The Wizards on Walnut Street

by Sam Swicegood

  But the time was over half done and I was under half finished with the test. Redoubling my searching efforts, I answered a few other ones that seemed relatively easy, such as one that asked what weapon would be likely to be wielded by a Goatman if traveling in Maryland (Which I, like any Chesapeake Bay native, would know was an axe). There were also a few short answer questions that I had neither the time nor energy to try and compose decent answers for, such as Explain, briefly, why particleboard is not a useful substitute for wood when using a wooden stake to neutralize a vampire.

  “Because particleboard isn’t a useful substitute for wood in any context,” I wrote, and moved onto the next question.

  Carma finished after me, and then Jake, leaving me alone as the last few minutes of the test wound down. I had answered every question I could find the answer to outright, and I realized, to my horror, that most of the multiple-choice questions were still unanswered. In desperation, I randomly filled bubbles down the sheet, marking the last questions just as the clock buzzed.

  “Time’s up,” the director said, and I looked up to find him standing at my desk already, picking up my test. “You’re Tom LaFayette’s kid, right?”

  I gulped hard. “Yessir. I’m Andy,” I said tentatively, offering a hand. He didn’t shake it but instead nodded sagely. “Your dad was a good guy. Glad to see you’re following in his footsteps.” He turned and headed back to his desk, so I rose, thanked him, and headed out the door.

  Except from A Brief History of Sorcery (1943)

  by Ramfort Yung, Esq.[6]

  As a result of the changes that came with exploration, and the mixing of cultures which resulted from the exploitative and intrusive cultures of the Spanish upon the New World, it became clear that the rules by which sorcery were governed were incompatible. As an example, Mayan magicians were well-known to control and subjugate cultures, demanding sacrifices and other atonement actions in return for more wealth and power (which would, quite obviously, break many magical laws today regarding the impersonation of Deity). Similarly, the Greek and Roman style enumerated many different interactions of magical beings and the Mundane world which, today, would be met with grievous action against the magician involved, if not the ultimate penalties.

  At this time, it was a dragon by the name of Azu who took the prerogative to combine the cultures and set regulations. Major cultural differences and lack of governance was leading to significant conflict among the magic users of the new and old worlds, who often saw each other as threats to their own existence. Azu collected as many different types of creatures as he could and met in Santo Domingo’s Fortaleza Ozama (This event is commonly referred to as “The Spanish Conclave”) At this time, most different types of creatures were fragmented but fell into different major societies. Azu led the proceedings in merging many of these fraternities into collective groups:

  ● The Kobolda, for creatures monstrous or otherworldly in appearance with no way to innately disguise themselves, such as goblins or trolls;

  ● The Empyrean, for intelligent ethereal, spiritual, or otherwise deified creatures like ghosts or demigods;

  ● The Vulnerabl, creatures who innately could appear as mundane, and could hide among the masses, such as shapeshifters or werewolves;

  ● The Sorcera, otherwise mundane creatures who had gained magical skills or knowledge, such as sorcerers or Hedge Magicians;

  ● The Luprican, tiny creatures who either lacked self-governance or were incapable of being governed, such as pixies or pech;

  ● And Dracontos, the Dragons.

  This categorization initially led to some further conflict, as some creatures resisted being categorized or governed separately from those whom they had previously been associated. One example of this conflict arose among the Unicorns and the Pegasi, who were very close and commonly intermingled in European settlements. Pegasi, with the innate ability to hide their wings and appear as simple horses were labeled Vulnerabl and given rights and privileges not afforded to the Unicorns, whose unearthly appearance branded them Kobolda. Being grouped in with all manner of monstrous beasts the Unicorns fought vehemently against this division, but without innate abilities to hide, no change could be made. Unicorns and Pegasi later engaged in a brief violent conflict in central Europe before withdrawing from many of their shared communes and leaving a rift between the two species that continues to this day.

  This consortium of societies governed independently until the mid-17th century, when the close of the Renaissance period and shifts in European powers made it difficult to manage interactions between the mundane and magical beings. Despite the obvious division between the two worlds, the complexities of cultures were rapidly becoming incompatible. The heads of the 6 Ancient and Cryptic societies met again in 1662 in Oxford. Much like the First Oxford Conclave three hundred years prior, The Second Oxford Conclave was riled with conflict and lasted many days. Records indicate that for almost three months the Societies’ representatives argued about the movement forward and, somewhere in that time, finally agreed that a withdrawal from the world of the Mundane was the best option.

  The next thirty days were filled by massive research functions and communications, building a spell powerful enough to massively alter the entire planet. Such magic had only been theorized, but with the investment of energies from the thirty-two dragons in attendance, the idea was finalized. The final incantation was cast on August 12, 1662.

  The result of this spell was far-reaching and particularly effective: evidence of the presence of all magical and ethereal creatures was wiped from the face of the earth, leaving behind only stories, myths, and legends. The Societies at the time justified this as a matter for protecting the particularly weak and helpless mundane beings from harm. A cursory glance at mundane human history indicates that mundane people are perfectly capable of harming themselves and each other without magical influence.

  Chapter 4

  There is something to be said about the productiveness of Tuesday in an office environment. For one, the end of weekend blues have vanished by the time Tuesday rolls around, and the coffee is flowing hard enough to kickstart anyone’s life into gear. I remember reading a business article that Tuesday is the most productive day of the week, and I can understand, tangibly, why that is the case.

  I also understand that I am an outlier and Tuesdays are just as bad for me as any other day.

  I got my cubicle on Day 2, along with a large stack of even more brochures and flyer to go along with my huge handbook. All of these got stuffed into my desk drawer the moment Lisa was out of sight. Speaking of Lisa, hadn’t she said they didn’t believe in cubicle farms? Mine was a decently-sized cubicle, to be sure, about 5x5 with a desk and a set of drawers on the side. Looking around the office and its winding cubicle farm, I honestly couldn’t bring myself to believe that anything special happened here at all and I must admit I was mildly disappointed; for all of the wonder that some kind of magical world might be, so far my experience had just been oodles of paperwork. I was working for a firm that hired wizards, and here I was in a cubie, with a computer and a desk and a chair. I was surprised to find the chair was rather comfortable, and I lazily kicked back in it as I waited to find out what exactly I was supposed to do as a “Casting Technical Analyst” anyhow.

  I didn’t have to wait long. “Andy LaFayette.” I looked up and leaned back into a more professional-looking stance as a short, older lady with long amber curls appeared next to the cubicle with—of course—more papers in her hand. “I’m Carrie and I’m your supervisor. I know you have a lot of questions and I’m going to honest I only have a few of the answers right now but I’ll do what I can, okay?” She looked at me with a hint of desperation that made me think she hadn’t worked under 65 hours a week for years. “Come on.” I followed without a word and we were out of the cubicle far, down a hallway where dozens of offices lined the far wall, each with its own etched glass door. Rows of names were on those doors, and I read a few as I went pa
st. Jon Kilwinning - Junior Associate Wizard. Leon Caliburn - Junior Associate Wizard. Esther McMakin - Senior Associate Wizard. Even though I couldn’t see the people behind the frosted glass, it gave me chills to think that behind each of these doors was a person who likely had unimaginable power. I wondered if they wore suits or patterned wizard robes.

  “Your job is really, really simple once you get the hang of it,” Carrie was saying. “As a CTA you’re basically at the beck and call of any of the Wizards on this floor. They’ll give you things to do, things to research, files to sort…your basic office tasks. Once your permit comes through, later this week, you’ll start on actually assembling things, maybe observing some light casting…but that might take a while. Depends on how quickly you catch on.”

  We continued to wind through the offices and cubicle farms a bit and stopped at a big grey door. “This is the archive room and is a huge project we’re trying to sort through. See, every client we have has a file, and sometimes people forget to file things in the right place, and they just sorta pile files everywhere. We’ve been dealing with that for a while and need to reorganize.”

  I nodded but furrowed my brow. Something rather…important occurred to me. “Um, Carrie, this is going to sound really dumb, but what does this company do?”

  Carrie stared at me as though I had just called her mother ten different awful names. “You—-I…wait. No one even—? GAH!” She threw her hands up in the air and pushed the grey door open, pulling me inside.

  ~

  “I really appreciate you meeting me here on such short notice.”

  Rajesh nodded without a word, his smile plastered almost coldly on his face as he took a sip of the cappuccino in front of him. A plate of biscotti crumbs sat next to his coffee cup, and he gestured for the server to bring more.

  The server nodded and offered Henry a lunch menu, which he politely declined before taking his seat. Rajesh hadn’t told him to bring anything in particular, so he had printed some quarterly sales figures and put them in his portfolio, which he held to his chest like a breastplate whole waiting for the man opposite him to say something to open the encounter. He found himself wondering what it was about Rajesh which so intimidated him, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

  “You have had some financial troubles in your company,” Rajesh said slowly, as though his words were very calculated. “Corporate leaks, bad investments, PR disasters. Many would chalk it up to bad luck.”

  “Well—yes.” Henry nervously set the portfolio down and opened it. “I was told you are a specialist in this kind of situation? Some kind of consultant?”

  Rajesh nodded as the server set down a tray of fresh biscotti. His long, twiggy fingers gingerly picked one piece up, dipped it into the swirling mist of coffee, and raised it to his lips for a bite. Henry began to feel increasingly uncomfortable; the way this man seemed so completely unruffled by the situation might have been a comfort except that the circumstance was so dire. He was right, however—at the moment, the company was chalking it up to ‘bad luck’ but that would only last so long before the company’s shareholders started looking for a place to put the blame. And blame, as it happens, would probably start at the top of the food chain.

  Henry anxiously tapped his fingers on the table. Rajesh hadn’t made the slightest move to look at the papers he’d brought. “So…what kind of services…I mean how can I take steps toward—?”

  “The misfortune your company has experienced is of no fault of your own,” Rajesh assured, taking an impeccably careful bite of biscotti. “What you’re experiencing is a form of corporate sabotage by a competitor.”

  Some of the color drained from Henry’s face, his mouth frozen half-open. He quietly suppressed the panic firing up behind his eyes. He adjusted the open portfolio in front of him, perhaps as some way to take a bite of control in this environment where he was feeling so helpless, trying to avoid Rajesh’s gaze. “What…what kind of sabotage? Our systems are secured with some of the most intricate—”

  Rajesh stopped him by waving the biscotti dismissively. “No, no, Henry. It’s far subtler than that. This kind of sabotage is untraceable. Fortune itself is working against you. Fate is being thrown around. It’s a relatively common mid-level enchantment.”

  Henry blinked, and his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to parse Rajesh’s sentence. “A mid-level…what?”

  Rajesh stopped in the middle of his next bite and fixed the man opposite with a curious stare. “Come now, Henry, surely someone explained these processes to you. Or…hmmm.” He chewed and swallowed. “Maybe not, since you don’t have any protections currently set up.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Rajesh completed his bit of biscotti and leaned intently forward. “Offensive enchantments, Henry. A consulting firm similar to the one which employs me has deployed offensive magic against your company.”

  The sentence hung in the air for a moment and Henry’s eyes slowly began to crinkle into slits. “What…kind of scam are you pulling here? Just who do you think I am?”

  “You,” Rajesh said pointedly, “Are the CEO of a company that has taken a hit to nearly every part of your company’s influence. Despite your best efforts, only thing you can find is that it’s a bad bit of luck, but it’s all happening so fast. How much have your stocks dropped in the last, oh, 48 hours?” Henry didn’t answer; he looked like he was ready to stand up and walk out at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. “Most people in your position are already aware of the kind of services my company offers. And the woman who referred you to me holds our services in the highest esteem. We protect companies like yours from the exact kind of attacks you have been the victim of recently. And if you don’t employ my services—and soon—you will see your company’s misfortune grow. You will lose key employees. You will have workplace accidents. You will have scandals. And they will come seemingly from nowhere, as if…conjured.”

  Rajesh’s eyes were steely and intense. Henry couldn’t seem to look away from their gaze. A knot had welled up in his throat. A single thought kept poking the back of his mind. Was he desperate enough to entertain this idea? Linda was his mentor and had never led him astray. She’d given him some strange advice in the past, but it had always worked out well. But it had never been quite this strange.

  Henry leaned forward. “Ok, be straight with me. Is this a protection racket? Are you extorting me? I really need to know, because—”

  Rajesh leaned back. “One hour, Henry. Give me one hour to get a reasonable counter-enchantment going. Your luck will change within the hour. And if it doesn’t, then you can write me off as the strangest business proposal you’ve ever received. But if you don’t…” Rajesh let his words trail off and glanced down to the leather portfolio Henry was now gripping in either frustration or fear. The consequences didn’t need to be stated aloud, but Rajesh did anyway. “If you don’t, your company will be done for, and soon. Someone really doesn’t like you, Henry. And they’ve paid someone a lot of money to take you down. You can either stand up to them or you can fight them.”

  Henry sat there a long time. His head turned, and he watched the people across the street over at Fountain Square going about their hustle and bustle. His mind seemed slightly fogged, and the idea of potentially losing his company for any reason—magical or otherwise—was simply not one to trifle with. And if he ended up with egg on his face, he could chalk it up to desperation.

  Rajesh straightened his tie. “Also, our services are often tax-deductible.”

  Henry nodded. “One hour.”

  Rajesh took out his phone. “I thought you’d say yes, so I took the liberty of getting a head start. Our best technicians have been working diligently since the moment you walked in. You’ll start getting some very encouraging emails probably by…oh…” He gestured to the server. “…by the end of another cappuccino, I think. In the meantime, let’s talk business.” He gestured to the leather portfolio still gripped tightly in Henry’s hands. Slightly
shaking, he laid it on the table and opened it. He took a sharp intake of air as he saw that his sales figure paperwork had all been replaced by gold-trimmed letterhead bearing the embossed name 50 THOUSAND CONSULTING and a client welcome letter.

  Rajesh smiled as the server set down his next cup of coffee. “So, Henry, our basic retainers begin at a very reasonable monthly price…”

  Chapter 5

  Carrie shut the door. “So in short,” she finished, “we are a really big firm that practices protective and beneficial magic. Wealthy and influential companies hire us to either help boost their profits with basic enchantments and spells, or protect them from Dark Magic.”

  “Dark—?”

  “Shh, I’m explaining. See, most Dragons don’t allow Dark Magic casting in their jurisdictions. Cincinnati doesn’t, for example…but some Dragons do, and in those cities an unethical wizard can make a killing by using Dark Magic against a company or a person. So those folks hire us to imbue their companies, assets, and even themselves with protective spells. We’re the top people in the country for this so we have a lot of the highest-class clients.

  “Also, because like I said the Dragon of Cincinnati doesn’t like Dark Magic, we have a large commissioned security force that polices the city for people doing unlawful spell casting, and we have a contract with the Dragon of Cincinnati to keep and maintain his laws. So you—” She pointed at me irritably, “are here to enable the wizards out there to keep their wealthy and powerful clients happy which is why your job is very, very important. Those guys don’t have time to assemble spell ingredients or brew options. They’re the lawyers, you’re the paralegal. They’re the doctors, you’re the nurse. Do you understand?”

  “I do all the work and they get the credit?” Carrie ignored my quip and went on to explain her “system” of filing that seemed to be shuffling files into groups like “March thru something”, “Misc” and “Other”.