The Wizards on Walnut Street
Page 25
[20] “Carol, the Employee Advocate, is very difficult to work with and should be avoided at all costs. Did you know that she just throws away unused copies of the 50 Thousand Employee Handbook? Unbelievable.” - 50 Thousand Employee Handbook, Page 1184 (Avoiding Horrible Employees)
[21] “Glitter in all of its forms is entirely prohibited on the premises of 50 Thousand Consulting. It has been determined that the manner in which glitter particles stick to everything, and the way that they seem to eternally infest a carpet or clothing item onto which they are applied, is a form of Dark Magic and should be avoided.” - 50 Thousand Employee Handbook, Page 992 (Prohibited Paraphernalia)
[22] “Ow.” - 50 Thousand Employee Handbook, Page 1290 (That Hurt)
[23] “The Handbook considers itself to be quite happy with its size, thank you very much.” – 50 Thousand Ex-Employee Handbook, Page 488
[24] “The vaults of 50 Thousand Consulting are well-known to house secret, powerful, and downright legendary items. These are rumored to include the Blackbeard’s treasure, Oliver Cromwell’s head, the entire lost city of Atlantis, a copy of the unreleased third installment of a popular video game, and the Ark of the Covenant. Note that the vaults of 50 Thousand Consulting are not a dungeon that you and your well-equipped friends can ‘raid’ under any circumstances. For this reason, the phrase ‘looking for group’ is banned on company property.” - 50 Thousand Ex-Employee Handbook, Page 893 (Assets)
[25] “I’m back! Did you miss me?” – The Cornucopia Employee Handbook, Page 45 (The Ride Never Ends)
[26] “In addition to its hypnotic visage, the Afanc’s more notable abilities include rapid swimming, invisibility, and the ability to speak a mysterious and incomprehensible language called ‘Welsh’.” – The Cornucopia Employee Handbook, Page 78
[27] “The Cornucopia offers lots of great incentives for Employees to do well. These incentives include things like extra hours (sometimes even paid), taking on other people’s responsibilities at no additional compensation, being blamed for other people’s mistakes, and being the first person Management demands to come in when another employee calls out.” - The Cornucopia Employee Handbook, Page 55 (Benefits)
[28] “—so long as it can without material injury to itself. It also can be…wait. You stopped reading already? Come on, I got dressed up and organized just for you. Dammit, Andy, you ungrateful little—” - The Cornucopia Employee Handbook, Page 477 (Your Car and You)
[29] “The use of serving patters to commit acts of violence is strictly prohibited. Not because violence itself is prohibited, but because people eat off of those. That’s nasty. You’re nasty.” – Cornucopia Handbook, Page 344 (Violence in the Workplace)
[30] “In the unlikely event that you become witness to a challenge of Dragons, then the best thing to do is RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! GET OUT OF THERE! AND TAKE YOUR EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK WITH YOU!” - The Cornucopia Employee Handbook, Page 846 (Things that will kill you, Part 3)
[31] “OSHA inspectors are often scared by unfamiliar architecture and bright lights. If you encounter one, scream loudly and raise your arms to make yourself appear bigger. If the OSHA employee does not run away, do not engage them further; leave the area quickly.” – The Cornucopia Employee Handbook, Page 520 (Dangerous creatures)