Imperfectly Bad

by A. E. Woodward

  As my hand started throbbing I looked down at my watch. I still had a while before I had to report to court, but being here with her wasn’t doing me any good. I needed to get out of there.

  “Obviously, I can’t do this right now,” I muttered as I turned away from her. What I really needed was a hospital, but it would have to wait. I didn’t have time to sit in an Emergency Room.

  “This isn’t over, Jenny. I’ve gotta go to work, but mark my words, I will be back to finish this conversation.”

  “Off to your big fancy job,” she seethed. “Must be nice. I’m glad at least one of us was able to make something of themselves.”

  It was the ultimate dig. She’d always been spiteful about my privileged living and I wanted to start yelling at her again, but I didn’t. Pushing everything I was feeling aside, I pulled at my hair and walked away. Every nerve ending in my body told me to turn back around, but I fought against it. Fuckin’ Jenny Jenkins could get to me like no other. Seeing her again had brought back so many deep-seated feelings that I couldn’t even begin to process them all at once. The guy I used to be was trying to claw himself free from someplace deep within me but I couldn’t go there.

  It might be hard to believe, but at one point in my life I’d been a good guy—even though it was a struggle to think that far back. Besides, I tried not to remember what I was like before her. A problem, I know, but when she vanished I reinvented myself, became a new person. The person I was now, not the person I wanted to be.

  Unable to cope with the pain of losing her, I decided to start afresh and turn all the raw emotions off—to just focus on living life, and having fun. There was too much bad shit in the world to get caught up in it and I refused to feel pain.

  Sufficed to say I’d become emotionally detached, and it had served me well.

  Until now.

  Seeing her there had brought back an internal struggle that I didn’t want to deal with. Obviously, considering my past decisions and all, I didn’t handle stress well. So I dealt with it the best way I knew how. I pulled out my cell phone and called Tyler. He picked up after a few rings.

  “Yeah.”

  “Ty, I don’t care what you have planned tonight. Guy Code. You and I are going out. I’m going hunting.”

  The glass crashed against the bar as I pounded my shot and used my other hand to motion for the bartender to bring me another. Tyler sat hopelessly next to me, his eyes scrunched together in confusion.

  “Mind telling me what’s going on here?” he asked. “Because I have a feeling Robbie Boy is about to make an appearance, and I’m not so sure I’m equipped to handle that on a Monday night. And while you’re at it, what the hell happened to your hand?”

  “Ah, put your big girl panties on, Tyler,” I slurred. He was right though. Robbie Boy was well on his way to a magical return.

  “Goddamn it. I’m calling Shane.”

  Tyler reached in his pocket and started dialing but I reached across to slap the phone out of his hands, sending it crashing to the floor, next to the bar. Shooting me a filthy look he bent over and picked it up, quickly examining it for any damage.

  “Jesus, Rob, you’re a mess. I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

  I rolled my eyes. After all the crap I had to watch when he was going through his “thing” with Elizabeth, he most definitely deserved this.

  “That’s bullshit, Tyler,” I spat. “You definitely signed up for this. In fact, go ahead and call Shane. He should be putting his time in too. I spent the majority of my adult life listening to you two bitch and moan, and now it’s my fucking turn.”

  “But you’re not bitching,” Tyler argued. “You’re just drinking!”

  “That’s how I roll.”

  In true dramatic fashion, Tyler threw his head forward and pounded it against the top of the bar.

  “Don’t be such a drama queen,” I said, looking over his head to see where the bartender was with my shot. Surely it didn’t take this long to pour a fuckin’ drink.

  “What the hell happened to you today, Rob?” he asked, his voice muffled because he hadn’t bothered to lift his head from the bar.

  The bartender chose this moment to return. He’d barely set it in front of me when my hand darted out and I sucked the burning liquid down before slapping Tyler on the shoulder in order to gain his attention. He picked up his head and watched as I slowly rolled up the sleeve of my shirt.

  There are times in your life when you know words won’t suffice. Some of those times it was because you’re too shitfaced to speak. Other times it was because you didn’t have enough time to explain the situation.

  My tattoo had been the source of many a conversation between the four of us over the years. When Tyler was going through his shit with Elizabeth, I’d let him in a bit, knowing that just showing the tattoo voluntarily to him would speak volumes. I wouldn’t really have to explain anything further, and for that I was grateful because the alcohol had begun to numb both my tongue and my senses.

  Tyler’s eyes shifted from mine to the black ink that had mystified him for years and just as I’d suspected, without so much as a word from me, he immediately understood.

  “Jesus,” he whispered after a moment. “She came back?”

  “Not exactly.”

  If we were going to talk about this shit I’d need more alcohol. I motioned for the bartender again and he shot me a look. The bar was busy and he was having trouble keeping up with my demands.

  “Yeah, asshole. Alcohol poisoning here I come.”

  “You wanna talk about it?” Tyler asked. I waited until the bartender set two more shots down in front of me before answering.

  “Not…”

  Shot #1.

  “Particularly…”

  Shot #2.

  “Then what the fuck am I here for?” he asked.

  “You’re here because I plan on getting completely shitfaced. That being said, I also need to get laid. You’re here to make sure that I don’t end up taking a dog home with me. After all, I do have standards, and a remarkable reputation to uphold.”

  The alcohol must have done the trick because I wasn’t entirely sure what time it was when we left. In fact, I didn’t really remember leaving, but I did know I was running, and holy hell was I was running fast.

  Wind rushed past my ears and I could hear Tyler’s footsteps pounding behind me. He was chasing me, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t because he was having fun.

  “Jesus Christ, Rob!” he called out harshly. “You’re going to end up in jail!”

  The possibility of that should have scared me more—what with me being a lawyer and all—but it didn’t. If something were to happen it would be very bad, but I didn’t care, and so I just laughed in response. I heard him getting closer as my lungs started to burn and cursing myself for all my years of smoking. Yet another negative thing Jenny had gotten me into.

  The fun and games didn’t last for long as Tyler finally caught me. And when I say caught, I mean tackled.

  Hard.

  Right on the New York City sidewalk.

  All the air escaped from my lungs and I began to cough.

  “You little self-destructing son of a bitch.” He pinned me to the ground, my arms trapped beneath him. “You’re lucky I don’t knock you out.”

  I struggled for a moment, a vain attempt to escape his arms, but he was too strong. I turned my head to spit on the ground. “Go ahead, it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve pounded on me.”

  Tyler shook his head in frustration. “If I let you up, are you gonna play nice and walk home with me like a normal person?”

  I stilled my arms and smirked. “Maybe.”

  Tyler knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t about to make anything easy for him. Especially not tonight. With the smile still on my face, I watched Tyler’s fist raise up in slow motion before it traveled back down to meet my face.

  And then, just like that, it all went black…

  We’re hand in hand, s
itting quietly looking out at the lake. I’m happier than I have been in a long time.

  “God, I love you.”

  She takes a drag from her cigarette and turns to smile at me. “I know you do.”

  Throwing a leg over mine she straddles me, her hands grabbing at my hair as she places a kiss on my cheek before her lips find their way to my mouth. A soft moan escapes from me and she giggles.

  She smiles against my lips. “So easy to please.”

  “Only for you, babe.”

  “So what are we gonna do next?” she asks, slightly breathless from our kiss.

  “We should probably tell your parents.”

  “Fuck that. I wanna celebrate!” She stands up and starts taking her clothes off. Immediately my body responds.

  “What the hell are you doing, Jenny?” I ask in awe. She’s so full of life and never ceases to amaze me.

  “I told you, I wanna celebrate, and we’re just getting started, Mr. Ziviani.”

  She turns away from me but looks back over her shoulder as she unhooks her bra and throws it at me.

  I nearly trip over myself as I race to unbutton my pants and kicked them off.

  “I like where this is going…”

  I woke up just in time to make it to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

  Fuckin’ Jenny Jenkins.

  I woke much the same as I had the day before, blindly pounding at my nightstand in hopes of silencing the alarm. But at least this time I was alone, no trash to take out, only a massive hangover. Once I shut off the noise, I considered calling in sick to work but then I remembered that I had to go into the office for client meetings today.

  Fuck.

  My.

  Life.

  Knowing the day I had ahead of me I groaned before making my way to the bathroom. After digging around for some painkillers, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

  Shit. Another black eye.

  What story was I going to come up with this time? Maybe I could get Emma to come over and do my makeup so I wouldn’t have to talk about it. That had always been my plan in the past, but Emma was an adult with a family to look after now. She didn’t have time for bullshit like that anymore.

  I was examining my eye, considering the few options I had, when the door flew open. I looked in the mirror to see Tyler standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Privacy would be nice,” I bit out.

  “Tough shit. So now that Robbie Boy has been sent spiraling down the toilet, you wanna tell me what the fuck that was last night?” he asked, more than a hint of annoyance in his voice.

  “Do I have to?” I turned around so that I was facing him. “I mean you did already give me a black eye… again.”

  “You want another one to match?” he asked, only half joking.

  Resigned to the fact that I was going to have to tell him something, I sat down on the toilet and threw my head into my hands.

  “I don’t really want to go into all the gory details right now, Tyler, so let’s just say that Jenny has been in the city for the last four years, right under my nose. I mean, Jesus, Emma’s a regular at the coffee shop I found her at!”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah, tell me about it.”

  Truth of the matter was, Tyler didn’t even know the half of it. Just the basics. The inordinately few details I’d told him were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to all things Jenny Jenkins. He obviously knew that Jenny had been important to me at least at one time. The fact that her name was tattooed on my arm was kind of a giveaway.

  “So, what are you going to do?” he asked.

  “I dunno. I’d like to think I could just ignore the fact that she’s here. But I don’t think I can. I mean, I’ve looked for her for years. The internet, Facebook, yellow pages… everything.”

  Not having had any contact with her for twelve years, I couldn’t be sure Jenny was even still the same person she’d been back then, but I knew I wanted answers. I wanted to know why things went down the way they did—hell, I deserved that much—but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Jenny had always had the upper hand when it came to our relationship, and it had driven me insane.

  Just thinking about everything that had happened had my blood boiling. I was pissed at her, but mostly I was upset with myself for the hold she still had on me. Red in the face, I stood and pushed past Tyler, toward my room.

  “What the hell are you doing, Rob?”

  “I’m calling in sick. They’ll have to reschedule my appointments.”

  Tyler called after me. “Don’t be stupid, you can’t afford to keep acting like this.”

  “The hell I can’t.”

  He followed me into my room, watching as I hauled out a duffel bag from under my bed. His eyes grew wide as I began riffling through my things, throwing them haphazardly into the bag.

  “Seriously, Rob, what are you doing? You’re acting crazy.”

  I stopped what I was doing and looked up at him. “I’m going home, Tyler. I need to clear my head and get away from here… away from her.”

  Tyler paused for a moment, obviously pondering his next move. “Well then, I guess I better go start packing because I’m coming with you.”

  Despite my shitty mood, I smiled, wincing when the smile hit my still-sore eye. Seriously, my friends were the shit. It would be the first time anyone from my life in New York would meet my family, which is crazy, but it’s the truth.

  It wasn’t as if I was ashamed or anything. There had just never been a reason. Even when we’d graduated NYU, I’d kept my life back home separate from them. They’d done their thing with their families, and I’d done mine. It just made more sense because they’d been in each other’s loves forever—I was just the addition.

  But now…

  Well now, it would be nice to have someone going back home with me. Tyler and I had been through a lot together, and I appreciated his support. More than he’d ever know.

  It was an hour later and we were in the car—my car to be exact because Tyler’s was broke down. Again. It had finally shit the bed, but he just couldn’t see the reason in getting it fixed when we lived in a city with busses, trains, and taxicabs.

  Turning the key, I cranked the radio up in the hope that Tyler would let us drive without talking. But luck was not on my side and he glared at me before reaching across the dash to turn it back down.

  I sighed in defeat. He obviously wasn’t going to let it go.

  “All right, time for you to come clean, Rob. I’ve known you for just about ten years and I know no more than I did the first day I met your crazy ass.”

  I groaned and considered blasting the music again, but he was right. I owed it to him. He was being a true friend in not letting me do this alone, and it would be nice to finally air my dirty laundry.

  “Okay. What do you want to know?”

  “Start at the beginning.”

  “Well, for one. This’ll be the hardest story I’ve ever told.”

  A few hours later we were finally pulling into the driveway to my parent’s house.

  “Holy shit, Rob,” Tyler said, his eyes widening. “You’ve been holding out on us.”

  He wasn’t wrong. I guess house isn’t really the best way to describe my childhood home. Mansion? Yeah, mansion would be more like it.

  Tyler craned his neck and narrowed his eyes, taking in the sights. “What do your parents do for a living? Are they Mexican drug lords, or something?”

  “Hardly. They’re both CEOs, but at different companies.”

  “Jesus. And this is where you grew up?”

  I nodded. I’d had the best childhood anyone could possibly ask for. An awesome home, parents who loved me, and my very own limitless credit card once I was of age. The only black mark in my past —and I meant that literally—was Jenny.

  The thought instantly soured my mood and I threw the car in park. Taking a deep breath, I didn’t move, ju
st closed my eyes and pushed the memories away.

  Tyler sat with me for a minute. He didn’t say anything but I’m sure he was curious about my behavior. I was acting slightly erratic.

  “So, why are we here, Rob?” he finally asked.

  “Because my family helps me clear my head. And, well, because they didn’t particularly like Jenny, so they can remind me of why I’m better off without her in my life.” I needed for my Dad to knock me down a peg or two, and he could certainly do that when it came to her…

  “You did what?!”

  “I love her, Dad!”

  “You don’t love her, you love how she makes you feel—dangerous. She’s bad for you, Rob, can’t you see that?”

  “You don’t even know her!” I yell back.

  “Oh, yes I do. I know her and her family. She’s nothing but trash! We’re taking you to see our lawyers first thing in the morning. We’re going to fix this.”

  I never fight with my father, but he’s so infuriating. The chair scrapes against the wooden floor as I stand from the kitchen table and flip it over in one fluid motion. My mom gasps but I don’t look in her direction, instead turning toward the door.

  “You can’t stop me from living my life how I want.” And with that I salute them both with my middle finger before vanishing out the door.

  Cigarette dangling from her fingertips, Jenny leans up against the side of my car. “Well, that went well,” she says casually.

  “You heard?”

  “Yeah.”

  I wrap my arms around her waist. “I’m sorry.”

  “Fuck ’em. We’ve still got some celebrating to do.”

  I shook the memory for my head. Always the same memories, constantly on repeat. For years.

  Tyler looked at me, still confused. “Are we going to go in, or just sit out here all day?”

  “In. And Tyler, there’s something else I haven’t told you.”

  “There’s more?” he asked, slightly flabbergasted. I was sure he was on information overload. Hell, I was overwhelmed and it was my story. My life.