night and everyone is required to be there. You’ll clean out your lockers the day after that.” I nod to them and head back to my office with Mike and Kevin behind me.
“I have a schedule set up for meeting each of the guys. You want me to email it to them and have them meet you at your house?” Kevin asks.
“Not my house. Have them meet me at The Latte Bean,” I tell them. “Nathan and Teo need to be first because they want to head back to Switzerland quickly.”
“Already done,” he says and I thank them.
“You guys have really been a huge help this season and I’m ready for next.”
“Us too.” Mike shakes our hands and reminds us of the end-of-year party.
“I’ll be there.”
“Bring the girls, it’s a family fun night,” Kevin says before he leaves as well.
I scratch my head and text the girls about the party.
Nova: I have to work.
Janan: I’m not sure. I’ll text you tomorrow.
I wait for all the guys to leave before I head out on my own as well.
When I get back to the house, the quietness is too much. I go the bedroom where there are several boxes, all empty. There’s no time like the present, right?
I change into sweatpants and leave my shirt off. I open the closet and stare at Sharon’s clothes, shoes and purses. I decided donating it to the shelter where Janan works would be the best option. I really don’t want to throw it away. It doesn’t benefit anyone.
My hands shake slightly as I pull off the first piece of clothing. I fold it the way Sharon likes and place it gently in the box. I move on to the next piece and then the next. Soon the box is full and then I begin on another.
Until…
I reach for it but stop. I had forgotten all about it. It’s been years since I’ve seen it.
The red dress.
“Your wife is going to love this dress.” The saleswoman hands me the box with a perfectly wrapped bow on it.
“It’s our anniversary.” I smile.
“Have a wonderful night.”
I nod and thank her for all her help and head home to get everything ready for tonight. It’s our fifteenth anniversary, and I want it to be special. The best one she’s had since our fifth when we renewed our vows.
I’m having dinner brought in from her most favorite restaurant. I’m dressed my best in my black suit. She likes it best on me, or so she says anyway.
When she walks in the house, I’m right at the door to greet her. “Sharon, how was the spa?”
She rolls her eyes. “Fine, I guess. I told the dumb redhead not to use any lavender, but the bitch did anyway.” She gazes over me. “Why the fuck are you dressed up?”
I’m stunned for a second because I thought the spa would be a good thing. “I think you smell amazing.”
She glares at me.
“I bought you a present.” I pick up the box from the couch. I hold the box as she unties the bow and opens the box. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
She pulls out the red dress. It’s backless and short. She glances up at me. “What’s this?”
“A gift. I thought tonight for our anniversary we could dress up. I know you don’t like to go out for dinner, but I have everything planned.”
“Now, you expect me to get dressed in this getup and have dinner with you.”
“Please, Sharon. I want to have dinner and celebrate with you. You don’t have to do anything.” I slightly beg.
“Fine.” She jerks the dress from the box and mumbles all the way up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door.
It’s going to be okay. She’s going to enjoy tonight.
I rush to get the table set up and the food portioned out for her and me. I wait with a glass of wine for her as she comes down the stairs.
“You’re the most gorgeous woman ever,” I express to her, handing her the glass.
“I look like a slut. I didn’t know this type of shit turns you on.” She sits at the head of the table.
“I had food brought in from Mario’s. I know how much you love their eggplant.” I sit at the table.
She says nothing. She only pushes the food around the plate. She drinks down her wine quickly. And then another. And another. Until she’s slurring her words.
“Clean up this mess.” She shoves the plate away, spilling some of the food.
“Okay.” I gather everything up and remove it all to the kitchen.
“Why did you buy this shit looking dress?”
It actually hurts me to hear her say that. I thought this all out and wanted it all perfect.
“Is that what the whores you’re with wear?’
“I’m not with anyone, Sharon. You know this. It’s only you.” I place everything in the dishwasher.
She strolls into the kitchen, her empty wine glass in hand. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
I turn to her and shake my head. “I know you’re not.”
“I hate you and those fucking girls.” She hisses at me.
“I’m going to bed now, Sharon. Happy anniversary.” I go around her when a sharp pain erupts on my side. I yelp out and turn. “Sharon.” I gasp pulling the steak knife from my side and seeing the blood seep beneath my clothes.
“I’m not one of your whores.” She smashes the glass on the side of my head.
I brush my fingers along my left side where the scar from the knife is still bright against my skin. It’s the last time I did anything for our anniversary. I was lucky she didn’t hit anything major. She hadn’t pushed the knife far enough to cause too much damage.
All I wanted was a nice night with my wife. A night for her and me to connect. It’s all I wanted.
My phone dings as I’m still clinging to the red dress.
Macy: I’m going to be back in Manchester next week. I’d love to see you. Maybe we can go out, if you’re feeling up to it?
I stare at the dress. It’s silky material in my hands. All the heartache Sharon gave me all these years. The change is clear in my mind. It’s my second chance.
Me: Tell me when you’re here. I’d love to meet up and take you to dinner.
Chapter Nine
“CONGRATULATIONS, MR. LONG.” Carmen shakes my hand and hands me the keys. We just spent the last hour signing a thousand pages for my new condo.
“Thank you. Any word on a potential buyer for the house?”
“I’m going to have an open house this weekend.”
“I have just about everything gone. I donated most of it, sold the rest, and it won’t be much for me to move out.” I hold the keys tightly in my hand. “I’m working on it this weekend.”
It’s been a busy week for me. After packing and getting rid of Sharon’s items, I had meetings with all the players. Most of them took what I said to heart but a few, Teo and Alden mainly, didn’t seem to ca
re. The end of season party was fun, but I left early because I wasn’t into it. I ended up hanging out with Janan until Nova got off work and then we went for ice cream.
I drive to the house, and I’m hoping it will be one of the last times I do it. I have almost everything packed minus some clothes and personal items. I want to be out as soon as I can. Now, I hold the keys.
I call Hamilton.
“Hey, Coach.”
“Hamilton, I was wondering if you could help me out today?”
“What do you need?”
I explain about closing on the condo and needing to move. “It’s not much.”
“I can be there in a few. I’m not doing anything right now.”
Poor kid sounds depressed. I know Janan still has not talked to him, but he’s still sending roses every single day. Good thing he’s paid well because his credit card bill has to be through the roof by now.
I bring down all the boxes. I sold the bed because I didn’t want the memories anymore. In fact I have no furniture except the couch.
I open the door when the doorbell rings to see Hamilton with Edgar and Vance next to him. “Hi.” I’m baffled.
“Figured we could use the extra hands,” Hamilton says.
“Thank guys.” I nod to them and open the door wider to let them in. “This means a lot.”
“No problem.” Vance grins through his Irish accent. “I was bored at home with the dogs and Dacey’s working.”
I owe a lot to Vance and Dacey. They saved me the night Sharon beat me at the party.
“Tell us what’s going?” Edgar stands in the middle of the living room.
“The couch, the TV and the boxes. Oh, and these pieces of luggage.” I point each out. “That’s it.”
“Where’s the rest of your stuff? Your office and such?” Hamilton looks around.
“Sold some pieces and donated the rest,” I tell him.
“All right. Let’s get started.” Edgar grabs a box and we all follow suit.
It doesn’t take long to load up everything and head over to my condo. I’m on the sixth floor and the manager lets us use the service elevator for the couch. The guys hardly break a sweat.
“Let’s go out and grab a bite. It’s on me.” I invite them.
They all are in and we head off to a small burger place down the street from the condo. Since it’s not busy we take a place near the back and quickly order.
Edgar talks about his wife, Greer, and kids. He seems happily married. A way a marriage should be. Vance talks about Dacey and their plans to travel a bit during the offseason.
“Hamilton, are you heading back to Alabama?” Edgar inquires.
“Um, I’m not sure yet. My brother wants me to come down when he’s off work so we can do some fishing,” he answers.
“How is Dr. Henry Baer?” Edgar pushes away his empty plate.
“Great. He really loves the clinic he’s working at now. It’s just long hours and he doesn’t have much time off.” Hamilton has always been proud of his twin.
“Guys, I can’t thank you enough for helping me today.” I pay the bill and we all walk back to the condo.
“Coach, if you need anything, just call,” Edgar offers and shakes my hand.
“Same here.” Vance does the same.
“Thank you both.” I smile at each of them.
“I’ll meet you guys by the truck.” Hamilton nods over and they leave us alone.
“You don’t seem like yourself, Hamilton.”
“I’m not, but I’m pretty sure I’m just wasting my time with Janan. No matter how much it hurts.” He sighs, stuffing his hands into his jeans pocket.
“You’re the only one who knows when enough is enough.” I pat his shoulder. “But you can count on me for anything.”
“Thanks, Taden. I mean it.”
“Anytime.”
I watch him walk off toward his truck, and I feel bad for him. I can see how much he cares for Janan. I hope he finds someone who will make him happy.
I head back into the building. There’s no familiar sadness or bad memories as I walk into my place. It’s mine. My life is in about fifteen boxes, a few pieces of luggage, a TV and a couch.
I smile because I’m happy.
“I LIKE THIS one.” Janan jumps up on the bed and flops to one side and then the other.
I chuckle. “I’m not going to be bouncing on the bed, Jan.”
She giggles and hops off. “You will be when Miss Macy visits again.”
I shake my head. “We’re friends.”
“Ha, and I’m just a girl who goes to Starbucks for the Wi-Fi.” She walks to the next bed.
“What about Hamilton?” I know it’s a touchy topic. “Has he been to visit you?”
She stops and turning to me. “No.”
“But he’s still sending you flowers?”
“He hasn’t for the last couple days.” There’s a deep melancholy in her voice.
“Janan, just talk to the boy. You and he are both damn hardheaded.”
She shrugs. “I’m waiting for him to call me. Why do I have to go to him? Because I’m the girl, I have to go to him on my hands and knees.”
“I’m not saying that. I’m saying you need to be the bigger person.”
She turns back to the beds. “What about this one?”
I sigh, giving up talking to her about the topic. The saleswoman came over and helped pick out the bed I wanted. I paid for it and made sure to set up next day delivery. Janan and I went off to a few more places and bought a new desk, a recliner, since Sharon would never let me have one, and a small kitchen table. Then we got a few dishes, pots and pans, and some odds and ends I needed since I got rid of everything.
Janan helps me bring it all into the condo and helps me set stuff up. The furniture and bed will be here the next day, and it gives me time to wash the bedding. I ask her if she’d like to go to lunch, but she says she needs to study and hugs me before leaving.
I sit down on the couch and look around my condo. I love it so much. I feel as if my entire life is coming together for the first time. I’m forty-seven, and it’s a new beginning.
“TADEN, YOU LOOK happy.” Caryn sits in her usual chair and I sit on the couch.
“I am.”
“No panic attacks?”
“No.”
“Nightmares?”
“No.” I shake my head. “This is the change I needed.”
“I’m glad.”
I can see on her face she wants to say more. “What is it, Caryn?”
“Actually, nothing. I’m impressed by your progress.” She smiles. “I just want to be sure when a panic attack does arise, you don’t have a major setback.”
“Caryn.” I lean forward resting my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together. “I can’t express how much you’ve helped me. I mean it. I don’t want our sessions to end because for the first time in my life, I feel in control. Yes as the coach of the Bears I’m in control of them but not my own life. My decisions. Now, I am. I know Sharon’s voice still lingers in my head. I can hear her from time to time, but I can move past it without feeling as if I’m going to be punished. You know what I did the first night in my condo. I took a bath. A long hot bath. I haven’t done that since I was a teenager.” Tears build up. “I stayed in there for thirty minutes. No timer. No one yelling at me to get out or hurry up. Just... me.”
Caryn watches me for a second. “How did you feel?”
“I’m not going to lie. I had some doubts but only for a moment, and then I went to sleep.”
“And Macy? Are you still seeing her?”
“She’s coming into town tomorrow and she’s asked to go out on a date and I’m going to.”
“You’re nervous.”
“I’ve not been on a date in a very, very long time.” I sit back and rest my head on the back of the couch. “I’m not sure if I remember what to do.”
“It’s like riding a bike.” She softly giggles.
�
�I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it,” I admit.
“While I’m thrilled about you doing so well, I’m going to tell you, with their permission of course, Janan and Nova are having a few issues.”
I sit up straighter. “What do you mean?”
“They want to have a family session with you.”
“Are my girls okay?”
“Yes, physically they are well. However, there are some things they want to discuss with you in a controlled setting. Here.”
“Name the time and date and I’ll be here. No matter what.” My heart is pounding. Are the girls mad at me? No, it can’t be it. I talk to them daily. I spend as much time as I can with them. They would have told me.
“Come by tomorrow morning.”
ME: DO YOU girls want to ride over with me to Caryn’s?
Janan: Sure.
I’ve hardly slept and when I asked the girls what this session would be about, both said they wanted to talk there. I respected it and dropped it. My nerves are on edge, and I’m shocked they won’t talk to me about it. It’s obviously something bad. They must hate me. Really hate me and all this time just pretending to be there for me. I pick them both up at their apartment and in a tension filled silence we head to Caryn’s office.
As always, Caryn greets us with a smile and asks us to sit. “Okay, so…” She glances at each of us before asking, “Who wants to go first?”
“Well, I will.”
Nova’s voice shakes and she pushes her bangs out of her face before positioning herself at the edge of the couch, slightly turning toward me. My heart is in my throat, and tears are already building behind my eyes and she’s not even looked at me yet.
“Uncle Tad, I... hang on.” She reaches around in her purse and pulls out a piece of paper.
She wrote notes on how I’m a horrible person.
“Uncle Tad,” she begins again. “I want to thank you.”
I gasp.
“I want to thank you for taking me in when no one wanted me. Thank you for being an amazing role model in my life and letting me be me when we were able to make that happen.” She sniffs, and tears form in her eyes. “I don’t know how I can ever repay you for all you’ve done for me. You’ve helped me become a strong woman. Aunt Sharon, in my opinion, never wanted me and I feel as if I may have been the cause to a lot of pain for you and Janan. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had been a burden but you never treated me as one. You always told me what a special person I was and told me to be me.” She wipes her cheeks. “I’m sorry for everything, but I’m forever in your debt for all the years you saved me from the abuse from Aunt Sharon.”
