Almost Broken: If I Break #2

by Moore, Portia

  “Chris. Just let me explain. Please,” he yells trying to catch up with me.

  “Don’t fucking talk to me. You stay the hell away from me!” I shout back at him.

  “All of these years, all lies. Your moral code, your rules and lectures, and you’re a liar. A fucking hypocrite,” I continue to shout at him. My dad looks like he’s seen a ghost as I look at him.

  “I hate you!” I growl at him.

  “You don’t mean that, son. You’re angry. You’re upset,” my dad stutters, and I turn to walk away but stop and turn around. In a split second my anger dissipates and a smug grin spreads across my face.

  “I should thank you. Dad. You’ve just created the biggest problem of your life,” I say with a wicked grin on my face. It’s him.

  My dad stares back at me, slack-jawed. He’s frozen in place. I don’t think he realizes I’ve jumped in his truck until I’ve pulled off. He’s calling after me, running behind the truck, and I flip him off outside the window.

  “Christopher!” my dad says, and I realize I’m back to the present. I try to shake what just happened from my thoughts. That had to have been years ago from the hair cut I had, and the way my dad looked, I was still in high school. I think at the beginning of the memory, I was me but by the end, it was Cal.

  “What’s wrong, son?” he asks, looking at me carefully.

  “I—I think I just remembered something about us. Do you remember us having a big fight out here?” I ask him, and he flinches a bit then frowns.

  “We’ve had a few disagreements,” he says flatly.

  “This one was really bad, and I took your truck,” I say, my tone sharpening.

  “Was that it?” he asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “I don’t know. I just remembered it. Standing right here. Do you remember that happening?” I ask him again.

  “I don’t remember anything like that,” he says stoically.

  “You don’t?” I ask him again.

  “No. Nothing like that with you,” he says again.

  “I think we both need to get some sleep,” he says, patting me on the shoulder before turning to go in the house.

  This is the first memory I had that didn’t involve Lauren, and the one person I can confirm it with, who I used to trust, has just flat out lied to me.

  Why?

  Secret one. Think, think, think dumb ass. Don’t take too long. There’s so much more to come…

  I try to ignore the snide voice in my head and the condescending laugh that accompanies it.

  I think things have just gotten a whole lot worse and a hell of a lot more complicated.

  Chapter 10

  Lauren

  I wanted to tell him that I like him, as juvenile as it sounds. I felt like it needed to be said. If there was a time to do so, it was then, but obviously me gauging when the right time with Chris has been completely off. His signals are so mixed, it drives me crazy. I think he’s just as confused as I am. Then other times it’s as if he knows exactly what he wants.

  The way he looks at me has changed, and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not. When he used to look at me, he seemed curious, confused, and nervous. Now when he looks at me, the nervousness is pretty much gone, the confusion is still there, but there’s an interest, and something else I can’t put my finger on.

  I’m only going to be here another week, and time has seemed to go by so fast. Caylen has grown so close to Chris and his family I’m almost wondering how she’s going to do when she doesn’t wake up and see him and Mrs. Scott every day. Even Mr. Scott, although he still hasn’t grown any warmer towards me. In fact, I think he may even be colder. I don’t know why he hates me so much. At first, I thought he was just irritated and annoyed by me. My presence reminded him that his family wasn’t perfect. But sometimes when I catch him glaring at me, I think he hates me. The thing is, he’s not like that with anyone else. Not Aiden, not Lisa, or even the telemarketers that call the house, and if he hates me just because of my association with Cal, I can imagine how he treated him.

  He’s one of the only reservations I’ve had about what I’ve been planning—or contemplating. Contemplating is probably the better word. Actually that’s a misstatement. Jenna’s the other. I haven’t had to deal with her since the disastrous skating rink night but she’s like a dormant virus you know will pop up at any time. I remind myself that my decisions can’t focus on what Jenna will think or how it will affect her, but what’s best for Caylen because that’s my job, to see to the health and wellbeing of my child. Jenna isn’t worried about that.

  The thing is, if the shoe was on the other foot, and I was engaged to Cal all those years ago and she popped up saying she was in love with Chris and had a daughter with him, I would have stepped aside. I wouldn’t hold on and ask him to abandon his child and keep the life we had, but without having a child, maybe I wouldn’t have understood, and play the game she’s playing. Well none of this is a game, but sometimes I feel like everyone is on a chess board, moving pieces with their own agenda. We all have them, even Chris. I just can’t quite figure out what his is.

  If this is a chess game, I guess the move I’m about to make would be big. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. That’s all I’ve really had time to do here is think, which is good but can also drive a person crazy. It started just as a thought, how nice it would be to not have to drive back and forth every other weekend or month to bring Caylen to see her family. Especially with rent being so cheap here. Then I actually checked out a cute little two bedroom house for rent. Lisa’s parents are renting it out for less than 600 dollars a month, and its only ten minutes from the Scotts. Turns out that the cute little two bedroom house could come with the option to buy and for less than 70k. Which would make it way cheaper to buy. It just wouldn’t make sense not to. Especially with Lisa telling me that the school she works at would be looking to hire an art teacher next year.

  The pay wouldn’t be extraordinary but the stock dividends from when Cal worked at Crestfield Corp keeps my bank account padded. All I would need to do is complete a few teaching prerequisites and I could apply for my teaching license. Since I’ve had Caylen, the thought of teaching elementary students isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. But, I’m jumping the gun. I haven’t signed anything or made a serious verbal offer, I’ve just expressed interest. I want to talk to Chris about it before going any further. Though, I can’t see him being against the idea. I know Mrs. Scott would love it because anything that gives her more access to Caylen she’d be ecstatic about, even Raven wouldn’t be too upset. She couldn’t be since I’d only be about an hour and a half away from her versus the four to five hour drives we do now. Who won’t be happy? My friends, Hillary and Angela. But Hillary isn’t even talking to me now anyway, and Angela’s about to complete her Masters. She’s going to have so much going on and at the end of the day, I have to think about what’s best for Caylen, which is being closer to her dad. Besides, I’d still keep the apartment in Chicago. It’s paid for and I love it.

  Or I could possibly rent it out. Space in our building is coveted, and I could reach out to Helen to have her realtor put it on the market…even though she hasn’t answered any of my calls since this whole thing happened. There I am jumping the gun again. Tonight, though, I plan on talking to Chris about all of this and hopefully he’ll think it’s a great idea.

  Everything is going to be great.

  Oh shit!

  I very nearly faint when I see the blue Kia parked next to Mr. Scott’s truck. I try to tell myself it can’t be hers until I get out and see the license plate reading meb4u, and I know its Hillary’s. What the hell is she doing here? I feel my stomach knot up as I walk up the back porch to the kitchen entrance and hear chatter.

  I walk in to see Hillary and Raven sitting next to each other right there at the Scotts’ kitchen table with Mrs. Scott pouring them lemonade

  “Look who’s here!” my aunt Raven exclaims, her eyes narrowed in on mine. Okay a f
ew things. Since I’ve been here, I haven’t really been talking to Raven. After the first few days, she was just so negative about everything, I resorted to sending her daily text updates so the look she’s giving me isn’t one of a loving aunt, and Hillary, well, that needs no explanation.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I ask, trying to sound enthusiastic and not shocked out of my mind.

  “Well you wouldn’t answer my phone calls, darling niece, and after so many texts, I had to come here and make sure you weren’t chopped up into a thousand little pieces,” she says playfully, but knowing Raven, that’s probably what she thought. She watches way too much Lifetime and Forensic Files.

  “I told her you were in one piece,” Mrs. Scott smiles tightly.

  “I’m just here to see Caylen,” Hillary says flatly. She’s still mad. Great.

  This is going to be fun.

  “Uhm. Is Chris here?” I ask Mrs. Scott. God, please don’t let him have been here to walk into this disaster without a warning.

  “No, not yet,” Mrs. Scott says, giving me an assuring smile and guiding me over to the table to sit down.

  “It’s so nice meet your family, Lauren. We’ve been getting along wonderfully,” she assures me, possibly reading my deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on my face especially when Lisa waltzes into the room.

  “So how did it go?” she asks me excitedly. Oh God. No, Lisa do not say anything.

  “What go?” I say tightly trying to give her the hint this is NOT a subject I want brought up with Hillary and Raven sitting here.

  “Oh. Don’t worry. Lisa brought us all up to speed about the house you were looking to rent from her parents and your idea of possibly going back to school,” Hillary says with fake enthusiasm.

  “I think it’s such a wonderful idea,” Mrs. Scott chimes in genuinely.

  “I would have loved to know when that decision was made,” Raven says, folding her arms across her chest.

  God, Lisa! What the fuck!

  “Nothing’s set in stone. It was just something I was thinking about. I was hoping to have a chance to talk to Chris about it. I haven’t made any decisions yet,” I say, reaching for the glass in front of me and downing it. I don’t even care whose it is.

  “Where’s Caylen?” I’m looking for any excuse to get away from the pointed stares that are burning into me from my lovely surprise guests.

  “She just fell asleep. We’ve really missed her. We missed both of you,” Raven says, her expression concerned. I hear the hurt in her voice, and my guilt causes me to look away.

  “I’ve missed you guys too,” I say sincerely. I have, it’s just I haven’t wanted to talk to them until I had things figured out because God knows they will try to figure them out for me.

  “Lisa why don’t we give them some privacy,” Mrs. Scott can sense that this encounter is about to come to a head. When we hear the door quietly shut, the tight smile on Raven’s face disappears.

  “I can’t believe you guys showed up here like that without even asking me,” I say in a hushed tone.

  “Oh, please, Lauren. You’re the one in the wrong on this!” Hillary states defensively.

  “How could you consider moving here without even talking to me?” Raven adds.

  “Since when did you let strangers help you make life-altering decisions? It’s like that Lisa chick is your new best friend,” Hillary continues.

  “Stop it! No one is helping me make a decision here. Not Lisa, not the Scotts, no one but me. This is my life,” I tell them angrily.

  “I don’t even know myself if I’m actually going to do it,” I tell them, lowering my voice, noticing how it’s raised over the course of this short conversation.

  “Everything is moving so fast, Lauren. You haven’t even been here a month and you’re thinking about relocating,” Raven says in a hushed tone of her own.

  “Chris’s bedroom game must seriously be off the fucking charts.” Hillary’s laugh mocks me.

  “Oh my God,” I say, covering my face out of embarrassment and anger.

  “Hi.” When I hear his voice, I want to crawl under the table. How much did he hear? He picked the absolute worst time to show up.

  “Are we interrupting?” When I hear her voice I want to vomit. Not now. Not now. I turn around to see Chris looking on awkwardly as Jenna stands next to him the same scowl on her face I’ve become accustomed to.

  “Uhm. This is my aunt Raven, and my best friend Hillary. They came to check on me.” I smile weakly. I look over at Raven who seems to be scrutinizing Chris. They are both watching him, probably trying to see if he’s really Cal. It’s the same thing I did the first few times I was around him. Chris walks over to them hesitantly and sticks out his hand. Hillary only stares at him before giving him a small grin. He figures out his handshake isn’t welcome over there and moves over to Raven, who after a few seconds hesitantly takes it.

  “Nice to meet you,” Raven says, awkwardly shaking his hand.

  “I’m Jenna, Chris’s fiancée...” and at that I want die right here. I cover my face with my hands. There’s an awkward silence, and I hear Hillary laugh.

  “Oh, Lauren,” I hear Raven mutter under her breath.

  That’s right.

  Oh, Lauren.

  HHH

  Think of the most awkward day in your life. Now let’s multiply that by 100. Still you’re not likely to reach the level of discomfort I experienced today. As if it weren’t bad enough for Chris to walk in amidst the talk of how good he is in bed, of all the days, Jenna decides to visit. To top off this ridiculous evening, here I sit, surrounded by all my loving and not-so-loving family and friends.

  The whole gang’s here in fact. Hillary, Raven, Chris, Jenna, Mrs. Scott, Lisa, and Aidan. The good thing is Mrs. Scott hasn’t brought out any wine. As much as I’d love a glass, I don’t think drinking will make this situation any better for anyone once it really sets in. Everyone has been pretty quiet so far. The only awkward moment was when both Raven and Mrs. Scott reached for Caylen, and she reached for Mrs. Scott. Raven’s had a pretty pissed to shit expression on her face since that happened, even when Mrs. Scott tried to give Caylen back to Raven. She refused at that point, her feelings hurt, and of course, I’m to blame for that. Oh, and then the glorious moment when Mrs. Scott started to pray over the food, and Hillary announced her preference to not participate instead of just keeping her mouth shut. Other than those two little moments, everything has been awkwardly wonderful. The good thing in all of this is that Mrs. Scott’s food is so delicious that once everyone starts eating, the mood lightens up a bit. Jenna still throws angry glares my way, but I’ve become accustomed to that.

  “What the hell is her problem?” Hillary whispers in my ear. She is not accustomed to it.

  “Just let it go,” I mutter quietly.

  “This casserole is absolutely delicious,” Raven says enthusiastically. She’s almost finished with her food.

  “Oh, thank you. I can give you the recipe,” Mrs. Scott says cheerfully.

  “Raven’s not much of a cook.” I laugh, and she nudges me in the stomach.

  “I cook. I cook just fine,” she says defensively, and I look at her like she has a horn growing out of her head. Maybe this is a new development.

  “Thank you for being so accommodating to us at the last minute,” she says, glancing at both the Scotts.

  “Not at all. We’re like family now,” Mrs. Scott says warmly. I can’t help but notice Jenna roll her eyes.

  “So. How have you been adjusting to fatherhood Ca—Christopher,” she says, quickly correcting herself. Aidan snickers, and I see Lisa nudge him.

  “It’s different, but thankfully, Lauren and my family have made it easier than I thought it would be. Everyone’s been great helping out, and of course she’s pretty easy to fall in love with.” When Chris’s eyes find mine, my heart almost jumps out of my chest.

  I have to be reading that wrong.

  “I’ve adjusted pretty quickly to
being an uncle,” Aidan interjects, prompting laughter from around the table. I even smile at that. He’s even bought her a toddler-sized jersey of his favorite football team and had me put it on her, which just so happens to be the rival to Chris’s favorite team.

  “We’ve all taken to her. I don’t know what we’re going to do when she’s gone,” Mrs. Scott says sadly.

  “I completely understand. I miss her to pieces,” Raven says, eyeing me.

  “How do you plan on working out the visiting schedule if Lauren decides moving here isn’t the best idea?” Raven blurts out, and I shoot her shocked glare.

  “You’re thinking of moving here, Lauren?” Chris asks, the excitement in his voice apparent. Jenna’s eyes look like they’re about to jump right out of her head and roll across the table.

  “It’s just an idea I’ve thinking about. I wanted to talk to you about it,” I say quietly.

  “Don’t you think you should take more time to think about making a move like that?’ Mr. Scott interjects.

  “I agree,” Jenna says sharply. Chris shoots her a warning glare. I feel my patience wearing thinner and thinner by the minute.

  “All of these secret and private conversations are really getting to me, Chris. Don’t you think this is something that you should have mentioned to me?” she says sharply, turning towards Chris.

  “Are you listening, Jenna? She hasn’t talked to me about it,” Chris says defensively.

  “Everyone. I think we should all calm down and finish dinner. Later on Chris and Lauren will talk about this, but until then, there’s no reason for anyone to get upset,” Mrs. Scott pleads.

  “No, this isn’t just something for them to talk about. I am going to be Chris’s wife. This involves me!” she says pointedly to Mrs. Scott.

  “Do you understand that, Lauren. You two are over. You should start acting like it. No more talks between you and Chris. Anything you say to him needs to be said to me as well.” Her tone is acid.

  “Jenna, this is not the time,” Chris interjects.