Imperfectly Bad

by A. E. Woodward

  As if sensing my gaze she lifted her eyes to meet mine and I smiled and winked at her before launching myself backwards from the table. Without any problem, I flipped over and landed on my feet, right in front of her. If I were being honest, I was damn lucky I hadn’t kicked her in the head. I was that close.

  “You’re awesome,” she cooed, batting her eyelashes.

  Oh yeah, this was going to be easy.

  With the confidence that can only come with knowing you’re onto a sure thing, I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her into me.

  “I know, but they actually just call me Rob.”

  Warm brown eyes looked up at me with puppy dog adoration. Why, I’m not really sure. You’d think girls would know by now what type of guy I was. But no, they just kept coming back for more. So many girls nowadays have daddy issues, and I certainly wasn’t above taking full advantage of them.

  “What’s your name?” I finally asked.

  “I’m Amber.”

  Aha, I was close!

  “So, Amber, what do you say you and I go be awesome, together, in my bedroom?”

  The red flush that colored her cheeks had me questioning how red her ass would get if I spanked her. Despite what they might say, I’d yet to meet a woman who didn’t purr like a kitten at the hands of my… well, hands. Every second fucker these days thought he was some kind of dominant, just because he could crack an ass.

  But me…

  I’d been doing that shit for years—well before it became popular. It was just the way I dealt with shit. Sex—no, fucking—in all of its adaptations, was how I worked through things. My very own version of therapy. There were times, as few and far between as they may be, when I did question my morals. But then I’d remember why I did it, and regularly scheduled programming returned.

  No more feelings, just sex.

  “Yeah.” She leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Just let me just go tell my friends they’ll have to go home without me.”

  She turned to go, but I pulled her back to me. “You can always invite them too? I’m an equal opportunity lover.”

  She slapped my chest playfully. “You’re so bad,” she cooed before slipping her hand into mine and pulling us through the crowd in search of her friends. Although I made no attempts to pull my hand loose, I cringed at the intimate touch. Handholding wasn’t something I liked to do. Same as kissing.

  Stop being such a pussy, Rob.

  “Tell me something I don’t know, sweetheart.”

  By midweek, I was in an apartment in the midst of one of the hottest moments of my life, and I wasn’t entirely sure how I’d gotten there.

  Yes, I was that drunk.

  Not that it mattered because I had two hot girls pawing over me. One was blonde, the other a brunette. Both of them equally hot, with bodies to match.

  Perched on the couch, my head was spinning, clouded by the amount of liquor that I had managed to drink in the last twenty-four hours. Once I was on one of my famous Robbie Boy benders, nothing could stop me.

  Rolling the glass tumbler between my fingers, I felt the cool beads of condensation on my skin before lifting it to my lips. The scotch coated my lips as I watched the two girls kiss in front of me. Completely numb to the world around me, I just sat and stared. Two hotties tonguing each other in front of me should have been more exciting than it was.

  But I’d done this before. A threesome was nothing out of the ordinary for me. Sure I didn’t do them every day, and they were more of a rarity than my normal escapades but I still felt unmoved. Blonde girl’s eyes opened and she cast a sultry stare in my direction as she dipped a hand into the brunette’s pants, and she threw her head back in ecstasy. Leaning back in my chair while the blonde used her talented fingers on her friend I finally felt my dick jump in my pants.

  Thank God! I was starting to worry about myself.

  It had been a two horse race for long enough and, setting my drink on the coffee table, I stood to join them. One of the benefits of experience was knowing when to inject yourself into proceedings, so I slid behind the brunette and pressed my lips to her already sweat-laden neck. Her body writhed against the blonde’s fingers while I snaked a hand under her shirt and grabbed her breast. Her back arched and she moaned softly when the blonde added her mouth, kissing her again. Such was my focus on the scene in front of me that I jumped when I felt a hand reach down my pants, deft fingers wrapping themselves around my dick. As the brunette began long, slow strokes up and down my cock, the blonde lifted her gaze and gave me a devilish grin.

  “Fuck,” I hissed, slamming my mouth against her neck and pushing them both to the couch. Knowing they were both so willing to please me had me losing the last of my control. Two pairs of hungry eyes watched my every move as I stripped off my clothes, demanding they do the same. They giggled and didn’t hesitate to obey.

  Barely concealed excitement built deep within me as I watched the two girls lie down on the couch together. Just watching the blonde grind against the brunette while they kissed and I was about to explode. Unable to wait any longer, I dug my fingers into the flesh of Blondie’s hips, pulling her back against my cock and taking her roughly from behind. The direct approach was always the best one, and my animalistic actions had her moaning while continuing to work on the brunette with her tongue.

  We spent the next hour in various positions. Part of me wishes I could have bored you with all the gory details, but I honestly couldn’t even remember them all myself. There would be moments of blackness and then I’d regain consciousness and go about my business. It was fun and hot, but once it ended the awkwardness crept in and I couldn’t get my pants on quick enough.

  “Where’s the fire?” asked the brunette as she lay naked on the couch, a lit cigarette between her full lips.

  “There is none, that’s the problem.”

  On long, graceful legs that had looked fuckin’ awesome wrapped around my waist, the blonde stood up, her gorgeous tits bouncing with every move. She draped her arms around my neck, pulling me close and going in for a kiss but I turned my face in just the nick of time and her lips landed on my cheek instead.

  “My fire’s been put out, and that’s my cue to leave,” I added.

  I moved away from her and grabbed my shirt, throwing it over my head without a second thought.

  “That’s too bad,” said the blonde, twirling a lock of her hair between her fingers and turning back to join the brunette on the couch. “I guess we’ll have to go round two without you.” In a move that was almost as brazen as one I might have pulled myself she licked the brunette’s neck and began running her hands over her body.

  Groaning, I rolled my eyes. Sure, these girls had been fun, but they were a bit much. “Overbearing” and “desperate” were two adjectives that came to mind.

  “I don’t do repeats,” I said as I grabbed my suit jacket from a chair. The rejection must have stung somewhat because I heard one of them call me a dick just before I left but I didn’t give a shit.

  I have one, therefore I am one.

  Unsure of who had just used whom, my skin crawled and I felt dirty as fuck as my feet hit the sidewalk. I had a feeling that, for once, I’d been the pawn, but with the booze still strong in my blood I really couldn’t find the strength to muster any sort of emotional response. I was dead to feelings, and I thanked God for it everyday.

  Sucking in fresh air, I hopped that it would sober me a bit. Only it didn’t. I scrubbed my face with my hand before lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag.

  Pulling out my cell phone and with a few taps of my finger, brought up the internet and did a quick search, the light illuminating my face.

  No hits… again.

  I didn’t know why I still bothered. It was obvious that it was a lost cause.

  Annoyed at myself for caving yet again, I brought up my contacts list and scrolled through until I landed on Emma’s number and sighed. I missed her. With her having Felix, and being knocked up again, I didn’t get
to spend as much time with her as I’d like. I shot her a text arranging for us to meet up for coffee sometime soon. She had been the only one to really keep my nose to the grindstone the last few years, and the more distanced we became, the further I fell into the abyss of booze and loose women.

  “But seriously, I just don’t understand it.”

  I set my beer on the coffee table and took the seat across from Shane and Emma, who were perched on the appropriately named love seat. Tyler sat next to me, a bottle of beer perched on his knee.

  “Understand what exactly, Rob?” Emma asked, even though she was more preoccupied with picking at the label of her water bottle.

  This was going nowhere fast. Time to change the subject, and Emma’s picking was the perfect distraction.

  “Jesus, Shane,” I teased. “Look at her rip that label off! Lay the girl already, would ya?!”

  Shane glared at me, shaking his head. “She’s far from sexually frustrated, Rob. Trust me.”

  We all looked to Emma, who’d finally stopped playing with the label and lifted her head to look at us. “What?” she asked, feigning ignorance, but she knew damn well what I was referring to—the age-old adage of the hidden meaning behind picking at labels. I waggled my eyebrow at her and she smiled, knowing her ruse was up.

  “Whatever. I’m super hormonal! And I can’t keep my hands to myself.” Before I could make another comment, she pointed a finger in my direction, stopping me in my tracks. “Just keep your mouth shut, Rob, or I will cut you.”

  Throwing my hands up in surrender, my body shook with laughter. “Easy, Flipper,” Tyler said in between chuckles. “And quit changing the subject, Rob! We were talking about you, and your fear of commitment.”

  “It’s not a fear,” I argued.

  Emma rolled her eyes. “Okay, so your lack of understanding about relationships and their purpose.”

  I sighed. “Can’t we just have a Dance Party instead? It is Friday after all.”

  “Nice try, but no, not until we finish talking like normal people. Like friends do.”

  “God,” I groaned. “You are such a girl.”

  “Good job, genius!” She clapped, like the total douche she could be. “And it only took you fourteen years to figure it out. Now, what is it you don’t understand?”

  Damn Emma Slo—Strout. Whatever her name was. Even after all these years, she was the only girl who could get under my skin, put me in my place, and make my tail go between my legs. I looked to Shane, hoping for a little help, but he just shrugged his shoulders. He was all too familiar with her “no bullshit” attitude.

  “You’re so mean, Em,” I whined before taking a long haul off my beer.

  “No, I just don’t tolerate your bull—” She paused, looking around the room for Felix. Realizing he was nowhere in sight, a small smirk filled her face. “Shit,” she finished, giggling. “God, that felt good.”

  Safe to say I had met my match. Time to throw up the white flag and admit defeat because there was no way Emma would let it drop. I was still unsure how I had become the one under attack. We’d started out discussing Tyler, and his current relationship limbo with Elizabeth.

  “Fine!” I said. “So as I was saying, the whole relationship thing, I don’t get it. Period. I mean look at you guys, you’re disgusting.” I gestured down to Emma and Shane’s intertwined hands.

  “It’s called affection, you should try it. It’s all the rage with human beings.”

  I scoffed at her. “Hardly.”

  Tyler finally piped up. “C’mon Rob, you’ve got to grow tired of it all.”

  “Tired of what? The regular sex with beautiful women? Of never having any expectations? Or having to worry about hurting feelings, or getting yourself hurt? Am I tired of being drama free? I hate to break it to you guys, but I’m about as far from tired of it as you can get.”

  I stopped and chugged down the remainder of my beer.

  “You all can have your intimacy and disgusting Public Displays of Affection, all while chasing after your happily ever afters, but I’ll be right here, holding down the fort. Just being awesome. And bad. Always bad.”

  Emma threw her now empty water bottle at me. “Ugh, you’re a moron. And a pig. But mostly just a pig.”

  “Oink oink, baby.” I blew her a kiss.

  I was just getting ready to razz them all some more about the downfalls of relationships when Felix came tearing around the corner in his PJs. “Unc Ty! Unc Wob!” He stopped and smiled a smile cut from the same mold as Shane. “We play Candyland?”

  We all stared at him, big goofy smiles on our faces. The kid was hella cute, and we all loved him like crazy. He had been the best thing to happen to us since we’d all found each other in the first place.

  “Of course, monkey.”

  I motioned for him to come and sit with me. He climbed up into my lap, throwing the game box on the table once he was settled. I playfully peeked into his ears and he giggled in response. “Candyland? You got any gumdrops hidden in there?”

  He squealed in delight, laughter coming from deep in his belly. “No, Unc Wob. No candy in ma eahs!”

  Listening to him laugh I knew without a doubt that I understood what Em had been saying. Deep down I got it, I just didn’t want to admit it. There was a positive side to relationships. There was a reason to find a soul mate, to fight for love and battle through the ups and downs. And that reason was sitting in my lap.

  2 months later…

  I slammed on the nightstand in hopes of silencing the godforsaken noise. The room shifted as I moved my head in search of the stupid button. The blurriness subsided as my eyes came to rest on the alarm clock and I blindly hit at the top, figuring if I hit all the buttons surely it would eventually shut up.

  What felt like an hour later, I made contact and was rewarded with complete silence. One thing was for sure, I needed some Advil, stat. I twisted in my sheets, looking to my left and my mood immediately deflated at what I saw.

  I’d brought home some broad last night, again, and she was still in my bed. Looks like I’d gotten a little too lonely again. For some reason I just couldn’t stand to go to bed alone. Sure, there were nights that I did, but those were few and far between lately.

  God, Rob, you’re such a motherfuckin’ idiot.

  When was I going to learn that I couldn’t just sleep away my issues?

  But for some reason, I never learned. And every opportunity that presented itself, I took, fucking things up as I went along. To say I was notorious for my bad decision making would be a vast understatement. As these thoughts ran through my head, I tried not to think about my latest mess up, just a few short months previously. It was a fuck up of epic proportions and I didn’t think it was something I’d ever truly forgive myself for.

  Sitting up, I immediately knew that Tyler would be pissed if I left this one behind like I had the last few conquests. I laughed to myself thinking about him finding an endless string of random chicks in the apartment. This was not an uncommon occurrence and I would have loved to have seen his face when he came downstairs the other week to find my latest conquest sitting on the couch, watching TV like she owned the place. He’d bitched me out over that one, going on and on about how he didn’t need to relive his own whoredom by inheriting mine. Despite the jovial attitude, he’d been deadly serious, and so I knew I had to get rid of her. And fast.

  Moving as slowly and as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake her, I carefully got out of bed. She’d have to get out soon enough but not quite yet—I needed a shower before I took out the trash so to speak. Tiptoeing down the hallway to the bathroom, I squeezed the door shut behind me and it groaned in protest. I cringed, cursing the old building.

  Although not quite up to my usual standards, I couldn’t deny that the place was the perfect bachelor pad, but for whatever reason it still didn’t quite feel like home. Sure, it had plenty of charm to make up for the downgrade from the condo, but I missed that place.

  When Emma a
nd Shane decided it was time for them to move on, and move out, it hadn’t left Tyler and I with a whole lot of options. Staying in the condo wasn’t feasible because of the mortgage. Bottom line, the fucker was too damned proud to let me pay more than half and so we couldn’t afford to stay. Moving wasn’t ideal but continuing to live with Tyler was of the utmost importance to me, so I sucked it up. This place had been the best thing we were able to find in his price range..

  I fidgeted with the faucet before the pipes clicked on and I hopped into the shower. Taking the soap in my hand and lathering up, I scrubbed the filth off me the best I could, while trying to remember exactly where I’d picked this last chick up.

  The previous night, like so many others before, was pretty much a blur, filled with holes. “Swiss cheese memory” I liked to call it.

  I started with what I did know. I’d met Tyler at the sports pub for wings and beer. After dinner he’d left, saying something about a date with Elizabeth. I made fun of him for not tapping that ass… again. Apparently they were still taking it slow, giving their relationship a chance to grow instead of relying on the physical side of things like they initially had. Idiotic if you asked me. What was the point of a relationship if you couldn’t get laid?

  Anyhow, after he left I remember wallowing a bit and then…

  Well, obviously I knew what transpired sometime after he left because the remnants of that bad decision were still in my bed.

  I groaned and slammed my head against the wall. There were times that I hated myself and this was definitely one of those times. But I refused to let it get to me. Keep on keeping on, that was what I did. I did what I wanted, and never looked back.

  Once I finished my shower and dressed—thank God my closet was in the hallway—I headed back into my room with my cup of freshly brewed coffee. Her naked body was now sprawled across the top of my sheets and I admired her ass for a second. I had to hand it to her, the girl looked good, and I was glad to know I still had it. I placed my foot on top of the mattress and pushed it down harshly. The mattress quivered, causing her whole body to shake. Her ass jiggled, and it made me smile.