“Tom, you did leave your hockey mask at home, right?” Diane asked.
I smirked. “I don’t usually travel with it. If you see someone wearing one, you better scream and run.”
“And lose the bet? No way. I really want a massage.” Hailey grinned at me.
My competitiveness flared. The sooner one of them lost, the sooner I could get her alone. I ducked my head to steal a quick kiss.
“May the best team find the snipe,” I whispered against her lips and pinched her ass.
She yelped and stepped away. “It’s on, Donnely. Bring it.”
The girls opened their bags and leaned against the boulder, with their crossed arms and serious game faces. I suddenly felt unwanted.
“Don’t forget the snipe call,” John called over his shoulder as we retraced our steps down the path.
Diane chirped, “snipe.”
We both struggled to contain our laughter.
When we returned to the fire, John pulled out a beer and opened it, offering it to me before he got one for himself. “How long should we let them go on with that?”
I took a long pull from the bottle. “I say at least ten minutes. Let them start listening for rabid forest creatures. A few snapped twigs and rustling leaves will only build up their nerves.”
We sat in silence, drinking our beers, and listening to the faint sound of snipe calls and whistles from the woods.
“Ready?” John asked after finishing his beer.
“I am, but I have an idea.”
“Why am I afraid to ask about this brilliant idea?” He shook his head.
“I like that you think it’s brilliant and you haven’t even heard it yet.” I jumped out of my chair and unbuttoned my jeans.
Chapter 3
“What the hell?” John shouted and moved to the other side of the fire. “Why are you taking off your pants?”
“It’s part of my plan.” I yanked my jeans over my left boot, lose my balance, and sit on the ground with a thump. “Okay, boots off before jeans would have been smarter.”
“Your plan involves being pantsless?”
“I was thinking it would be funnier if we were naked. We could run through the woods. Like streaking.”
John’s mouth dropped open and he shook his head. “And the point of that is?”
“Dude, other than running naked through the woods?”
“What’s up with you being naked outside? Haven’t you outgrown this already?”
“Come on. Who doesn’t like being naked outside? Next you’re going to tell me you don’t like to piss outdoors either.”
“Every man likes peeing outside. It’s one of the joys of being a man.”
“Just checking you’re still a man. Come on.” I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it and my T-shirt over my head. I stood there in my boxers and boots, goosebumps appearing on my skin. “Hurry up. It’s colder than I thought.”
“You’re insane.”
“You’re boring.”
I stared down my best friend. Back when we were kids, I could talk him into any sort of cockamamie idea I had. Didn’t matter that it usually ended with both of us in trouble. Or if I couldn’t convince him to join me, I knew he’d bail me out when I screwed up. Now that he was married, our days of being stupid guys felt numbered. Soon he’d probably become a dad, and get all responsible and serious.
Hell, I’d probably be a dad someday, too. Hailey and I hadn’t talked about it, but she loved my big family. And I loved her. Someday we’d get married. With the way we had sex all the time, her getting knocked up would be inevitable.
Married with kids.
I shook my head at the thought, but smiled.
“You ready?” John stood there in his boxers and boots.
I gave him a mental high five. “Ready.”
I dropped my boxers and ran off into the woods, praying there wasn’t poison ivy or stinging nettles around here.
Realizing I was making too much noise, I slowed to a walk. I heard John catch up to me, but I didn’t look back. We whistled and called out “snipe” in falsettos to let the girls know we were coming, then cut across the path to the other side. Once we had them thinking we were heading back from the lake, we approached from the opposite direction.
About ten yards ahead, the glow of a flashlight lit the clearing. I held up my hand to let John know to stop. He whistled to catch my attention and then pointed behind the rock. We focused on treading softly through the underbrush in that direction, lest we give ourselves away. John let out a low growl. I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh.
Turned out we didn’t need to be so quiet. When we arrived, the clearing was empty.
Except for something wiggling around in one of the canvas bags.
I snuck closer to get a better look. The flashlight lay on the boulder in front of us. There was no sign of the girls.
John whistled and called out “snipe”.
We listened for a response. Nothing.
Our eyes met and I jerked my head toward the clearing and the bags. Not wanting to speak, I gestured we should check the perimeter.
Something heavy fell in the woods on the other side of the nurse log, making a thumping sound as it hit the mossy forest floor. Maybe Diane was right about the cougars.
I took a step into the clearing, John right behind me. The bag flipped over. I stopped short, and he bumped into me. We jumped apart and instinctively cupped our junk. No man on man naked touching. Not in the plan.
A flash of movement caught my eye. I spun around and saw silver fur coming straight for me as a raccoon sped between us into the woods.
“Holy fuck,” I whispered harshly. Surprised, I stumbled and knocked into John with my naked ass again.
“Dude, what the hell was that?” he all but shouted.
Another raccoon bolted for the woods behind the fallen log. A scream broke the silence of the woods.
I met John’s eyes. “Oh, shit.”
He moved toward the sound.
A second later, a startled, disheveled Hailey and Diane burst into the clearing from the same direction.
Everyone starting shouting at the same time.
Chapter 4
“Did you see that?”
“Did you see the raccoon?”
“Holy shit.”
“Why are you naked?”
“I can’t believe there were two of them.”
“Why weren’t you with the bags?”
“Where are your pants?”
“What were you doing in the woods?”
“Are you okay?”
“Snipe!” Diane burst out laughing.
Diane’s laughing grew contagious and the rest of us joined her.
“Did you really think I didn’t know about snipe hunting?” She wheezed, breathless and bent over with her hands on her thighs.
Hailey stood in front of me. I couldn’t tell if she was shielding me from Diane or facing me to avoid looking at John in his underwear. “Seriously, why are you naked?”
“And why aren’t you?” Diane tugged on the hem of John’s boxers, clearly flirting with him.
“I only get naked with you.” He kissed her forehead.
Hailey giggled. “You didn’t answer my question, Tom.”
“It’s the woods.” I shrugged. My explanation was completely logical. “I thought it would be funnier to be naked.”
“What is it with you being naked outside?” she asked, not expecting an answer.
“Is this an ongoing thing?” Diane sounded curious.
“Oh, like you don’t have an outdoor shower.” I pointed at her.
Diane at least pretended to look embarrassed.
A beam of light swept across our group.
“Care to explain what you folks are doing out here? I could hear yelling from down the road.”
“Uh oh,” I mumbled under my breath.
A ranger stood at the edge of the clearing.
“Good evening, sir.” John simultaneousl
y greeted our new friend and pulled Diane in front of himself. “We’re snipe hunting.”
Guess we were going with the truth. I managed to keep my expression serious. Hailey turned around to face the ranger, but pressed her back to my chest.
“Snipes, you say?” The ranger flashed his light across our faces. “Never heard of naked snipe hunting. This is a family place, you know. We don’t tolerate any sort of public nudity or other indecent activities.”
I snorted and tried to cover it with a cough. “No, sir. We, um…” I tried to think of a reason two grown men, one naked and one in only his boxers, would be in the woods in the middle of the night. “…Well…”
“They lost a bet,” Diane spoke up. “If we didn’t find a snipe, they had to strip.”
Ranger Bob scanned the area. “Don’t see any clothes. Or snipes.”
“Our clothes are back by the fire pit,” I explained. “It’s kind of a long story.”
“I figured as much. Pretty sure we don’t have any snipes around here, but you all knew that, didn’t you?”
I couldn’t tell if he was pissed off or amused. Or both.
We all nodded.
“We do have a raccoon problem down at this end of the cabins. You wouldn’t want to encounter one of those while you’re out here sharing what the Lord gave you with the rest of nature.” He stared at me.
John’s laugh rang out. “Too late for that. All that hollering and noise you heard was us encountering a pair of raccoons.”
The ranger’s light fell on an empty bag of corn nuts lying on the ground. “Not too smart to leave food or garbage around. You’re asking for trouble.” From his deep frown, he didn’t see the humor in our prank. “Let that be a lesson to you. Now head on back to your cabin and we’ll forget the entire incident. I know I’m going to pretend I didn’t see anything.”
John picked up the bags while we promised to not leave food or trash out before saying goodnight to the ranger. He looked like he was fighting to keep his face serious and respectful.
“Last one to the fire is raccoon bait,” I yelled and took off in a sprint back to the fire and the dignity of my clothes. I had my boxers and T-shirt on by the time the others tromped out of the woods. The fire had died down during our hunt, so I prodded it back to life and resumed my spot in the camp chair.
Hailey pulled her chair close to mine and kissed my cheek.
“What was that for?”
“Giving me yet another naked Tom story for when I need a good laugh.”
I cupped her cheek and kissed her.
“Speaking of naked, want to go skinny dipping?” I doubted I could convince her to do it knowing our friendly local ranger could interrupt us at any time. What a waste.
“No way! Not with a ranger and crazy raccoons lurking in the woods. My luck there would be a lake monster, too. Or Jason.” She grinned at me.
I rubbed my cheekbone in memory of last Halloween. “No more hockey masks. I promise.”
“Speaking of things that go bump in the woods, we heard something fall right before the raccoon and all hell broke out. Was that one of you?” John asked.
Diane and Hailey started giggling.
“We were hiding and planning to scare you. Hailey tripped and fell into me, then I tumbled over too. I’m surprised you couldn’t hear us trying to stifle our laughter. We were rolling around on our backs like a pair of turtles.”
“Sexy,” I commented. Not that I had fantasies of the two of them naked. Nope. Not my best friend’s wife.
“At least we weren’t naked, you big dorks.”
“A dork is a whale penis,” Diane said with a straight face.
We all turned to look at her.
“What? It is! You can look it up online. Or you could if we had cell service.”
“Then I guess it’s an accurate name for me.” I gave her a cocky smile.
“Don’t be too smug, Tom. Remember I saw you naked not even thirty minutes ago.” Diane laughed and sat on John’s lap. “Don’t take this the wrong way, dear husband, but you’re an even bigger dork than Tom.”
John wrapped his arms around his wife and shot me a grin over her shoulder.
“Before Thor starts pouting, I think we’re going to call it a night.” Hailey chuckled, pulling herself out of her chair, and holding out her hand to me.
When we were both standing, she leaned close and whispered in my ear. “I believe you said something earlier about a blowjob.”
She didn’t need to mention it again. I practically dragged her back to the cabin. When she didn’t move fast enough, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder.
From her upside down position, she called out goodnight to John and Diane.
“Spa day tomorrow,” Diane said back.
“Don’t you mean steak dinner?” John asked.
“Let’s call it a tie and everyone wins,” I said as I set Hailey down by the cabin’s door.
“I love it when everyone wins. Especially when it’s a tie,” she whispered.
Her words conjured up all sorts of possibilities. Possibilities involving her naked were much better than being naked in the woods with a raccoon.
Chapter 5
“This is the life. I could live like this all the time.” I stretched my arms and patted my stomach. “Hot women cooking me steak while I sit around like a king.”
“I hear you. A man could get used to this.” John pushed his empty plate away.
“How is this different than most of the rest of your lives? We’re still on an island, only it’s a different one than home.” Hailey sipped her wine. She had a sleepy, content expression on her face and if she leaned any further back in her chair, she’d be horizontal.
“True, but there’s no work here. We get up, fish, get fed, laze around. It’s pretty much heaven.” John poured more wine for Hailey.
“I have to admit this kind of camping isn’t too bad.” Diane’s skin glowed. So did Hailey’s. They’d come back from the spa smelling of flowers, and all soft. I couldn’t wait to get Hailey naked.
“Let’s make it a semi-annual trip,” Hailey suggested.
“I agree. And when we have kids, we can still come back in the summers.” Diane's lips curved into a small smile
John and I both choked on our beers.
“Kids?” he sputtered. “Not any time soon, though, right?”
Diane's smile grew and his eyes widened as she gently rubbed her stomach.
GIVE AND TAKE
A MODERN LOVE STORY AND WINGMEN CROSSOVER SHORT
Introduction
Originally published in the Red Hot Holidays anthology, this short is crammed with as many characters from Modern Love Stories and Wingmen as I could manage. I like to imagine it's a holiday special of my favorite TV series where everyone comes home for the holidays. Written in multiple POVs, I thought it would be fun to hear from Diane and Hailey as well as the guys.
It’s Christmastime on Whidbey.
Join the holiday fun with the characters from Daisy’s Wingmen and Modern Love Stories series.
You never know who will show up at the annual Sip ’n Stroll in Langley.
Someone’s pregnant.
Someone’s engaged.
And someone gets a puppy.
May your love be merry and bright.
Chapter 1
John
Hailey opens the small crate hidden under a blanket in the cargo area of her SUV. “He’s a Labradoodle.”
A tiny brown dustball of a puppy stumbles out and blinks at us. I pick him up and cradle him in the crook of my arm. The pup snuggles into my flannel shirt and softly nibbles the cloth. “Are you sure? He looks kind of small for eight weeks.”
“I’m sure. The breeder said he’ll get big, bigger than a normal Lab.”
I examined the puppy’s tiny paws. “Not sure about that. Aren’t you supposed to be able to tell by the size of the feet?”
“I thought that was for penises, not dogs.” She blurts out
and blushes.
“I think it works for both.” I need to change the subject. No way am I talking about penis size with Hailey.
As if he knows we’re talking about him, the brown fluff ball barks. The sound is a squeaky yip.
“What are you going to name him?” I let him bite on my shirt with his sharp teeth. Those things are like tiny razors.
“I figured Tom could name him, but I’m partial to Gus.”
“Just don’t let him name the dog after his boat. One Master Baiter is enough.” I scratch the top of the dog’s head.
“Knowing him he’ll pick something like Carhartt or Stihl. He’s pretty predictable.” She tugs her knit cap down over her short hair against the chilly breeze off the bay. December at the beach is quiet and beautiful, but also cold and damp. Most of the houses are empty this time of year.
“How long do we get him for?” I pull my shirt free from the puppy’s mouth. He nips at my finger, but doesn’t draw blood. Maybe they should name him Sharky.
“I want to surprise him after the Sip ’n Stroll. I don’t think I can wait any longer than that.”
This weekend is the annual holiday event in Langley. It’s a draw for locals and tourists alike. Back in our wingmen days, Tom dubbed it the Sip ’n Troll when we’d set up at the Dog House tavern to share holiday cheer. Those days are, thankfully, long over. I think I can speak for both of us when I say our lives are better off now. Way better. Whole different world.
Nodding, I say, “I can keep him here until the weekend. I’ll put his crate upstairs in the spare room so Babe doesn’t bother him.” My Lab might not approve of a new dog in the house. Poor guy doesn’t realize just how much his world is going to change in a few months.
“Thanks, John. I know how much Tom hates surprises, but he’s been hinting about a dog for months. It was either this or another fish.”
Love, Laughter and Happily Ever After: A Short Story Collection Page 10
