The Boat to Redemption

by Su Tong

  I received a flash of mystical inspiration there in front of the general store, which rocked me to my core and made my feet feel as if they were made of lead.

  The sound of cotton-fluffing filled the air around the barbershop – peng, peng, peng – a happy, monotonous sound that reminded me to see if I had enough money to buy Father new cotton stuffing for his quilt, since that would give me an excuse for staying away so long. So I went into the cotton-fluffing shop and told the proprietor what I wanted. ‘New cotton is very expensive,’ she said. ‘You’re better off bringing in your own used cotton.’

  ‘I don’t have any.’

  ‘How about making some out of your lightest and cheapest cotton?’ They asked how soon I needed it.

  ‘Not too soon, but not too late either. I’ll wait in front of the barbershop.’

  She gave me an ambiguous look. ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she blurted out. ‘Were you and that Huixian across the street betrothed as children?’

  That shocked me. ‘Where did you hear that?’

  ‘I didn’t hear it, I guessed it. You were together on one of those barges, weren’t you? That’s something you boat people do all the time.’

  The man in the shop stopped beating cotton and brushed off the fluff that nearly covered his body. With a silly grin, he said, ‘Child engagements don’t count, and I suggest you put those thoughts out of your head. That Huixian is a lovely flower that blooms on a high branch, way beyond the reach of any lowly boat person.’

  Struck with a sudden panic attack, I blurted out what was in my heart: ‘I don’t want to pluck the flower, I want to protect it.’

  * * *

  My heart had been in my mouth the last time I’d visited the People’s Barbershop. I pushed open the glass door, but stopped before going in. ‘Kongpi!’ they shouted as I stood in the doorway. ‘Kongpi’s back!’ It was immediately obvious that the barbers had begun to see me as a strange creature, and I noticed the look in Huixian’s eyes, both fear and disgust, mixed with a degree of pity.

  After a brief, whispered exchange with Little Chen, Old Cui jumped down off his stool, came to the doorway and gave me a shove. ‘What the hell do you want, Kongpi?’ he asked, using uncouth Milltown slang. ‘You’re here every day. Do your balls itch or something? You look like a damned debt collector, and I want to know what the hell Huixian owes you. Is it money? Food? How much? Give me a number.’

  I was stunned that Huixian would ask him to settle up with me. What did she take me for? I pushed him away and said, ‘It’s none of your damned business! If she wants to settle accounts, let her tell me to my face.’

  ‘You make her sick. If it’s money you want, she’ll give it to you. Or food. But if it’s anything else, dream on.’

  I saw Huixian’s reflection in the glass; she was clearly agitated. She moved from one chair to the next, then went into the boiler room. I felt like shouting to her, ‘Go over to the general store, your mother’s waiting there, she’s looking for you!’ But in the end, that was a secret I had to keep to myself. If it was disclosed it would become laughable, and I’d become a lunatic in her eyes. I can’t describe the dejection I felt. I set down my bag, pointed across the street, and said, ‘You’ve got it all wrong. I’m waiting for them to make the cotton stuffing for a quilt.’

  ‘Then wait for it over there. Why come here? Every day you come here to cause trouble.’

  ‘He hasn’t got the guts. He’s like a bitch in heat.’ A man walked out of the boiler room. It was Wang Xiaogai. What a shock! He picked up a pair of scissors to trim his nose hair. ‘You can fool other people, Kongpi, but not me. I know what’s on your mind. The next time you come here like a bitch in heat, you’ll wind up exactly like your old man.’ He sneered and pointed at my crotch with his scissors. ‘That thing of yours likes to act up, and you don’t know how to control it, right? Well, I can take care of that. I’ll take half of it for you!’

  This time my lungs felt as if they were about to explode. I stormed into the shop and headed straight for Xiaogai. Seeing trouble, Little Chen and Old Cui intercepted me, one holding my arm, the other wrapping his arms around my waist to stop me. ‘He was just kidding, it was a joke. He didn’t mean it, Kongpi.’ But Xiaogai, who was holding a stool in front of himself as protection, was not finished. ‘Cutting that off would remove a scourge to the people. Don’t think I wouldn’t do it. I’d be helping you out. With half a dick, you could stand in for your old man!’

  The blood rushed to my head. Spoiling for a fight, I started to take off my belt. ‘Come on,’ I said, ‘you and your scissors. If you don’t you’re a fucking coward. Just you try, and see if I don’t cut off your dog dick!’

  Our anger had a comical effect. Little Chen let go of me and bent over in side-splitting laughter. Old Cui grabbed my hand to stop me from taking off my belt. ‘Leave that alone!’ he demanded. ‘I’m telling you to cool down, Kongpi. If you don’t stop taking off your trousers, we’ll treat you like a common hooligan.’

  Huixian came out of the boiler room. ‘What’s all the fighting about?’ The sight of my trousers on their way down gave her a momentary fright. But then she rolled her eyes and said, ‘You ugly clown, you’re disgusting!’ I couldn’t blame her for calling me that, given the way things must have looked. I’d have felt the same way, but it was all Xiaogai’s fault. I hitched up my trousers, waiting for her to work out what was going on, but then I saw the cold look in her eyes and watched as she banged a comb against the table. ‘Haven’t you disgraced yourself enough?’ she said. ‘If you have, then get out of here. Just get out!’

  Nothing could have hurt me more than that demand. She should have been able to see that it hadn’t been my fault, so why was she telling me to get out? I lost control. ‘I’ve disgraced myself for over twenty years!’ I bellowed. ‘So what! I’m not leaving until he comes over and cuts off my dick!’

  That stopped her. ‘If he won’t go, Xiaogai, you leave. It’s time for you to go to work, anyway.’

  But Xiaogai surprised us all by staying put. ‘I’m not leaving till he does,’ he said. ‘I’m responsible for keeping order, and it’s my job to watch him.’

  With her hands on her hips and a frown on her face, Huixian sized up me and Xiaogai in turn before turning on her heel and saying, ‘This makes me sick. If neither of you will leave, I will.’

  Everyone watched silently as she took off her white smock and hung it on a peg. Underneath she was as fashionable as ever, in a cream-coloured turtleneck sweater over a pair of black bell-bottomed trousers. A string of pearls completed the outfit. Even though she had suffered setbacks in her life, there was no denying that she had a lovely figure, with full breasts, a slim waist and nice long legs. My gaze slid timidly down and down, stopping just above her knees. But of course I couldn’t see those lovely, alluring knees, the mere thought of which gave me a case of the nerves. Lowering my head, I had a feeling that her flaring trouser legs had floated over to me, just as I heard her say in a flat tone of voice, ‘Wait here for me, Ku Dongliang. I’ll be right back.’

  What was that all about? Even Xiaogai and the others gave her a puzzled look. Xiaogai broke the silence. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Huixian ignored the question. She pushed open the door and walked out. I watched as she paused by the flowerbed and gently brushed the sunflowers with her hand. Then she walked off without a backward glance.

  Xiaogai started after her, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. I picked up the scissors and blocked his way. Unfortunately, Old Cui and Little Chen were on his side, and I was outnumbered. I could only stand and watch Xiaogai walk outside. He turned, pointed at me threateningly and said, ‘Just you wait, Kongpi. Don’t think I won’t use those things on you. And if I don’t, somebody else will. Get ready to go into mourning for that dick of yours. You’re full of big talk now, but you’ll be begging for mercy before long.’

  I stayed in the barbershop, waiting for Huixian to return. Waiting, too, for Xiaogai to ret
urn, and that made me uncomfortable. I sat in the corner from two in the afternoon, reading a newspaper. It was a new edition, but the contents hardly differed from days before: ‘News of victories on the labour front continue to pour in’ or ‘Unprecedented harvests in the agricultural, forestry, and fishery industries,’ stuff like that. All I had to do was read the first paragraph to know what the entire article said. Old Cui and Little Chen left me alone, and I ignored them.

  Customers started showing up before long, under my watchful eye. A middle-aged woman with a youthful, seductive voice came in and sat down. She and Old Cui seemed to be on close terms. The flirting between barber and customer began. I didn’t like what I was seeing. Didn’t he know that this work environment had a bad influence on Huixian? Next through the door was a young dandy in fancy clothes, an official at the General Affairs Building called Little Zheng. He was obviously looking for Huixian, since he glanced around and poked his head in the boiler room. When he saw that she wasn’t there, he patted Little Chen on the shoulder and left. He hadn’t said a word the whole time. That put me on my guard. ‘What did Little Zheng want?’ I asked Little Chen.

  He just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and snorted contemptuously. ‘That’s funny, you asking about other people. What is it you want?’

  What could I say? ‘I’m waiting for Huixian,’ I said once I’d gathered my wits. ‘She told me to.’

  ‘You think she likes you, don’t you? She says wait, and you wait. Maybe she wants you to take in a movie. Or maybe have a wedding picture taken at the photographer’s shop. Dream on!’

  ‘Say what you like, I’m not leaving. I’m waiting for Xiaogai to come back and cut off my dick.’

  He sneered. ‘This is no place for you to be showing off, Kongpi. We know all about you. You’re no match for Wang Xiaogai, so I’d steer clear of trouble, if I were you, and head back to the fleet now, before it’s too late.’

  The clock on the wall said it was nearly four o’clock. It was beginning to get dark outside. I spotted Chunsheng and his sister walking past the barbershop shouldering a bag of rice. Fortunately, they didn’t see me on the other side of the glass door; that would have meant trouble for sure. The waiting was beginning to get to me, and in my mind’s eye I could see Father, eyes glued to the shore, rolling pin in hand, and his worry had turned to anger; he was willing me to return to the barge. Tired of sulking, I decided to go across the street to pick up the quilt stuffing, but I’d only made it as far as the door when a familiar figure appeared. It was Huixian; she’d come back.

  She was loaded down with purchases, and I wondered what that was all about. A green nylon mesh bag over her shoulder was crammed full of sweets, biscuits and bottles of orange soda, while in her hands she was holding a thermos flask and a sack of apples. I stepped aside and held the door open for her. She smiled; I returned the smile. As we looked at each other, her smile froze. One after the other, she laid her purchases on the floor by my feet. Not sure what was coming, I stepped over the vacuum bottle and bag, but she grabbed hold of my shirt to stop me.

  ‘Let’s settle our accounts.’ It sounded like a casual comment, but the look in her eyes was anything but casual. ‘You said you didn’t want money or ration chits, right? Well, I broke one of your thermos flasks when I was a little girl, and I ate a lot of your food – biscuits, sweets, orange soda, things like that. I’m paying you back now. These are the only things I remember, but if I’ve forgotten anything, just tell me.’

  Who’d have thought this would be how she’d decided to call it quits with me? I was on the verge of tears as I looked down at all those things. What could I say?

  ‘I know I’m acting like a spoiled child. Go ahead, take this home with you. Now we’re even.’ She walked away, heading towards the boiler room, but stopped after a couple of steps and said, ‘Are we quits now, or aren’t we? I don’t want to make you mad, Ku Dongliang. I haven’t forgotten where I came from. You may not care about the future, but I do, so please stop coming here to pester me. If word gets out, it’ll look bad for me.’

  The tension in the shop was palpable. The twisted expression on my face must have frightened them. I picked up the flask and flung it to the floor; the glass lining shattered with a bang, sending the plastic case rolling on the floor as broken glass spread quickly. Then I picked up a soft-drink bottle and aimed it at Huixian. ‘Don’t you dare!’ she shrieked.

  That stopped me, but only for a moment. I spun around and aimed it first at Old Cui and the woman he was working on, then at Little Chen. They’d never shown me any respect, but none of this was their fault, so I turned again and flung the bottle at the shop’s mirror. ‘We’re quits!’ I shouted. ‘That makes us quits!’ The mirror shattered. Then I aimed at the second mirror, which merely cracked. So I threw a third bottle. ‘We’re quits!’ I was crying by the time the third bottle was in the air. Hot tears ran down my face. Old Cui and Little Chen rushed up to grab me. Raising another bottle over my head, I swung at Old Cui’s face. Little Chen grabbed my left hand, so I hit him in the head with a bottle in my other hand.

  Chaos ensued. Huixian and the woman in the chair screamed, blood and orange soda stained Old Cui’s face, who glared at me with disbelieving pain in his eyes.

  ‘Are you out of your mind, Kongpi?’ A trickle of blood oozed from Little Chen’s scalp. Boiling with rage, he picked the last bottle of soda out of the nylon bag and flung it at me. Dropping whatever was in my hand, I turned and ran, but too late. I’d barely made it to the door before I was stopped by people who had quietly sealed off my escape route. I felt like a ball that had banged into a wall, as fists and feet slammed into me, driving me back inside the shop.

  A trio of young men surrounded me like three gloomy bombs. One was a powerful fellow with a goatee who went by the name of Old Seven of Li Village; a distant relative of Wang Xiaogai, he’d killed a man during his youth. I knew that Xiaogai had sent them to the barbershop; what I didn’t know was what they planned to do.

  At first I just stood there to get a good look at them. They were all younger than me, in their late teens, and were dressed alike, with white bell-bottomed trousers and similar checked shirts. They wore fashionable digital watches, and Old Seven had a leather pouch hanging from his belt; something gleaming was sticking out of the top – an electrician’s knife. I wasn’t scared, not at first, because they merely had mischievous looks in their eyes; I even saw them wink at the barbers. But then Old Seven did something that put me on my guard: he spat in his hand and reached down towards my crotch. I jumped back and shoved him. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

  He responded with a sinister grin. ‘What am I doing? I hear you’ve been a bad boy, letting that thing act up in public. Well, we’re here to see it doesn’t happen any more.’ Now I knew what they had in mind, and I broke for the door, but again not in time. One of them grabbed me around the waist, another held my legs, and I heard Old Seven shout, ‘Pull his trousers off!’ All three bombs exploded at once. They were stronger than I’d given them credit for. Suddenly, I felt like a sack of rubbish being thrown to the floor.

  As they were taking off my belt, I looked through their legs and saw Old Cui standing against the wall, covering his face with a towel. I wanted to yell for him to come and help me, but I couldn’t, not after hitting him in the face with a bottle. Besides, it wouldn’t have done any good, not with those three ganging up on me. So I sought out Little Chen, who was sitting to one side, enjoying the show. When our eyes met, he jerked his head away and I saw the blood where my bottle had hit him. As I lay there, the person I really wanted to help me was Huixian, but I couldn’t see her anywhere. Someone was choking me, so I couldn’t even call out her name. I lay there, unable to move. I was like a pig under the butcher’s knife.

  I saw a glint from Old Seven’s electrician’s knife, which was moving back and forth in front of my privates. ‘Get hard! Stick up! Hurry up, so we can carry out the procedure!’ There in front of everyone in
the barbershop he began teasing my genitals with his knife. I felt a sharp, cold pain. I forgot that I was lying on the floor, and saw myself lying in my bed on the boat. The faces of my three tormenters swayed in front of my eyes, all a blur, but the face of my father appeared in the space behind them, the crows’ feet at the corners of his eyes and the age spots on his cheeks clearly discernible. There were tears in his eyes, but the trace of a smile floated on to his aged face. ‘Go ahead and cut it. Then I won’t have to worry any more.’

  I was paralysed with fear. Who were these men? And who had sent them? Was it Wang Xiaogai? Or was it my father? With my eyes opened wide in despair, I waited for my salvation. Now it was all up to Fate. I couldn’t stop them from molesting me, couldn’t keep them from humiliating me. ‘Can’t get it up, is that it? You can’t get it up when you ought to and can’t keep it down when should. Without a hard-on, you lose big time. If we can’t get a good measure, we might remove the whole thing, and then you’ll be worse off than your old man, who at least has half a dick.’ Then, with rising excitement, he said, ‘Bring Little Tiemei over here. That’ll give him a hard-on for sure!’

  A hush fell over the barbershop. The hands and legs that were pinning me to the floor went slack as Huixian emerged from somewhere, angry as a hen. I heard a string of vile curses burst from her mouth, mixed with tearful howls. ‘Here I am! I’ll give you all a hard-on! Get it up, get it up!’ She swung a hairdryer at Old Seven’s head. He ducked, and the dryer hit one of the other men in the arm. ‘What do you think I am, a sow, a bitch, a whore? Don’t you dare think I’ve fallen so low that the likes of you can take advantage of me! The person who can do that hasn’t been born. I know who you are. You might feel like hot shit today, but tomorrow I’ll call Commander Wang at Division Headquarters and have him send a squad of riflemen to take care of all three of you!’