Dirty Love & Filthy Lies

by C. Shell

I’m perfectly fine going somewhere else, but Becca refuses. So now we wait.

  We spent the rest of the weekend lounging around and watching old movies. Patrick was tied up with work, which left the two of us to our own devices. It’s been so long since we just had a girl’s weekend that I soaked up every moment of it. From the never-ending pillow fights to painting each other’s nails, we had fun re-connecting.

  I gather my book in my arms before depositing them into my backpack. Expelling a deep breath, I look over the room to make I have forgotten nothing.

  “Would you like me to walk with you to Biology?”

  The concern in her voice has my spine snapping back to attention. “No, but I appreciate the offer. I have to face Conner again at some point. A classroom full of people is probably my best option for neutrality. Besides, that would make you late and Professor Benthy is not someone I would want to make an enemy out of.”

  “That’s a good point,” she says with a small smile. Slinging her own bag over her shoulder, she heads for the door. “We should get going. You ready?”

  No, but what other choice do I have? “Time to get this over with. Lead the way.”

  Our classes are on opposite sides of campus today. I’ve only got two classes to attend, unlike Becca, who has four. Why she put all her classes on the same day instead of spreading them out is beyond me.

  We say a quick goodbye at Campus Center, then I continue on to Calvin Hall while she veers off and towards the artsy side of campus. The closer I get to my destination, the slower my feet move. Biology is the only class Conner and I share. This was once my favorite course of the semester. Now it feels as if I’m heading to my eternal doom.

  Reaching the auditorium doors, my insides coil tight. It’s now or never. Hiding forever isn’t an option. Life must go on and that includes sitting through an hour of Biology with my ex-fiancé.

  Slipping through the door, I freeze in place as I search out the room. It doesn’t take but a second for me to find Conner sitting in his normal chair, the one positioned next to mine. You would think in a class as large as this one that designated seating would be a laughable joke, but you would be wrong. Professor Edith loves rules, which includes making her students have assigned seating. It’s like we’re back in elementary school.

  Conner is oblivious to my presence. He’s got his phone out, his face glued to the screen, probably playing one of the many games he’s obsessed with.

  This ought to be fun.

  Picking my way down the rows of seats, I slide into my chair a mere minute before the Professor walks in the room. Professor Edith is as strict as they come. If you miss over two of her classes in a semester without a doctor’s note proclaiming that you’re on your deathbed, she’ll happily kick you out of her class without a moment’s hesitation.

  The woman is hardcore.

  Pulling out my notepad and pen, I side-eye Conner, wondering if he will acknowledge my presence or completely ignore me. Taking in his rumpled appearance and lack of hair gel, my nose scrunches in confusion. Something is off.

  Conner might be a jock, but he doesn’t dress like one. He has taste. Even when hanging around the apartment, he dressed as if he had an appointment for the to the next GQ spread.

  I think it has a lot to do with how he was raised. His parents set unattainable high standards for him growing up. Conner has spent his life striving to reach if not succeed them. Today is the exception. With an unshaven jawline, dark circles under his eyes, wrinkled clothing, and a nasty-looking bruise that covers the right side of his cheek, he looks like something a cat chewed up and spit back out.

  I can’t recall ever seeing Conner look this banged up, and that’s saying something because he’s taken some hard hits in football over the past few years. Wetting my lips, I steal another glance his way before my curiosity gets the best of me.

  Keeping my voice low as not to disturb the teacher, I ask. “What happened to your face?”

  Conner leans in closer to me, his eyes never leaving the front of the room. “Some dude sucker punched me at the party Friday night. You would know that had you not slipped away the moment my back was turned.”

  I can’t easily wrap my head around what he just said, or the raw anger laced in his tone. He’s acting as if I’m the bad guy. I’m not the one who cheated. And who could blame me for not wanting to hang around a party where he and his friends are? Leaving was the right thing to do.

  Since breaking up, I’ve had time to reflect on what we had together, and I’ve come to one conclusion. If given the chance, I wouldn’t go back to the way things were. The time away has made me realize that Conner and I are toxic together. As with most things, we started out strong, but over the years I’ve gotten good at ignoring the problems and sweeping them under the rug whenever they reappeared. He took advantage of my lack of attention, and I let him. We brought out the worst in each other. I don’t think happily ever after was in the cards for us.

  “Don’t you dare try to blame me for some guy sucker punching you,” I warn in a whisper yell. “I’m sure you deserved it.” My eyes narrow as an ugly thought pops into my head. “Did you get caught fucking his girlfriend?”

  Conner’s focus zeroes in on my lips. Leaning in, his voice lowers, and the huskiness in it makes me quake. “I cheated at cards. I didn’t fuck his girl. Your thighs are the only ones I want to slip between.”

  This is delving too much into my uncomfortable zone. My stomach turns with unease. I don’t want to fight. There has to be something we can talk about that won’t end with us screaming at each other. Painful truths are never easy to hear.

  “Good luck with that,” I whisper before turning back around and immersing myself in note taking for what feels like the longest hour of my life.

  It isn’t until the class is over and I’m packing up to leave that Conner breaks the tense silence. “Dad invited us over for dinner Friday night. Mom is hosting a small get together for some friends. We’re expected to make an appearance.”

  I bark out a humorous laugh. “Then I suggest you set them both straight. Man up and tell them we’re no longer together. The wedding is off.”

  The warmth seeps from Conner’s eyes and his mouth presses to a hard line. The glare he shoots me is murderous. I can practically see his anger simmering beneath the surface. “You don’t get it. We have to go there as a couple,” he bites out. “Grow the fuck up and get your head out of your ass.” He stabs a finger at my chest and leans in until his face is inches from my own. Everything inside of me is screaming for me to back away, but I don’t. I refuse to show fear despite how fast my heart is beating. Conner’s minty breath feathers across my face when he speaks. “Are you seriously willing to throw your sister’s future down the drain over your stupid pride?”

  My stomach rocks like a ship being tossed around at sea.

  Fighting to hold my composure, I meet his icy stare with one of my own. The room is practically empty now, just a few kids left behind, all of which are trying to act as if they aren’t eavesdropping. I give it an hour tops before our little fight is the talk of the campus. Slinging my backpack over my arm, I refocus my attention back on the jackass breathing down my neck.

  “You leave my sister out of this. I’ll take care of her,” I drawl, making sure he understands every word out of my mouth. “There’s no reason to keep up the charade. You and I are over. I might forgive you one day, but that won’t change anything. Since breaking up, you’ve nailed over half the school’s female population. Everyone is talking about your never-ending supply of fuck buddies. I doubt you’ve spent one night alone after I moved out.”

  Conner’s expression plummets, the first sign that he has real feelings running through him. As his face softens to a frown, my heart fractures. I don’t enjoy being a bitch, but sometimes you do what you have to, and this is one of those times. Conner needs to wise up and see the truth for what it is.

  “Emma,” he begins, but I cut him off. I don’t have time for a lo
ng song and dance, I need to get to my next class.

  “You either fess up and tell your parents the truth or I will.”

  Conner straightens to his full height. Disappointment and sadness reflects back at me in his beautiful clear eyes. Motioning to the door, he says, “I’ll walk you to your next class. Before you get all high and mighty, there’s something you should know.”

  If that doesn’t sound ominous, then I don’t know what does. Letting out a deep breath, I start for the door with Conner right on my tail. Spinning around, I pin him with a glare. “Fine,” I retort. “You better make it fast.”

  Conner takes the lead. Heading away from the building, he cuts across the east side of campus and continues walking in silence until we arrive at one of my favorite fountains. Nestled under tall pines, the fountain juts up tall and proud with metal statues of Koi fish in different colors and sizes. Water shoots from their mouths, creating a faint trickling sound as it falls into the circular base. I don’t know what it is about this fountain I love so much, but being near it always brings me a sense of calm.

  With my hands crossed over my chest, I turn and give him my full attention. “Spill. What’s so important that you had to bring me all the way over here to talk?”

  He gestures for me to take a seat beside him on the fountain’s edge, but I wave off the invitation. A trickle of apprehension settles over me. I prefer to stand. I think I will need both feet under me for whatever he’s about to say. Staring at him a beat too long, I try not to get sucked in by his despondent expression.

  “My father’s law firm is made from deep-rooted families that follow a strict set of traditions. These traditions go back many generations and despite the changing world, their belief system hasn’t wavered.”

  “Traditions?” I think out loud. A dull throb was taking root in the back of my skull. Something about this story was off, making me feel physically ill. “What the hell does that have to do with us?” Conner needs to get to the point because my patience is wearing thin.

  His eyes hold me captive as he speaks. “My place within my father’s firm is written in stone. I have a job there, but if I ever want to climb the ranks in the firm, then I have to get married. The partners believe that marriage makes you a better person. Marriage speaks of stability and lends you to be more trustworthy. A man with a family to feed works harder than one who only has themselves to please. They want men who have something to fight for. And something to lose if they step out of line. Openings for partnership don’t come around often, and when Mr. Banks retired earlier this year, my father put my name in the running to take his place. I tick all the boxes needed to ascend into his position except for one.” His gaze feels like boulder holding me down. “You.”

  My brain short circuits as the pieces of what he’s saying click into place. He doesn’t just want a wife… he needs a wife. Without a marriage, Conner won’t make partner at his father’s law firm. At least not for another decade or more. Holy fuck.

  Who are these people? They sound unhinged. I can’t believe this is what I almost married into. How did I not know any of this before now?

  My pulse drums with nervous energy. My brows bunch in concentration as I pick through his predicament, accessing any loopholes that may present themselves. “You said you need a wife. As archaic as this all sounds, can’t you just marry someone else?”

  Conner chuckles, the sound hollow. “That’s not an option. We have already announced our engagement. The partners have voted and approved of our union. The firm expects you to take my name shortly after graduation. I can’t just up and replace you with someone else. It doesn’t work that way.”

  “Why not?” I argue. “If a wife by your side is that important, then surely one of your many fuck buddies would do. I’m sure anyone of them would trip over themselves to become your wife.”

  “A shotgun wedding to some nameless whore would ruin my reputation. I’m out of time. If I don’t take Mr. Banks spot after graduation, then I have to wait for another opening. That will take decades. It’s now or never and without you by my side, I don’t have a chance in hell of making this happen.”

  Feeling lightheaded, I take a step back and lean my body against a tree. My fingers dig into the bark, letting the roughness scratch against my soft palms. The pain grounds me. My momma always said that money was the root of all evil. It looks like for once in her sorry life she might be right. I feel like I’ve stepped into an alternate universe. I never knew things like this still happened in modern times.

  I have so many questions, but a certain one sits heavy on my mind. “Did you ever want to marry me or was it all just so you could work with the big boys upstairs?” I grip the bark hard enough that I lose feeling in my fingertips. “Was anything we had real?”

  Conner’s eyes fly to mine. “Of course, it was real. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Loving you is as easy as breathing.” Standing, Conner moves until he’s standing before me, his face a mask of turmoil. Seeing him distraught throws me off-kilter. Tears blur my eyes as he reaches out and plays with a strand of my hair. Leaning down, he brings his lips to mine and brushes them over my mouth as he speaks. “You’re all I could ever hope for. I would have asked you to marry me regardless of it helping my career.”

  I want to believe his pretty words, but a little voice deep inside me says there is more to this story than what I’m being fed. His nearness is messing with my mind and teasing my libido. Pushing him back, I ask on a shaky breath, “But?” I need to know the whole truth. Good or bad, I want to see it all with open eyes. “I know you too well, Conner. What aren’t you saying?”

  His eyes close and a rush of air releases from his lungs. “If given a choice, I would have waited before asking you to marry me instead of rushing it as I did. We’re still young, and marriage is a huge step. I always thought we would have more time to travel and enjoy ourselves before getting hitched.”

  The truth stings, but I get what he’s saying. A big part of me agrees with him. His proposal surprised the shit out of me. Conner might have dressed the truth up and made it look all pretty, but the result is the same. He used me.

  My happiness and future meant shit to him. He used me to make a bunch of backward-thinking, wrinkly old men happy. My voice is a hollow husk. “I remember the emails and calls you received. You had other job offers. Why couldn’t you just take one of them instead of caving to some old farts who don’t give a rat’s ass about us?”

  Conner’s snarl takes me by surprise, and I lock my arms over my chest as if that will protect me from his wrath. “Don’t be stupid,” he snarls. My father’s firm is the best around. Every year they make it on the Forbes top ten list. Not only are they untouchable, but they’re a part of my family legacy. Only a fool would turn down a chance to work there.”

  “This isn’t just about what you want,” I shoot back. Sucking in a breath through my teeth, I poke him in the chest, putting all frustration and ire into it. “You’re being a selfish bastard.”

  Conner takes a step back and rubs a hand down his face. Glancing back at me, he releases a rough laugh. “Maybe I am, but that doesn’t change the problem you’ve created. I need you to stop acting like a brat and go to my parents’ house with me this Friday. We need to sell to everyone that we’re a fucking happy couple madly in love.”

  My mouth drops open in shock. Either Conner’s taken to sniffing paint, or he’s legitimately lost his mind. No way in hell will I give into his demands. I rather eat a hairy dick then make nice with his family and their archaic friends.

  “Can’t make it,” I answer, my tone dry. “I’ll be busy washing my hair that night.”

  Conner’s annoyance with me swells to outright ire. His face reddens to the point that I’m afraid he might stroke out. Any chance of this ending amiably just went out the door. “Emma, you don’t get how serious this is! If the Firm gets wind of any trouble between us, my future with the company is over.”

  “That’s not my
problem,” I snap back. Outwardly I try to match his bravado, despite my shaking knees. “I’m not the one who used our relationship to get some old farts with wrinkly dicks to accept me into their good old boys' club. Maybe you’re the one who needs to grow the fuck up. Stop being such a pussy and face the music. We’re not getting back together. Not now. Not ever.”

  Conner’s eyes flash. “I see. And what about your sister? Have you told her yet that she will flip burgers all her life alongside her worthless momma because you lost her college funding?”

  My muscles lock up. “Fuck you, Conner,” I spat. “I don’t need your dirty money. I’ll find another way to pay for my sister’s schooling. One that doesn’t involve selling myself into your messed-up family.”

  Conner scoffs. “Good luck with that. Your sister doesn’t have enough smarts to get an academic scholarship. You don’t have the funds, especially after quitting your old job when the extra hours caused your grades to slip.” He spreads his arms wide and grins. “I’m all you got. I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I’ll do whatever it takes to get that job.”

  I gape at him, not recognizing the rich, entitled bastard standing before me. This is a side of Conner I’ve only ever seen after he’s had too many drinks and never aimed at me. How I ever found him charming is beyond me. My phone beeps, reminding me that my other class is about to begin. If I leave now and run the entire way, I might make it there before they shut the doors.

  Nostrils flaring, I take a step forward and get right up in his face. I have the urge to dick punch him but think better of it. The last thing I need is someone seeing and tattling to the dean. You would think such things didn’t happen in college, but you would be wrong. Pettiness is a disease of its own, and those afflicted never grow the fuck up.

  My voice shakes with anger. “Don’t underestimate me, Conner. I might have nice tits and a vagina, but that doesn’t make me a pussy. I’m resilient. I survived eighteen years living in a part of town that you wouldn’t last one-night in.” Grinding my teeth together, I give him a scolding glare. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get to class.”