“You and Meg don’t kill every time you feed.”
“Only out of self-preservation. If we killed every time, not only would the food supply dwindle, but humans would get suspicious.”
“What does it matter? Humans aren’t a threat.”
“A mob with torches can do a bit of damage. Besides, we don’t want to advertise our existence. The last thing we need is more humans clamoring for immortality. Vampires can only exist in small numbers. Balance is essential to our continued survival. If the humans ever run out, we’ll die. We can’t drink animal blood. It causes madness. Human food is barely edible and won’t sustain us.”
“I didn’t think we could die from starvation.”
“We can’t. It’s worse. You’d wish you were dead. Starve for long enough, and you simply won’t have the energy to use your body, but your mind, your consciousness, will remain trapped inside. Eternally. I’ve heard Zenas sometimes starves vampires who have angered him as punishment, never letting them know when he’ll feed them or if he ever will again.”
“Dear God.” Just the thought of it sent shudders of horror through Michael’s body.
“If there was a God, he’d let vampires starve to death. I’ve never understood how you can hold to such superstitious beliefs even now.”
“It’s the only explanation for my life. The continual rebirths, Amaia finding me every time, dying on the same day, it all must be the work of God.” He had to hold to that belief. He’d undergone so much in his quest for happiness, for even the chance to have happiness at all, that it only made sense if it was the work of a higher being watching over him. Nothing about Michael’s life had been random.
“Bullshit. It’s all been the work of Amaia. I don’t know how it worked exactly, but she bound herself to you strongly enough during life that she was able to find you every time you were reborn. It was Amaia who killed you and Amaia who found you. If there were a God, he certainly wouldn’t look out for whores and bless vampires.”
“She wasn’t a whore.” Michael couldn’t abide anyone referring to her so crassly.
“Oh, right. A courtesan. She spread her legs for money, both as a mortal and a vampire. I’m not judging. She can do as she pleases. She makes Meg happy, and that’s all I care about, but don’t go acting like she’s more than she is. God would be wasting his time with her. I wouldn’t want to believe in a being that forsakes humans in favor of watching out for a vampire who’s killed a virgin bride on her wedding day in the church she got married in. This God of yours certainly doesn’t do a good job of protecting his people.”
Michael attacked. Before he could think it through, he was on top of Liam. In the split second that he thought about the craziness of his actions, Liam took advantage and pinned him so fast that Michael didn’t even know how it happened. Rage filled him. He wanted to fight, to work out his frustration and siphon off some of the aggression he’d been feeling. But when he focused on Liam, he saw a smile on the vampire’s face.
“That was good. First time you’ve pinned me. I might not have gotten the upper hand if you hadn’t hesitated.” Liam offered his hand.
Michael reluctantly took it. “Don’t disrespect Amaia or my belief in God.”
“Don’t have such ridiculous beliefs. Or at least try to reconcile them with your new reality better than you have been.”
It was hard to argue with Liam when Michael was so confused. He had felt so sure that God wanted him to become a vampire, but he refused to believe it was so he could kill innocent people. “I don’t know how to do that.”
“You need to find some way to fill your time that is more relaxing than what you’ve been doing. Mating is great, but it’s intense. Too intense. We feel things deeper, experience life in extremes. You need to balance that. It’s why I carve. I can’t achieve the precision I want if I work at a normal vampire speed. I let the wood talk to me. And I write on occasion when there are too many thoughts in my head. Meg reads. If you notice, she doesn’t do it at vampire speed either. She savors the words, takes her time to immerse herself in the pages. You need to find something. You’ll drive yourself mad if you don’t.”
“Amaia doesn’t have to do anything like that.”
“Yes, she does. I don’t know what she does now, but she used to like spending time in churches. We used to kill in them for fun, but it was always more for her. There’s something about it she finds peaceful. Maybe you have that in common.”
Michael couldn’t even think about entering a church as a vampire. It seemed blasphemous. Amaia had spent hardly any time away from him, but she did spend a lot of time staring at the rose of Notre Dame. Liam was probably right. “I have no idea what I could possibly do.”
“You’ll think of something. Or go mad. Either one.” Liam shrugged and picked up his carving and knife.
He wished Amaia would hurry up and return. He needed her. He wanted to bury himself in her, but perhaps Liam was right. He’d enjoy simply talking with her. “How much longer?”
“I’m on my way back right now.”
“Would you mind bringing me some rope if you happen upon some?” He had an idea for something he might try.
“Sure. How are you?”
“I’ll be better when you’re here.” Everything was better—made more sense—with Amaia. Maybe it was time to leave and start their new life together. They’d work out how to feed. He’d find a way to protect her from Zenas. Maybe he’d even discover how to turn them both mortal.
No, even with all the difficulties Michael faced with his existence as a vampire, he didn’t want to be mortal again. The world was too magnificent to go back to experiencing it through the inferior lens of human existence. He’d find his balance. It almost seemed a sin to experience God’s marvelous creation as anything other than a vampire.
Chapter 16
Amaia lay on her side in the grass, watching Michael untie the complex knot and start again, his hands moving slowly and deliberately. She’d always loved watching him work. The control he exercised over each skill he mastered entranced her.
“So you really still believe in God?” A cool breeze blew at the perfect speed, carrying the chorus of the birds.
“Yes.” Michael tried another, more complex, knot. Amaia was amazed he could remember them from his long-ago days at sea.
“I had thought you’d abandon that belief after you transformed.”
“No. Seeing the world like this only reinforces my belief. Having you for the rest of time makes me want to fall on my knees and give thanks pretty consistently.” Michael took the rope and performed the most impressive knot Amaia had seen yet. When it was complete, he untied it with the same methodical movements he’d used to tie it. “What makes you like churches so much? I know you don’t have any religious convictions.”
Amaia snorted. “Hardly. Could you imagine? Me? Religious? I don’t remember a time when I believed in God. It’s not as if Lawrence encouraged belief. No, I’m merely fascinated by it. Sometimes, I wish I could be religious. Believers seem to see a beauty and meaning in life that has always eluded me.”
“So why have you never tried it?”
“Because then I usually kill one of those believers and remember that if God won’t even protect his most faithful, I have no use for him. Our loyalty to each other is stronger than any deity’s loyalty to us. If there were anyone I’d worship, it’d be you. You’ve actually given me a reason to.” As much as she wanted to see nobility and beauty in human faith, it always reminded her of their supreme stupidity and naïveté.
“You make it easy to love you.”
Amaia laughed. “I do no such thing. I know I’m not an easy person to be with.”
“Being with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. It’s the only thing that’s made life worthwhile.”
Amaia sobered. “You always speak to me with such sincerity. It’s what attracted me to you initially. Usually, men slip into the role they’ll play in the game when I approach them.
It’s like an unwritten contract with rules for how the game will unfold. But not you. You’ve never played by the rules.”
“I suppose not.”
“Even with your religion, in all of your lives, you’ve never consistently followed any specific denomination. I thought each one was sure their imaginary being is the one and only and all others are false.”
“God presents himself differently to different people. I’ve been both Christian and Muslim. I can’t say they differ all that much. The same God guides them all. He just chooses to do so in a manner that will be best understood by each people.”
“And what about the monks in the East? They do not believe in a god the same way Europeans do.”
“Well, I suppose I’m grateful God never chose to have me born there.”
Amaia laughed. They’d always have their differences, but nothing could make her happier than being with Michael.
“I’ll figure this all out, Amaia. I promise. I didn’t transform to make things more difficult. It’s simply a harder adjustment than I thought it would be.”
“I know. You’re doing beautifully, Michael. Really, you are. I don’t know of any vampire who’s even attempted what you’re trying. You’ve always held yourself to a higher standard. I’ve always admired that part of your character.”
“I only wish being a vampire came as easily to me as it does to you.”
“No, you don’t. Being a vampire came to me like a second nature. More than that. It was as if being a vampire was my first nature, and mortality had been my second. But you wouldn’t have liked it if it had been the same for you. It would have destroyed part of your character. You weren’t destined for this the same way I was.”
“My whole life was orchestrated to make this inevitable.”
“No, none of it would have happened without my intervention. You fell in love with the wrong person, and I let you.” If there was such a thing as fate, Amaia knew she had manipulated it past recognition. Fate didn’t account for vampires and murderous lovers.
“Well, let me rid you of that thought immediately.” Michael kissed her, slowly for a vampire, but fast for a human. It held the comfort of familiarity, of shared memories and hope for the future. “We balance each other. There are many things over many lives that I regret, most especially the time I rejected you, but I have never regretted taking you to my room that first night, and I never will. But I feel like we’re still waiting for our life to start.”
“It’s been over two hundred years since you were first born, Michael. This is life. You’re living it now.”
“Then let’s just say I’m excited for the next phase, the one where I can eat without calling down a hailstorm of guilt upon my head.”
Amaia shook her head. “It’s hard to believe there’s an emotion that you can feel so strongly, and I’ve never even felt a hint of it. I suppose it’s why I’m not suited for religious belief.”
Michael smirked. “Yes, guilt does appear to be something of a requirement.”
“Hello, my dear. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Lawrence’s voice whispered in Amaia’s mind for the first time since she’d left him forty-five years ago.
Amaia’s heart froze. Her entire mind focused on the gravelly voice that had at one time meant the world to her. Even now, when her hatred for everything Lawrence had done to her burned, she still spared an echo of affection for him. She felt trapped. She wanted to ignore him, but if he wanted to speak to her, he would, and she couldn’t stop him.
“What do you want, Lawrence?”
“Is that any way to greet your sire after so long?”
“What is it?” Michael’s concerned face drew her attention.
“Lawrence.” She glanced at him only long enough to see the fury overcome his face.
“I apologize. I’m not properly versed in how one greets an adversary.”
“Tsk, tsk. Has it really come to that, my dear? You know I’ve only ever acted in your best interests. Which brings me to why I’ve contacted you. A little bird told me you’re spending your time around Paris these days.”
Amaia’s gut twisted. How could he know that? She’d been so careful. He didn’t know. He made an educated guess. Paris had always been her favorite city. She tried to untie the knot in her stomach. “Do you have a point, Lawrence?”
“Ferdinand and Lucretia know about Meg and Liam.” So that was how he knew. “It looks like the four of you have formed a nice little family. I’d like to meet you and your human pet.”
“I don’t have any pets. You never allowed them.”
“Still upset that I didn’t let you keep that stray puppy? It seems you’ve picked up your own stray since then. Meet me. I’ll even let you choose the time and place.”
“Why should I?”
“Because you’re my daughter, and sometimes daughters must do things for their fathers that they don’t like.”
“I stopped being your daughter the day I left.”
“No. You’ll always be mine.”
Curse him. He was right. Part of Amaia would always be tied to him by more than just their mental link. “What assurances do I have that you won’t deliver me to Zenas?”
“Has time really dulled your senses so much? If I wanted to kill you or give you to Zenas, I wouldn’t have ever let you leave. Besides, I’m not foolish enough to believe I could defeat you in a fight.”
Amaia had never given any thought as to whether she could beat Lawrence in hand-to-hand combat. If she didn’t fall prey to any of his mental traps, she concluded she would easily win. “I’m not inclined to give you the satisfaction of a meeting.”
“I understand. You need to talk it over with Michael first. I haven’t forgotten that he’s the one who holds your puppet strings now. Take your time. I’ll be here in Paris. Waiting.”
Amaia shook her head, as if that would ensure his voice would stay away. Michael didn’t move. He only stared at Amaia with a mixture of concern and anger. “Hasn’t it been years since he contacted you?”
“Yes. I didn’t think I’d ever hear from him again after I left him to come to you. That was a foolish assumption.”
“Well?” Michael prompted.
“We need to talk to Meg and Liam.”
Chapter 17
The four of them sat around the cottage’s kitchen table. Michael had never been so grateful for Meg and Liam’s presence. Amaia had told him about the conversation with Lawrence, and he agreed that it was a matter to discuss with the others. He wanted revenge against Lawrence, but he hadn’t encountered another vampire since he’d been turned. Their friends’ counsel would be invaluable.
“So what is it, Amaia? What’s so important?” Meg held Amaia’s right hand. Michael still had the urge to push her away, but his rational mind defeated the primal urge. He settled for holding Amaia’s left hand.
“Lawrence contacted me. He’s in Paris. He knows I’ve been there, which isn’t really surprising. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that it’s my favorite city. He’d have known I’d settle here with Michael. Ferdinand and Lucretia know that you two are here, which just corroborates what Lawrence already knew. He wants to meet.”
Jealous fury flared in Michael’s gut. He’d always hated that man. Having him in Amaia’s mind felt like a violation. He wished he could force her sire out for good, but he tried to push those thoughts aside and focus on the task at hand.
“What are you going to do?” Meg looked from Amaia to Michael.
Amaia spoke. “I don’t know. We were hoping for your advice.”
“What does your gut tell you?”
“Amaia’s gut may not be very reliable here,” Michael said. “She’s always let her love for Lawrence cloud her judgment. I don’t trust him, but part of me is itching for the chance to kill him.” Michael felt Amaia’s hand tense in his. He knew she wouldn’t like the thought of Lawrence dead—that’s why he’d wanted to have this conversation with Meg and Liam present—but it was best for
all of them. It was one decision he had no problem making for them. She’d have to deal with it. It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t forgive him for killing Lawrence when they were going to be together for centuries.
“It could be a trap,” Liam said.
Amaia shook her head. “I don’t think so, and it’s not my love for him that says so. Lawrence is a member of Zenas’s clan in name only. He’s not a puppet.”
“He’s one of Zenas’s favorites.”
“Yes, and he works to maintain that position for the power it affords him. He wants me back. He won’t give up his plans so easily, and he always intended to eventually overthrow Zenas and rule the clan with me by his side.”
“I think we should meet him and show him that I’ve become a vampire, so there’s no need to continue this ridiculous feud. We can all go our separate ways.” Three disbelieving pairs of eyes met Michael’s statement. “I’m not saying it will work, but then we’ll know we’ve tried everything, and I can kill him without Amaia wondering if it was the right thing.”
Liam nodded. “That’s fair. Lawrence won’t be easy to kill. I’ll help, if you like.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
Amaia glared at each man in turn. “This is between me and Lawrence. I’d prefer we not all show up at the meeting together. Michael and I can meet him with you two nearby, watching. Since I won’t need to obscure my energy or Michael’s, I can hide you from Lawrence’s senses. If you stay out of sight, he won’t know you’re there.”
“We can do that,” Meg said.
“Don’t antagonize him until you’ve signaled us. He’ll be able to kill you before we can do much if we’re not standing with you.” Liam directed his advice to Michael.
“I’ll have him meet us in a crowded place. He won’t cause a scene in front of humans. If he doesn’t agree to my terms, we won’t meet.” Amaia looked around the table to each person. They all nodded agreement. Lastly, she turned to Michael.
Immortal Echoes (Haunting Echoes Book 2) Page 10
