Murder Mittens

by R. J. Blain

  “Because I’ve been exposed to a great deal more of your virus.” I wrinkled my nose. “That part of being lycanthrope and female really isn’t fair.”

  “Oh, no. I had plenty of exposure to your virus. I just have a lot more body mass, my virus has been spiking for a few days now, and I’ve gone out of my way to expose myself to as much of your virus as possible. You’re a lot smaller than I am, so your virus has to extend itself a lot more to meld with my virus, where mine’s hardly being taxed at all. Honestly, I’d like to take you to some nice restaurants on the way, but if you’re okay with it, we’ll hit up a buffet or two. We need the calories. If we take turns driving, we can get to the spa sometime tomorrow, and a few days to relax will be good for us and our viruses.”

  “My check-in is tomorrow. I expected it would take two full days to get there, so I planned to just crash hotels on the way. I hadn’t expected to go all the way home after that hit in Battle Lake.”

  “It was a necessary detour.”

  I grinned at that. “Yes, it was. I just hope you brought the cuffs. I have some serious purring to catch up on.”

  “You can count on it.”

  Eight

  Well, that’s a damned shame.

  Lycanthropes paid a premium when eating at buffets, and for a rare change, I didn’t mind the doubled cost for our lunch and dinner. The first buffet he took us to had the promised barbecue chicken, and to get my filthy little hands on it, I had to stand in line. Everyone in the buffet understood the importance of the barbecue chicken line.

  The beleaguered chefs working the ovens and grills ruled with iron tongs, too.

  The taco bar was worth writing home about, so I did, making use of Sebastian’s cell phone to take pictures and send them to my uncle, who could handle image distribution as needed. My uncle seemed less than impressed with Sebastian’s offering, resulting in me calling the bastard, issuing a hissed warning of imminent death if he criticized my choice of delicious buffet, and hung up before he could defend himself. Sebastian chuckled and didn’t answer his phone when it rang.

  The second buffet had steak, and I would have eaten it exclusively had Sebastian not placed filled plates of other food in front of me.

  For both meals, I ate at least three times what I normally did, and I beat Sebastian in quantity of food consumed in the shortest period of time. Eating my way into a food-induced coma hadn’t been a part of my plans, and I only took my turn behind the wheel when he was too fatigued to continue driving safely.

  Out of the sixteen hours it took to reach Cincinnati, I drove four of them, and I handled the last leg of the trip while he slept. My virus appreciated the lion’s vulnerability, as it convinced her he trusted me to handle the important matters while we watched over him. Or he trusted my general driving skills. Either way, my virus approved.

  While my virus behaved and settled down to enjoy his quiet company, I wanted to drag him off and have my way with him to make sure no one had any doubts he was mine.

  I needed to apologize to Sebastian sometime soon, as I expected I would spend at least a few months convincing myself his willingness to engage in any sort of relationship with me was real. I had a difficult enough time making friends.

  The flinch ruined that for me, and no matter how hard I tried, I remembered, and few made any real effort to convince me they cared enough to keep from flinching down the road.

  I made people as uncomfortable as they made me.

  The fear Sebastian would change his mind would crawl beneath my skin for a long time. Making him roar from frustration had been a way of keeping him at arm’s length, although I should have known better. Could something as simple as being standoffish actually drive off a lion? Or any lycanthrope, really?

  Lycanthropes lived and breathed being difficult and enjoyed challenges. If I judged all lycanthropes by my parents, the virus would take over the world in a single generation. My uncles had convinced me most lycanthropes took their time and had few children, as most of the women didn’t appreciate the mechanics involved with becoming pregnant.

  Children only happened when the couple worked hard enough for one, the woman was in the right part of her cycle, and the soon-to-be father kept her in bed long enough. My parents had mastered procreation, and I harbored secret suspicions the pair wanted to dominate the record charts with how many times they reproduced.

  I still wondered how they managed to keep us all straight. I couldn’t, and I’d been born into the insanity.

  We reached the spa at a little after three, and I debated if I could make him roar for me if I startled him awake. As I’d learned Sebastian could be sneaky when he wanted to be, I asked, “Do lions roar when startled?”

  “No,” the lion replied.

  “Well, that’s a damned shame. If you hadn’t replied to me, I had been planning on finding out how badly I could startle you. I wanted to find out if I could earn a roar. I thought about other ways to wake you up, but I would never be able to look my daddy in the eyes again after engaging in such things in the cab of his truck. We have arrived.” The spa, located deep in the heart of the city, had a parking lot, and my daddy’s truck had barely fit into one of the spots. I’d needed to use the camera system to park, as the spots hadn’t been designed with big trucks in mind. I unbuckled my seatbelt, stretched, and reached for the back so I could grab my purse. More like a cobra than some self-respecting cat, Sebastian kissed my cheek. I froze and blinked. “What?”

  “I would have kissed your lips, but I would have had to move you around, and I didn’t want to make a scene in the truck when we can make more than a scene in our room. You also stated you wouldn’t be able to look your father in the eyes if I did such things with you in here, so I’m being good and patient. Also, I am able and ready to pay whatever fees are required to enjoy a week with you.”

  I touched my cheek, which was as scarred as ever. “I’m confused,” I admitted.

  “By me having no problems with kissing your cheek, by the fact I wanted to kiss your cheek, or that I have plans for you once we’re checked in and in our room?” With a wicked chuckle, the lion got out of the truck, opened the cab’s back door, and went to work grabbing the bags of crocheting supplies and my personal belongings. “I’ll have to skip out somewhere for clothes, but there’s surely a mall around here somewhere. I’ll go during your first pampering sessions in the spa before looking into what we can do as a couple.”

  “I should have taken you to your place, wherever that is, for some clothes. I’m sorry.”

  It had been pure luck I’d had a shirt he could wear, as his shirt hadn’t survived our night together.

  “I’m not. It would have added even more time to the trip, and I need some new casual clothes anyway. I tend to make my suits and buy my jeans, mainly because making jeans is a serious pain in the ass. However, I’m thinking I’m going to be making you several pairs of jeans. They will have pockets. Real pockets.”

  I sucked in a breath. “Pockets?”

  “Big enough pockets you will only have to carry a purse should you want to.”

  “That’s some seriously dirty talk, Sebastian. If you’re trying to get me out of my clothes, it’s working. But we have to check in first. Though to be honest, you just have to breathe for me to want you out of your clothes. I should blame my virus on that one, but I’m an equal player in this. I accept responsibility for my share of lust. My virus was not the only picky one in this whole mess.”

  I hoped he wanted to get me out of my clothes, and that once he did, he had a plan that didn’t involve at least six hours, as we didn’t have six hours before I was scheduled to be pampered. I hadn’t anticipated needing to choose between being pampered or romping around in the hotel room making full use of the expensive bed designed to withstand even the most amorous of lycanthropes.

  I doubted the hotel was prepared to handle a lynx and a lion on a mission. I wasn’t even sure what our mission was while in the resort anymore, but I didn’t ca
re. We were on a mission, and that was that.

  The lion grinned. “I have no problem with being the subject of your lust. I’m even man enough to recognize that our viruses spiking and adapting to each other plays a large part in our mutual reactions right now, but I’m still going to enjoy and appreciate it. I’m also very grateful you took mercy on me, and not because I was the first half-decent man to cross your path. Anyway, I sometimes make jeans for my mother. She makes this complaint early and often, so every year, I make her at least two or three pairs of jeans for Christmas. As I fully plan on doing gentlemanly things to and for you, you will always get more pairs of jeans than my mother receives each year. To establish which woman in my life is of utmost importance. I’m a smart lion, Harri. I know what women want. Women want pockets.”

  I stopped and stared at Sebastian. “Did you just call yourself half-decent? What happened to your lion ego and pride? That is not egoistical lion commentary. That was almost self-deprecating. And I should know. When it comes to my face, I’m the queen of making such commentary, and that’s the kind of commentary I would make. Well, about my scars, at least. The rest of me is feline perfection.”

  “We’re going to have to work on how often you get injured taking on a bounty. That rate is not perfect, Miss Murder Mittens. I’m expecting actual perfection out of you in the future.”

  I heard the challenge in his tone, and as always, I bristled. “Or what?”

  “I’ll be too busy tending to your injuries to be able to worship your body and make you purr to my satisfaction.”

  As far as threats went, his hit dead center, and my virus roused, aware of the risk to her pleasure and general happiness. And mine, too. Somehow, I’d become involved with an utterly ruthless, wicked lion. Sometimes, only telling the truth sufficed. “You are a ruthless lion,” I declared.

  Most flinched when I glared at them, but all I did was make Sebastian grin. “I can be. I’ll be exceptionally ruthless about safeguarding your life. Yes, you’re a bounty hunter. I’m not expecting or even asking you to stop doing that work. It’s important, and you’re good at it. I just want you to come out on the other side of each job less likely to need transfusions in some damned hospital because you took on how many males twice your size at one time?”

  “It was only six.”

  Sebastian roared at me. “That’s five too many.”

  Sure enough, I purred at the evidence of his frustration and displeasure. My eyes widened, and he glowered in my general direction.

  I, idiot that I was, kept on purring.

  He waited for me to silence my enjoyment of his roaring, which took several minutes longer than sensible or dignified. His glower eased to a smirk. “I win, Wells.”

  Damn it. “That was a good roar, and I deserve to purr after frustrating you into doing it.”

  “You deserve to purr daily for a variety of reasons. I hope to be responsible for most of your purrs. Now, march, Wells. Don’t ladies get agendas for these spa events? I wouldn’t want you to miss any of your planned activities. And I need to go buy clothes while you’re being pampered.”

  In reality, I delayed dealing with the next few minutes of my life, which happened relentlessly each and every day. I sighed. “They’re going to flinch when they see my scars.”

  “That’s a reflection of them and not you. Just remind yourself I don’t flinch. Keep a count of flinches, grimaces, gasps, and anything else others do that hurt your feelings, and I’ll reward you for enduring them. I’m sure I can come up with many ways I can reward you. Just be aware I do enjoy when you’re tamed and quiet, as you’re anything but tamed or quiet most of the time.”

  I grinned at him. “I’m really not, and I can’t begrudge you wanting some quiet after I’ve spent all day frustrating you for the sake of my purrs and happiness.”

  “And it will be one of my goals to make you purr daily. I can’t purr, but I’m sure you can think of something in exchange.”

  “Roar, obviously. Daily. For my enjoyment.”

  “How about you making me roar for my enjoyment?” In what had to be a first in the lion’s entire life, he pouted. “What about me, Harri Wells? Don’t I deserve daily satisfaction?”

  “You roaring because I frustrated you is satisfying for you. And I want to make you roar from frustration daily.”

  “How is that satisfying for me?”

  “Well, you’re the one who said my purring makes you happy. That’s a trap of your own making, Sumners. But don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”

  “You’re something else.”

  “You’re the one who wanted me as much as I wanted you and that roar of yours. You only have yourself to blame for how this turned out. I refuse to feel any shame in this. For once in my adult life, everything has gone right for me, and I will enjoy this while it lasts.”

  He smiled. “Oh, don’t you worry about that. As long as I have something to say about it, you’re going to be enjoying a lot about life, but especially the evenings. I have many plans for our evenings.”

  “That better be a promise, Sebastian, or I will show you the power of a lynx’s utter disappointment. And any sane woman, lynx or otherwise, would be completely heartbroken following that level of disappointment.”

  “How scary. A lynx’s disappointment. Do you know what is far scarier than a lynx’s disappointment?”

  I regarded him with interest. “What could possibly be scarier?”

  “A crying lion, which is what will happen if I don’t get to indulge in my plans for this evening.”

  The woman at the counter, young, spry, and with perfect pale skin, stared at me with wide eyes. Like the rest of her face, her makeup was pristine, and she’d gone with a dark, smokey eyeshadow, partnered with black mascara to bring out the blue of her eyes. She didn’t flinch. She didn’t gasp. She didn’t do anything other than meet my gaze.

  Then, as though she was utterly blind, she smiled. “Welcome. Do you have a reservation?”

  I glanced at Sebastian, who chuckled, pressed his hand to my back, and pushed me forward, fiddling with his phone in his free hand. Taking that as a cue to stop acting as though my last brain cell had fainted, I set my purse on the counter. “I do, it’s under Harri Wells. I have a week-long package. I wanted to know if it was possible to add Sebastian to my room and package.”

  I’d gotten the best the hotel had to offer, but I’d gotten confused about how the packages worked. I’d purchased the most expensive one, and somewhere in the marketing material had been something about add-on guests, but her smile fried what was left of my brain.

  The wide eyes bothered me a hell of a lot less than her smile. Was it real? Was it fake? How had she not flinched? Did the spa give their employees copious amounts of pixie dust to ensure perfect professionalism?

  Was she an angel hiding with some remarkably human and female disguise? A succubus on the prowl?

  No, that didn’t make sense. Incubus? No, that also didn’t make sense.

  What was even going on?

  “That is absolutely no problem, Miss Wells. Will your companion be joining you at the spa?”

  Sebastian’s answering and equally bright smile stunned me almost as much as the woman’s behavior. While I lost the base ability to function, he took over, nodded, and said, “If at all possible, yes. I do have one errand to run tonight that should take me about two hours, but if it’s possible to join her for the rest of her sessions to as much as can be accommodated, that would be appreciated.”

  “Miss Wells purchased one of our complete packages, which gives her the option to be accompanied by a companion as she sees fit. Give me a moment, and I will print a copy of her schedule.” With a smile the match of Sebastian’s, the woman input something into the computer, turned, and headed to a cubby, where a printer dutifully went to work. She returned with several sheets of paper. “It is not unusual for guests to bring companions to get to know them better in a soothing environment, and we have found men enjoy th
eir time at our spa as much as women. Circle the sessions you wish to attend, sir, and I will have you added to her reservation.”

  Sebastian set his phone on the counter, took out his wallet, and handed over a card to the woman while he checked out my schedule, picked up the pen, and circled everything except the sessions scheduled to begin in a few hours. “Thank you very much, ma’am.”

  “Of course, sir.”

  Within five minutes, she checked us in, gave me a pair of key cards, and gave me directions to our room, which was located on the top floor of the resort. When I’d booked, I’d gotten every bell and whistle I could, taking advantage of a sale and rewarding myself for a rare change. If anyone looked into my affairs, nobody would suspect I’d be hunting bounties in the evenings and early mornings.

  Sebastian’s presence changed my plans, but with him working with me, we could probably bag several of the bounties in a few hours each. I wouldn’t ruin everything by booking in even more work.

  With the big bounty, I would have enough to begin living a normal life.

  On our way to the elevator, the lion chuckled. “I had intended on upgrading you as much as I could, but it looks like you’d upgraded yourself. I may have checked the spa’s offered packages on my phone, and I compared it to her printout. I had been prepared to spoil you, but I’m pleased you did a good job spoiling yourself.”

  “I haven’t taken an actual vacation since I became an adult, so I figured I’d mix work and play. But with you helping, the work won’t take long, not until it’s time to deal with the main problem. But I need this spa trip, Sebastian. I need it. And I need the money from those jobs.”

  “What are you planning on doing with the money you’ve earned? With your track record and my help, I am confident we’re going to catch the main bastard and get rid of him.”

  “A house. I will get a house. I’ll even allow you to live in my house. You can be my most prized servant. You’ll even be paid, although to acquire your payment, you’re going to have to work for it.” To make it clear I meant to lure him to bed and cruelly use him to make my virus happy, I leered at him.