The Daredevil Desperados of Destiny

by Charlie Small

  Bob’s mum and dad never recovered. They became ill and went to an early grave, but as their coffins were lowered into the ground, Bob swore that he wouldn’t rest until he had got even with Horatio Ham.

  Young Bob wanted to stay with his friends in Trouble Town, but by now Ham had moved onto the Ffrance land and had control of the river. He threatened to cut off the water supply if anyone in Trouble Town helped the young Ffrance boy.

  Some of the townsfolk tried to hide Bob, but when Ham made his vicious cousin, Mad Mickey McKay, the marshal of Trouble County, Bob knew he couldn’t put his friends’ lives at risk any more. One night he slipped out of his hiding place, and in an act of bravado, stole the marshal’s horse and rode silently out of town.

  ‘From then on,’ said Bob, rolling out a blanket and throwing another over to me, ‘I was an outlaw, wanted as a horse thief; anything I needed, I had to beg or borrow from the kind folk of Trouble, or steal from Horatio Ham and his cohorts.’

  ‘But how did you survive; where did you grow up?’ I asked.

  ‘Oh, that’s a long story, boy,’ smiled Bob. ‘Sometimes I lived on my own, sometimes with the Rapakwar Indians. They’re good people and have as much cause to hate Horatio Ham as I have. He had a gang of hired gunfighters run them off their hunting grounds. Now they live way beyond the valley, waiting for the time when they can return home. Same as me. They taught me how to track and hunt and survive out in the open, as well as when to fight and when to run.’

  ‘And where do you live now?’

  ‘I live with a few others who have also been made outlaws by Horatio Ham, in a very secret hideout, and tomorrow I’ll take you there. First we will have to get you a good, strong steed and that means going to Trouble; but all that can wait until morning.’ With that, Wild Bob Ffrance pulled the blanket up under his chin and within a few seconds was snoring gently in sleep.

  I wish I could get to sleep as easily, but my head is full of cowboys and bandits, Indian braves and no-good varmints, so I’ve taken out my journal again. Will I find trouble in Trouble? Will I meet the horrible Horatio Ham and his cousin, Marshal Mad Mickey McKay and, if we get there, will Wild Bob Ffrance’s gang of Desperados welcome me into their camp?

  All of a sudden, I felt further from home than ever, lying out under the vast night sky with just a snoring stranger for company, so I decided to give my mum a ring. I knew exactly what she would say; it was ages ago that a great bolt of lightning had hit my little raft and I had been swept down a mysterious tunnel into a vast jungle, but somehow for Mum it remains the very same day I started my adventures. Although she says the same thing every time I call her, the sound of her voice always makes me feel better. I picked up my mobile and called the number.

  ‘Charlie? Is that you?’ said Mum. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘Yes, Mum. I’m camping out with a notorious outlaw in the middle of the Wild West!’

  ‘Sounds wonderful, dear,’ she replied. ‘Oh, wait a minute, Charlie. Here’s your dad just come in. Now remember, don’t be late for tea, and if you’re passing the shops on the way back, please pick up a pint of milk. Bye.’

  ‘Mum?’ I called. But she had already hung up. Oh well, at least I know she’s not worrying about me, even if I have been gone for years and years!

  Now I’ve brought my journal up to date, I must get some sleep. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? I’ll write more just as soon as I can. Goodnight, partners!

  We woke up early the following morning and after a quick cup of hot, bitter coffee, were ready to go. Wild Bob Ffrance led his horse into the clearing from where it had been tethered to a tree for the night. Although Bob was dusty and greasy, and his clothes were all tattered and torn, Fortune, his magnificent black stallion, gleamed like a piece of jet. Bob put a dirty boot into a shining stirrup, swung a leg over the stallion’s back and then leaned over and lifted me up onto the saddle behind him.

  ‘Let’s go and get you a horse,’ he said, and nudged Fortune into an easy trot.

  We rode across the wide expanse of a dry and dusty valley. This valley, according to Wild Bob, had once been a fertile place full of trees and long grasses. Then Horatio Ham had dammed the river that fed it and now the whole area had become a dust bowl. The watering holes had long dried up; great cracks ran across the parched ground and bare tree stumps stood where lush and leafy glades had once grown. Again another poor farmer had been forced off his land.

  ‘It’s like that all over the state,’ said Wild Bob. ‘Everywhere you go, Horatio Ham is taking over. But he’ll get what’s comin’ to him. It ain’t for nothin’ that we’ve become known as the Daredevil Desperados of Destiny.’ And Bob patted one of the six-guns that hung from his belt.

  Eventually we came to a high escarpment and looked down on a bustling town of clapboard houses, shops and inns.

  ‘That’s Trouble for you,’ said Bob. ‘I think we’ll go in the back way. Most of the townsfolk are friendly – they hate Ham as much as I do – but he’s got spies everywhere. We don’t want to bump into one of them before we have to.’ And he urged his horse forward, taking a rough track that led behind the buildings that lined Trouble’s Main Street.

  We stopped at a large pen fenced with rough poles. It was called a corral and held about twenty beautiful horses. On one side of the pen was a large wooden stable. Wild Bob dismounted and tethered his horse.

  ‘Come on, Kid,’ he said, and I jumped down and followed him as he quietly entered the stableblock through a back door. Bob crept noiselessly towards the front of the stables where large, double doors were open on to the main street. Here a small, stocky man was grooming a very small and stocky pony, whistling to himself.

  There was a slight click as Bob cocked his gun.

  ‘Don’t you know any other tunes, you no-good varmint?’ he asked from the shadows, and the groom froze with one hand on the pony’s back. He slowly turned to face us and I don’t know how he did it, but a gun had appeared in his hand, its dull sheen glinting in the subdued light.

  ‘Come out of the shadows,’ he ordered. ‘Come out real slow, or I’ll blow you to kingdom come.’

  No, I thought. This can’t be happening. I had only been in town a couple of minutes and I was already involved in a gunfight!

  ‘Don’t,’ I started to say, but Bob stepped out of the shadows, his gun still raised, and said, ‘Not bad for an old-timer!’

  The man stared into the gloom. ‘Well, well, well,’ he said with a sly smile. ‘If it ain’t Wild Bob Ffrance, Daredevil Desperado and arch enemy of Trouble’s noble benefactor, the honourable Horatio Ham.’ And with that, he span his gun back into his holster and smiled. ‘Where’ve you been the last few months, Bob?’ And the two men stepped forward and embraced each other in a big bear-like hug. ‘We thought maybe you’d been taken!’

  ‘Wild Bob, taken by that lump of lard, Ham? That’ll be the day!’ said Bob with a wide grin on his face. ‘It’s good to see you, Cody,’ he continued. ‘I need a mount for my young partner here, the Lariat Kid.’

  I blushed at my new nickname, feeling slightly foolish, but I have to admit it made me feel pretty good too!

  ‘No problem, you know that, Bob,’ replied Cody. He was a bony, white-haired old man, with a chin full of wiry whiskers and a mouth that contained just three teeth. ‘Everyone in this godforsaken town is behind you. Just take your pick; we’ve got some real good stock out back.’

  ‘Yeah, I saw them,’ said Bob. ‘But what about the one you’re sprucing up right now, Cody? He looks about the right size.’

  Cody’s whiskery jaw dropped. ‘Oh boy, that would be beautiful,’ he chuckled. ‘This here pony is a birthday present from Ham to his son, and they’re due in town any minute to pick it up!’

  ‘Couldn’t be sweeter,’ said Bob, laughing.

  ‘You’ll have to tie me up, though, Bob. Make it look like a robbery, or Ham will have my guts for braces.’

  ‘No problem,’ Bob agreed, then turning to me, he
said, ‘Say hello to your new best friend, Kid. What’s her name, Cody?’

  ‘Freecloud,’ he answered. ‘She’s called Freecloud.’

  She was certainly a beautiful pony, quiet and strong and a wonderful caramel colour, but she was also very small. She wasn’t much bigger than a Shetland pony!

  ‘She’s a bit small, isn’t she?’ I said. ‘I don’t want to look daft!’ And Freecloud snorted and looked at me as if to say, daft am I? We’ll soon see about that!

  ‘She’s small but she’s mighty fast,’ said Cody.

  ‘Take it from a man who knows horses,’ Wild Bob said. ‘If she wasn’t a bit special, there’s no way that Ham would buy her for his son.’

  But there were other things bothering me about my new ‘gift’.

  1) I didn’t know how to ride a horse.

  Mechanical rhinos yes, horses no!

  2) Freecloud wasn’t Cody’s horse to give away. Did I really want to annoy Horatio Ham, nasty land-grabbing tyrant or not, before I’d even met him?

  Wild Bob must have guessed what I was thinking. ‘Don’t worry what Ham will think, Kid,’ he said. ‘You’re in trouble just knowing me, and it’s the duty of every Desperado to annoy, incense, railroad and disrupt Horatio Ham’s existence in any and every way possible. You are on our side, aren’t you, Kid?’

  I didn’t really have any choice, did I?

  ‘Yeah, sure.’ I sighed. ‘Freecloud it is!’

  After Cody had saddled Freecloud, Wild Bob tied and gagged the old-timer to make it look as if there had been a robbery. Then he brought Fortune through to the front of the store and mounted him. I watched very closely, but it looked simple enough. So, copying Wild Bob, I put my foot in a stirrup, pulled myself up with the saddle and swung my free leg over Freecloud’s back.

  Yikes, I thought, Freecloud’s head has come off! But as I leaned forward and cautiously looked down, I saw her tail, swishing patiently from side to side. How embarrassing, I had mounted my horse the wrong way round and ended up facing her bottom!

  ‘Wumpf mff!’ I could hear Cody sniggering from behind his gag, and I felt my face blush.

  ‘C’mon, Kid,’ said Bob sternly. ‘This is no time to mess around.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, and I slipped down from Freecloud and remounted – again facing her bottom. How was that? I’m sure I did everything right.

  ‘Wumpf mff munm!’

  ‘All right, so I don’t know how to ride a horse,’ I cried. ‘It’s not that funny. We don’t ride horses where I come from!’

  ‘Did you hear that, Cody?’ gasped Bob in astonishment. Cody’s bony shoulders were shaking with laughter and tears were running down his face, and that got Wild Bob laughing too. ‘What do you ride where you come from, then?’ he sniggered.

  ‘Rhinos mainly,’ I said nonchalantly, remembering my long trek across the jungle plain on the back of Jakeman’s marvellous mechanical rhino. ‘I know how to ride rhinos!’

  ‘What’s a rhino when it’s at home? Some special sort of horse that walks backwards?’ said Bob. ‘Oh, never mind. Let’s get going; you’ll just have to pick it up as you go along. So long, Cody, and thanks for all your help.’ And he gave Fortune a nudge with his heels and moved off down the street.

  Still blushing, I tried to swivel around in my saddle, but before I could, Freecloud had jogged out of the barn after Fortune. I leaned forward, flattening myself against Freecloud’s back and stretched my arms as far around her fat tummy as they would go.

  ‘Stop, Freecloud. STOP!’ I begged, holding on for dear life.

  All of a sudden, and I’m sure out of sheer vindictiveness, Freecloud broke into a fast trot.

  ‘Help!’ I yelled as I passed Wild Bob, still facing the wrong way. ‘I don’t know how to stop. Ooof, ooof, ooof, ooof!’ I bounced wildly up and down on Freecloud’s back, as if I was riding a bike down a steep flight of steps.

  Now the townsfolk had started gathering around to join in the fun, pointing and laughing.

  ‘Look,’ someone cried. ‘The circus has come to town!’ This was so embarrassing; to think that I had once wrestled a giant river crocodile and now I was being made a fool of by a preposterous mini-pony with attitude! Oh, if only I had one of Jakeman’s marvellous inventions to ride instead.

  During my many adventures, one of Jakeman’s inventions has always turned up, just in the nick of time. I don’t know why and I don’t even know who Jakeman is, but his magnificent mechanical rhino, his jet-powered swordfish and his super submawhale had helped me out of some very sticky situations. Why couldn’t I have found a Jakeman’s automated horse to ride – something that would do as it was told!

  (Here is my idea of what a Jakeman’s horse might look like!)

  All of a sudden, Wild Bob was beside me. He grabbed Freecloud’s reins and pulled us to a stop. Immediately, Freecloud kicked up her hind legs and I went sailing over her head, landing with a thump on the ground. The crowd roared with delight.

  ‘Don’t worry, Kid,’ said Wild Bob with a grin. ‘You’ve got to show her who’s boss.’ And at that moment Freecloud tossed her head, snorted, and looked me straight in the eye defiantly.

  ‘Now try mounting her using your other foot,’ Bob suggested. And do you know what – it worked! I found myself perched on Freecloud’s back and pointing in the right direction.

  ‘Brilliant!’ I cried. ‘Now, how do you steer and how do you stop?’

  ‘Just pull on the reins,’ said Bob. ‘Left to go left; right to go right, and both together to stop. It’s easy.’ But as Freecloud tossed her head and stamped her hooves, I wasn’t so sure that was true!

  ‘Hadn’t we better get going, before Horatio Ham finds out what we’ve done?’ I asked. I really didn’t want to bump into him while sitting on his son’s new pony.

  ‘All in good time, Kid. I need to get some supplies first,’ said Bob with a grin. ‘Anyway, Ham will already know all about us. He’s got spies everywhere. So we may as well stick around and have some fun!’

  Fun? What sort of fun? I didn’t like the sound of this. I just wanted to get out of Trouble and ride far away – but it seemed Bob was determined to hang around until Ham showed up.

  What on earth was going to happen then?

  We carried on down Main Street, my eyes nervously scanning the crowds for someone who might possibly be Horatio Ham. But everyone appeared to know Wild Bob and was very friendly.

  At the general store, Bob stopped and dismounted. ‘We need some supplies,’ he said. ‘Come and lend a hand.’ I pulled on the reins to stop Freecloud, but she tossed her head and took no notice. Much to everyone’s amusement, I continued on down the road. Not again!

  I pulled and pulled, but still nothing happened. Where’s a brake handle when you need one? I heard Bob tut as he loped down the street after me and took the reins.

  ‘You’re really showing her who’s boss,’ he said with his silly grin as he led me back to the storefront.

  As we entered the shop door, I caught a glimpse of a suspicious and scruffy-looking cowboy from the corner of my eye. He was sneaking hurriedly off towards the large saloon that stood on the far side of a square at the end of the street.

  ‘Bob …’ I started to say, but without even looking around, Bob smiled and said, ‘I know.’

  Inside the dark shop, the owner greeted Wild Bob as a friend. Bob picked up a large sack of flour and a brand-new lasso, which he handed to me. ‘A brand-new lariat for the Lariat Kid,’ he smiled, and went to the counter to pay; but the shopkeeper refused to take his money.

  ‘No way, Bob,’ he said. ‘You’re a true friend to this town and we admire what you’re doing against Ham. You’ve heard the latest, have you?’

  ‘What might that be?’ asked Bob, putting the fold of notes back in his pocket.

  ‘Horatio Ham has made himself President of Trouble Bank,’ said the shopkeeper. ‘Now he won’t let us have our savings. He’s got big plans for the town, says he. He needs the money more than we do,
says he. It ain’t fair! He’s already built himself a brand-new ranch house. It’s like a palace – indoor thunderbox and everything!’

  ‘Is that so?’ said Bob, going very quiet. ‘Well, we’ll have to see what we can do about that, won’t we?’

  ‘Good old Bob,’ said the man, smiling widely behind his huge moustache. ‘I knew we could depend on you.’

  ‘So you can, friend,’ said Bob. ‘But first I have to get this stuff back to camp.’ With that, Bob swung the bag of goods onto his shoulder and we walked out into the sunshine … and straight into a welcoming party of men, bristling with rifles.

  ‘Good morning, Wild Bob Ffrance,’ said a deep, gravelly voice from the centre of the group, and I knew who it was straight away: Horatio Ham. He was very tall and rather fat, with a fancy waistcoat stretched across his big, barrel-shaped belly. His eyes were tiny black slits that peered from the deep folds of his chubby cheeks, and he was staring at us with an arrogant sneer. He looked a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

  ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friend?’ Ham asked, and with every movement he made, little waves of flesh rippled across the greasy expanse of his face. ‘I do so hate to arrest someone I haven’t been introduced to!’

  ‘Well, if it isn’t the honourable Horatio Ham,’ Bob replied, ignoring his question. ‘I thought I might bump into you. Out for a walk with your bunch of bully boys?’

  ‘I came to pick up a birthday present for my boy, Silas,’ said Ham, and I noticed a large and bulky boy of about my own age, sticking his tongue out at me from behind his father’s coat tails. ‘I chose a nice little pony for him, but when I got to the stables, I was told that someone had already taken it. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you, Ffrance?’