From Heel to Heart

by Amy DeMeritt

  “Holy shit. You killed her, didn’t you?”

  Lana laughs at Asia and shakes her head. “No, don’t be gross. Are you busy? Beverly wants you to sit with me to learn the monthly reporting so you can manage it when the month ends.”

  “Holy shit. You quit.”

  “Wrong again. She granted my request for a sabbatical. This will be my last week for two months.”

  Asia’s eyes mist over as she stands with a sad smile and wraps her arms around Lana.

  “I’m happy for you, babe, but I’m going to miss you.”

  “You act like we’ll never see each other. We’ll still hang out together.”

  “Well, of course, but I’m still going to miss you here.”

  Asia pulls back to lock her computer and grabs a notebook and pen. She wheels her chair over to Lana’s desk and they sit down next to each other.

  At a whisper, Asia asks, “What happened in there? The way you two were going at it I thought for sure we’d hear some furniture flying.”

  Lana releases a small laugh as she unlocks her computer and brings up the systems she needs and the report she’s building. “We had some more words, then she gave me a lecture on how I should have handled the situation, then I stopped talking. She basically wanted me to agree that I was wrong, which I wouldn’t do. Then she changed and asked me what’s going on with me. Before I could stop myself, I told her I wanted to take an extended leave of absence, and aside from an attempt to induce some guilt in me, she actually was all for it.”

  “Well, you’ve never talked to her like that. She must have sensed that you are beyond caring if you lose your job. She has more to lose than you do if you leave. It will be easier for you to find another great paying job than it will be for her to replace you. Anyway, I’m happy it was approved. You better make the most of it.”

  “I’m going to try.”

  Chapter Ten

  Although she lives alone, Elli likes to cook, just not on busy nights like tonight. She closed the shop at 4:30pm as usual, but she continued to work in the studio till after 6:00pm. Then she had to go grocery shopping for items she needed for her own personal meals and items needed to cook dinner tomorrow night with Lana for their second date. It’s after 8:00pm and laboring over the stovetop is just not something she wants to do this late in the evening, so Elli stopped off at a small bistro and bought a cup of creamy tomato bisque soup and the best grilled cheese she has ever had.

  With her soup, sandwich, and a glass of wine, she sits down at her small dining room table to eat and look through the binder of custom shoe designs and patterns she and her family have made over the many years the family has been in business. When she sees a women’s shoe that she thinks is simple enough to have Lana attempt to make, she adds a sticky note to the page as a bookmark. She wants to allow Lana to pick the shoes she’s going to make, but she thought she’d make her decision a bit easier for her.

  Looking through the binder gives her a rush of nostalgia and hope. The designs and patterns her family have created vary in styles from many decades and are enviable pieces of art. She’s very excited to share the binder with Lana and have her try to make a pair of shoes her family designed. She’s even more excited to see her wear a pair of shoes her family designed that Lana crafted with her own hands.

  Aside from Isabell, no other woman Elli has tried to build a relationship with has had such an interest in Elli’s work as Lana does. Elli’s last relationship lasted about a year and it was the longest relationship she has had since Isabell died. Cassandra – she was the last woman Elli tried to share her life and heart with, over a year ago. Cassandra was a lovely woman with a lively spirit, but she didn’t see the point in the work Elli and her family do. She viewed it as an obsolete practice, even though the Voss family business does very well every year. Elli and her family have always been able to enjoy a more than comfortable life from the income from the shop, even during the Great Depression.

  Even now, in an age when most people don’t even know how to sew a button back on a shirt and end up just throwing things out, there are still people who believe in mending something when it’s possible, instead of adding to the landfills. A large percentage of the shop’s income comes from alterations – which will never be an obsolete practice. No matter how hard clothing factories try to accommodate every size and shape, the human figure varies too greatly for them to accommodate everyone perfectly.

  The level of excitement Lana has for Elli’s work is invigorating. When Lana was in the shop today admiring her work, it was hard for Elli not to become giddy with pride and enthusiasm to show her everything.

  After finishing her soup and sandwich and polishing off two tall glasses of wine, Elli has a second wind and feels full of energy. She grabs a spray bottle of surface cleaner and a roll of paper towels. Elli keeps up with housework on a daily basis, keeping her apartment clean as she goes along so she doesn’t have to spend hours at a time to get it whipped back into shape. But since Lana will be coming over for more than just a cup of coffee, she decides to give the entire apartment a thorough cleaning.

  She starts in the bathroom first. She sprays the shower walls and tub down well, then fills the toilet bowl with a thick blue cleaner. While she waits for the cleaners to do their job of cutting through any residue that may be on both seemingly spotless surfaces, she cleans the mirror, sink, and vanity top. She runs a dry dust mop over the floor, followed by a wet mop. After scrubbing the shower walls, tub, and toilet, she washes her hands and proceeds to her bedroom.

  As she begins to strip her bed to wash the linens, she freezes. She blushes and her heart starts racing.

  “Elli, girl, what are you doing? This is only the second date.” She anxiously begins to remake the bed, but then freezes again. “But they are overdue for a washing.”

  Deciding she’d like to sleep on fresh warm sheets tonight, Elli strips the bed while telling herself it’s not because she has any expectations – she just needs to wash them.

  Unnerved by the thought of events progressing to the bedroom tomorrow night, Elli’s hands shake as she fills the washer and pours the liquid washing detergent in over the soft beige cotton sheets dotted with small black paisleys and roses. It has been over a year since she has been physical with someone.

  Cassandra was a good lover, but there was always something missing between them and they both knew it. Cassandra was still in love with her ex, and knowing this caused Elli to yearn even more for Isabell, even five years after her fatal accident. It was inevitable for them to separate, so there weren’t any hard feelings when it happened. But here Elli is again with the prospect of beginning a new relationship and having to wait to see if the ghosts of their pasts will upend what they’ve begun to build together.

  Elli grabs the sides of the washer and takes a deep steadying breath as a sudden jarring impulse to run to Isabell takes hold of her. She closes her eyes tightly and shakes her head, trying to clear the sweet phantom laughter of her lost love beckoning her to the bedroom.

  Her throat constricts painfully as she fights the need to run to the bedroom and open the photo albums holding the past packaged with promises of a future that was stolen from her. She wants to dive into those pages and be transported through time back into an age where life was secure and beautiful.

  “No, you cannot go backwards, only forwards. Pull it together, Elli. Give Lana and yourself a fair chance at happiness and love. I need this. I need this. I need this.”

  Elli takes a long deep breath through her nose and slowly breathes out through pursed lips to bring her emotions under control. With a renewed determination, she closes the lid on the top-load washing machine and twists the dial to start the load.

  “Whatever happens, I’ll be ready.”

  She nods once at the washing machine, as if it’s capable of providing the level of comradery and support that she needs right now.

  Taking up the bottle of cleaner and paper towels, Elli continues her mission to c
lean every surface of her apartment. She sweeps, mops, and vacuums. As if spiked by adrenaline, Elli tirelessly moves through her apartment, seeking out any speck of dust like a pack of hounds sniffing out an escaped prisoner. Even the walls, windows, and draperies receive a wipe down and a vacuuming.

  After the bed linens are washed and dried and her bed is made, Elli concedes that the apartment is now immaculate and presentable for a proper dinner date at home. She fills herself a tall glass of wine and sits down on the couch to relax. She twirls the cool sweet aromatic musky drink, just enjoying the scent before she takes a sip and savors it on her tongue.

  Isabell’s family owned and operated a one-hundred-year-old vineyard in Italy. Well, one-hundred-and-eight to be exact. It was a wonderful experience celebrating the one-hundred-year milestone with Isabell and her family at the vineyard. The family estate was exquisitely rich with all of the finest luxuries, the horse stables were picturesque, and the rows after rows of grapes swelling in the warm Italian sun filled the air with a heady musk that made Elli constantly feel thirsty and slightly intoxicated. Tables to fit over a hundred family and friends were pushed end to end outside beside the rows of grapes, draped with fine white cloths, and laden with decadent foods fit for royalty. The celebration lasted a full week, but Isabell and Elli escaped the parties often to steal as many private moments of romance and passion as they could. It was paradise and Elli loved it.

  A drop falls into her wineglass, and she suddenly feels the dampness on her cheeks. She wipes her eyes and pushes the memories to the back of her mind.

  “I miss you, my dear, sweet Isabell. Oh, I wish I could talk to you, hear your sweet voice and laughter. Please forgive me, my love, for trying to find another soulmate. You know I never wanted another. I only ever wanted you. But you were taken from me. I do hope you understand, my love. I wish I knew what you think of Lana.”

  Elli chokes on a sob as the quiet unanswered one-sided conversation clutches her heart, causing a searing ache through her entire body. Her body quakes with the tearful sobs of loss and the fears of her uncertain future.

  She focuses her mind on Isabell’s soft long slender fingers, imagining them combing through her hair while she hums softly, whispering tokens of calm and positivity into her ear and soul. She clutches her own hand, imagining it’s Isabell’s offering her strength.

  Deep inside, at the center of the pain, the sphere of glowing and spinning white and blue energy called hope pulses and expands, washing over her aching flesh and fills her pumping veins and heart with a jolt of endorphins. A weight falls over her like a blanket, so she lays down on the couch with her eyes closed.

  As her cries turn into quiet whimpers and sniffles, a whisper in her ear resonates through her entire body, a whisper Elli does not hear, but she feels the words – “Follow your heart and find peace again, my love.”

  ***

  Having to train Asia on how to pull the data and build the monthly financial reporting for all sectors of the company proved to be a blessing and a curse. Lana has been having a hard time focusing on work, so having Asia sitting at her desk forced her to stay on task. But the time she lost in having to stop and explain processes and the reasons behind them has her on edge – she’s not sure if she’ll have the preliminary figures completed by the CEO’s requested deadline of Wednesday afternoon.

  She and Asia stayed at the office late tonight to try to recoup some of the lost time, not leaving till seven o’clock, three hours after her shift normally ends. Asia went out on a short break around five o’clock to pick them up dinner and snuck a few mini-shot bottles into the bag, much to Lana’s amusement and delight. That is another reason the extra time they stayed didn’t end up helping much – they mostly just ate, snuck sips of vodka, and laughed and chatted about anything and everything since no one was anywhere near them to see or hear them.

  Lana and Asia were tempted to continue the fun at one of their favorite restaurants, but while they rode the elevator down to the parking garage, they decided against it, arguing they shouldn’t show up to work tomorrow with a hangover.

  But as Lana gets out of the shower, the taste of vodka has left her tongue and its tingling affects have left her veins, renewing the temptation for another drink. Wearing nothing on her tall slender body and allowing her wet hair to hang loose on her back and freely drip down her back and onto the wooden floors of her apartment, Lana walks to the wet bar in her living room and mixes herself a dry martini.

  She takes a generous sip, filling her mouth with the cool clear alcohol, and her eyes close around the buzzing calm it induces. She smiles and inhales deeply through her nose as she allows the liquid to cascade down her throat. Sneaking sips of vodka at her desk with Asia and giggling like sixteen-year-olds trying not to be caught by their parents was fun, but it can’t compete with the feeling of being able to make a proper martini and sip it freely without judgement.

  With her martini in hand, she walks back to her bedroom and slips into a pair of silk sleep shorts and a matching short sleeve top. As the cool fabric glides over her naked body, her smile widens. She glides her fingers over the fabric, across her trim stomach, and as she takes a sip of her martini, she allows her fingers to glide hip to hip, just enjoying the touch of the silk on her skin.

  As her lips close around her glass and her fingers glide over her hipbone, she suddenly thinks of Elli, which causes a twinge of arousal between her thighs, surprising her. She quickly stills her hand and stops teasingly stroking her own body.

  Barefoot and with her hair still dripping, she goes out to the living room to freshen her drink and sits down on the couch. As she savors another sip, she closes her eyes and allows her mind to drift back to Elli – her smile, her beautiful ocean blue eyes, her soft short blonde hair, her strong hands, her fit curvy figure. She smiles as she remembers the way Elli’s lips feel against hers and how passionately Elli kisses. There is nothing sloppy and halfhearted about the way Elli kisses her.

  Lana absentmindedly traces her own lips with her fingers, and as the tip of her tongue flicks her fingertip, her eyes fly open and she lowers her hands.

  “Seriously, Lana, pull yourself together. You’ve only had one date with the woman. You can’t show up tomorrow ready to pounce on her.”

  She laughs at herself as she throws an arm over her face, laying her head back in embarrassment, even though she knows she’s alone and no one will know how she’s behaving or thinking. She takes a few deep breaths and lowers her arm. But as her arm glides down the silk sleep shirt and her hand rests on her lower stomach, a twinge of need sparks between her thighs.

  “Shit, I have to get out of these.”

  Lana sets her glass down on the coffee table and rushes to the bedroom to change out of the silk and into a baggy tee shirt with holes in it and a pair of faded elastic waisted cotton gym shorts – both relics from high school when she ran track and field. She looks at herself in the mirror and laughs with satisfaction.

  “Definitely not sexy. Perfect.”

  Feeling slightly less frisky, Lana returns to the living room and grabs her phone off of the charger. She toys with her bottom lip with her finger poised above the call button. It’s close to nine o’clock and she suddenly realizes she doesn’t know what time Elli normally retires for the night. She doesn’t want to wake her up if she has already gone to bed. Veering to the side of politeness instead of giving into her own desires, she returns the phone to the charger and flips the TV on instead.

  Even with work and Asia to distract her, Lana’s mind was partially on Elli the entire day. Lana can’t remember when the last time was that she has been so completely captivated by another woman. Elli has seeped into her veins and she can’t get enough of her. Every time she and Asia needed a food and bathroom break today, Lana wanted to sneak off to a private corner and call or text Elli to see how she was doing. She was disappointed when it was decided they had to work late tonight because she wanted to stop and visit Elli on her way home from
work. But it was probably for the best. She doesn’t want Elli to think she’s an obsessive and clingy person. Showing up uninvited or unannounced two days in a row would surely come off as aggressive and could send the wrong message.

  Lana sighs as she leans forward to grab her martini off of the coffee table. She continues to flip channels, but she doesn’t find anything interesting to watch. She flicks the TV off, then walks to her bedroom.

  She doesn’t want to lose time by having to come home tomorrow after work to change, but she doesn’t want to risk ruining one of her expensive work suits and heels on her shoemaking date tomorrow. Lana pulls out a small leather bag she uses as a carryon for traveling, then searches her dresser drawers, trying to decide what she should wear for making shoes and dinner with Elli.

  Her mind drifts back to her memories of Elli and she mentally scans Elli head to toe, studying her attire. The three times Lana saw her when she was working, Elli was wearing relaxed fit jeans, comfortable looking casual brown shoes, a beige tool apron streaked with black and brown stains tied around her waist, and a casual button-down with a collar.

  “When in Rome.”

  She pulls out a pair of jeans, socks, and a short sleeve cream colored button down printed with small pink roses on it. She adds her favorite casual low-heeled brown ankle boots to the leather bag, then piles her change of clothes on top. She also adds a travel size bottle of her favorite perfume, facial wipes, a tooth brush, and a small tube of toothpaste – just to make sure she’s smelling and feeling fresh for Elli. As she looks down at the bag to see if she has everything she might need, she rolls her eyes and groans in embarrassment.

  “Lana, you look like you’re packing an overnight bag. Shit, maybe changing there is a bad idea. She might think I’m trying to rush things.”

  She stares at the bag for several moments. Deciding she may not be level headed enough to make this decision because of the drinks and the arousal she is still barely ignoring, she decides she needs another opinion. Lana returns to the living room to grab her cellphone and as she hits the call button, she sits down on the couch and takes a sip of her martini.