Ugly Girl

by Mary E. Twomey

  The precious act was so strange that I merely gawped at him. Finally, I patted the space on the empty side of the bed. “You can sit here. Not on my head. Right here.”

  He smacked his forehead in revelation. “You humans and your tricky customs.”

  “Bastien, I have to sleep. You don’t want to know me when I start to get crabby.”

  “Start? You mean this has been the pleasant version of you? Yikes.”

  “No, this is me being attacked by an old man and abducted by two tools, and then driving all night. Crabby is what will happen if you don’t let me sleep. Villagers will scatter. Houses will burn. It’ll be bad news.”

  “Well, we can’t have that.” Bastien watched me for a few seconds, and then sat down on the floor next to where I lay on the mattress. His knees were bent up so he could rest his elbows on them. He looked like a sentry, a gargoyle sent to make sure no evil elves or Cookie Monsters broke in to disrupt my slumber. It was kind of sweet, how seriously he took my safety. I watched him visually check the double bolt on the door, touching the hilt of the knife on his belt a few times as he vacillated between being a gargoyle and relaxing.

  I took the spare pillow and slid it between his back and the wall. “Is that better?” I asked quietly.

  Bastien turned his face to examine mine for signs of a whoopee cushion or a box of dynamite concealed in the gift. He seemed confused at the simple gesture, as if he needed to argue with it for no reason other than to show me he didn’t care about trite things such as kindness. He pursed his lips as he studied my face, which was illuminated only by the dim glow of the television once Reyn turned the lamp off. Finally Bastien worked out a gruff, “Thank you.”

  I nodded, holding his gaze to steady him in his venture into polite behavior, lest he fall and break a bone.

  Bastien cleared his throat, and then leaned back against the pillow. His shoulders unclenched as he rested his head against the wall. “What’s this show about?”

  I closed my eyes through a yawn. “Watch it and find out.”

  “Does it get louder? I can barely hear it.”

  “I will straight up punch you if you keep talking to me.”

  Bastien chuckled under his breath. “This is going to be fun. I thought you were going to be all royal and proper when we found you. This is far better.”

  “Glad to hear it. I’m not totally surprised to hear you like when girls punch you. Now shut up. You’re conversing with a loose woman. There’s no telling how unladylike I’ll get if you keep bugging me.”

  He snorted out a silent laugh, settling in to get more comfortable. He smelled like day-old clothes, cinnamon and pine, which wasn’t a bad thing. He almost smelled like a Christmas tree, though not quite so concentrated. I’d crashed at a few of my guy friends’ places every now and then, but they didn’t smell anything like Bastien, nor did Judah. I felt like I was sleeping under a Christmas tree, and that childhood nostalgia lulled me more than his abrasive mouth ever could.

  Finally I was granted a few minutes of peace, which was all I needed to drift off into a hard sleep.

  13

  Old Friends, New Enemies

  When I awoke, Christmas was all around me. The pine filled my lungs, and though I knew when I opened my eyes I wouldn’t see brightly wrapped presents under the tree, the thrill of anticipation teased me all the same. I was warm, holding onto something that had all the inner peace of a childhood teddy bear. I stretched like a cat against the pillow, not letting go of my treasure. I yawned and burrowed my cheek into the supple snuggle, feeling not a single worry in the twilight of my wakefulness.

  “You finally up?” Bastien asked, breaking me out of my dreamy haze.

  “Mm-hm. Mostly.” I ran the comforting thing in my hands over my cheek, nuzzling it to prolong the moments before I would have to deal with the world again.

  “I might need my hand back at some point.”

  My eyes flew open, my gasp flying out of my lips as I took in the thing I was snuggling to my face, which was most certainly not a beloved childhood toy. I was hogging Bastien’s left hand, my cheek pressed to his curled knuckles. I dropped contact, as if recoiling from a scorpion. “Oh! Oh, screw it all! I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were… I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry!” I climbed out of the bed, ignoring Bastien’s and Reyn’s snickers as I straightened my shirt and fought through my barely awake blur to collect myself. I smoothed back my hair and pointed my finger down at Bastien’s grin. “That didn’t happen. I’m going to go hop in the shower, and when I come out, that won’t have happened. You should’ve said something!”

  “Said what? That I was right next to you? That was no secret. You reached out in your sleep and grabbed my hand.”

  I hugged myself around the middle, utterly mortified. “Okay, so um, super sorry about that. Feel free to push me away if I try to hold your hand while I’m sleeping.” I cringed. “So embarrassing.” I was about to apologize yet again, but then gasped at the empty bed. “Judah? Judah!” I shouted through the small room.

  Judah strolled out of the bathroom, his hair wet from a shower. “You miss me?”

  I didn’t hesitate to throw myself into Judah’s arms. “I was so scared for you! I don’t know anything about the Narnia drugs they’ve got! You’ve been out for so long! Are you alright? Let me look at you.”

  Judah chuckled as he held me, squeezing my waist and rocking me from side to side. “I’m alright. Sore, but that’s the worst of it. Lane filled me in on everything over the phone. Yikes.”

  “I know! Everything was normal, and then it all turned upside-down. I’m so sorry you got dragged along for the ride.”

  “Are you kidding me? A wicked queen, a lost princess, and a magical horse? It’s the best LARP ever!”

  I laughed into his damp shoulder. “I knew you’d find a way to geek this up. No Live Action Role Play. Just Live Action, I’m guessing.”

  “Even better. I’ll be the knight, saving you from the evil queen.” He took one arm away from me and flexed his modest bicep. “Never fear, Judah the Heroic is here!”

  Though we were at least five seconds past what I usually felt was acceptable hugging length, I clung tighter to him. His bravado calmed as he rocked me in his arms that radiated safety. I needed him now, if for no other reason than to make me feel sane again. Judah could give me something normal when I was surrounded by unicorns, and right now, normal was a beautiful thing.

  “Hey,” he whispered. “Hey, now. It’s alright. Lane explained it all. And Reyn seems like an alright guy when you get past the drugging thing. Sounds like we’ll go find your cousin on the fancy horse, defeat the evil queen, and we’ll be home in no time.”

  “I don’t think it’s quite that simple. What about Jill? Your mom?” I pulled back and narrowed my eyes at him. “That’s why you’re so chipper and forgiving of the guys who drugged you and threw you in a trunk. You don’t want to face Jill, and the dreaded ‘where is this going’ conversation.”

  “Well, that is an upside to consider.”

  I shook my head at him and stomped into the bathroom, muttering under my breath about the state of the male conscience of convenience. I washed the day and night and half day off of me, wondering if I’d be able to get my hands on some clean clothes anytime soon. After drying myself on the too-small towel, I twisted my hair into a messy bun atop my head and redressed in the same clothes that were starting to lose some of their appeal. André René Roussimoff had definitely seen better days, but if he could get through it, so could I.

  When I came out into the room, Judah was sitting on the bed, touching his thumbs to each of his fingers, making his way down the row and then starting all over again – a thing he did when he was stressed. “You alright, chief?” I asked him.

  Judah shook his head, keeping his eyes on his hands. “I have to tell you something, Rosie.”

  “Oh, jeez. Why do I get the feeling the roof’s about to cave in? Out with it.”

  “I was
on the phone with Lane while you were in the shower. I had a few concerns, and she… I asked her if I could explain it to you. Might be a softer blow coming from me.”

  My senses were on high alert, so I took a tentative step backward. By the looks on Reyn and Bastien’s faces, they didn’t know which bomb Judah was juggling, either. “Hit me with it.”

  “That necklace you always wore? It didn’t just keep your animal mojo from being tracked. It also changed your appearance. I gotta be honest, it shocked me to watch you outside of that bar, morphing into someone completely different.” He paused, and then scratched the back of his neck. “On the upside, I was totally right about the whole cursed necklace thing.”

  My mouth tightened, and too many rage-filled emotions swept through me. “You’re telling me the necklace gave me my hump?”

  “And the lazy eye, the blemishes, and the…” Judah waved his hand over his chest, and then cleared his throat three times before saying his piece. “The way Lane explained it just now is that she put an old charm in the necklace, that apparently doesn’t even exist in that Avalon world anymore.” He held his hands out to mime having breasts, and then motioned to my body guiltily. “You went from flat-chested to some serious jugs not five minutes after losing your necklace. I’ve been freaking out ever since. I mean, it’s still you, but with some major alterations.”

  Reyn tsked Judah’s crass assessment of my curves, but I didn’t care about that. My mouth hung open, floored beyond words. “Lane did this to me? I have my chiropractor’s home phone number all because of her? I was the Humpback Whale and Baby Got Too Much Back because of something she did to me? But she’s my mom!” I covered my mouth and let out a bleat of betrayal. So very many things began to roil in my gut, filtered through this new light. I’d cried to Lane about being the brunt of so many jokes. My second-grade nickname had been the Humpback Whale. Third grade had been Lazy-Eyed Susan. Fourth grade had introduced Remedial Rosie. Fifth grade had settled us back to either Crater-Face or Remedial Rosie, and there we landed until college gave me a break. College kids mostly left you alone, giving my self-esteem a little time to rebound. Whenever the kids in junior high had done impressions of me, they’d always been cross-eyed, with their shoulders stooped. It was hurtful, as if all I was, and all I had to offer the world was being the ugly girl.

  A million responses flooded through me, varying from shock to outrage. So many years of questioning myself to the point where I’d given up trying to look nice altogether, resorting to jeans and t-shirts because no guy ever looked my way with that special glow. My greatest ambition some days when I was younger was simply to blend in.

  But Judah had been my constant, not once caring that I looked different. True, he had never been attracted to me, but amid the sea of hurling insults, Judah had been my faithful friend, shutting people up and sticking by my side.

  Judah’s best friend was the Humpback Whale.

  While I’m sure there were many other things that needed addressing with Lane, I cleared the distance between us, drew Judah to standing, and threw my arms around him. “You loved me, no matter what I looked like.”

  Judah held on tight, embracing me to let me know he loved me for all the right reasons. “You’ve always been perfect. Wouldn’t change a thing, Hot Mama. Your old body or this new one, you’re still the coolest girl a guy could have for a best friend.”

  My eyes welled with tears, but I sucked them in before they fell. “I’m the luckiest, to have you. I love you, Pimp Daddy.”

  Judah chuckled, making a farting noise with his mouth when I squeezed him tighter. “Love you too, Ro. Hey, no ditching me now that you’re all, you know, without a hump.”

  I don’t know why that made me laugh, but I belted out a loud one, stepping back to smile at the guy who’d seen me through the best and the worst. “Promise.”

  I refused to meet Bastien’s eyes. I could feel him studying me, though I knew he was watching our exchange with too much scrutiny. Bastien shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “If we’re putting it all out on the table, I’m the one who stole your locket. I’d been tracking you for a year, and was positive it was you, even though you didn’t look enough like your mother. I recognized the insignia on your locket, and yanked it off you when you were in a bar last week.”

  I balked at him. “That was you? Well, give it back!”

  Bastien shook his head. “Couldn’t if I wanted to. I destroyed it. I had to know if you were really the Lost Daughter of Avalon. Then when I found you again, you looked like this.” He motioned to me with the flat of his hand. “Spitting image of your mother.”

  I didn’t know what to say to any of it, so Judah did the decent thing and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight in the hug I needed when life shifted so uncertainly around me.

  “Are you guys ready to get back on the road?” Reyn asked, standing with the hint of levity on his lips. He handed me a convenience store cup of coffee with a slight bow.

  “Thanks. Yeah, I’m good to go.” I took a sip and grimaced at the cold disgustingness that ran down my throat and threatened to come back up. “Oh, that’s this morning’s, huh.”

  “Yeah. Is that not okay?”

  “I take it they don’t have coffee where you’re from?”

  “No. I’m guessing the drink has a drug that helps you stay awake?”

  “Yup. I’ll get some more when we check out. I think I saw a pot behind the counter.”

  Reyn packed up the small scattering of random objects we’d bought at the store for his charm, while Bastien hosed himself off in the shower. We left the motel and the large bed for the office to turn in our keys and beg for coffee. “It’s for employees only,” the gum-popping mid-forties woman with overplucked eyebrows informed me as she tapped with her acrylics on the computer’s keyboard.

  “Okay.” I looked around at the brochure tower and saw a hole in the stack. “Do you happen to have a brochure of the nearby attractions? We’re not sure what we want to do today.”

  She looked up at me, communicating with a bored glare that she hadn’t felt like showing up to work this afternoon at all, and I was only making matters worse. “Fine. Hold on.”

  I waited until she disappeared into the back room before I hopped up on the counter and swung my legs over, ignoring the guys’ whispered protests. “Cover me, Judah,” I answered, pouring coffee from the pot into my emptied cup. I handed the cup to Reyn and climbed back up on the counter, taking Bastien’s extended arm as an offer for help to get down. I wasn’t all that graceful at accounting for my boobs yet, and accidentally brushed his forearm with them. I jerked away when I noticed his right fist was gripping his jagged knife. “Jeez! Put that thing away.”

  “You said to cover you! In our world, you steal and you could lose a hand. This coffee better have some serious magic to it.”

  “Oh, it does.” I waited until he pocketed the knife before I leaned into his strong arms and hopped to the floor between the guys. I tried not to enjoy the feel of his musculature, nor the scorching heat his simple touch grazed me with. The Employee of the Month came back with a stack of brochures a fistful of seconds later and handed one from the top of the stack to me. “Thanks. Just what I needed.”

  “Whatever. Have a nice day,” she said by way of a “get out right now so I can go back to farting around on social media.”

  It was evening time, and the sun was just starting to set in the distance. I walked toward the car with Judah, but paused when Bastien stopped, looking to his left and his right with obvious hackles raised. “Something… I feel someone. Stay close. Put your head down.” He pulled his knife out from his back pocket and flicked the switch so the handle shot a thick, angry jagged blade from the hilt. “Try not to look… like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “All pretty and stuff. It draws the eye.”

  I stopped short at the almost-compliment. “Hello, you stole my necklace! I’m not trying to look like anything. This is jus
t my face.”

  “Well, stop it!”

  “Oh, you drive me crazy. If it’s a person from my world, you can’t just up and stab them, you know. We have rules, and it’s not kill or be killed.”

  “Keep your head down and get to the car with Reyn. Both of you.”

  No sooner had I left his side to tuck myself under Reyn’s outstretched arm, did footsteps come pounding toward us. Bastien turned as Reyn shoved me toward the car. “Get inside and lock the doors!” he yelled to Judah, pulling a knife out of his belt and running to help Bastien.

  I wasn’t really the hide and wait it out kind of girl. When my soccer buddy Kyle was getting picked on by a few older fraternity higher ups with too much beer in them, I didn’t run when the bar fight broke out. I hopped on the biggest one’s back and choked him until he went down, while the other girls screamed.

  Today was no exception. I didn’t wait for the guy running toward Bastien with an actual sword to see how things played out. I’d seen enough slasher movies to know the unarmed girl who runs always gets tracked down and captured. I searched for my own weapon, popping the trunk when nothing in the parking lot seemed like a good fit. I ignored Judah’s loud, “Get in the car, Rosie!” The man who owned the car kept things pretty pristine, leaving only a gym bag, blanket, jumper cables and a tire iron in the sedan’s mid-sized trunk space.

  Good enough. I snatched up the iron and hung back, knowing I didn’t have the upper hand in a sword fight. The man who fought with Bastien was bald, but the non-hair style didn’t look like a choice or the misfortune of old age, as he appeared to be in his late twenties. It looked like his scalp had been burned by that same kind of acid that deformed Armand’s face. He wore burlap pants and a peasant-like loose brown tunic that swished around his toned stomach as he fought with Reyn. The stranger was a seasoned fighter, his sword thrusts long and elegant, like a Musketeer or something.