Almost Broken: If I Break #2

by Moore, Portia

  “So are you really giving me a tour or do you want to talk to me about Cal?” I ask him. He stops walking and lets out an exasperated sigh.

  “Let’s head over here,” he says, pointing to the horse yard before answering my question. We start to walk towards it, the tension mounting with each step. When we reach the gate, he turns towards me and chuckles.

  “I take it you heard Jenna and me talking this morning,” he asks and I nod.

  “How much did you hear?” he asks

  “Enough to know you think Cal is back.”

  “I don’t think Cal is back. Jenna does, and she’s not entirely sure,” he says, letting out a shallow breath.

  “I think if Cal was back that all of you would be gone by now,” he states boldly. I shake my head. I don’t really know what this man thinks of me, but it can’t be much for him to believe that if Cal resurfaced, I’d take off with him no questions asked, knowing about his condition. I feel my eyes roll.

  “I told Gwen and Chris that I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay here,” he says.

  Well that’s the news of the century.

  “Ever since you showed up on this doorstep everything that was in place that was good for our family has started to unravel.” He’s speaking to me, but not bothering to look in my direction.

  “That’s because you chose to let your son live a lie,” I interject.

  “I want what’s best for my son,” he says, now turning his attention to me.

  “I think you want what’s best for yourself,” I state plainly and he laughs, as if I’m joking.

  “Cal coming back, existing, resurfacing whatever you want to call it, will destroy our family.” I’ve heard all of this before. Mr. Scott considers Cal the anti-Christ.

  “That might not matter to you, but eventually, he will destroy your family,” he says, stepping towards me. I keep my eyes on his. I want him to know his little speech only serves to piss me off. His words don’t affect me, scare me, or intimidate me.

  “You do understand in that in order for Chris to be well, he and Cal have to integrate. There is a reason he exists, and he’s not going away!” I say boldly even though I’m not entirely sure myself.

  Mr. Scott scoffs. “Cal won’t integrate, he wants to take over! I’d have thought you could have figured that out. You were married to him after all! That’s the real problem. He’s Christopher’s rage, his impulsiveness, his bitterness and anger,” he states with derision.

  I shake my head furiously “That’s not all Cal is!” I spit back.

  “Oh, little girl, wake up! The goodness that you saw in Cal was Christopher. I thought you’d recognize that by now. If Cal comes back, it will be to take over, and the kindness and self-control he managed to exhibit, everything that was Chris will be gone! He’s going to be like a tornado, destroying everyone and everything in his path. He can’t help it, that’s his reason for existing,” he continues bitterly, and I start to think that Mr. Anti-psychology has talked with Chris’ doctor more than he has.

  “How do you know what his reason for existing is? Why do you hate him so much?” The suspicion and bitterness in my tone is wildly apparent. There has to be more than what he’s saying. Why would he think Cal would destroy his family? I know Cal stepped aside for Chris to come back when his mom was sick.

  “Or, maybe the better question is why does Cal hate you?” I ask him angrily, and for a moment he looks taken aback.

  “Things are never black and white. Cal only see’s in black and white he doesn’t understand any grey areas,” he responds, and I look at him strangely. I didn’t expect that type of answer from him

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Now I’m confused.

  “If Cal’s not back, and Chris is starting to have those outbursts,” he says quickly.

  “What do you mean, ‘outbursts’?” I interrupt him.

  “Where he starts saying things that are completely out of character,” he says, talking over me.

  “Just because he said something that might have pissed Jenna off doesn’t mean it’s Cal,” I say, laughing at the ridiculousness of their hypothesis.

  “If he’s still Chris. I think it would be best for you to go stay at the Ritter Inn. I’ll pay for it,” he says, his tone a little less sharp but his words still cut. I shake my head.

  “No,” I say as coldly as I can. He groans and folds his arms, as if he’s thinking for a minute. He must not be able to come up with anything to say because he begins to walk away but stops and turns back toward me.

  “You’re not good for him, Lauren,” he says, his tone low, almost a growl before he starts to walk away again. I’m so angry. I want to hit something.

  “Good for who?” I ask him sarcastically. The only person it seems I’m not good for is him and his delusion he wants his family to live in. He turns back around and gives me a stare that sends a chill down my spine.

  “Either of them,” he declares before stomping angrily to his truck. He drives away, leaving me standing outside alone. I walk back to the house, replaying everything he said. Something isn’t right. I’m starting to think there’s another reason he doesn’t want Cal back. If he knows as much about this condition as I believe he does based on this conversation, he has to know integration is the goal. Why doesn’t he want that? I try to shake the adrenaline, anger and confusion from me before going back in the house. We were far enough away that no one should know that we were yelling at each other. He didn’t bring Mrs. Scott out, and I don’t know what his reasoning I, but I don’t want to worry her. She’s such a sweet woman, and if she knew what just happened I know it would, and there’s no need to because regardless of what her husband seems to think, he won’t intimidate me or push me away.

  I’m not going anywhere.

  Chris

  I haven’t slept this good in weeks. For the first time in a long time, I’m not up before my alarm. When it starts to ring I slam the snooze button down, I know I was up late last night. After cooking with Lauren I went to Jenna’s and... I really don’t remember what happened after that. I should feel nervous or worried about it, but I don’t. I know I didn’t blackout because I remember kissing her and driving home and going to bed. I sit up in my bed and think, I remember going to her house, on the verge of makeing, and we started arguing about something, but I’m not sure what. Everything else is almost a blur. I don’t know how the argument ended, but I feel good about it. We must have made up because I feel good. No, I feel great. Not tired, or stressed. Just good.

  I reach for my phone and pull up Jenna’s name and text her.

  Good morning, beautiful.

  I grab my clothes, head to the bathroom, and jump in the shower. I only have one class today. The good thing about subbing is even if you have one class or four you still get paid the same daily rate. After I change clothes, I head to the kitchen. I can already smell ham and eggs. I head down to the kitchen where I see Lauren and my mom at the table and Caylen in her high chair.

  “Good morning, destructor,” I say, planting a kiss on Caylen’s forehead. It’s the nickname I’ve given her since she wrecks everything around the house, but she’s cute enough to get away with it. My mom sets a pitcher of orange juice on the table, and I grab her and give her a hug and kiss.

  “Someone is in a good mood,” she says happily.

  “What’s up, Lauren? Did you help mom with breakfast this morning?” I say playfully before sitting down in the chair across from her. I smile at her, looking at those big hazel eyes. I grab a plate and start to load it up with eggs. I’m starving.

  Lauren is still looking at me, and not the way she usually does when other people are around. No quick glances or shy smiles. Today it’s like she’s examining me. It makes me shift in my seat because it’s kind of awkward and she hasn’t answered my question. Do I have shampoo still in my hair or something? Nah, my mom would have said something. Maybe I look exceptionally good today since I feel exceptionally good.


  “Lauren told me you were a great teacher,” my mom teases me as she joins us at the table. She bows her head and Lauren finally stops looking at me and does the same while my mom says her standard prayer. When she’s done, Lauren starts examining me again. Two can play that game so I start to look at her directly in the eyes. I expect her to look away, but she doesn’t. If she wants to keep those beautiful eyes on me, she’s more than welcome to. My mom is talking about something, but I don’t really listen to what. Lauren isn’t listening either. I think we’re having a full-on staring contest.

  “Is anyone listening?” My mom chuckles, I guess she’s noticed what’s going on. I laugh, but Lauren doesn’t. Her eyes narrow in on mine again before she turns to my mom and smiles. Is she mad at me or something?

  “I said I was taking Caylen to the library for story time today,” my mom says.

  “Oh, cool. I remember how much I loved story time,” I say in between chewing a mouthful of eggs.

  “I do too. I know she’s a little young, but I thought it’d be nice for the two of us to do something together,” my mom says cheerfully. I swear she’s fallen in love with Caylen.

  “That’s cool, Mom,” I say, and she smiles proudly.

  “So what are you doing today, Lauren?” I ask her, hoping whatever mood she’s in is going to change. I haven’t seen her like this since we met.

  “I’m not sure,” she says hesitantly.

  “Did you want to do something later on?” I ask, and her eyes widen in surprise. “Not like a date or anything. Just hang out,” I say with a chuckle.

  “I think it’d be great for you to get out of the house, Lauren, and get to see some of Madison,” my mom says chipperly.

  I love my mom.

  “Uh, I. Yeah,” she finally manages to get out. I laugh. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was nervous. Nothing like she was yesterday.

  I like that I make her nervous.

  “Cool. Lisa’s working tonight at Ardeby’s. I’ll call Aidan up, even drag Jenna out of her studying cave,” I say, downing a glass of my orange juice.

  “Are you going to play?” she asks, her gaze back on me. That catches me off guard. I shrug. Who knows?

  “Maybe I’ll surprise you.” I wink and her voice catches. Maybe the wink was too much. Kind of flirty. Crossing the friend line. I’ve never been much of a winker anyway. I’m not even sure why I just did it.

  “Lauren, are you okay?” my mom asks her. I notice her face is kind of devoid of all color.

  “Yeah, you kind of look pale,” I say a little worried, and my phone alert goes off. It’s a text message from Jenna.

  Are you fucking serious?

  I start to text her back, asking what she means or what her problem is, but I don’t. I’m not letting anyone ruin my mood today. I’ll swing by her house after work and see what’s wrong with her. Maybe our fight didn’t end as well as I thought it did.

  “I’m going to head out, ladies,” I tell them, standing up from the table. For some reason, Lauren stands up with me. I glance at my mom who glances between us. Then my dad walks in. He gives me the same strange look that Lauren has been giving me all morning.

  “Why are you guys looking at me like that?” I ask, unable to ignore their cryptic stares.

  “Like what?” My dad asks hesitantly.

  “Like I’m a science project.” Now I’m irritated.

  “No one’s looking like that, son,” my mom interjects.

  “You aren’t but dad is. Lauren is too,” I say, glancing over at her.

  “Do you see something you want to share, Lauren?” my dad asks her, and I wonder, since when did Lauren and my dad start talking?

  “What’s going on?” I ask, exasperated.

  “It’s nothing. I thought it was but, it’s nothing. I’m sorry, Chris,” Lauren says before getting up from the table, but not before she shoots my dad an angry glare. He sighs before sitting at the table. I look over at my mom, who seems as clueless as I am.

  “Twilight Zone,” I mutter to myself before leaving the house. When I’m outside I look around and something’s missing.

  Where’s my car?

  HHH

  They were so weird today. Lauren and my dad. And my car. It was parked down the road instead of behind the house. I remember parking it where I always do. I woke up in a really good mood and that sucked it right out of me, too eerily familiar.

  “I don’t even feel like going out any more to be honest,” I say to Aidan who’s sitting on my bed tossing an old football up and down.

  “Well suck it up because we’re going out. I’ve got on my good shirt, and I’m ready to get drunk. We’re doing this. Tonight!” he says adamantly.

  I can’t back out anyway. Lauren’s getting dressed down stairs. I haven’t talked to her since breakfast, except through text. I still haven’t talked to Jenna, but I know she’s in studying and she’s going to be pissed. I still don’t know what her text was about this morning, I’m sure I’ll get an earful about that when I do talk to her.

  “Your mood sucks, dude. What happened to the Chris this morning? You were pumped. Now you’re like a chick that just got dumped,” he says irritated.

  “Okay, bad news,” Lisa says barging into my room.

  “What are you? Snookie?” Aidan says, snickering at the how high her hair is stuffed on her head.

  “You can screw yourself,” she says wryly, turning her attention to me.

  “I got suspended from Aderby’s.” She sighs.

  “What?” I ask her, not in disbelief but in irritation. This isn’t the first time it’s happened.

  “So we can’t go tonight,” she says with a shrug.

  “Ugh fuck that. You can’t go, but we’re still going!” Aidan bellows.

  “I didn’t even feel like going anyway,” I admit.

  “Just because we can’t go there doesn’t mean we can’t go somewhere else,” she adds cheerfully.

  “No, we’re not going anywhere else. We’re going to Aderby’s,” Aidan interjects.

  “You know we haven’t been to the rink in ages. It’d be super fun!” she says enthusiastically, ignoring Aidan.

  “They only have stale beer at the rink.” Aidan groans.

  “I’m going to need you to attend alcoholics anonymous,” Lisa spits at Aidan.

  “Maybe we should just postpone this. I haven’t even talked to Jenna today.” I sigh.

  “Chris, get the mopey stick out of your butt. This was all your idea. You can stay here if you want but Lauren and Mr. Need a drink here, and I are going out,” Lisa says, folding her arms across her chest.

  “Yeah, man, we haven’t even celebrated since I got…”Aidan sentence trails off, and there’s a little knock. It’s Lauren, standing in the doorway. She has on a black off-the-shoulder sweater. Her hair isn’t straight like it usually is, instead falling down in long waves. From the moment I saw her, I thought she was beautiful, but this is the first time I thought she was sexy.

  “Hey,” she says, pushing her hair behind her ear.

  “You look hot!” Lisa says excitedly.

  “I think you should stay if you’re tired, Chris,” Aidan says enthusiastically. “I can handle the ladies tonight,” hey says, getting up off my bed. Lauren’s smile drops.

  “You’re not going?” She sounds disappointed.

  “No, I’m going,” I say quickly.

  “I’m sure you are now,” Aidan mutters, and I nudge him.

  “It’s just it’s a change of plans. We’re going to go skating.” Lisa’s excited, but Lauren looks pretty skeptical.

  “Oh. I’ll go change then,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself like she suddenly feels uncomfortable.

  “NO, no you’re fine. I’m not changing” Lisa says, who’s sort of dressed up herself.

  “Besides if were’ going to pick up Jenna we need to be heading out now. The rink isn’t going to be open as late as the bar would’ve,” Lisa says glancing at her watch. />
  “Who’s driving?” Lisa asks.

  “I vote Lauren. I haven’t been in the new Audi!” Aidan says quickly.

  “We’re not all going to fit in an Audi,” I remind him.

  “Well I could drive Lauren and me, and you guys can go pick up Jenna and meet us there,” Lisa says simply.

  “I’m not riding with them,” Aidan interjects, and I frown at him.

  “Fine ride with us then.” Lisa rolls her eyes.

  “We can all just take my truck,” I suggest, but Lauren doesn’t look all that excited about my suggestion either.

  “No it’s okay. I can drive and you can go get Jenna. It’ll probably work out better that way,” she says quietly.

  “Great it’s settled. Let’s go,” Lisa links arm with Lauren, pulling her out of the room. Aidan quickly follows them with a wide smile.

  Of course Lauren isn’t going to want to ride with Jenna.

  I grab my keys and wallet and text Jenna I’m on my way to her house. I want to think this night is going to be tons of fun, but I have a feeling it could potentially be a disaster. What the hell was I thinking this morning?

  HHH

  I’ve rang the bell almost five times before Jenna comes to the window and peeps at me from behind the curtain. I can see she’s already scowling.

  Oh this is going to be great.

  A second later, she snatches the door open. She’s standing there, her and folded across her chest.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask with a sigh.

  “Are you serious? You can’t be serious right now?” she says condescendingly. I tilt my head back and take a deep breath.

  “Can I come in?” I gesture towards the door.

  “So you can insult me and be a complete fucking asshole like yesterday? Who are you, Chris?” she spouts off quickly.

  “What? What are you talking about?” I am completely confused.

  “Oh, let me guess. You don’t remember,” she says sarcastically.