Take it Easy takes place chronologically after Ready to Fall and Confessions of a Reformed Tom Cat . It's better enjoyed after reading Take the Cake and Run
Chapter 1
I sat on the tailgate of John’s truck, watching the ferry wake churn the dark water into white froth. The ship’s engines hummed as we made our way north. My faded Mariners’ cap blocked the bright August glare from my face. The summer sun warmed my bare arms and legs despite the wind. A few seagulls rode the air currents above the wake, carefree.
Beside me, Hailey slowly swung her feet, her long tanned legs exposed below shorts that covered little more than her ass. I liked her ass and legs. A feral part of me wanted her to wear one of those long skirts to keep other men from checking out my girlfriend.
Yeah, the Tom Cat found himself a girlfriend.
She was more than that, though. Someday she’d be a Donnely, too.
Not this summer, though. John went and got himself hitched and that was enough wedding stuff for one year.
I trailed my fingers up Hailey’s leg, causing her to squirm.
“Don’t start anything you’re not willing to finish,” she whispered. Her eyes were hidden by sunglasses, but I knew from the tone of her voice, she meant it.
“Ever had sex on a ferry?” I snuck a fingertip between the edge of her shorts and her inner thigh.
“No, and I’m not about to on a full, Friday afternoon boat headed for the San Juans.”
“That’s not a ‘never.’ I’ll keep those details in mind on one of those late night winter crossings where we’re one of a handful of cars and everyone else is trying to stay warm upstairs.” I nipped the skin of her shoulder. “Thanks for clarifying.”
“Stop teasing, Thor.” She turned her head and smiled.
I scratched the scruff on my cheek. I’d impulsively shaved off my beard a few weeks ago. Hailey had nicknamed me Thor. I was pretty sure it was a compliment.
John and his wife Diane strolled over to us, holding sodas from the galley.
Wife. I couldn’t stop calling her that. So weird to think my best friend was married. It had only been a month or so since the lumberjack tied the knot and I gave the greatest best man speech ever. I mean, how many toasts mentioned both geoducks and wood jokes yet were tasteful enough to avoid getting punched or embarrassing the bride? Only mine. Without a doubt, I put the “best” in best man.
“Hey, Mrs. Day, you excited to go camping?”
Diane glanced up at John. “I thought we were staying in a cabin?”
“You didn’t tell her we’re doing pack-in/pack-out tent camping with a ten mile, uphill hike to the spot? Whoa, man. You gotta give girls a heads-up on this stuff.” I stared at John, holding back my smile by biting my cheek.
“Tom Clifford, enough of your teasing.” Hailey pinched my bicep muscle in her version of a Vulcan grip.
“Ouch!” I yelped and scooted away from her.
“I know he’s teasing. I booked the cabin myself. Two bedrooms, two baths, porch, firepit next to the lake. That’s about as close to sleeping on the ground as I’ll get.”
“You didn’t mind that time we went to South Whidbey State Park.” John wrapped his big arm around her.
Diane’s cheeks reddened and she took a long sip through her straw. John chewed on a handful of corn nuts.
Okay, then. Clearly someone had some camping lovins in the woods. Wasn’t going to ask for details.
“What’s the plan for the weekend?” Hailey asked, ignoring the awkward moment John had created.
“Nothing. I plan to do nothing but take it easy. Sleep in. Fish. Eat. Have sex,” I answered.
Everyone laughed.
“What? She asked.” I took off my cap and ran my fingers through my hair. It was long enough to start curling. Hailey liked it longer. Said it gave her something to hold onto, so I’d let it grow.
“Sounds like a good plan to me.” John backed me up.
“All but the fishing works for me,” Diane added. “We’ll nap while you guys go hunt food.”
“You make us sound like cavemen,” I said.
The girls exchanged glances and laughed.
“If the name fits, Thor.” Hailey teased and jumped off the tailgate.
“Thor definitely suits him. He’s definitely an angry Norse god or long, lost Hemsworth brother.” Diane high-fived Hailey.
“It’s perfect, isn’t it?” she replied, a smug smile on her face.
John took Hailey’s spot next to me as the girls continued to congratulate themselves on their cleverness. With their similar brown hair, they could be sisters. Diane was shorter and curvier while Hailey had that Amazon look, all long legs and kickass…
“Are we sure this is a good idea?” he asked, keeping his eyes on Diane.
“Letting them feel smug? Probably not, but what can it hurt? They already know they have all the power.”
He smiled and bowed his head. “Ain’t that the truth. I meant taking them out to Friday Harbor with us.”
“Can’t be worse than camping with the Kelso brothers.”
“Right. Never doing that again.”
Plus, I had a plan for some fun that might return some of our guy power. I hadn’t mentioned it to John yet, but it involved a campfire and snipes.
Chapter 2
“How is it possible you’ve never been snipe hunting, Diane? You have brothers, don’t you?” I stretched my legs toward the fire ring, extinguishing a bright red ember with the toe of my boot.
Hailey rested her head against my shoulder. Her short nails scratched a figure eight pattern on my bicep through the thin material of my flannel shirt. Across from us sat John and Diane. Going on ten o’clock, the sky had finally darkened about an hour ago after a long Friday afternoon of doing nothing. A few yards away, the lake barely made waves at the shore. The fire crackled and popped, and the only sound besides us was an occasional owl or muffled voice in the distance. Our cabin was at the end of a road, with only woods behind us. I inhaled the smell of smoke and pine trees.
“What’s a snipe?” Diane asked. “Please tell me this isn’t another offer to show me your penis, Tom.”
Across the fire, John chuckled and I shot him a look. If he let his bride in on the joke, my whole plan would be ruined. Hailey’s fingers paused and I squeezed her hand. She knew all about snipe hunting, but loved a practical joke almost as much as I did. I knew she’d play along. As much as we both liked Diane, she needed to be fully initiated into being an islander.
“One time. That was one time. And it was kind of an island tradition.” I defended my only serious attempt at hitting on Diane.
Both women snorted and rolled their eyes at my old pick-up line.
“Settle down. First, I have a girlfriend now.” I let my eyes meet Hailey’s and, as happened a lot when I looked at her, I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I was a man in love. “Second, I’m not showing Diane what she’s missing. No matter how much you beg. I don’t want to break up a marriage.” I grinned and gave her both dimples. Our relationship bordered on brother-sister, especially the teasing part.
“Okay, so if it’s not another penis euphemism, what is it?” Diane asked again.
“It’s a bird,” Hailey spoke up. “Very rare, but they’re all over the San Juan Islands.”
John leaned forward. “Especially around here. Something about the lakes they like.”
Diane glanced around the dark woods and lake. “I haven’t noticed any unusual birds since we’ve been here.”
“That’s because they only come out at night.” I set down my beer and rested my elbows on my knees. “You may have heard them. Their birdcall sounds like their name.”
“Snipe, snipe,” John and Hailey said at the same time. John spoke in a falsetto. I couldn’t look at him and keep a straight face.
“Snipe, snipe?” Diane imitated them. “Sounds a little bit like that Monty Python sketch, “The Knights Who Say Ni.”
John met my eyes and raised his ey
ebrow in a silent challenge. Was she onto us already?
“Not quite the same thing. I don’t think they even have snipes in England.” I attempted to sound convincing. “They’re really cool. Similar to pheasants, but prettier. The males have blue and green feathers, like peacocks. Only smaller. Like the length of my forearm from beak to tail. Their eyes are bright yellow and glow in the dark. That’s how you spot them,” I babbled.
Diane wrinkled her forehead. “So a nocturnal, pheasant-peacock hybrid with glowing yellow eyes?”
Hailey nodded. “Exactly. They’re really cool. It’s kind of a rite of passage to see one. Some people try to catch them because…” she paused and stared at the dark lake, “…their feathers are supposed to bring good luck.”
Nice recovery.
“Do people eat them?” Diane asked.
“No!” we all said in unison.
“They’re protected, like eagles,” John said.
“So? This is a thing I need to see while we’re here?” Doubt crept into Diane’s voice.
“Since it’s your first camping trip on San Juan, it’s a must!” Hailey sounded overly excited, probably to counteract Diane’s growing suspicion. She even bounced in her camp chair, giggling and almost tipping over. That might’ve been going too far.
I reached out and steadied her chair. No need to go crazy. I suspected she and Diane were both a little more than tipsy.
“What do we need to do? Walk into the woods with flashlights?” Diane looked at John.
With a straight face, he answered, “It’s not that easy. They’re shy. You need to be completely quiet. Silent. No laughing.” He gave them a stern look.
Both women giggled.
Hailey frowned and pressed her finger to her lips. “Shhh, we’re hunting snipes. Be serious.”
“Yes, sir.” Diane saluted him and giggled louder.
Ignoring them, John continued. “We’d need to gather supplies first. Probably better to break into two groups. One group can set the trap and the other can flush out the birds towards it.”
“You guys are good at being loud and causing a ruckus, so I say Diane and I will sit with the bags and let you two act like bird dogs,” Hailey smiled at me.
I love that she was up for scaring her friend. If the prank went well, maybe I’d get a bonus blow job.
“We need bags and flashlights.” I set down my beer and stood. “John, don’t you have some in the truck?” I jerked my head toward the road.
“Right,” he stretched out the word and patted his thighs. “Bags and flashlights coming right up. Guess we’re going snipe hunting.”
Away from the glow of the fire, the night closed around us. Diane and Hailey’s voices, along with quiet laughter, carried through the trees.
“So what’s the real plan?” John asked as we walked to his truck.
“Same thing as always: scare the girl.”
He clicked the lock and his lights blinked bright orange in the darkness. “You know, they’re both a sure thing, right? Pissing them off might not be the best idea.” He held up his left hand where the gold from his ring reflected the light.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. I figure we’ll let them wander off, make some noise, then circle back and scare them. We’ll all have a good laugh and the adrenaline could make things interesting later.”
“It’s all about sex with you.”
I nodded. No denying my love of sex.
He shook his head and pulled two canvas wood carriers from the back of his cab. “These will have to do. I should have a flashlight in the glove box and there’s another one in the cabin.”
I clapped my hands and rubbed my palms together. “Excellent.”
“You realize Hailey knows all about snipe hunting from when we were kids, right?”
“Yeah, but she loves a good prank as much as we do. At least she likes being on the pranker side.”
“I’m still not sure what’s in it for me, but if I get in trouble, you’re in the dog house with me.” He stared me down. He could be intimidating with his giant height and dark beard, but after over twenty years of friendship, I knew he was all glower and no fight.
“Deal.”
When we returned to the fire, the girls were whispering with their heads together. John cleared his throat behind me, and both women jumped apart.
“Gossiping?” I asked, trailing my hand over Hailey’s shoulder before leaning down to kiss her behind her ear.
She exhaled a shaky breath. “Us? No, never.” She reached her hand behind the chair and grazed my upper thigh.
I stepped away before she found her target.
When she tilted her head back to look at me, her mischievous grin told me she knew the exact affect she had on me and my body. She owned me, and we both knew it.
Unable to resist her, I leaned over and gently brushed my lips against hers in an upside down kiss. Her hands wove into my shaggy hair and tugged.
“Ahem. Are you two going to make out or are we going to find these silly birds?” Diane had left her chair and wrapped herself around John. She only came up to his shoulder.
Hailey leaned forward. “I think we should have a bet.”
As she stretched and stood to her full height, I eyed her long legs in tight jeans. “Bet?”
She knew there was no such thing as a snipe, what exactly were the stakes?
“Yes, a bet. Whoever finds the first snipe wins.”
“What if we can’t find any? I don’t want to be tromping through these woods all night out there with all sorts of rabid animals. The last thing I need is to be mauled by a crazed woodchuck.” Diane's brow furrowed with worry.
I laughed. “I think we could take a woodchuck, if they even lived on the island.”
Diane shook her head. “Don’t joke. They can be vicious. Especially if they’re hungry. Or rabid. I overheard a guy at the lodge mention a cougar sighting.”
“Are you sure he was talking about the cat and not the woman?” John asked.
“He was serious. They’re nocturnal, too.” Diane’s eyes widened with fear. A branch snapped in the woods and her head spun around like The Exorcist. “What was that?”
“I’ll protect you from any fearsome woodland creatures in the dark. The scariest thing will be Tom, I promise.” John kissed the top of her head and she looked up at him like he’d hung the stars just for her. The man was tall enough he could probably reach them.
I’d never heard of cougars around here except for in the bars at Friday Harbor. “Ha ha. Okay, let’s bet. Snipes you win, cougar you lose?”
“I don’t want to jinx ourselves.” Worried, Diane looked over her shoulder.
“I bet the two of you can’t be quiet,” John suggested. “No laughing, giggling or talking. No sounds other than whistles or snipe calls.”
“We’ll take that bet.” Hailey grinned.
John and I laughed.
Both women frowned and crossed their arms over their chests.
“What?” I asked innocently.
“Why do I get a distinct feeling you think we’ll lose?” Diane asked.
“Oh no reason.” I looked at John for back-up. Once a wingman, always a wingman.
“Well, for one thing, Tom and I are experienced snipe hunters. We’re guys. We can go for hours without talking. Plus, I can’t think of the last time I giggled,” John said smugly.
The women had a silent conversation that ended with both of them rolling their eyes.
“Now, what are we betting for?” I asked.
“We want a day at the spa. The lodge doesn’t have one, but Roche Harbor does,” Diane declared.
John made eye contact and shrugged. We knew we’d win, so why not agree? “Sure,” I said. “Get the works.”
Hailey smiled. “And what do you two want?”
Would it be rude to ask for blowjobs? I mean, that would be the obvious answer.
“Hmm…” John stroked his beard.
I tried t
o telepathically tell him to please say blowjob. It would be better coming from him.
“I’m pretty confident Tom and I can find a snipe or two tonight. I don’t want to make you ladies suffer in defeat, so if, I mean, when, we win, I think a grilled steak dinner with baked potatoes and corn, all cooked by our beautiful, sweet women would be a great prize. Don’t you think, Donnely?”
Steak?
What happened to blowjobs?
Wait… when was that made-up holiday that combined both? March? Today was August seventh. I mentally counted the months in my head and told myself to mark it on next year’s calendar.
“Tom?” Hailey asked.
“What?”
“Steak dinner good for you?”
I frowned and stuck out my bottom lip in a pout. “Sure. Steak’s good.”
“Since when don’t you like steak?” Hailey tugged on my sleeve.
I gazed down into her beautiful green eyes. “Nothing. I love steak.”
“Did you want the prize to be something else?” Her fingers grazed mine before she wove them together.
I leaned closer and told her the truth. “I was hoping he’d say blowjobs.”
She swatted my arm and laughed. “You know you don’t have to earn those,” she whispered. “What are you doing later?”
“Let’s go find these damn snipes!” I shouted.
The others startled at my booming voice.
“All right. Let’s do this.” John pointed to the woods behind the cabin. “We’ll find a clearing to set the trap, then leave you so we can flush out the snipes.”
He stomped off through the trees, his flashlight lighting a narrow path. I followed behind, marking our path so we could find our way back to the lake.
About ten minutes later, we arrived at a small clearing around a large rock and a downed tree. It would be easy to cut through the trees and hide behind the log or sneak up behind the boulder. It was perfect.
“This looks like the perfect spot. If you sit with your backs against the rock, we can funnel the snipes through the ferns, straight into the bags.” John spoke with the confidence of an experienced snipe hunter.
“Leave us one of the flashlights,” Hailey suggested. “So we can make sure whatever comes through the ferns isn’t a raccoon. Or a serial killer.”
Love, Laughter and Happily Ever After: A Short Story Collection Page 9
