Grace Given (Touch of Grace)

by Beth Shriver

  “Sorry!” Ruby moved past Elsie to see why she stopped.

  It was if she’d forgotten she had the beginning of that bond with Gideon. They were, after all, almost promised to one another, or at least exclusively together. He had always been there, but moving their relationship to another level hadn’t sunken in yet.

  “Elsie?” Ruby’s dark eyes were studying her face with intensity.

  “I was just thinking.” Elsie didn’t know if she should tell Ruby about her and Gideon, being so close to moving their relationship forward. They might figure things out eventually, but it would be nice to share a confidence with Ruby. When she thought about telling Mamm and Daed, she smiled. Nothing would make them happier, except maybe Katie coming home. Her daed acted as if he didn’t care, but she knew better. He was hurt and worried and didn’t know how to express it. Mamm kept in good faith that Katie would return, and Elsie hoped she was right.

  “About what?” Ruby’s large dark eyes made Elsie decide she had to tell her. It might make her feel more a part of their family to be the first to know.

  “I think Gideon wants to court me.” She smiled wide.

  Ruby’s mouth lifted on one side. “What do you mean?”

  “He wasn’t himself, so I’m not sure of his intentions, but he was definitely trying to talk about us.”

  “So what’s changed?”

  Elsie paused. “I’m not sure.” Ruby’s blunt reply made Elsie realize she didn’t have an answer. Whatever he tried to say was distorted by what his future held. That left her somewhere in limbo, but now, thinking back, she had put herself there.

  Pop! Pop! Pop! Piercing bangs like the sound of a gun went off. Then the shrill whinny of a horse. Elsie ran out the door with Ruby right behind her. Angus was up on his hind legs, eyes white with fear. His nostrils flared as he went down on all fours. The buggy moved to the side and jackknifed.

  Elsie went to him slowly with her hands out for him to catch her scent. Her wrist hit a hot spot on the axle. She cried out as her skin seared in pain. She looked down the road and saw a blue car driving slowly along the way. It sped up and took off, leaving a cloud of dust trailing behind. Angus let out short, hard breaths as she stroked his tense neck and chest. She climbed up into the back of the wagon and found what appeared to be shredded paper. When she picked up part of one, she realized by the smell of gun powder that it was fireworks.

  “Is he all right?” Ruby walked behind her as she rubbed Angus’s side.

  Elsie jumped down off the wagon and brushed off her dress. “He’s fine. He’s heard plenty of gun shots, just not coming from the wagon attached behind him.” They moved Angus forward to straighten out the buggy but weren’t in any hurry to leave yet.

  Ruby noticed the pink skin on her wrist. “Did you get hurt?”

  “Something burned me.” Elsie tried not to think about the dull pain and tended to Angus instead.

  Ruby narrowed her eyes toward where the car parked. “Don’t Englishers have work to do?”

  “They must, but maybe not enough to keep them occupied.” Elsie wrinkled her brow and looked down the road with her. “At least the younger ones don’t.”

  MaryAnn burst out of the store, letting the door slap shut. She watched the car in the distance. “They’re trouble. If those boys were mine, they wouldn’t see the light of day if they pulled a stunt like that.” She piped in with gusto. “I’m telling Omar about this. I know they won’t do nothin’, but I’m telling ’em all the same.” MaryAnn turned and went back inside then brought out Elsie’s coconut. “It’s on the house.”

  Elsie took her time calming Angus. Although he adjusted quickly, she wanted to give him an extra few minutes before driving him home. His eyelids drooped as she and Ruby talked and stroked him. “Do you think MaryAnn will really tell them?”

  “She’s just blowing off steam.” Elsie stepped up and sat down in the buggy. Ruby followed.

  “Can’t say as I blame her. I figured they’d tire of these stunts.” She was only a bit shorter than Elsie but sat taller on the bench, her feet barely touching the footboard.

  Elsie didn’t want to talk about the English. She was tired of them in a way Ruby couldn’t begin to understand. Angus slowed his trot, and his ears went forward. She clucked at Angus and tapped his hide with the leather reins. Angus dealt with the situation better than they did, startled by a bunch of loud noise that didn’t mean as much to him as it did to them. Another ridiculous prank done by wayward teenagers. How many more would there be before it all stopped?

  Elsie’s cheeks burned from turning them back and forth, taking one hit after another. Her mind changed with a new thought. Why was she the one on the path that day when it all started? Katie was there too, but once she left, they sought her out. She knew they were preying on her because she was young, defenseless, and was no threat to them, but why her? It was a selfish way of thinking. She wouldn’t want anyone to go through this, but she wouldn’t be human if she didn’t wish it was someone else, like Katie.

  Sometimes she worried that she wanted Katie back to share the burden and take the fall with her—and to have her walk from place to place and see how it felt to worry and wonder if they would show up.

  “Elsie.” Ruby’s voice brought her back.

  “Sorry, I was thinking about what you said. They have to get bored with it soon. I can’t imagine that antagonizing people who don’t respond can last too long.”

  “Why are you so preoccupied?” Ruby was either hurt or irritated; Elsie couldn’t tell.

  “Forgive me, Ruby.” She glanced at her, thinking she owed her as much to know what was on her mind. “Those boys have been bothering me for months. Gideon has spoken with them, and Omar is eager to have a word with them. But there’s nothing we can do but wait until they stop.” Elsie sighed with relief. It felt good to tell someone else. There had to come a time when her burdens were lifted, for her parents’ sake as well.

  “Why do the weak try to prey on the strong?” Ruby looked up as if she’d find the answer in the skies.

  Elsie needed to hear it in her head again to make sure she heard it right. “How do you mean?”

  “It’s much harder to resist retaliation than to abide by it.”

  Elsie was still digesting her words when she thought of the scared boy. He was battling between the two, the right way or the wrong. It was always a choice but not easy to do, and not at all in his situation.

  “They know we could overtake them each and every time they come into our community, but we’re strong enough not to. We don’t have the need to oppress others, and they know that. That’s the only reason they’re brave enough to keep coming back.” She wrung her hands as if to rid them of those unwelcome delinquents.

  Elsie knew Gideon had a momentary impulse to fight back when he saw them with her that day for the first time. “We do have that instinct to fight. But by Christ’s example we don’t.”

  Ruby nodded. “This too will pass,” she quoted the verse that was so appropriate for this situation.

  Elsie smiled her appreciation and remembered their plans. So much had happened she’d almost forgotten. “We’ve got to get home and start baking granola.”

  “I’ve never made it with coconut; sounds good.”

  The rest of the ride was pleasant as they compared recipe ideas. Ruby did know about cooking; she just didn’t have the practice she needed. Elsie didn’t think she’d be teaching someone how to cook yet, but she liked that it gave them a way to get to know each other better.

  As they drove down the lane to the barn, they noticed two buggies in front of the house tethered to the post. Elsie and Ruby took the harness off that attached to the buggy. Elsie thought Angus deserved a romp in the pasture, so she let him out and watched him run and stop short then throw his head playfully.

  When they got to the house, they heard muffled voices. Daed’s was the loudest, and he sounded angry. When she got closer, she could see Mamm through the window and two othe
r people.

  “Do you have company?” Ruby cocked her head to try and see who it was.

  “Jah, but I don’t know who.” She studied the buggies and noticed one was Gideon’s.

  Ruby opened the door and stopped in the doorway. Elsie maneuvered around her and stopped in her tracks.

  Katie sat on the couch and turned to see her. “Elsie.”

  “You’re home.” Elsie wanted to say more, but she was too shocked to think of what to say. “I thought you would call again before you came.” Katie looked different. Her hair was shorter with streaks of brown mixed with her amber curls, and her face fuller, with rosy cheeks.

  “I decided just to come.” Katie stared at Elsie, in silence.

  Elsie looked around the room then shifted one foot to the other. “Where’s Jake?”

  Gideon stepped forward from the other side of Ruby, and Elsie wondered if she should have asked.

  “Jake’s not here.” Katie kept staring at her, waiting for her reaction. Elsie knew Gideon was too. But she felt nothing. A numbing sensation covered her mind and slid down over her heart.

  “When you said it would be hard for us, I thought you meant you and Jake.”

  Katie stood, showing the bump in her stomach. “Nee, me and the baby.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  THE ROOM STARTED to spin. Elsie made her way to the nearest place to sit, a footstool by the chair her mamm was sitting in. She looked over at Gideon, who had been staring at the floor. Her imagination went wild wondering what he might be thinking. Was he in as much shock as she was? Or was he upset she’d made mention of Jake? Her daed was pacing slowly between the kitchen and front room. He stopped and flexed his jaw. “Where is Jake?”

  The same question filled Elsie’s mind, and she shamed herself for it. The baby and her sister’s health were more important, but she too needed to know the answer.

  Katie stared at her daed. She seemed to have no remorse, but that was just who Katie was. She neither judged nor accepted judgment on her own behalf. But in this case it seemed only natural for her to show some sort of guilt. Then Elsie remembered her own long-suffering guilt, how it brought her to a place of withdrawal and depression when Katie left and the trouble with the Englishers began. Ultimately Elsie’s guilt only made things worse. Katie’s way of letting guilt slide off her like a discarded cloak was completely opposite. “He stayed in the city.” Her gaze locked with Solomon’s, and both fell silent.

  The expression on Daed’s face said he was close to bursting into a rage. He drew in a deep breath, seeming to give himself a moment to defuse. “Why isn’t he here with you?

  Katie shrugged. “He didn’t want the wrath of the community falling on us.”

  Daed took a giant step closer to her. “So he left you to bear it alone?” He glanced down to her stomach.

  Katie wasn’t afraid of their daed. She never had been. But she did respect him. She answered with a nod.

  “You have nothing to say about his actions?”

  “I am here and he is there. That’s all there is to say.”

  Daed’s breathing intensified as his eyes pierced into Katie’s. “He is a dog to have left you this way.” Although his anger was meant for Jake, he directed it at Katie.

  “I left; he didn’t.”

  When Daed’s bottom lip began to tremble with rage, Mamm stepped closer. “This is Jake’s responsibility too, not just yours.”

  “I know that.” Katie’s voice grew louder with each word.

  “Don’t raise your voice to your mamm.” Daed walked away from them and stood in front of the window, looking out, his back to them. Elsie knew he was holding on, trying not to explode. For his daughter to be in this predicament, and to have an attitude, with no Jake, was more than he could take. It was as if all the underlying thoughts and behaviors she always had came out while she was gone.

  Jake was as independent as Katie. Maybe he didn’t want to leave the outside world, not even to accompany his wife home . . . but Elsie wondered how Jake could let Katie travel home alone in her condition. What made her return? Did she and Jake split up? Could it have been because of the baby?

  For several minutes no one spoke. When Elsie couldn’t stand it a moment longer, she broke the silence. “What are you going to do?”

  All eyes were suddenly on her. Some because it snapped them back and others who were probably thinking her question but didn’t want to ask.

  “I’ll fetch your bag, Katie.” Gideon walked passed Elsie and to the door.

  “I’ll make something to eat.” Mamm stood awkwardly and then gave Katie a forced smile. Ruby followed after her.

  Daed was as still as a cornstalk as he watched Gideon out front. Elsie observed Katie as she put a hand on her stomach. What must it be like to have a living being inside of you? And even though Katie wore English clothes, she was still Amish—or was she? Where would her place be here now? Then she thought of Jake, and her lips tightened together.

  “How are you, Elsie?” Katie was staring at her with interest.

  “I’m gut.”

  “Are you with Gideon?”

  “Jah.” Elsie didn’t know why she said it. They weren’t officially a “couple.” But this whole situation with Katie made her want to be. Seeing what she and Jake were going through made Elsie lose all doubt concerning Gideon.

  Daed turned slightly. “Praise God.” He walked across the room.

  Katie and Elsie watched him go, and Gideon came in. Daed embraced him. Gideon’s arms were pinned to his sides and his eyes were wide as Daed tightened his bear hug. “God bless you, son.” Daed released him and walked through the kitchen and out the back door.

  Gideon stood unmoving, with a blank stare. “What was that about?”

  “You and my sister together.” Katie’s eyes watered, but she sat up straight, took in a breath, and the tears disappeared.

  Gideon sat on the footstool next to Elsie. “I didn’t know myself, until now.” Gideon looked at Elsie with question.

  “It’s not exactly official.” Elsie caught his eyes and smiled, hoping he would too. It really wasn’t fair of her to bring it about like this, but in this way, it truly came from the heart. She studied him, unable to imagine Gideon treating her like Jake was treating Katie. She hoped Jake would correct his mistakes and come to his senses. If not, what would she do?

  “But now that your daed knows . . . ” Gideon lifted his brows.

  “Well, it’s about time,” Katie smiled. “You two belong together.”

  “I’ve always thought so,” Gideon said but didn’t look at Elsie.

  They both knew she didn’t return his feelings as quickly. It took many months of making himself helpful and noticeable before Elsie considered him. And then there was Jake.

  “Do you think Jake will follow you here?”

  Katie’s smile faded. “I don’t know. After I found out about the baby and wanted to come home, we got into an argument. He said we’re now English and we’d have the baby just like the English do.”

  “Are you English?” Elsie’s question slipped out. It was some-thing she really wanted to know, and the bishop would ask along with the rest of her family.

  “It’s hard to fit in out there. But once I got used to it, I liked it.” She shrugged. “So what does that make me?”

  Neither Gideon nor Elsie answered. Elsie didn’t even know for sure if she truly wanted them to answer. Besides, it was not her place to say.

  Ruby walked in and folded her fingers together at her waist. “The food is ready.”

  Gideon jumped up, maybe to avoid the topic or simply because he was hungry, and took Elsie’s hand to help her stand. Katie pushed against the back of the couch with one hand, the other hand on her stomach, and tried to catch her balance.

  Gideon went to her, but Katie shook her head. “Nee, thanks though.”

  Ignoring her response, he reached out to steady her. Katie obviously appreciated Gideon’s efforts and didn’t want to bot
her him. The fact that he was doing what her husband should have been there doing wasn’t lost to Elsie—and probably not to Katie either.

  “I’m not usually so clumsy,” Katie sighed. “Just tired, I guess.”

  Elsie wanted to know how far along she was. The last time she saw Katie it was winter, now summer was almost here. “When is your due date?”

  Gideon stared at Elsie, possibly uncomfortable with her question.

  “Second trimester, so maybe September.”

  Elsie waited for more information, but Katie didn’t offer any.

  She was wondering if Katie knew the answers. She didn’t seem happy, but was it from the humiliation of coming home, Jake, or something else?

  Katie glanced at her. “I’ve only been to the doctor once to find out if I was pregnant. I was taken off guard and didn’t know what to do or say. All I came away with was that we don’t have insurance. I didn’t know what else to do but come home.”

  “Alma the midwife is moving down this way, but in the mean-time we’re sharing a community doctor with the new Amish community.”

  “Gut, I feel better already.”

  Elsie smiled. “You said gut.”

  “I did, didn’t I?” Her eyebrows drew together.

  “You see, you’re still Amish.”

  Katie shrugged. “Maybe home is where the heart is.”

  Elsie wondered what she meant specifically but didn’t ask. Her opinion of Jake continued to decrease the more she found out about him. There was an exciting, impulsive side of him that Elsie found intriguing but knew better than to indulge in it. Katie was defensive and bitter, and Elsie was curious as to exactly why.

  When they got to the table, Elsie wished it was only she and Katie. She had so many questions to ask. Everyone took a seat, but Daed’s was empty. Mamm noticed when Elsie glanced at his chair.

  “Gideon, you can sit in Solomon’s place,” Mamm offered.

  Katie stared at her mamm. “He’s not eating with us?”

  “Not until he talks with Omar.” Mamm began passing the food around.