by J. L. Madore
Right, he smells Jaxx on me.
“That’s good,” he says, still staring at the back wall. “I’m happy for you.”
“You don’t seem happy.”
He lifts a shoulder. “Maybe I don’t know how to be.”
“Maybe you don’t deserve to be.”
He turns and straightens papers on the top of the desk. “I deserve that.”
“And more.”
He dips his chin but doesn’t meet my gaze.
I stare at my self-assured, king of the world and see the truth I suspected. It hurt him to hurt me. It doesn’t excuse his actions, but it helps. “You said it takes one to know one. Do you believe that?”
“I do.”
I step into the office, close the door, and set my workout clothes on a table inside the door. When his gaze finally rises to mine, I hold out my arms and give him a runway turn as I step closer.
His eyes widen as he takes in the flowing skirt and the way my breasts swell at the neckline. “You have wonderful taste. I bet the people I met today never even guessed I’m nothing but a thieving street-rat whore.”
His face tightens, his gaze locked down. “I’m sorry.”
The words are gruff and clipped. He isn’t the kind of man to apologize. His chiseled jaw flexes and I recognize what it costs him. Good. It’s time the billionaire paid some dues.
In the center of the office, I stop and wait until I have his full attention. “I’ve had sex with eight men in my life and of those, one was rape and one was Jaxx. Does that make me promiscuous in your eyes? You, the self-proclaimed man-whore who bathes in women, consuming them like ambrosia.”
Hawk pegs me with a glare so hostile, I can’t tell if it’s directed at himself, me, or something else entirely. I have no idea what he’s thinking. He hides his thoughts and feelings so well. “I apologized. What more would you have me say?”
“You had me investigated.”
“You know I did.”
“Did your people find that I live off sugar daddy’s or have a criminal record for conning people or manipulate the system to rise to the top?”
“No.”
“No,” I repeat, jutting my chin. “My bank account has fewer zeros than yours, and maybe I made some choices I regret but I pulled myself up from nothing the same as you. You got further, so what? I don’t want your money. This isn’t a Cinderella story for me and you’re far from Prince Charming. Contact your lawyers and write up whatever prenup, non-disclosure, property agreement takes me out of your finances. I do fine on my own. I won’t give you an excuse to question my motives.”
Hawk’s nostrils flare. “I never thought—”
“Sure, you did. You said as much. It’s the way men like you always think. Who cares about money?”
He chuffs. “Most people.”
“Well, I don’t. Never have. Never will. I care about people. Despite what you said, you won’t lose your life’s work because of me. I promise you that.”
He sticks his fists deep into the pockets of his slacks. “This isn’t what I want.”
“Clearly. I’m sorry you’re here against your will.” I point to a spot on the area rug in front of me. “Come here.”
“Why?”
“Because I told you to.” I wait, wondering if he’ll give me the power to tell him what to do.
He locks in and I see him debating his moves. Eventually, though, eyes hooded, he stalks around the desk. Hawk moves like the predator he is and stops right in front of me.
Damn, he smells good. This close, demand rushes over me and my heart beats faster. Despite him being cocky and brusque and broody, I’m not immune to the clit-throbbing draw of the wounded bad boy.
Hawk is more than that, though. He’s also vicious and a loner and an autocratic control freak. What demons haunt the soul of the man in front of me?
“You want nothing to do with me. I accept that.”
He’s eyes narrow and I raise my hand to stop him interrupting to deny it.
“You’re entitled to your opinion, but you’re wrong. I’m not a mistake and you being here isn’t a mistake, either. I’ll pull this quint together and prove that, but you have to give me a goddamn minute to get my bearings.”
“You don’t—”
I shake my head. “I know what I am and what I’m not better than you. The others agreed that our life together started at the side of the road with my resurrection. I want that for all of us. We are meant to be a unit of five. I can’t and won’t stop you from going to the Elder Council, but while you are part of this bonding, you’ll act like it—until you’re not.”
Suspicion blankets his expression. “After what I said, you should want me out of your lives like the others do.”
I rub my arms, the heat of betrayal rising inside me once again. “Part of me does want to rear up and retaliate—but a bigger part of me believes you are in this bonding for a reason and we need to get past this.”
“That’s ridiculously idealistic.”
“Maybe. Seeing how I was murdered this week and came back to find a new life and new destiny, maybe I’m feeling optimistic. We need to settle this and leave it behind us.”
“And how do you suggest—”
I reach back and my palm hits his cheek with a slap strong enough to spin his head to the side. His neck pivots and it’s like he’s an owl and not a hawk. He stretches his neck side to side and straightens, his steel-gray gaze flaring.
“A good start.” I shake my hand and smile. “I get why you said the things you did about me. Do something like that again and you’re gone. I don’t give a shit about fae magic. If you splay me open a second time, you can live and die alone and sexually forgotten for all I care.”
I flex my stinging fingers and peg him with a glare. “You might rule the world, but you don’t rule me. You don’t get to treat me like a money-grubbing whore.”
His guard is down, and I see the hurt boy behind the façade of the powerful man. Regret and sorrow burn in his expression. He’s fighting his demons just like me.
I stride over, pick up my workout clothes and head out. I pause with my hand on the door handle and look over my shoulder. “I get that you don’t want this mating—that you don’t want me. If you’re determined to get out of this bonding, I won’t fight you—not because I don’t think we could be great—but because no one should have their choice stripped from them. I wouldn’t wish that on my greatest enemy.”
“We’re not enemies, Calli,” he snaps. “I never said that, and I don’t feel that way.”
“Well, you made it clear we’re not friends.” I open the door but before I can leave, Hawk throws up his hand and the door pulls out of my grip and slams shut.
He lets off a soft curse and storms forward. “There’s something you need to understand, Calli. I’m not a nice man. If you accept that now, it will save a great deal of time and effort. There isn’t a gentler, romantic version of man inside me waiting to be coaxed out. I am acerbic. I can be cruel. It’s who I am. I’m neither proud of it, nor ashamed. It simply is.”
With his dress shirt rolled to his elbows, and his black vest buttoned closed, Hawk gives off a vibe of cool power. The look he pierces me with is equally cold. “It’s not something I chose. As your past forged you into the female you are, my past forged me. I can be no other.”
The hopelessness in his voice saddens me. I struggle with my feelings. Part of me wants Hawk to accept the possibility of our quint and trust me enough to let his guard down. The other part of me thinks he deserves to have his say and try to win his freedom.
“About severing yourself from our quint…” I say. “I’ll support whatever you decide, regardless of my personal feelings. I’ll go with you to speak to the elders and make the others understand. There won’t be any backlash on you.”
Hawk looks no happier than he did when I arrived, but I try not to let it bother me. “Me stepping back is best for everyone. You see that, right?”
“No.
That’s not at all what I see. The others are going to train me for a few hours outside. You’re welcome to join us. I hope you do.”
Brant
The three of us change quickly and get out of Dodge so Calli can have her say with Hawk without an audience. I want to stay close by in case she needs us, but I’m outvoted by Jaxx and the kid.
“She’s strong, Bear, and getting stronger every day,” Jaxx says, stretching out his shoulder in the back yard. He swings his arms back and works on the other one. “Let her fight her own battles when she can so she retains a modicum of control.”
I know he’s right. Still, it goes against every instinct I possess to leave her vulnerable to Hawk after he hurt her.
Kotah shifts into his wolf and trots toward the gate to our private yard. I jog over and let him out. “See you in a few.”
Jaxx is done his upper body and has one foot up on the side of the hot tub stretching out his quads and hams. He catches me staring. “Somethin’ on your mind, Bear?”
It’s the first time since Calli woke up that Jaxx and I have a moment alone together. I’ve been testing our emotional bond to get a read on him over the past couple of days, and I genuinely like and trust the guy. Checking that the sliding glass door to the great room is closed, I step closer. “You know I’m a first-tier FCO enforcer, yeah?”
Jaxx switches legs and grabs the toe of his shoe, leaning forehead to knee. “Yeah.”
“Well, before this guardian situation started, I was working on getting into the investigations unit. I started paying closer attention to the details of my past cases. You know, honing my investigative skills.”
“And?”
“I discovered a swath of duplicity and cover-up going on at high levels of the organization.”
Jaxx abruptly stops stretching, checks our surroundings and steps closer. “Be careful sayin’ shit like that. You might be the size of a tank but you’re not indestructible.”
“Oh, I know. And I haven’t brought up what I found to anyone before now. Just you.”
His brow tightens. “Okay. Why me? Why now? What kind of cover-up are we talkin’ about?”
I draw a deep breath. This could go very badly for me, but I gotta believe that if we’re to be mates, Jaxx is one of the good guys. “It started with the stuff I would’ve missed if I hadn’t been paying attention.”
“For example?”
“Last fall, I took down a troll kid with a wicked strong command of magnetics. He brought a football goal post down on his bully at school. He had a rough transition, so I followed up a few months later.”
“And?”
“And his parents had no idea who I was asking about. They invited me in and there wasn’t one picture of the kid or any evidence they ever had a kid.”
“You sure you got it right?”
“Yeah. After I intervened at the school and released him to the Transitions Unit, I sat on the parents’ couch and explained how the boy’s evaluation and holding would work. And then, five months later, same parents, same couch, no kid. They were completely wiped.”
Jaxx scuffs a rough hand over his mouth. “And you think FCO had somethin’ to do with it?”
“Yeah. I looked through my case file at the agency and my notes were altered. There was no record of the kid.”
“So how can you be sure—”
“Because I keep a personal log of all my shifts at home and the info was there.”
Jaxx curses and his cat lets off a low growl. “Keepin’ unapproved records in an unsecured location is a major no-no, Bear. You can do jail time for that.”
I shrug. “Do you want to lecture me on protocol or hear about the other two other blips I found?”
He throws up his hands. “Yeah, go ahead.”
“Also MIA are a sixteen-year-old selkie female who commands water, and a male fairy sapling who generates energy fields. I followed up on both and there’s no trace of them—no pictures, no school records, nothing.”
Jaxx stares at the cabin a scowl marring his Hollywood hunk beauty. “Pullin’ kids with exceptional gifts out of society could be an effort to manage their powers and reduce exposure risks. Maybe they’ll be reintegrated into society when they’re better equipped.”
“Then why wipe them off the map? Why wipe their parents so they don’t even remember having kids?”
“Because someone wants to be the only one who knows they exist. They want to harness them under total control.” Jaxx is a sharp and strategic guy. Despite not being sure I should open this can of mutiny, he doesn’t disappoint.
“Exactly.”
“How far up in FCO do you think this goes?”
“Right to the top,” I say.
“Okay, I hate where you’re headed with this.”
I shrug. “Think about it. A guy arrogant enough to go by the moniker, Black Knight, has the clearance and passwords to access confidential FCO files as well as the money and power to extract them, erase their identities, move them, train them and house them somewhere off the grid without people questioning where the orders are coming from. Anyone fitting that description come to mind?”
Jaxx scowls at the office window and I see by his expression that he understands why I don’t trust Hawk or want him anywhere near Calli. “Frickety-frack.”
“Exactly.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Calli
After speaking with Hawk, I pee, change, and head out to the fenced-in yard at the back of the cabin. When I slide open the glass door, Jaxx and Brant jump away from each other like I caught them in the act of planning something. “Well, that’s not suspicious at all,” I say, laughing at their guilty faces. I narrow my gaze on Jaxx. “Was that about me?”
Jaxx looks genuinely shocked. “No, kitten. I’m not one to kiss and tell. We were talkin’ FCO business.”
“Oh, right, I forgot you work for the same company.”
“Hawk’s company, actually. Did you know that?”
“No. You work for him?”
“No,” Brant snaps, heading to the closed wooden gate. “Hawk happens to be at the helm of an international corporation but we each work for different divisions. I’m in the policing force as an enforcer and Jaxx is an incident first responder. He responds to EMS calls and handles potential exposure due to injury or medical need.”
Right. I knew that, though I hadn’t put the pieces together. “And Kotah is a university scholar.”
My chocolate and silver wolf trots in the gate, his tongue lolling to the side in a whimsical smile. He gives Brant a nod and then the bear turns to me. “All clear. Kotah ran the jogging path and says we’re good to start with a run.”
“Can you shift back for a sec, Kotah, please?” I ask. “I want to talk with the three of you about Hawk first.”
At the mention of our fifth, the teasing comradery evaporates, and their smiles fall. The tension between the guys makes my insides twist. Even Kotah’s good mood is no longer apparent as he straightens before me as a young man.
I wonder about leaving it until later, but no. If we intend on standing up at the front of a dinner reception this evening, we need to nip this now.
“What’s the matter, beautiful,” Brant asks, sniffing the air, his muscles twitching. “Did the avian upset you again?”
I wave that away. “Nothing like that. Look. I get that Hawk isn’t an easy fit with your personalities and that he’s acerbic, as he puts it, but I want you to cut him some slack and let him find his way in this bonding.”
Brant growls. “You’re too kindhearted. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness after what he said about you.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I nearly killed Jaxx and he forgave me. It would be hypocritical to not offer Hawk a chance to make things right.”
“You never meant to hurt Jaxx like you did,” Brant says. “Hawk’s intention was to hurt you.”
“The point is that he said things about me. If I want to make peace, that should carry the most weight.�
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The three of them look as if they think my logic is flawed. It doesn’t matter. “I’m the phoenix in this bonding, and I understand why he did what he did. He knew I’d never break down without being torn down. He saved Jaxx’s life as much or more than my tears did. Give him a pass or a wide berth, but either way, he gets a chance to right his wrongs.”
Kotah exhales heavily. “And you’re certain that’s what you want?”
The breeze catches my hair and I pull it away from my face. “Yes. I haven’t had a home or a family I can count on in more than a decade. If we’re doing this, we’re finding our way together. No man is left behind.”
Jaxx dips his chin and nods. “As you wish. Hawk gets a pass. If he makes an effort, I will meet him halfway.”
Kotah nods. “Agreed.”
Brant is the one holding out, and the one I know hates this idea the most. He elevated himself to my guardian of both body and heart from the very beginning.
“What do you say, big guy?”
“I say there’s a lot we don’t know about him. You can’t take someone like that at face value. He’s cunning and dark.”
“There is a lot the five of us don’t know about one another. Layers of past experience and wounds and upbringing change how people interact.” I close the distance between us and take Brant’s hand. “Please, Bear. Trust me. I’m a big girl and I want us to try.”
Brant growls again, but it’s more a grumbly sound of letting out his frustration. Once he falls silent, he wraps a heavy arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “How do I deny you anything?”
I reach up to kiss the bottom of his jaw and brush a thumb over the day’s growth. “You don’t. Thank you. It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Now, did someone say something about warming up with a run?”
Kotah
Sitting cross-legged on the grass opposite Calli, I position her close enough that our knees touch. I massage her hands where they fall in the shared space in front of our laps and swing them to ensure she is loose and relaxed. Our run went well, Brant evaluated her balance and strength, and Jaxx went over a few basic self-defense moves—most of which she was familiar with. Now, it’s my turn to work on inner strength.
