Blow

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Fuck. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. I do love her, but shit with us has been weird. I don’t want her to think that I’m telling her this so she feels obligated.

  I cup her face. “I love you, Kim. The time we’ve been apart, I’ve been craving you—your voice, your body, just your presence. The only thing that’s kept me going is knowing that you’re there waiting for me.”

  Kim says nothing, but there’s a really strange expression on her face.

  “What is it?” I ask, my heart beating loudly in my ears.

  “The first night you were at Serenity Springs, after you had your episode, I spent the night in your room, because I didn’t want to leave you. You were talking in your sleep, and you told me that you loved me. Unless there’s another Kimberly in your life?”

  So my subconscious knew all along that Kimberly was the one for me, and within hours of meeting her, no less. That seems fucking crazy, but maybe that’s why I couldn’t stay away from her and didn’t give a shit about the rules.

  “No, there’s never been nor will there ever be another Kimberly in my life. Just you, babe.”

  Her eyes gleam with excitement. “I love you too, Bodhi.”

  The smile that spreads across my face is unstoppable. I lean down and kiss her, slow and sweet at first, but soon the passion ignites.

  “Fuck, I’m hard.”

  Kim’s eyes travel down to my crotch, and she lets out a slight giggle.

  “You should never laugh at a man’s hard-on,” I tease. “You might give him a complex.”

  “Yeah, well, I think you’re doing okay.” Kimberly trails her finger down the valley of my abs, sending chills down my spine. Her hand lingers along my waistband, teasing me. Then she pulls on the elastic and looks down inside my shorts.

  I growl, biting the inside of my cheek. With the guys, Natalie, and Maggie outside, there’s no way I can take her upstairs and have my way with her. Maybe the old Bodhi would have, but not this new guy I’m trying to be.

  “Kim…” Her name comes off my lips in a warning tone. She looks into my eyes and winks before letting the elastic snap back against my skin. Everything is telling me to take her now, but she deserves so much more than a fast fuck in my dad’s study. Resting my forehead against hers, I sigh and rub noses with her, trying to bring the sexual tension down a notch. But it’s not working, because her fingertips are lightly moving up and down my back and over the top of my ass.

  “The guys are outside, and I’d like for you to meet them.” I want the guys to love her as much as I do, because I see her as part of my future, someone who’s going to be around a lot. She nods. Taking her hand in mine, I lead her through the house.

  Kimberly stops dead in her tracks once we enter our massive living room with its floor-to-ceiling windows that look directly out onto the pool. From there you can also see the wings of our enormous U-shaped house. It’s easy for me to take this for granted since this is all I know, but I recognize how impressive it can seem at first glance.

  “Bodhi, this house…” She says this as if she doesn’t live on a beautiful seven-hundred-acre ranch.

  “I think I’d trade this house for your ranch any day.” I love the idea of living so far away from noise, traffic, and people. The creative juices would be able to flow in a place like that.

  Her eyes wander over the artistically painted ceiling, mostly designs from my mother’s homeland, Romania. “I’ll give you a tour later,” I promise her. It’s lovely to see her excitement.

  As soon as we step outside, Brayden and Carson are on their feet and coming toward us. Her hand squeezes mine and I squeeze back, reassuring her that everything is fine. No, it’s more than fine—I feel perfect right now.

  “Kim Gordon, allow me to introduce you to Carson Monroe and Brayden Copeland.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you both,” she says, shaking hands.

  “We’ve heard a lot about you,” Carson says, giving her a wink.

  “Bodhi hasn’t shut up about you since he got back. I’m happy you’re here so he can stop bitching.”

  “Shut up, jerk.”

  Kim’s head snaps to mine and her mouth drops open.

  “What?”

  “You said ‘jerk’ and not ‘fu—’ ”

  I slam my hand over her mouth, much to her surprise, and pull her a step away from the guys so she can see around them. Her eyes widen when she spots Maggie in the pool.

  “We try to watch what we say when Maggie is around,” I tell her as I remove my hand.

  “Got it. But I didn’t think any of you had children.” Her statement catches me off guard. Why would she lump me in there? Does she truly think I wouldn’t tell her if I had a kid?

  “Maggie belongs to my roommate, Natalie.” Brayden points to Natalie, who is still on her phone but has taken herself off to a corner. I frown, wishing she’d hang up and not be rude to my guest, but whatever.

  “And she takes swimming lessons here,” I add. “But don’t worry, babe. Once she’s gone the f-bombs will fly.”

  “And the beer will flow,” Carson adds. I didn’t want to insist that the guys hold back on their beer intake, but honestly it’s been hard for me to watch them drink while I’m staying away from the stuff. I wasn’t an alcoholic by any means, but when things were bad, booze and drugs went hand in hand, and I want to avoid the trigger. I’ve been clean for almost two months, and while that may not seem like a long time, it is for me. I can’t remember the last time I went this long without having some type of adult beverage.

  “Come on, let me show you around,” I say to Kim.

  “It was nice meeting you,” she says, waving as I pull her back into the house. To me she adds, “They seem nice.”

  “They’re the best,” I reply.

  I give her the quickest tour known to man, pausing only when we get to my bedroom door.

  Opening the door, I let her walk in first. Sitting on my chair is her bag, already brought up by one of the staff.

  “Bodhi, your bedroom is bigger than my apartment.” I let her walk around and explore, watching as her fingers trail over my dresser and she looks in my closet and the bathroom. Finally she comes back to find me sitting on my bed.

  I beckon her with my finger, and she comes willingly. Her hands are on my shoulders and mine are on her hips pushing their way under her shirt. I lift it enough to kiss her tanned belly while her fingers move into my hair. The button on her shorts is undone with a flick of my fingers, exposing her white lace panties. I trace her hip bone with my tongue while my hands shimmy her shorts down her legs.

  “Your friends are downstairs,” she whispers, as if someone can hear us. My room is at one end of the second floor, while my parents’ is at the other. So they wouldn’t be able to hear what goes on in my room, even if they were home.

  “They’re always here, and they’re not going to care if I’m taking care of my girl right now.”

  The next thing to go is her shirt, and the sight of her matching bra has me rubbing my palm over my growing erection. She stands back, just out of my reach, and unclasps her bra. The fabric dangles there, teasing the fuck out of me. I swallow hard, waiting for her to show herself to me. Her arms fall, along with her bra, and the cool air causes her nipples to peak.

  Kim bends, pushing her panties to the floor. I stand and match her, dropping my swim trunks and kicking them away. I feel like I’m a teen again and about to have sex for the first time. We stand here, naked, taking each other in.

  “Your pictures don’t do you justice,” she says as she steps closer, trailing her fingers over my chest and creating a maze that only she knows the exit to.

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” I sit down and pull her to me so she’s straddling me. My cock jumps for joy, eager to be inside her.

  “Are you sure your friends won’t mind?”

  I shake my head. Even if they do, we’re not getting dressed now.

  Kimberly leans back into
my arms, allowing my dick to move into position. I look down in awe as it disappears inside her.

  “Motherfucker, that’s hot. You’re so tight.”

  “Yeah,” she says as she starts moving her hips with the guidance of my hands. “God, I can feel you in places I’ve never felt before.”

  She picks up momentum, rocking faster against me. Her soft cries and moans are making me harder, if that’s at all possible. I can’t take my eyes off her, enjoying the way her face morphs with pleasure. Kimberly is doing all the work, using me to get off, and I’m loving every minute of it.

  “I’m going to come, Kimberly.”

  “Me too.”

  I bite down on her shoulder, hoping to hang on a bit longer. “No condom,” I whisper into her ear. If she cares, she doesn’t show it. Her nails dig into my shoulders and her whimpers grow louder. The frantic movement of her hips lets me know she’s close.

  “Let me help you.” I massage her clit vigorously, pushing her over the edge. “Oh, fuck,” I yell out, grabbing her hips and thrusting into her as I find my release.

  We collapse in each other’s arms, our hearts pounding and our breathing labored.

  “Did I tell you that I’m happy you’re here?” I ask, kissing her neck.

  “No, but I think you showed me.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “I love you.”

  “I love you, Bodhi.”

  Silence falls upon us as we hold each other. There are small kisses here and there, but nothing more. This is what I needed. I needed her here and in my arms to complete me. To make me feel like I’m on the right path.

  Chapter 20

  Bodhi

  Waking up with Kim in my arms surpasses anything I’d ever expected. Yesterday after she made love to me, we went down to hang out by the pool. Natalie was finally off the phone, and those two chatted like crazy about lots of things that didn’t interest me. But I didn’t care. I was happy watching her from afar, knowing that she was in my home and had come to see me.

  For dinner, we joined my mother and sat around the dining room table while they chatted about more girly shit. That didn’t matter, though, because both the women in my life were happy, and I got to take a small part of the credit for that.

  Now I’m struggling, though. Curled up in my bed, Kimberly looks so peaceful, but I have to go to work. I could let her sleep, knowing that when she wakes up she’ll be well taken care of by the staff, but thinking about her and wondering what she’s doing will mean that my mind will be focused on her and not on rehearsing. The only option, I decide, is to take her with me.

  I pepper with her kisses, causing her to squirm in her sleep. I laugh and keep at it until she wakes up.

  “I have to go to work.”

  “You work at the other end of the house. It’s not like you’re leaving.”

  “You’re coming with me.”

  “Ugh,” she groans into the pillow. “I’m on vacation.”

  “Yep, and you can come to rehearsal. Please, baby.” I rub up against her, giving her a feel of what I’ll give her in return.

  “Fine,” she huffs, throwing the blanket off. She’s naked and looks completely ravishing. Also a little tired—after dinner, we feasted on each other until we were both so sated that we couldn’t move. I had a lot to make up for, not to mention remind her of what she’ll be missing when she goes home.

  After Kim showers, she runs into my mom, and I have to drag her to rehearsal. My mom wants Kim to stay with her and wait for me, but I don’t want to let her out of my sight. I know that seems possessive and probably unhealthy, but she’s here for only the weekend, and that’s not enough time for me to get my fill of her.

  Rebel is none too happy when we walk in and I introduce her to Kim, but I don’t care. As we get set up, I can’t help noticing the daggers Rebel is tossing her way when she’s not looking. I don’t get it. Natalie has been to rehearsals before. Hell, from time to time Bray has had to leave to pick up Maggie. It’s not like Kim is going to disturb us or make us lose our concentration. She’s there to give me peace of mind and to keep me focused. She’s my reward for hard work, proving that it does pay off.

  We go over the lyrics and the dance moves. The makeshift studio doesn’t have enough room for us to spread out, which can be good or bad. The stage we’ll be performing on isn’t exactly square, so we’ll be dealing with limitations anyway. And tomorrow we’ll have a rehearsal at the venue to get our timing right.

  Every so often I feel Rebel’s eyes on me. For all I know she’s waiting for me to screw up or fall off the wagon so she can nail my ass to the wall. It’s not going to happen, not if I have any say about it. The hottie in the corner who has her face buried in a book is not worth losing just to feel high again. I have no doubt Kim would tell me to take a flying fuck if I were to snort coke again. And I’d deserve it.

  As we continue to go over the lyrics, I remind myself that one of the things on my recovery list is to seek out a voice coach. I want to be better. I want to be someone that the guys can put faith in and who they know won’t let them down. Right now it’s mostly Carson who does the singing, with Brayden having a role. I’m relegated to backup for the time being.

  By the time we’re finished, it’s well after dinner and I catch Kimberly yawning.

  “Hey, sleepyhead,” I say, brushing some hair out of her face as I kneel in front of her. She smiles softly, causing my dick to perk up.

  “Hey, Bodhi, do you guys want to grab dinner?” Carson asks as he walks by. I look at him over my shoulder and shrug.

  “Nah, I think we’ll stay in.” The thought of leaving the house with her is something I’m not ready for. I want to keep her to myself a bit longer. Tomorrow she’ll be hitting Rodeo Drive with my mother, and I’d rather have her experience that in relative peace before she’s seen with me. “You can stay here if you want. We can probably grill if you’re up for it.”

  “Cool. I’ll be back in a bit.” I watch him leave, along with the other guys who are all part of making Virtuous Paradox work.

  Brayden and Rebel are in the corner having a heated discussion. I frown at the thought that there’s discord among any of us, especially considering that I fucked up royally and will be paying the price for a long time.

  It could be that Rebel isn’t a good match for us and maybe we need to find a new manager. The thought makes my stomach turn, not only because of the legalities of contracts and all that but also because if she’s feeling vengeful she could destroy us.

  I turn back to Kimberly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you for the last hour. We just had to get that last bit down.”

  “It’s fine, Bodhi. You look tired.” She runs her fingers over the worry lines in my face. I am tired, but not because of work. I wasn’t exactly smart with my time last night. There were more important things to do than sleep once we went to bed.

  I take her hand in mine and lead her out of the studio.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “You can ask me anything,” I tell her as we enter my room.

  “You’re done working and it’s only six. How come when I wasn’t here you wouldn’t call me until after eleven?”

  Pulling off my shirt, I toss it onto the ground and stalk toward her, picking her up, much to her delight, and taking her to the bathroom. I set her down only long enough to turn on the shower before I start undressing her.

  “Rehearsal usually goes that late. But we have the show tomorrow night and we can’t look haggard on television. We need beauty sleep.”

  She gives me a wry smile. “Maybe we should have gotten a little more sleep last night.”

  I motion for her to get into the shower. “It was worth it, so don’t even think otherwise.”

  She steps into the shower, letting the water cascade over her. Under the spray we kiss and fondle each other until I’m resting on my knees.

  “I can’t get enough of you.” She spreads her legs and allows me to hook one over my shoulde
r as she leans against the tiled wall.

  The first swipe of my tongue against her pussy sends shivers down my spine. Her fingers grab hold of my hair and pull, spurring me on. She’s a little vixen and doesn’t even realize it. And I love that she is free with her body, giving in to temptation and desire when she’s near me.

  I softly nip at her bud while slowly giving her my fingers to ride, watching as she grinds against my hand and face.

  “Do you like that?”

  “Your stubble drives me crazy.”

  “Do you want me to shave?”

  “Fuck no,” she says, pushing her pussy back to my face. I take her command and work her over, lapping up her juices as she comes for me. Setting her trembling leg down, I stand and kiss her with all my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that I’m in love with this woman, and I know that she loves me back. I’m praying that it’s enough—enough to keep me out of harm’s way and do right by her. Because the last thing I want to do is let her down in any way.

  By the time we’re done showering and dressing, the gang is at my house. When Kim and I come downstairs, my mom is entertaining the crew and looking like she’s having the time of her life. That sight alone makes me happy. Seeing her smile means the world to me.

  We join the group and hugs are given as if we haven’t seen each other for days and not an hour or so. This is how Virtuous Paradox used to be until I fucked it up. Once I started using, Aspen was my only concern. All I wanted to do was spend time with her and no one else.

  I decide to help our chef with dinner by throwing the steaks, chicken, and corn on the cob onto the grill. He frowns at me and slowly takes over, pushing me out of the way. I can’t cook worth shit, but I’m a self-proclaimed grill master.

  At the sound of squealing, I turn around to find Brayden with Natalie and Maggie in his arms as he jumps into the pool. Everyone is laughing, and my mom is reminding him that Maggie can’t swim yet.

  Kimberly comes to stand next to me and hands me a glass of iced tea. “Your mom says you like this.”

  “I do, thank you.” I lean down and give her a quick kiss.

  “Your mom is really nice.”