Grace Given (Touch of Grace)

by Beth Shriver

  Rachel said a few words then turned to her. “Elsie, it’s Katie.” Her face was a light color of pink that spread down her neck. She stared then stepped away from Elsie to give her some privacy, but Elsie grabbed her arm to keep her close.

  The phone shook in Elsie’s hand, and her mouth went dry. She was ready when she made the call, but she wasn’t prepared for Katie to call her. “Hello.” Her voice was not her own; it was weak, just above a whisper. There was no response, so she tried to hear if the connection was still there.

  “Elsie?” The sound of Katie’s voice was so yearned for that Elsie had to take a deep breath to keep from letting go of her emotions.

  “Katie, it’s me.” It seemed strange to be so proper. Their sister-hood needed no introduction in the past.

  “How are you?” There was something different in her voice, maturity or a new seriousness that wasn’t there before.

  “I’m gut. And you?” During a short pause Elsie locked eyes with Rachel, who held the intensity. They were both so formal Elsie felt she was talking to a whole new person.

  “Elsie, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

  “Jah, I feel the same.”

  Katie laughed. “I haven’t said an Amish word for so long it sounds funny to hear Pennsylvania Dutch again.”

  “Not even to . . . Jake?” Elsie realized too late how many different ways that could be interpreted. Jake wasn’t what was important right now. And she didn’t want to reveal any feelings she might have had. There was a long silence that made Elsie uncomfortable, but she didn’t know how to back step after what she just said.

  “I want to come home, Elsie.” Katie’s voice wavered slightly.

  Elsie’s heartbeat increased. “Then do. Everyone misses you.” Although her daed loved his daughter, he may be the hardest on her if she did return home. It would be more out of hurt than anger, because her daed’s feelings were easily bruised. And there would be the minister, deacons, and the bishop to deal with as they would expect her to be baptized. Jake had been, being a year older. Even if Katie wasn’t shunned, being with someone who was would be difficult.

  Elsie thought about Katie’s baptism. She remembered Katie saying it was time due to her age, and she started the prep classes, but then she left instead. Thinking back, Elsie realized how much she saw signs of rebellion, questioning, and independence in Katie that most didn’t seem to have in the community. But she never thought it would lead to Katie leaving.

  “Elsie?”

  “Sorry, I was just thinking about what it would be like with you home again.”

  “Yes, that’s what’s kept me away. I know it would be hard for us to be accepted back into the community.”

  At the mention of Jake Elsie flinched. Her mixed feelings kept her from asking about him. She wrestled with the emotions that still rose in her whenever she thought of him. Elsie decided she wouldn’t engage those feelings. Time with Gideon seemed to have curbed her desire for Jake, but obviously not as much as she thought.

  “It will all work out. I’m glad you changed your mind, Katie. It will be so good to see you.”

  “I’m still not certain. But I don’t really have a choice anymore.”

  “Is it getting hard out there?” Elsie didn’t know if she should ask, but she was curious as to how Amish adapted when they left the community, especially since they lived in Virginia were it was more conservative and the congregation less in touch with the outside world.

  Katie let out a long, hard sigh. “Elsie, you have no idea.”

  Katie was right; she didn’t. Many that left the community came back with appreciation for the Amish life. She understood some people needed to satisfy their curiosity of what was out there, but from what she’d seen and heard, Elsie wanted no part of it. “Where are you now?”

  “In a suburb of Dallas.” She sounded weary now, as if she’d lost her stamina.

  “Is that far from here?” Elsie felt naive and was sure Katie was more worldly now. She knew her home in Virginia and here in Texas. That was enough for her, and hearing Katie confirmed those sentiments.

  “A few hours away. I’ll be in touch.”

  “Can I call you?”

  “No, it’s better if I contact you.”

  “Talk to you soon then.” Elsie had the sudden feeling she couldn’t let go . . . that if she hung up, she wouldn’t talk to her sister again. But that was out of her control.

  Elsie gave the phone to Rachel, who had been by her side during the entire conversation. “Well?”

  “They’re coming home.” Elsie sat down and clasped her thumbs together, trying not to twiddle. She stared at Rachel, trying to read her reaction.

  Rachel crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you think she really will?”

  “She said she is.” Elsie looked into Rachel’s questioning eyes. “You don’t believe her?”

  Rachel sighed. “Nee, I don’t.”

  A rush of fear, anxiety, and wistful hope all hit her in the chest at once. It was more than just Katie. It was Jake coming back, the possibility of Gideon leaving, her daed’s health, and the English boys all mixed together. The tangle of emotions fought with one another until she spouted something out. “You never did take to Katie. Do you want her to come back?”

  “Part of me doesn’t, if you want the truth.” Rachel’s gray eyes searched Elsie’s. “I don’t want to see you hurt or disappointed if she doesn’t show up. You’re so much happier than you were. You let go of the pain of losing her. I don’t want you to go through losing her again.” Rachel settled back in her chair. “And you’re right. I never was fond of her. You and she are very different from one another.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked how you felt about her.” Elsie had known what Rachel was thinking from the moment she heard Katie’s voice. She just wanted to believe differently. “I can’t help but hope she will return. She is my sister, after all.” She’d had enough disappointment and didn’t want Katie to let her, or the rest of her family, down. She couldn’t ignore the question that kept nagging at her: Would Katie really come home?

  Chapter Twenty

  ELSIE GUIDED THE Holsteins out of the barn and into the west pasture once the milking was done. The sun peeking up over the horizon was bigger and brighter. Summer was right around the corner.

  Aaron came running out of the house pulling up his suspenders. His hair was poking out like thistles, and his clothes looked like he slept in them. When he saw Elsie herding the cows away from the barn, he stopped and slapped his arms to his sides. “Ach nein.”

  “I’m sorry, Aaron. Timothy and I finished loading the milk cans.” She watched him drop his head to his chest and take slow steps to her.

  “Can I?” He pointed to the long, skinny whip that she was using to guide the cattle. They rarely had to use it, but it kept the cows from straying.

  “Jah.” She handed it to him and tussled his already messy hair. “Timothy asked about you.” He always did, but if he ever forgot, she’d remind him so she could honestly tell the boys he had.

  Aaron grinned. “He always does. I think he really likes us.”

  “Why do you like him so much?”

  He shrugged. “He’s a really nice English person.”

  “There’s lots of nice English people.”

  “Some are not.”

  Elsie gazed down at him. “Why do you say that?”

  “Like the boy at the market the day that Gideon talked to, was he nice?”

  Elsie stopped walking and let the Holsteins find their own way. She only kept guiding them for Aaron’s sake anyway. “How do you know this?”

  “I heard you and Gideon talking about him.”

  “You shouldn’t eavesdrop on people’s conversations.”

  “Nee, but you shouldn’t be mad at that boy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He doesn’t mean it.”

  She bent down, trying to understand what he meant to say. “Go on.”

>   “Gideon helps people, so that’s what he should do for him.”

  Elsie thought about the situation through her little brother’s eyes and saw forgiveness. As much as she felt sorry for that boy, she still blamed him along with the others for causing the grief they had given her and the other farmers. Aaron’s heart wasn’t hardened like Elsie’s, but she didn’t realized it until now.

  “Did it upset you to hear what Gideon said?”

  “I didn’t hear it all, only the part about the scared boy at the beginning. Then I left ’cuz I was eaves . . . dropping.” He strug-gled with the last word, but she knew what he meant.

  “Well, you’re right that Gideon is going to do whatever he can to take care of it, and it’s nothing for you to worry about.” She smiled to unburden his little soul.

  He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Oh, I’m not worried. God will provide.”

  Elsie smiled wide hearing the words her mother always said. “Let’s get back to the house. I’m hungry, aren’t you?” She stood and took his hand.

  “Starving.” He pulled away and ran ahead of her to the back door.

  Adam walked in the kitchen holding his cheek. His face was pinched with pain. “My tooth.”

  Mamm bent down and made him open his mouth. “It’s ready to come out.”

  “Do you want me to pull it?” Aaron offered as he wrinkled his nose at his brother.

  Adam shook his head and started to cry, so Mamm set down on a chair and put him on her lap.

  “Look at me.”

  He stared at her with big, puppy dog eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek.

  “I’m going to use this napkin to get your tooth out.” She put a hand under his chin and lifted until Adam agreed, then he opened his mouth. Mamm placed the paper napkin on his loose tooth and twisted very quickly.

  Adam jumped. His eyes widened. Mamm opened the napkin to reveal a small white baby tooth. He smiled up at her and plucked the tooth from her hand. “That wasn’t so bad.”

  “Mamm is the best at that,” Daed announced with enthusiasm as he took a seat at the table.

  With the excitement over, Elsie helped Mamm serve breakfast. But when she sat down, she lost her appetite. What Aaron heard wasn’t bad. He had a good perspective of it, but she needed to start analyzing the circumstances. Since they told Omar and hadn’t heard from him, she figured he felt there was nothing further to be done. And with the Amish, that was true; they wouldn’t retaliate. But was there anything else they could do?

  She was distracted throughout the meal. Her thoughts went from the scared boy to Katie and back again. Her mood was catching, and once the boys were gone, Mamm sat down at the table with her, leaving the dirty dishes on the counter.

  “What’s on your mind?” Mamm placed her hand on Elsie’s cheek and waited. There was no option but to tell them both, but Elsie remembered what Rachel said and hesitated. What if Katie didn’t come and she told her parents, only for them to be upset again? But she obviously couldn’t keep what she knew to herself any longer. She felt she might burst into tears at any moment.

  “The last couple of times I’ve been at Rachel’s . . . ”

  Her daed’s brows drew together, making her pause.

  “When Daed was in the hospital . . . ”

  Her dead sat down next to her. His burly presence resonated next to her, causing her to stumble even more.

  When she thought about everything, Elsie realized how much she’d been keeping from them. Her mind went all the way back to the first incident with the English boys and everything up to the present. The spiral of events continued to compile into a bed of lies and secrets. When she stared at each of them, she wondered if they would ever be able to trust her again.

  She turned to her daed and sucked in a breath. “I’ve talked to Katie.” Elsie waited to let the shock sink in. She didn’t intend to go round about it; just tell it straight out. But once she looked into her parents’ faces, it wasn’t that easy.

  Her mamm’s bottom lip dropped, but she remained speechless. Daed straightened and frowned. “Did you contact her, Elsie?”

  Her mamm snapped out of her surprise. “You asked me if you should the day your daed was in the hospital.” She turned to Daed. “It’s my fault, Solomon. When Elsie asked, I was too worried about you to talk with her about it like I should have.” Throughout the explanation Mamm fought away tears, tears that Elsie knew were from hearing her lost daughter’s name and not from talking to Elsie that day.

  “I cannot . . . will not talk about my eldest daughter.” He stood and was about to turn away when Elsie grabbed his hand.

  “She’s coming home, Daed.”

  Her mamm and daed shared glances and then stared at her. Daed wiped his hand across his forehead. “I will deal with Katie if and when the situation arises. Not before then.”

  She wondered if he didn’t want the risk of disappointment if Katie was back in their lives again like Elsie did. But this had been his reaction, when it came to Katie, from the day she left. His big heart burst when he found out.

  When he started to walk away, Elsie spoke, “But Daed—”

  He held up a hand and marched out of the kitchen, slapping his hand on the counter with a whack!

  Mamm watched him leave and turned to Elsie. “You spoke to her on Rachel’s phone that day . . . the day you asked if you could contact her?” She said it like a question, but she knew what Elsie had done.

  “I never talked to her on the phone that day. But I thought she should know about Daed. Was I wrong?” Elsie felt the answer was yes to everything she was doing or had done. Were the things she’d seen and experienced so terrible, or was the guilt making her unsure?

  Mamm smoothed a lock of Elsie’s dark hair behind her ear. “You did what you thought was right. It’s hard to know what to do when the unexpected happens.”

  Elsie didn’t know if Mamm meant that for her or for herself. It had to be hard for her parents to follow the ways of their community when it was concerning their own child. But it wasn’t for her to question.

  “Mamm, there’s been so much that has happened.” Elsie felt like telling her mamm everything. Putting the burden on Omar wasn’t fair.

  Mamm smiled with tears in her eyes. “There is nothing you can do about your sister, and your daed will come around.”

  Elsie wanted to believe that her sister would come home and that Daed would forgive her and that Mamm’s broken heart would mend. But she knew better than to expect everything to end up the way she wanted it to. It would only disappoint her. “I hope so.”

  Mamm patted her hand and stood. “Work is the best medicine. I’ll clean up the kitchen if you get the boys going, and then we’ll get the garden started.”

  Elsie’s mood lifted at the thought. Neither of them had mentioned it with Katie gone. The three of them looked forward to gardening; it didn’t seem like work to them when they did it together. “We’re behind since we missed spring planting.”

  “We’ll have to work all the harder then to catch up.” Mamm smiled with satisfaction and turned to clean the dishes. “It’s ironing day, so we’ll need to make time for that as well.” She took a brush and began to scrub a pan with vigor.

  “I’ll gather the clean clothes and sort the ones that need ironing and get the boys to gather the eggs.” Elsie felt better all ready. The boys were eager to get their chores done when Elsie told them about the garden, so she didn’t have to prod them along. Elsie gathered the clothes and got them ready to iron. While Mamm finished up in the kitchen, Elsie took the boys to the back shed to gather flower bulbs, seeds, and tools they needed to clean up the garden. It had lain dormant over the winter. They learned from some of the owners of a nursery in town how to grow winter plants, something unheard of up north. Maybe next year would be better and they’d have some plants all year long.

  They dug up the rotted vines and plants then tilled the garden with a handheld wheel with handles that loosened the dirt so they could make
rows. The boys enjoyed that part the most, and by the time they were finished, there wasn’t a spot that hadn’t been turned over at least two or three times. The boys made it fun now that they were old enough to really help. But Elsie couldn’t deny the void of Katie being gone. They worked through lunch until the boys started to lose their energy, so they stopped for a bite to eat.

  Elsie pumped the well water to wash off her hands. She had dirt from head to toe as it seemed to go flying with the boys learning how the tilling worked. Try as she may, the dirt turned to mud, and she couldn’t seem to get it all off.

  “Looks like you need some help.”

  When Elsie looked up from the pump, Gideon was standing on the other side of the garden fence with his hands hanging over the top. He held a grin that made Elsie think he’d been there awhile. “Gideon, we’re going to have some lunch. Are you hungry?”

  “I can always eat.” He gave her a once-over. “But it looks like you need some help cleaning up first.”

  Elsie glanced down at her bare arms and pulled down her sleeves. That covered some of the mud so he couldn’t tease her that much. “It seems I keep making it worse.”

  He reached over and opened the wire fence door for her. He chuckled as she walked by. “It’s worse than I thought.” Then the boys came over without a lick of dirt on them. “How did you get so dirty?”

  “We made the rows. We didn’t dig in ’em like Elsie did,” Aaron explained while Adam nodded.

  “Afternoon, Gideon.” Mamm went by and shooed the boys up to the house. “I hope you’re staying to eat with us.”

  “I’d never say no to your cooking.” Gideon gave her one of his smiles that brought out a dimple. He held the bucket of water while Elsie wiped off the dirt from her ankles and arms.

  Gideon pointed to her cheek. “Missed a spot.” He wiped it off with his calloused fingers and stared directly at her. “I was at Rachel’s checking to see if her daed had gotten rid of that illness that’s been keeping him down.”