by Chad Kultgen
They drove in silence for a minute or so. Karen felt like she might have gone a little too far in her reprimand, but she felt she had no alternative. She just wanted to get through the day with as little stress as possible.
Tanya eventually said, “Sorry. It’s just tough to be a good friend in a situation like this, I guess.”
Karen said, “I’m sorry, too. I know how hard it is for you to even be driving me to get this done. I’m sorry I put you in the situation in the first place. But you’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t want anyone else with me, to tell you the truth.” This confession eased the tension between the two friends for a moment.
Tanya said, “Okay, last thing, and then I’ll shut up. There’s a compromise here that you might not be thinking of.”
“What?”
“You could have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
“Are you fucking crazy? If I’m worried about hormones changing my mind if I wait a week to do this, what do you think would happen to me after nine months?”
“I don’t know. I just had to make sure you were thinking about all of your options before we get to the place.”
“You know what would actually be hilarious? If I had the kid and gave it to a gay couple. How do you think your pro-life pals would feel about that? That’s exactly what I’m talking about, by the way. They don’t give a shit about the kid—they just want to force their moral agendas on everyone else. God, if I did that and blogged about it . . . Or what if— Wait, hold a second. Pull over.”
Tanya, sensing that Karen might be changing her mind, pulled over. “What is it?”
Karen said, “Turn around. You’re right. I’m going to think about this for a few more days.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. But you’re still the only person who knows, and I want to keep it that way. Paul can’t know what’s going on.”
Tanya said, “Okay,” then made a U-turn in the middle of the street and headed back to Karen and Paul’s apartment, hoping that whatever Karen was thinking about would save the life of this child. Tanya couldn’t help but feel that God had a hand in whatever was going on.
chapter
eight
Eyesofblue’s real name was Beth. James had learned this and a few other general details about her through a series of text messages, and he hoped that her profile pictures were accurate. He was waiting for her outside the RowHouse, a restaurant Beth suggested after James admitted that he didn’t know many nice places to eat. It was five minutes past eight o’clock. She was five minutes late. Punctuality was something James took very seriously. He checked his phone to see if Beth had sent him a text, but she had not. When he looked back up, he saw her walking toward him from the parking lot. She looked very similar to her profile pictures. The only difference was that she was slightly heavier in person. James felt it would be a sin to judge her for this, so he tried not to, and he immediately forgave her for her tardiness.
She walked up to him and said, “James?”
God was definitely real and he definitely created everything in existence. Jesus Christ was definitely his son and he definitely died for the sins of humanity. The universe and space and aliens were things that only scientists and moviemakers thought about. They had no real impact on anything that occurred on planet Earth. While on Earth, it was every good Christian’s duty to lead a good and righteous life, but God wouldn’t have made fun if he didn’t want people to have it. Although drinking, doing drugs, and having premarital sex were sins, God wouldn’t have created the ability for human beings to repent if he didn’t already know that there would be a need for it. Birth control, too, was something the church might be against, but God wouldn’t have created it if he didn’t expect people to use it. Birth control was something that gave a woman more flexibility in finding the right person to marry and spend the rest of her life with. Using it after marriage was something to be discussed with a husband, but using it before marriage was something God clearly intended for any woman who saw the need. These were things that Beth understood to be true.
James introduced himself and held the door open for Beth as they entered the RowHouse. When James approached the front desk and asked for a table for two, he was informed by the hostess that without a reservation the wait might be an hour. Beth said, “Oh, I made a reservation just in case. Beth Garner.”
James felt slightly embarrassed that he hadn’t known to make a reservation. He didn’t dine out often, and when he did, it was rarely at a place that required reservations. He explained this to Beth who said, “It’s totally fine. I picked the place. The least I could do was call and make a reservation.”
James and Beth were shown to their table, and they struck up the regular small talk that two people make on a first date. When the server came to take their drink orders, James learned that Beth had no problem with the casual consumption of alcohol, as she ordered a Manhattan. Beth learned that James didn’t drink alcohol at all when he ordered an iced tea and explained to her that he had never had even a sip of anything alcoholic. He told her that he passed no judgment on anyone who chose to partake in alcoholic beverages, but he had decided a long time ago that he would never poison himself in such a manner. He believed it to be insulting to God, who created his body with purity in mind. Beth began to think that James was possibly a little too Christian for her, but he was extremely polite and she did find him attractive, so she chose to ignore his hard-line stance on sobriety.
By the end of dinner, Beth was feeling the effects of her third Manhattan, and she asked James if he’d like to continue the date at a nearby bar. James was surprised to find that Beth’s insistence on drinking alcohol throughout dinner, and her suggestion to continue drinking alcohol at a bar, didn’t bother him that much. He always tried to remain neutral in matters of judgment where legal vices were concerned. He knew the social norms regarding alcohol dictated that Beth was doing nothing out of the ordinary, and it had been several months since he’d been on a date with a girl he found as charming as Beth.
He knew that this was very likely a test from God, but he was confused as to what God might be testing. It seemed too obvious that God would test him to see if he could resist temptation. And because Beth never tried to get him to taste even a sip of her own drink, James thought a test of temptation was unlikely. It seemed more reasonable that God might be testing James to see just how accepting of others he could be, how willing he was to indulge in activities that were out of his comfort zone. After deciding that this second test was the one God had probably set before him, James agreed to accompany Beth to a nearby bar.
Once in the bar, and halfway through her fourth Manhattan, Beth said, “So James, you seem like a pretty straightforward guy. You’re polite. You don’t seem like you’re too weird or anything. Why aren’t you married yet?”
James explained that he had dated a few women who seemed like likely candidates for marriage, but for one reason or another, things just ended up not working out.
Beth said, “Does that make you sad at all?”
James explained that it didn’t make him sad. He was confident in God’s plan for him, whatever that was, and he knew that when the time was right, God would bring him together with whoever he was supposed to marry. Beth said, “Who knows? Maybe that’s what God’s doing right now,” then leaned close to James and kissed him on the mouth.
James was surprised at how forward she was, but it made sense, given how forward she’d been online. There was alcohol on her lips—the first time James had ever tasted it—and he began to wonder if his first inclination might have been correct. Maybe this was a test of temptation.
Beth had one more Manhattan before she and James decided to leave. James walked her to her car, and they had a brief conversation about what a good time they each had and how they’d like to see each other again. As Beth was getting her keys from her purse, she stumbled, fell, and spilled everything in her purse onto the ground. She was very clearly dr
unk. She said, “Crap. I think I might be too drunk to drive home.”
James offered to call her a taxi.
Beth had a different suggestion. “You could just drive me home. I can leave my car here until morning.” Even if it was a test in temptation, as a Christian man, James knew he couldn’t leave a woman in need, so he agreed to drive her home.
James followed the GPS directions to Beth’s apartment and tried to engage her in some small talk on the drive, but after a few blocks Beth passed out. James let her sleep until he pulled up to the address she’d programmed into his GPS. He put the car in park, turned off the engine, and gently nudged her until she woke up.
Beth said, “Oh my god, did I seriously just pass out? I’m really sorry.”
James explained that there was no need to apologize. As he helped her out of the car and walked her to her front door, he was surprised to find that Beth seemed more attractive to him in some way as a result of her inebriation. There was something in her needing his help that made him feel like he was fulfilling his purpose as a man.
At her door, Beth kissed James again, and again he could taste the alcohol in her mouth. She said, “Do you, you know, want to come in for a second?”
James thought it would be the polite thing to do, if only to make sure she didn’t pass out on her kitchen floor or something similar. He agreed to come in to help her get into bed safely.
Once inside, Beth excused herself to the bathroom and told James to make himself comfortable. James didn’t plan on staying very long. He went into the kitchen and filled a glass of water from the tap, then sat on the couch. He heard the faucet in the bathroom turn on, then off, then the bathroom door opened. Beth said, “Come here.”
James followed the sound of Beth’s voice to her bedroom, where she was already sprawled out on top of her comforter. He extended the glass of water and explained that she should drink the whole glass through the course of the night. Beth said, “Thanks. Just put it on the nightstand.” James did as he was instructed, and as he approached the nightstand Beth reached out and pulled him down on top of her, kissing him sloppily and aggressively.
James pulled back and asked her what she was doing.
Beth said, “I invited you in. Why else would a girl do that?”
James explained that he genuinely thought she might just need some help getting into bed. Beth laughed at him and said, “Wait a minute. Are you one of these guys who doesn’t believe in premarital sex?”
James explained that this was indeed the case.
Beth laughed again and said, “And you’ve never been married. So . . . you’re a virgin?”
James explained that he was a virgin and he saw nothing wrong with it. He claimed that he would remain a virgin until God saw fit to change that. Beth said, “Well, it’s possible he’s trying to change it right now,” and leaned out toward him, reaching to grab him again.
James explained that, while the offer was extremely flattering, he was saving himself until marriage just as God had commanded all his servants to do. He told Beth that he didn’t judge her for her decision to ignore this command from God, but he wouldn’t be able to see her again knowing that she could so easily disobey what he saw as one of God’s most immutable laws where men, women, and love were concerned. James left the apartment, wiping a stray bit of Beth’s saliva from his mouth.
On his way back home he hoped God was pleased with him.
chapter
nine
In the days that followed Karen’s decision to postpone the abortion, she became increasingly aware of the unique position pregnancy afforded her. Her hatred for religion and the patriarchal culture it inspired in America was something she’d felt from a very early age. She’d never been able to understand why any woman would adhere to the constraints of Christianity, or any major religion for that matter. Most of them described an ethos of subjugation for women in their primary texts.
The event that stood out in her mind as the moment she became aware of her active hatred for religion was in junior high school. She was walking to algebra class, and she began to feel something making her underwear wet. It was her first period.
She looked up and down the halls for a female teacher, but the only adult she could find was the male physical education teacher, Mr. Forman. She explained what was happening and asked Mr. Forman for help. Mr. Forman explained to her that all women menstruate, and that this was their punishment for Eve eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden. He further explained that she’d have to deal with this punishment every month of her life, forever, then turned and walked away down the hall, offering her no assistance. Embarrassed and ashamed, Karen tied a sweater around her waist and sat through her next class hoping no one would notice. At lunch she was able to get to the nurse’s office, where her mother was called and she was allowed to go home. She never told anyone about her encounter with Mr. Forman, and for a few years she assumed this was the way all men thought of women: as the reason humanity was cast out of paradise, as inconsiderate children who must be punished regularly, as the objects of men’s disappointment.
As she gained reason with age, she grew to understand that only the most devout Christians felt this way about women, and it was on this topic that she focused her academic mind. She was curious to find out why Christian men had such an innate disdain for women, beyond the simple explanation that it was written into the Bible, and she became anxious to end that mode of thinking if at all possible. She began to study every Christian and conservative sect and mode of thought she could find, believing they were all simply new ways to hate women. Pro-life activism, the drive to defund Planned Parenthood, to protect the supposed sanctity of heterosexual marriage, to enact stricter voter identification requirements, and several other movements were all simply ways for men to maintain control over women, in Karen’s mind.
As she sat at her computer, considering ways she could use her pregnancy to draw attention to the double standard that existed in Christianity, she began to think that what she was doing was much bigger than just a dissertation. For the first time in her life, she began to feel that she could do something that changed the way people thought, something that could have impact beyond the insulated world of academia.
Her initial idea, as she’d told Tanya, was to have the child and publicly give it to a gay couple who was seeking to adopt. This would very clearly outrage the religious right, and she was more than happy to be the cause of that outrage, but she realized that the idea wouldn’t uncover any new hypocrisy in the church. It was already widely known that Christians viewed homosexuality as an abomination, and although they sought to protect every unborn child, they condemned those same children if they grew into anything other than heterosexual Christians. Her first plan would shed no new light on this subject.
She searched the Internet for statistics about percentages of gay and straight couples who were actively trying to adopt a child as compared to percentages of couples who were granted the ability to adopt on a per capita basis. There was clearly a double standard, but again this felt like old news. Karen understood that one more log on that fire wouldn’t make it burn bright enough to draw much new attention.
Searching for other statistics, she found that of the 314 million citizens of the United States, 51 percent described themselves as pro-life. The number was shocking to Karen, who assumed it would have been much lower, but it began to give her an idea. If there were 157 million Americans who would honestly claim that saving a child’s life was a moral imperative for them, then there had to be some way she could force them to prove this claim or be revealed as hypocrites.
After teaching a class later that afternoon, an idea came to Karen as she was driving home. It might be the best idea she would ever have, the idea she would be known for academically for the rest of her life. If executed properly, she knew, it would garner attention far beyond her supervisor and the PhD board. It could make national news, maybe even global. After think
ing through some possible outcomes of her plan, she realized that some of them frightened her. The outcome that frightened her most was the one she most hoped for. For that reason, she knew she had to carry it out—and that she would have to remain anonymous in her efforts.
So, without consulting Paul, the father of her unborn child, Karen turned her car around and drove back to campus. She entered one of the public computer labs there so that what she was about to do couldn’t be traced back to her personal computer. She sat down and began to craft a rudimentary website. The website was a single page of text that read:
I am a twenty-six-year-old female. The direction in which this country is headed, in terms of its treatment of women, is deplorable, and I feel is due in large part to the influence of the religious right in the guise of the pro-life movement. In an effort to expose the hypocrisy in that movement, I would like to extend the following public challenge to the 157 million Americans who identify as supporters of the pro-life ideology.
I’m currently eight weeks pregnant. I live in a state that allows me up until the end of the second trimester of my pregnancy to decide whether or not I want to have this baby. At the bottom of this page you’ll see a link for donations. If the donations reach 100 million dollars by the end of my second trimester, then I’ll have the baby, give it up for adoption, and every cent of that 100 million dollars will be put in a trust fund to be released to the child when he or she turns twenty-one. I’ll keep none of the money for myself, so if I am to be vilified in this process, it can’t be for that. If the 100 million dollar goal is not met by the end of my second trimester, any and all donations that were received will be refunded, and I will have an abortion. Mathematically this means that every pro-life American only needs to donate about 64 cents to save this child’s life.
