Because You Want Me (Falling for You, Book One)

by Ava Claire

  Who is he? Xander Wade. Six foot, two inches of lean, powerful muscle. Sun kissed skin. A face that was just unfairly gorgeous. Angular features that were balanced out by the softest green eyes I’d ever seen. He had full lips that felt like heaven and hell pressed against mine. Heaven because he kissed me like he could kiss me a million times and still crave my taste...hell because we had only kissed a couple of times and already I was craving his taste. Craving the feel of all those muscles against my body...

  Luckily, when the blush set in, they took it as embarrassment instead of arousal and moved on to question 2.

  How did you two meet? Gulp. That was easy enough—we met at The Red Door Club, just when I’d gathered the guts to leave. I saw him standing in the door and my vagina thought, maybe I'll stick around for a few minutes. But the words that fell from my mouth had very little to do with the truth.

  Xander had a plan. As soon as we shook hands, he whipped out his phone and we mapped out the story of us. Who knew there was an app for creating a fake relationship?

  We met two weeks ago in a fender bender. While I was looking for my information, he noticed that I was a fan of Hozier and we realized we’d both happened to catch him at the Masonic back in April. We grabbed a coffee and the rest was history.

  Question three had everyone on the edge of their seats. What does he do for a living? My mother was practically clutching her rosary beads, praying something along the lines of, Please say pediatrician. Heck, I'll even take a veterinarian. It was clear that everyone was waiting for some catch and expected me to be as vague as possible. I told them that he was CEO of Wade Enterprises and worked in the financial district. My mother's exaggerated sigh of relief wasn't remotely amusing because I knew what her next comment would be.

  “Finally someone respectable with his own means!”

  Means enough to pay me twenty thousand dollars to be his girlfriend.

  It was a perfect segue into me needing to go to the bathroom.

  I sunk into the oversized armchair, fighting the urge to check the time. I didn't really want to know what time it was. No matter how long I'd been in here, I doubted anyone would notice until closing time. I was really checking to see if Xander had texted me—and just like the countless times I'd gone to my messages in vain, I knew the answer was no.

  He's a fake boyfriend, dummy.

  I could barely get my very real ex boyfriend to text me. I was always the one that reached out, the one who sent 'I miss you' and song lyrics. But something felt different with Xander.

  I wasn't completely naive, I could feel the desire radiating from him like some hypnotic cologne. Pulling me in, making me count all the ways our bodies could fit together. The sexual tension between us was palpable yet when he looked at me, he didn't ogle my breasts. He didn't leer—he took his time as those emerald eyes stroked their way up and down my body. When he really looked at me, looked into my eyes, it wasn't lust that I saw. I saw genuine interest. Like he wanted to get to know me, inside out.

  I crossed my ankles, looking at my phone sitting on the teakwood tabletop. Appetizers hadn't even been served, so the fun was just beginning. I wanted to text my best friend Thalia, but considering she got to see her family that lived back east once a year, I figured the last thing she wanted was to listen to me whine about wanting to escape mine.

  There was someone that got it, that understood what it was like to feel a rift so great that it seemed impossible to bridge. Someone that got my angst about my family. But I didn't know the rules of our arrangement—and there was a part of me that felt like I was already swimming in unchartered waters, and I wasn't a good swimmer. In fact, I kind of excelled at drowning.

  “...so that's when I told the idiot sales girl not to even bother if the shoes didn't have red bottoms.” Lara's signature lilt was an alarm bell going off, five seconds too late to avoid tragedy. There was no time to dash into a stall or fly to the window for a quick escape. The annoying guffaw that followed the tail end of her story of pretending that she was a queen and everyone else was at her beck and call had to be Janice. She was a bottle blonde, but she made up for it with a permanent ditzy grin that seemed glued to her face and a little chihuahua that she carried in her purse and called her 'baby'. Her little bundle of growling joy would have been attached to her hip now if my sister hadn't insisted on Janice finding a pet sitter for all wedding related functions.

  I swiped my phone and dumped it back inside my purse, hopping to my feet as I paused, hoping they were headed into the stalls to take care of business, but the chatter hung at the vanity.

  Makeup touch up. Just my luck.

  There was a floor length mirror perched on the wall beside me and I caught my reflection. I wore my usual school day uniform, an ordinary white blouse and black pants that skimmed down my legs, stopping at the ankle. They were the kind of pants that popped with stilettos, but I felt most comfortable in flats. My black, slightly scuffed flats with one of the bows hanging on by a few stitches and prayer were the closest thing I had to a security blanket. I'd pulled my brown strands into a side plait that surprisingly looked messy in a fashionable way.

  “Sticks and stones,” I murmured as I got it over with, walking toward them with my eye on the exit.

  Lara sprung in my path, lips splitting into a grin. Her nostrils flared like she got a whiff of a fresh opportunity to put me back in my place.

  “We were wondering where you ran off to.” Her voice didn't match her smile. Her tone told me she wouldn't shed a tear if I fell off the face of the earth. I saw Janice out the corner of my eye, sliding along the seam of the counter, crossing her arms with a truncated giggle, when she stopped beside us.

  “Yeah, we came in here to find you actually,” she grinned. “ To make sure everything came out okay.”

  I couldn't suppress my scowl. “Really? A #2 joke?”

  “Anyway,” Lara fanned the air, diffusing some invisible odor. “Everyone's dying to know more about your mystery man. Personally, I find it very interesting that he popped up at The Red Door Club and now, you're allegedly dating?”

  I found it interesting that Lara's husband was the lawyer but she felt like she had grounds to grill me like I was on the stand. “I'm gonna head back to the table.”

  She gave me a final, chilling glare, then stepped to the side to let me pass. I felt the fight flare in my cheeks and the familiar sting of tears. If it looked like a duck, quacked like a duck...did I really expect that all I had to do was regurgitate Xander's story, show them a couple of pictures we snapped, and they'd all grin and congratulate me?

  I paused in the hall, the same blow to the gut returning to me, knocking all the air from my lungs. They were all thinking, what's the catch? If they ever found out about the money, I'd never hear the end of it. Being paid to be someone's girlfriend was way more pathetic than being single.

  I was hiding again. Letting people that meant nothing determine my mood. I couldn't control the way they treated me, but I could control how I let it affect me.

  I raised my chin and vaulted myself forward, back into the lion's den. My parents had rented out the entire restaurant, even though there was less than ten of us in attendance: the bridesmaids, my mother, and my sister's future mother in law. My sister's husband to be, a J-crew cut out who worked in Silicon Valley, was from New Orleans, so she picked The Farmhouse. They were known for their southern fare and down to earth motif, but the wedding planner had turned the space into something worthy of a Michelin star restaurant. From white linen tablecloths to servers in tuxedos, the only thing about The Farmhouse that they left unmutilated was the sign above the front door.

  My sister and her gaggle of friends were sipping mimosas off to the side and I aimed for the table, my stomach grumbling hungrily.

  “I'd steer clear of the fried shrimp, Penelope.” My mother's voice was a whip that cracked, stopping my hand midair. Just to spite her, and because I was freaking starving, I picked one up with my fingers and chewed it long
and hard. I knew the look that would be waiting for me, so I took my time turning to face her. She had doll-like features, all perfectly aligned from her round blue eyes to her button nose, to her full cheeks paired with striking cheekbones. The ensemble was completed with bee stung lips. All those dainty, plastic features melted with a righteous fury as her eyes narrowed and her red lips dipped into a frown. It wasn't enough that I ignored her; from the moment I reached until my fingers brushed the shrimp, I was disrespecting her.

  Don't be fooled by the blush pink sheath dress and ivory cardigan, and the pearls around her neck. She was in army fatigues as she marched toward me. She hooked my arm, a flash of pain echoing from the point of contact and rushing up my bicep like wildfire. “Penelope Denise Robertson.” Her voice was at a lowered volume, even though she'd taken me for my court martial far from prying eyes. She'd pulled me down the hall that led to the kitchen, out of sight to minimize her degree of embarrassment. There was an insane and bitter part of me that smiled inwardly at the thought of coming clean about Xander and the money and picturing her friend’s reactions. The looks of horror would ripple down the line, and my mother’s social capital would dip a couple of points. For her, that was a fate worse than death.

  I wrenched my arm free, managing to keep my voice level despite the frustration screeching in my head. “I get that food is just a prop for you, but I'm hungry. And I'm going to eat, whether you guilt me about carbs or gym memberships or whatever you have saved up.”

  It was a miracle that I hadn't spent my teens and early adult years battling an eating disorder. I knew that her obsession with thinness said more about her than it did about me. Thinness was the one thing my genes gifted me that I had to do very little to maintain. It was her obsession with perfection that scarred me. A life filled with teaching me there was only one path to happiness: finding a wealthy man, and marrying him. If I toed the line, I'd be just fine. I'd be worthy.

  The minute I strayed from that path and chose a career with no glitz and glamour, I was shooting myself in the foot. I didn't choose teaching with an eye on my future mate. I chose teaching because I wanted to help kids. In my mother's eyes, that made me an idiot.

  “We were doing so well.” She clucked her tongue disapprovingly, eyes crestfallen. “You’re finally dating a nice boy-”

  “Marshall is a nice boy,” I fired back, not sure why I was defending an ex that turned out to be quite awful in the end.

  “Marshall Kellerman is a car salesman.” She crinkled her nose with disgust. The only reason his occupation was relevant to her was because she ascribed worth to status. Scott made a good living, but he didn't come from the Ivy League, manicured lawns and mansions that came prepackaged with status.

  The only good thing I could say about Marshall was that he worked hard to build his business, Kellerman Autos. Locations were scattered throughout the East Bay. Hard work meant very little to my mother. Last names and good social breeding did.

  My mother tucked her pale blonde hair behind her ears, her sign of a subject change. “I've been learning all there is to know about Xander Wade and let me just say that I'm so happy for you, Penelope.”

  “Can't wait for you to meet him!” I planted a smile on my face as I maneuvered past her, headed back toward the food. I gestured at the waiter who was standing near the pitcher of orange juice and the good stuff. Victoria finally noticed that there were other people in the room, flashing me one of the smiles she usually reserved for banquets held in her honor. She followed the road our parents dictated, and worked as a pediatrician for Stanford. The catch? I knew that in truth, she couldn't stand children.

  “Come over here Penny! We were just talking about you.”

  I kept my smile on and the apprehension at bay. My sister was wearing a similar getup as me, an ivory blouse with black slacks, but she looked anything but ordinary. She shone as brightly as the oversized rock on her finger.

  Since she was being nice to me, her circle of friends were suddenly my best buds, pulling out a chair and smiling warmly as I sat down. They leaned in like they were waiting for me to tell them a secret.

  My sister spoke first, her voice hushed and reverent. “Xander is freaking gorgeous.”

  A flash of pride cut through me as I sipped my mimosa warily. “Thank you?” It was a question, because with them, it was always best to ask before you made any assumptions.

  “It's absolutely a compliment.” She leaned over and awkwardly patted my arm before she retracted her touch. She beamed like she'd just done a public service by showing me kindness. “We were all just wondering—why was he at the club?”

  Almost as if some director had called action, Lara stepped into view. Red dress, black shoes, and a glittering, devious smile. Satan had arrived.

  “Strange, huh?” Lara piped. “The last place on earth that you'd expect to find someone that sexy. Let's face it, Xander Wade has no problems getting laid.”

  When laughter flitted across the group, my cheeks flared indignantly. “I'm not going to talk about my sex life.” Or lack of one. Or the fact that technically, we're not really dating.

  “Oh, you're finally interesting, Penny,” Victoria scoffed dismissively. “You've gotta give us something.”

  “Yeah, Penny,” Lara egged her on, her tone a singsong nightmare that made me want to crawl out of my skin. “Why else would he be with you? You must be amazing in bed.”

  “Fuck you.”

  The two words were a whisper in my head, words I often fantasized about saying to her. But from the way the room went quiet, all eyes turning to me, I knew I'd done more than just thought it this time.

  My throat ached and my hands were balled into fists.

  I'd yelled it.

  I blinked, emotion taking over as I looked into Lara's face, smug and victorious. I didn't waste anytime casting glances in my sister or mother's direction. I knew I’d find horror and anger burning as brightly as the embarrassment that turned my face red.

  I stormed out the front door, chest heaving as I fought dueling urges to vomit or sob.

  I forgot my jacket in the restaurant and I was far from one of those hardcore San Francisco natives that could rock short sleeves while the wind chilled to the bone. Going back in there was just not an option.

  I started walking, no destination in mind. I could BART back to Hayward, slinking back to my apartment and avoid all wedding festivities until Saturday. If I did that, I couldn't say that I was different anymore; that I wouldn't let them put me back in the bathroom stalls of Presidio Heights High, eating my lunch on the toilet because I was afraid.

  I couldn't, wouldn't run.

  Before I could talk myself out of it, I reached for my phone, scrolling down my contact list until I reached 'X'. A text was safe, but I wasn't in the mood to wonder if he got it. Even if I got his voicemail, just getting this toxic crap out of my system would help me regroup before I headed back to the hotel.

  It only rang once.

  “Hi gorgeous.”

  My face crumbled. “The lunch was awful and all I ate was a shrimp and all my mom cares about is the fact that you're a CEO, and Lara is going to dig and dig until she figures out that this isn't real-”

  “Can you come to my office? I'll text you the address.”

  My phone hummed against my cheek and I glanced at the screen, the address for Wade Enterprises flashing and disappearing, kind of like the pain that flooded my body. All he did was answer and text me and already, I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like it would be okay.

  “And just so we're clear, I know this...arrangement is complicated and we're still getting to know each other, but there's one thing I know for certain. The connection I felt when I saw your number light up my screen-” He paused, and I wondered what he was going to say before his pride or fears pulled him back from the edge. “It's real, Penny.”

  “I'll map it and see you in a few,” I blurted, keeping the warm and fuzzies at bay. I ended the call and stuffed my phone
back in my purse, leaning up against the side of the building.

  I thought no sex would make this less complicated, but there was something happening here that was even more dangerous.

  I was falling for him.

  Chapter Six: Xander

  My assistant looked at me like I'd lost my mind. It was a rare occurrence, when her tight, all business features went slack and I'd see beyond the assistant who ran a tight ship and kept my staff on their toes—and the fierce woman who kept me on mine.

  “You want me to clear your schedule for the rest of the day?”

  I dropped my cell on top of a stack of paperwork I needed to get through and raised my eye to her. “That's right. I can double up tomorrow-”

  “Oh, I have no doubt that you can handle the work, Xander. It's the why that concerns me.”

  She was the only one on my staff who addressed me by my first name...and she was the only one that called me on my BS when the scale tipped from 'driven' to 'tyrant'. She was an invaluable part of my team, a job position that I'd filled with leggy recent college graduates until I started mixing business with pleasure and writing checks to keep the peace when I had to let them go because of incompetence. A good lawyer could have argued abuse of power and at worst, sexual harassment. I got tired of non disclosure agreements and tense conversations with the legal department, so I decided to look outside the box. Mrs. Caitlyn Bridges took absolutely zero shit from anyone. The day of her interview she walked in, looked me square in the eye and told me that I might as well send the other applicants home, because I was going to offer her the job.

  At 5'2, fifty one years old, and a petite frame that she hid behind boxy pant suits, horn rimmed glasses and a glare that would make most men shy from her gaze, I was instantly intrigued by her confidence. She'd gotten a hold of my daily agenda and had meticulously gotten me from A to B with my sanity intact while allowing me to connect with my team, a vital piece that had been lacking.

  Five years and counting and she was more than just the executive assistant to the CEO. She was like a second mother to me. A confidante. I hadn't yet confided in her about Penny, though. I'd chalked it up to a busy morning, though I'd canceled all the meetings for the girlfriend interviews. That had earned me a raised brow from Caitlyn, but she didn't push. It wasn't her style to play detective, but she had no qualms about speaking up if she had concerns.