Worth a Thousand Words

by Stacy Adams

  Now here they were on Saturday evening, at a cozy restaurant half an hour away in Providence, having dinner and drinks. Brian knew better. Alcohol had gotten him in trouble the first time. He swallowed his second sip of bourbon and set the glass aside.

  The waiter arrived with their lobster and crab cakes.

  They ate outside, on the restaurant’s deck, and talked little while they consumed the meal.

  Brian didn’t want to provoke Craig, but he had to ask.

  “So what’s this all about—taking me to dinner? The drive to Providence?”

  He stared at Craig and waited for his answer.

  Craig put down his fork and wiped his mouth. “What do you think?”

  I think you’re stone crazy. Brian wanted to say it aloud, but didn’t want to get left in Providence. Instead, he shrugged.

  “Come on, man. If we’re here to talk, let’s talk.”

  “We don’t have to talk, if you prefer to do something else,” Craig said and smiled.

  Brian rolled his eyes. He understood now how stupid he had been. If he’d stayed in Newport, he could have walked out. This way, he was at Craig’s mercy—a captive audience.

  He sat back in his chair, folded his arms across his chest, and waited.

  “I want to know what you remember about our . . . encounters at Tuskegee,” Craig finally said.

  “Why?” Brian asked. “If I can tell you nothing else, I can tell you they were a mistake. The first time I was drunk and out of my mind. The last time, I was reeling from what happened the first time, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.

  “I know who I am—a heterosexual man. What happened was out of character and out of the norm for me, and it hasn’t happened since. I’ve repented and asked God to cleanse me, and he has. So whatever you thought was going to happen tonight, you can forget it and take us back to the base.”

  “You had your speech prepared, huh,” Craig said and took another sip of his drink. “If you weren’t worried about losing control, would that even be necessary?”

  Craig was playing with him. Brian inhaled and exhaled slowly to keep his cool. He was way too old to have been this stupid.

  Craig squinted and leaned toward Brian. “You know what? You aren’t even my type anymore. Besides, messing with you isn’t worth risking my career. I receive my commission next week. I’ll be an officer and I’m outta here. Heading to Connecticut to do my thing, buddy. That’s all that matters.”

  “Okay . . . ,” Brian said. “And the reason for bringing me here?”

  “You and I both know that if anyone in the Navy or at OCS suspects we go both ways or to the far left, we’re dead in the water,” Craig said in a near whisper. “Getting commissioned will be a waste of time for both of us if they stall our careers because of questionable sexual orientation. I hear you’re getting married—good. I’m looking for someone too.”

  Brian shook his head. “What—you think my relationship is a front? Come on, man. I’m for real. I’m not on the DL.”

  Craig shrugged. “Whatever you have to do, do it, that’s my motto. There’s a little problem, though, and I need you to help take care of it.”

  Brian frowned and leaned forward too. “What—?”

  “Shelby knows, Harper. You’ve got to keep her quiet.”

  33

  Indigo slipped into her fifth dress of the day, and she knew, before even turning to face the mirror, that this was the one.

  The strapless, satin gown had a fitted, crisscross waist, a modestly full skirt embellished with crystals and beads, and a sweeping train. She was in love.

  Nizhoni pinned Indigo’s hair up in a mock French roll to give her a different effect, then turned her toward the mirror.

  Indigo gasped.

  “It’s beautiful,” she whispered, drawing out the word. “Can I have it?”

  Nizhoni laughed. “For $3,995 plus tax and custom fitting fees, it’s yours.”

  Indigo stopped and looked at her. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

  Nizhoni shook her head. “Unfortunately I’m not. It’s made by a popular designer and has hundreds of hand-sewn crystals and beads on the body of the skirt.”

  When Indigo didn’t speak, Nizhoni grabbed her hand.

  “Come on, let’s show your mom and Yasmin and see what they think.”

  Mama saw Indigo coming through the door and began to tear up.

  “You didn’t do that when I came out in the other ones, so I take it that this one is a winner?”

  Mama gave her a thumbs-up.

  Yasmin sat there wide-eyed.

  “You look like a princess, Sis,” she said. “Brian is going to cry when he sees you in that.”

  Indigo’s grin stretched from one ear to the other. Then she pouted.

  “There’s sticker shock, though.”

  Nizhoni shared the price of the dress and Mama covered her heart with her hands.

  “Do you have a bridal sale coming up anytime soon? We’ve got a little time to order, since the wedding has been pushed back to December.” She looked at Indigo and smiled. “You look beautiful in it, baby. I want you to have it, if we can manage.”

  Now it was Indigo’s turn to get weepy. “Thank you, Mama. I do love it.”

  Nizhoni went into her office to check the calendar and returned a few minutes later.

  “There’s nothing on the books now, but we usually have a fall sale, just before the holidays,” she said. “I can’t guarantee that this dress will be included, but usually the wedding dresses are 15 percent off during that time. The other issue is that it takes ten to twelve weeks to get a dress back after custom changes have been requested, so you don’t want to wait too close to December to be doing this.

  “Let me go talk to my manager too, and see if there’s anything she can do, since you guys are friends.”

  Nizhoni trotted off and Yasmin rose from the cushioned chair and approached Indigo.

  “You look beautiful,” Yasmin said. “You’re doing great things with your life—I’m just proud of you.”

  Indigo leaned down from the pedestal she stood on in front of the three-way mirror and stroked Yasmin’s face.

  “I’m proud of you too, baby sis,” she said. “You’re going through a rough patch right now, but like I learned when I found out about the glaucoma, you just have to pick yourself up and get back in the game. You’re doing great.”

  Yasmin nodded. “I am, aren’t I? Dr. Danvers is helping.”

  “Good,” Indigo said. “Because once we get this dress squared away, it will be time to look for yours and Shelby’s. I’m going to have two maids of honor, you know, so by December 15 you’ve got to be fabulous and healthy.”

  Yasmin smiled.

  “I’ll be ready.”

  34

  If Shelby knew, Brian was as good as dead.

  She could tell Navy officials, and Indigo, what she had seen and end his future in one fell swoop.

  Brian fretted all the way to the base. As Craig rounded the curve and prepared to drive up to the security gate to enter Naval Station Newport, he asked Craig to recount for him one more time why he was certain she had the goods.

  “You think I’m making this up?” Craig asked in frustration. “Just take care of it, okay?”

  “Tell me again. I want to have my facts straight when I talk to her,” Brian said.

  “The second time you and I were together, she saw us embrace and she saw me kiss you,” Craig said slowly.

  “But we were away from campus, at a park, and it was dusk,” Brian said. “How was she so sure it was us?”

  “You’ll have to ask her why she was there; all I know is that she was,” Craig said. “She knew what we looked like, of course, and she recognized my car and license plate, because I dated her for about a month the semester before you and I hooked up.”

  “You didn’t tell me that part!” Brian yelled. “Great. She might want to out you ’cause she’s feeling played.”

  Craig kept his eye
s on the road. “You know her better than I do. That’s why I’m asking you to handle it.”

  But that was the problem. Brian thought he knew her well enough to think she’d never keep something like this from him for so long. She hadn’t said a word in three years.

  Had she told Indigo? Was that the reason Indigo was so hesitant to get married?

  He rid himself of that thought. He did know Indigo well enough to know that she would have questioned him by now.

  They stopped at the security gate and were waved through. Craig dropped Brian off in front of one of the administration buildings, so he could walk to the barracks and not be seen fraternizing with a Candi-O—a candidate about to be commissioned.

  Brian turned to him before walking away. “Look, man, let’s really just get past this. I wish you the best on your assignment when you leave here. I’m going to talk to Shelby, but if she’s the person I know her to be, she won’t use this against us.”

  Brian read the skepticism in Craig’s eyes.

  “I hope you’re right,” Craig said. “Like I told you earlier tonight, she’s a tough girl. I didn’t know that she knew about our connection until she said something in passing two weeks ago. If it comes down to getting ahead or watching you rise faster than she does, she could let the chips fall where they may.”

  Brian shuddered at the thought. He strode to the barracks without telling Craig goodbye.

  Too bad he didn’t have his cell phone. He would call Shelby now and ask her to meet him somewhere. They had liberty tonight and most of tomorrow, but it was back to the normal routine by six p.m. Sunday.

  He wondered what she’d say and whether Craig was right to be so worried. He wondered what Shelby thought of him. But then, he really didn’t know what to think of himself these days. He just wanted to get his commission and conquer the next step toward his dream.

  If his skeletons were going to come out of the closet, better now, when he could handle them privately, in his own way. He just hoped that Shelby was still his friend, and that she would agree.

  35

  Brian knew where he’d find her on Sunday morning.

  He rose early as usual, slid into navy slacks and a white collared shirt, and arrived at the chapel on base just as the eight a.m. service was beginning. He scanned the tiny sanctuary and surmised that most of the officers and other OCS residents must have had late nights; there were plenty of seats.

  Shelby sat in the middle of a center section pew. Brian slid in beside her and pretended not to notice when she did a double take.

  The base had several chaplains from different denominations, and this morning, an Episcopal priest was leading the service. His teaching was from 1 Samuel 25, which described how Abigail begged David for mercy after her foolish husband, Nabal, insulted David.

  “Consider the courage and humility this woman must have possessed to approach the king of Israel and beg for forgiveness for something she didn’t do,” the priest said. “Or, even better, consider the fact that she did so to save the lives of her people. What are we willing to sacrifice for the greater good? What are we willing to give up so that others can live more fully?

  “In our society, the focus is on ‘me, me, me,’ ” he said. “But the Bible indicates that when we take care of others and consider their needs above our own, then God will take care of us.”

  Brian wanted to look at Shelby, but was afraid. Please, Father, let her hear this message in the context of what I need to talk to her about.

  “Now I can guarantee that most of you sitting here listening to this sermon are thinking of someone you wish were here to hear it.” The priest chuckled. “Or maybe you’re glad the person is here to hear it.”

  Brian felt sheepish.

  “But I also guarantee that since you are here receiving this word, it was meant for you too. You may not understand why or in what context, but ask God to reveal to you what you need to be doing along the lines of Abigail’s sacrifice, and he will make it clear to you.”

  Brian heard, but he didn’t hear. At least, he didn’t process that last part of the message. This wasn’t about him; it was about Shelby being a real friend.

  After service, they rose from their seats and hugged.

  “Fancy running into you here, Candidate Officer Harper,” Shelby said and punched his arm. They hadn’t talked since the night she’d seen him fretting over his OCS manual in the rec room.

  Brian wondered if she had an idea about why he was here today. “Want to join me for lunch, Candidate Officer ‘homegirl’ Arrington?” he joked.

  She nodded and linked her arm through his as they left the sanctuary. “Sure, where to?”

  They chose a spot off base that served breakfast all day.

  As Shelby dug into her omelet, he watched her. She was a beautiful girl, even with her Navy buzz cut. Her cocoa skin, dazzling white smile, small build, and outgoing nature had made her a perfect Tuskegee cheerleader. It was no surprise that she had been elected the campus queen their senior year, or that she’d broken a string of Tuskegee hearts before she graduated.

  Brian found it funny that when she finally seemed ready to get serious, it was with someone of another race.

  “Tell me about this Hunt Pappas,” he said. “Where did you meet him? Does Indigo know about him?”

  She took a bite of food and nodded. “Yeah, I’ve mentioned him, but I haven’t made a big deal out of it, so she probably didn’t think it was worth discussing with you.”

  Brian raised an eyebrow. “It’s a pretty big deal when he comes to see you during visitors’ weekend and meets your parents, isn’t it?”

  Shelby smiled. “You’re right. I met him last summer when I was interning at Kennedy Space Center down in Florida. He’s an engineer too, and had just landed a job with Lockheed Martin. We went out a few times over the summer and clicked. He kept in touch and we started seeing each other again, albeit long distance, about six months before I graduated.”

  “Seems like it would be hard enough to maintain an interracial relationship when you’re in the same city, let alone long distance,” Brian said. “How’s that working?”

  Shelby glared at him. “You don’t have to be so pessimistic. He’s special, but he’s just a friend, anyway. We’ll see where things go.”

  Brian leveled his gaze at her. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

  Shelby sighed. “I just know a relationship like this isn’t easy. I care for him deeply. I spent the summer getting to know him and I love so many things about him. He’s funny, he has a deep faith in God, and he has a good heart. But I just don’t know. I want to take it really slow. Plus, I’m about to ship off to flight school and he’ll be working in New York on a federal contract.”

  Brian smiled. “That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk about a guy. You love him.”

  Shelby dropped her head and blushed. When she looked up again, she shifted the focus to him. “What’s up with you? Why did you track me down this morning?”

  Where should he begin? He took a deep breath.

  “I know you’ve been talking to Craig, and I need to know what the deal is.”

  Shelby sat up straight and put her fork down. Her expression grew somber, but she didn’t respond.

  “What do you think you saw?” Brian asked.

  Shelby shook her head. “I don’t think anything, Brian,” she said softly. “I had been biking along one of the trails at the park and had just parted ways with Danica, one of the other cheerleaders, so I could go to my car. I was parked a few feet from where Craig’s car was, and I saw you two sitting inside embracing. I saw him kiss you full on the mouth. And you didn’t pull away. I wasn’t hallucinating.”

  The memory of it all came rushing back to Brian as she described the incident, and he felt his face growing warm.

  “I . . . it was all . . . you don’t understand,” he said.

  “What is there to understand beyond what I saw? You and a guy I used to date were locki
ng lips in what you thought was a private spot,” Shelby said. “It was an intimate moment. And the next day you went on your usual date with my best friend, like nothing happened.”

  Brian’s heart stopped. “You didn’t tell her?”

  Shelby sat back and folded her arms. She looked angry.

  “Believe me, I came close many times,” she said. “I still struggle with the fact that I haven’t told her, especially now that you are engaged. But I prayed about it—in fact, I continue to pray about it.

  “Every time I take it before the Lord, he tells me to let it go,” Shelby said “He tells me that you are the one who has to own your truth and live it out in a way that doesn’t destroy others.

  “If I were to tell her, there’s no guarantee that she would believe me. If you didn’t confess, she might just cut me off and continue on with you anyway. At least this way I’m here for her, no matter what happens.”

  She waited for Brian to say something, and when he didn’t, she continued.

  “Why are you asking me about this now? After all this time?”

  “You’ve been talking to Craig,” Brian said. “He’s worried that you’ll spread rumors. I told him you’re not like that, but I still wanted to talk with you about all of this. And I want to reassure you that whatever happened back then, it was a stupid mistake.”

  Shelby didn’t look convinced.

  “I got drunk at one of the fraternity parties and Craig offered me a ride home and . . . some things happened that I hadn’t expected.”

  Shelby held up her hands and turned her head. “Please don’t give me details, Brian. I’m already disgusted.”

  “I want you to know that I’m not . . . gay,” he said in a hushed voice. “You know I don’t drink. That night I got a little crazy and one thing led to another.”

  “What about when I saw you in the park?”

  Brian lowered his eyes. How could he explain that away? He got caught up in the moment? His body betrayed him? She was right when she said he hadn’t ignored Craig’s advances.