Grace Given (Touch of Grace)

by Beth Shriver

  Jake didn’t respond. Time in the city seemed to change his desire to work the land. Maybe working on an assembly line was more satisfying for him.

  “I’ll see you on my way out.” He started toward the barn and looked back a couple of times. Her curiosity grew when she saw him stand by the barn door for too long, second-guessing himself.

  The next thing Elsie heard was her daed yelling. She jumped up and ran to the barn. When she got there, Daed had his back to the door and Jake.

  “Solomon, I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say.” Jake waited for a moment. When Solomon didn’t respond, he started in again. “I’m sorry about the way things happened. Katie knew you’d be upset about her leaving, so we left without telling you.”

  Daed turned on his heel to face him. “You dare to blame my daughter?”

  “Nee, it was both of our decision. I should have left without her, but she wanted to go with me.”

  Solomon leaned forward, his neck stretched like a chicken. “Your role as a man is to protect your wife, not take her to outsiders who don’t know or care about you or her.”

  “I take full responsibility, Solomon, and you can stay angry with me, but for Katie’s sake, talk to her.”

  “I don’t know you or her until you have made your vows under God.” His voice softened slightly, but the rage was still in his eyes. Elsie didn’t know if he’d even seen her standing there, but he was so upset it didn’t matter.

  “I’m doing this for Katie. I can’t stand to see her so upset because you won’t acknowledge her. Ignore me if you will, but don’t keep pushing Katie away.”

  Elsie was stunned by Jake’s words. He was as confident as ever, yet respectful, and spoke with emotion. As hard as Daed was on the outside, he was soft as jelly when it came to matters of the heart.

  Daed turned back to the thick wood table where his latest project set. Jake’s jaw twitched, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s one thing to ostracize Katie, but there’s the baby to think of.”

  At that moment Solomon moved away from the project he was so protective of. Elsie’s breath caught when she saw a beautifully hand-crafted cradle. The birchwood with a deep brown stain brought out the etching of clouds in the headboard, one with an angel floating on top.

  Elsie turned to Jake. His mouth opened, and his eyes darted from Solomon and back to the cradle. He wiped his nose and nodded to Solomon. “Danke.” Then turned and walked past Elsie and out the door.

  The next day Elsie watched Gideon pull up in front of her house with the trailer. The service was being held at their home today. She was glad. It would be good for Jake. He was overwhelmed and uncertain about all that was expected of him. He and Katie went to the marriage classes with Elsie and Gideon. Katie and Elsie were going to be baptized today as well. Most importantly, Jake needed to make a confession to be reinstated into the church.

  “Morning, sunshine.” Gideon was carrying one of the new benches that were made to replace the chairs. “This is an important day.”

  She smiled as he walked into the house. Elsie felt a certain contentment hearing Gideon’s enthusiasm for the step she was about to take. She had no doubt in her mind about what this meant to her and the community. Without a formal commitment the church would become meaningless and weak.

  When Jake’s family drove up in their buggy, they gathered benches to take into the house. Jake rode with Katie and Ruby in Will’s buggy, but he went over to help his family. Although there was no talking, his actions spoke volumes. His mamm’s eyes misted, and his daed gave Jake a skeptical nod. His brothers’ responses ranged from a glance to completely ignoring him.

  Elsie’s mamm and daed never doubted she would be baptized and dedicate herself to the church and that she and Gideon would marry. She was the daughter that “didn’t give them any surprises,” as her daed said. Elsie wondered what made Katie rebel against what he felt was sacred.

  As she watched Jake take a seat in front of her, she remembered back to the previous Sunday when they were at their last session. Jake had gone to the session this time and went over the process. Candidates had a final chance to change their minds. When they reminded the male candidates they were also committing to the possibility of serving the church ministry, Jake looked at Katie and then to Elsie.

  When the two sermons were over and songs from the Ausbund were sung, the deacon and Bishop Omar stood before the congregation and asked the candidates to stand. One at a time they knelt and were asked questions. Then Zeke poured water through the bishop’s hands and over the individual’s head. The bishop gave a holy kiss to the males, and Omar’s wife gave one to the females. They then stood and joined the congregation. They went through the process one by one until the very last candidate, who was Jake.

  “Have you read and understand the Dordrecht Confession and what that founding document represents?” The bishop’s face was stern with no inflection as he waited on Jake’s response.

  “Jah, I have,” Jake said without hesitation.

  “Do you renounce the devil and the world to commit to Christ?”

  “I do.”

  “Will you, Jake, honor Christian values and follow the guidelines of the Ordnung?”

  Jake stood stone still with no response. The congregation was silent. The women stopped fanning themselves even though the heat was suffocating in the house full of people.

  “Jake, will you abide by the rules of this church district?”

  Jake turned to the side and caught Katie’s eye. Her pale cheeks flushed, slowly moving down her neck. Elsie saw Katie look down. Elsie shut her eyes, and as she did, she prayed, hard. She heard the bishop ask one more time.

  Zeke stood and lifted his finger in the air and opened his mouth to speak, but Omar turned his hands down for him to sit. He turned back to Jake.

  “Do you confess your sins against God and the body of this church, Jake?”

  Elsie didn’t ask for him to say yes, or no, but for God’s divine plan, whatever that was for Jake, Katie, and their unborn child. When she opened her eyes, Jake was walking out the door.

  “Nee,” she whispered. “This can’t happen.” She struggled to follow through with her offer for God to decide. She scanned the room to see faces filled with astonishment and heard the soft buzz of conversation. Elsie went after him. She hadn’t gone too far before she saw him walking down the main road. “Jake, where are you going?”

  When she got closer, he stopped abruptly. “Why should I be shunned for what I did?”

  Elsie searched for patience. Why was he so incredibly selfish? “You were married in a courthouse, not under God. Many couples go to premarital counseling, like you did when you came back here. ‘To do the right thing,’ remember? And you left the body of the church with no discussion or permission. Besides all that, didn’t you ever think about how worried we all were?”

  “There’s so much to get back in with this place again.” He scanned the snakelike creek that flowed behind the haus. “This is why I didn’t come back right away. I can’t do this.”

  She heard steps behind her crunching on the gravel road. Others were waiting and wondering. “The bishop was very good to reinstate you, and this is what you do with that gift?” She was as mad as he was and wasn’t scared to let it show. Whatever he did, Elsie feared Katie might follow, and she didn’t want to lose her sister again.

  “How is that a gift?” His brows puckered.

  “For someone who cares enough to help you get back on the right path is the greatest gift one can give or receive.”

  “To the Amish I may have broken the rules.” He put his hands on his hips and looked to the sky. “But I didn’t feel I was on the wrong path.” He turned to Elsie.

  “None of us do, Jake. That’s why we go through baptism so the body of the church can help us along the way.” Elsie knew he understood all of the teachings, but somewhere during his time away he changed his view of them and what they stood for.

  “
I thought about what you said the other day, about who I’m doing this for. I’ll take my chances on my own.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Katie and the baby will be better off without me.” He looked over Elsie’s shoulder, took a deep breath, and then jogged down the lane.

  Elsie didn’t know what to say, so she let him go without a word. As hard as this was, maybe it was for the best. But getting Katie to see that wouldn’t be so easy.

  “Where is he going?” Katie came up behind Elsie, laboring from the short walk. She held her stomach and watched Jake walking away. “Why didn’t he finish the ceremony?”

  Elsie didn’t have the answers, and what little she did understand, Katie didn’t want to hear. She was hurt and confused for Katie, not knowing what to do or say. “I don’t think he feels comfortable here.”

  “That makes three of us.” Elsie heard Katie’s breathing increase. “If he leaves now, I don’t ever want to see him again.” Katie turned and marched back into the church where people stood waiting. She needed to. Someone had to face reality.

  Chapter Thirty

  GOING OUT FOR a meal was rare, but Gideon thought it would be a nice gesture to support the Amish family who opened up their own restaurant. And after all that happened with Jake, he thought it would be a good diversion for everyone. The two people hurt by Jake’s actions the most were too stubborn to talk about it. So Solomon and Katie kept the fire smoldering inside just big enough that made them impossible to live with.

  He wanted to have time alone with Elsie, but when he drove up in his buggy, Katie was the first one out the door. “You’re moving pretty quickly, considering.” He smiled and she tried to reciprocate, but the corners of her lips refused to lift.

  “Does your daed know I’m here?” Although Gideon knew that Solomon trusted him, he followed along with protocol.

  “Jah, of course.”

  He went up the stairs and followed her to the two blue rockers on the porch. “How are you feeling?”

  “You mean about the baby?” She waved a hand at him and nodded. “I was ready to do this alone when I first came back, but then when Jake came here, I started to think we could really be a family.” Her shoulders sank. “He didn’t even ask me to go with him.”

  Besides Gideon’s surprise that she would come to someone for advice, he hadn’t seen Katie vulnerable. Even her actions were not her usual calm but sharp demeanor, but then this was important. He had to tread lightly to earn her trust.

  “I think he did what he thought needed to be done.” Gideon didn’t expect to make her feel better. He would be lying to tell her anything different than what he thought was true.

  Katie’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Leaving us? How can that be right?”

  “He felt he couldn’t fulfill his responsibilities.”

  “Why do you think that?” She paused and started again with a boisterous voice. “I know he wasn’t ready. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, but then most aren’t here, so I thought it would be the same with ours.” She stopped and rubbed her belly. “If we wouldn’t have left the city, I think we might have stayed together.”

  Gideon moved closer to her so he could speak softly and hopefully persuade her to do so as well. Her anger was understandable, but he wanted to have a calm conversation. “Then why did you leave?”

  “I was scared. And when you’re scared you go home, right?”

  Gideon appreciated her admitting she was frightened and felt more empathy for her. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never left my community. But if you do decide to stay here, it would do you well to surrender your bitterness.”

  She stared at him as if he’d asked her the impossible, and right at this moment it probably felt that way. “But I can’t let this go.”

  “Not offering forgiveness is a heavy load to bear. To forgive is to trust.”

  She grunted. “I can’t trust Jake.”

  “I suppose I’d feel the same. But it’s not about Jake; it’s trusting in God.”

  “How can I do that? I’m so mad at Jake I can’t imagine letting him get away with doing this to me and our baby.” Her face contorted, fighting off a sob.

  Gideon remained silent until she composed herself. This was a lot to ask of her, so out of her nature, it would take obedience and encouragement to get her to where she needed to be to find peace.

  She met his eyes with hers full of tears. “How can you forgive someone who has so completely wronged you?”

  “Grace, God’s redemption. I don’t know God’s answer for you, but I do know that He’ll show you the way.” He knew of Katie’s independent ways, so he didn’t want her to think there was any other way then His way.

  She shook her head. “I can’t do what you’re asking.”

  “Follow your glaawe, faith. I’m not saying it’s easy. But if we offer up our anger to God, evil loses power.” The silence that came was comforting. Katie sat back in the chair and rocked slowly.

  “Jake said to me once that leaving the community for him was like looking down into the unknown but knowing you have to jump.”

  When Gideon heard that he became concerned. It would be difficult to forgive someone with such reckless abandonment. But no, he wanted to believe in her.

  “I don’t feel so good. I think I’m going to lie down.” Her face went pale, and she took deep breaths.

  “I’ll go in with you and get some water.”

  “Danke.” She got up with difficulty and made her way into the house. Dinner out could wait for another time when everyone could go. When he got a whiff of the food from the kitchen, there was no doubt they’d be eating an early supper at the Yoders.

  “And your daed may need help.” He was installing crown molding, corner blocks, and long pieces of layered wood strips along the ceiling edges.

  “Nice work.” Gideon placed his hands on his hips and watched Solomon standing on the top of a ladder.

  “I’ve been wanting to do this since I took up carpentry.” He climbed down and admired his work with Gideon. They discussed how to proceed together on the project as the women quilted. Gideon couldn’t help but hear them talk, although he found it distracting him from his work at times.

  “Ouch!” Rachel jumped.

  Elsie grinned as Rachel stuck a finger in her mouth.

  “It’s not funny, Elsie.” Meredith frowned at her. “Are you all right, Rachel?”

  “Jah, I do that all the time.” She turned to Elsie. “But you don’t have to be so amused by it,” she teased.

  Ruby scanned the intricate piece of work. “This is going to be a beautiful quilt. Are you going to sell it at the bizarre?” Gideon sensed that Ruby felt comfortable quilting with everyone. The tension had lessened even more when Jake left.

  “Nee.” Rachel looked over at Elsie.

  “We’re going to give it to Katie.” Elsie glanced at Katie, who was lying on the couch.

  Katie sat up and stared at the quilt, then at Rachel and Elsie.

  “Really?”

  Gideon and Solomon stopped working for a moment. Everyone did, including Katie, who sat up trying to get comfortable.

  Elsie smiled. “We thought you would appreciate it.”

  “It’s a comfort quilt after all,” Rachel justified.

  “You mean you think I need it.”

  Gideon cringed. It was hard to know how Katie meant what she said. Gideon saw Elsie put a hand on Rachel’s shoulder to let it pass. If Katie only knew how long it took Elsie to talk Rachel into giving the quilt to her, she would be eating crow, maybe.

  “Well, I will need it. It’s no easy thing to have Jake leave,” Katie said, but she didn’t meet Rachel’s eyes.

  They had done well to stay in the same room together for as long as they did. Watching the dynamics of a group of women was interesting but painful at times.

  “Danke; it is a beautiful pattern.” Katie stroked the quilt. It was earth tones to settle the soul.

  “I have something for
you too.” Ruby handed Katie a blue baby blanket. “Your mamm made it.”

  Gideon watched Elsie’s eyes dart over to Meredith, unsure of what to think of the gesture. They knew Ruby wasn’t a great cook; maybe she couldn’t sew either.

  “I wanted to keep it in the family. It’s so beautifully made.” Ruby admired the blanket Katie held up. It was one of Meredith’s vintage blankets that all the women raved about.

  “Maybe it’s time for a break.” Elsie smiled at Ruby as she stuck the needle in a pin cushion. “I’ve made some comfort food.” That got a good laugh, and everyone made themselves useful in the kitchen. Elsie opened the lid to the pot of chicken and dumplings she’d made that morning.

  Gideon couldn’t help but give Ruby a glance. By her facial expression he saw her discomfort. Ruby had made great strides, and he hoped she continued to. It wasn’t always a given that everyone in a family, especially a large one, would all get along.

  “And there’s vanilla pudding for dessert for Katie,” Meredith announced.

  “I wouldn’t have gotten through this pregnancy without vanilla pudding.” Katie waddled over to the table and sat next to Rachel before she had a chance to maneuver to a different seat. Gideon shook his head. They were permanently in the third grade when they were together.

  Gideon looked around at the bustle of people in the room and scooped another spoonful of dumplings. He went out onto the porch where Elsie was sitting in a chair with her plate on a small spindled table. He sat beside her, and she put her cheek in her palm, watching him.

  “Thanks for helping Katie.”

  “I don’t know that I did, but you’re welcome.” He took another bite in thought. “She’s going to need a lot of courage to start a life over without Jake.”

  “Katie’s brave.”

  “This is different, not leaving your home and moving into the city. This is walking away from someone you care about to live a fruitful life.”

  “I see.” She poked her fork around in her potatoes then dropped it onto the plate.

  “I hate to see her go through this. I hope she’ll find meaning in the suffering.”