Strange Animals

by Chad Kultgen

  Before James could answer her, they both heard the tone indicating that the Sunday sermon was about to begin. Cathy said, “I guess we should get in there. I’m sure Pastor Preston will be talking about it. Maybe if you’re around after, we can discuss. I’d love to know what you think.”

  James watched Cathy walk away and, for the first time since he’d met her, wondered if maybe God had put her in his life for a reason. He wondered if maybe she was his soul mate. She was younger than he would have imagined his soul mate to be, but he knew that age and time were meaningless in God’s eyes. If Cathy Hobart was his soul mate, her age wouldn’t matter. James decided that he would remain open to the possibility but not do anything that would force the issue. God would reveal his plan when he felt he should and not before. James vowed to be patient as he took his seat with the other members of Woodstone’s congregation.

  Pastor Preston took his place behind a podium at the center of the pulpit. He stood for a few moments and looked out into the crowd silently, as though he wasn’t exactly sure how to begin this Sunday’s sermon, as though something was weighing so heavily on him that he needed to conjure a deeper inner strength in order to address it with his fellow Christians.

  Eventually he said, “Brothers and sisters, the events that have taken place in the past week are beyond terrible, beyond sinful. They are condemnable. They are damnable. They are all that is dark and evil in the kingdom of man. They are, without question, the work of Satan himself. And, my dear brothers and sisters, I’m afraid that they are evidence that the end times are upon us.”

  Pastor Preston took a pause to let his last words sink in. When the whispers multiplied and became audible to everyone in the room, he continued, “For those of you who may not know exactly what I’m talking about, this ultimate act of evil was committed late last week.” He pointed a remote control at the multimedia screen behind him, and an image of a website appeared on the screen, the words too small to be read by anyone sitting more than a few rows back.

  He said, “This girl, this anonymous girl, made this website here, and I know it’s probably tough for some of you in the back to see what it says, so I’ll explain it to you. This girl was granted the greatest blessing the good Lord Jesus Christ can bestow on a woman. She was blessed with a child. And what did she do when she found out the good news? Did she celebrate? Did she give thanks to God? Did she pray that her baby be healthy? No. No, she didn’t, brothers and sisters. Instead she made this website. On this website she claims that Christians are hypocrites. She claims that we’re not really interested in protecting the life of a human child. She claims that what we really want to do is control women. Now, you know and I know and the good Lord above knows that’s simply not true. Sure, it was Eve who ate the apple, but, brothers and sisters, that was all part of God’s plan. We accept that and we move on. Now, this girl goes on, on this website, to say that if Christians are really interested in protecting all unborn children, then we should have no problem donating one hundred million dollars to her. And, if we don’t, she’s going to have an abortion.”

  There were some audible gasps from the congregation. Pastor Preston continued, “Oh, yes. One hundred million dollars or she’s going to murder this innocent child. She goes on to say that she’s not going to keep any of the money, that she’s going to put it all in a trust fund for the baby. Right. I’m sure we can all count on this girl being honorable and keeping her word on that. But she claims that if she does get the hundred million dollars, she’ll have the baby and give it up for adoption, which is the only good thing that could come from this—that child being raised by someone else.”

  Pastor Preston had worked up a sweat, and he took a moment to wipe his forehead with a handkerchief. He continued: “Everything, brothers and sisters—everything—is brought into existence by our Almighty God for a purpose. And I have to believe that this girl and this website have been brought into this world for a purpose, and I don’t think that purpose is for her to make a hundred million dollars. You know what I think the purpose of all of this is? In my heart of hearts, and to the core of my Christian bones, I truly believe this a test. It’s a test of every Christian in this country and even on this earth. Oh yes, God is testing us. He wants to see if we’ve learned anything, if we’ve been paying attention. He wants to see if we’re good Christians, steadfast and strong in our faith, or if we can be easily swayed by a trick of Satan. Make no mistake, my brothers and sisters, our reaction to this could be rewarded by God if we make the right choice. But if we don’t, well, then, there will be a punishment to follow. There certainly will be. So what do we do? How do we assure the reward and avoid the punishment? This is a good question, and it’s one I’ve been grappling with for the past week. Once you recognize a test from God, you have to figure out how you pass the test. And to figure that out, I think you have to look in your heart, and you have to do what’s Christian, and if you do that, there’s no way you can fail.

  “That’s right; if you do what’s Christian, there’s no way that you can fail.”

  James sat silently, taking all this in. This girl had created a scenario he found so detestable, so unbelievably evil, that he wouldn’t have thought it possible. He agreed with Pastor Preston that it could only be the work of Satan himself, and it made sense to him that it must be a test. Why else would God have allowed it to occur? He found himself wondering, though, what was the correct response, what was the Christian thing to do? If all Christians met her financial demand, they would save a child. But if they refused to give her the money, they would be combating a terrible evil in the world. Each option seemed to have its merits.

  Pastor Preston continued, “Now, this is obviously a complicated situation, and it’s difficult to know what the Christian thing is to do. As of this morning, you can see right down here on the website, she has more than two million dollars already donated. I know it’s hard to think about that helpless little life ending if we don’t give her every penny she’s demanding—but, brothers and sisters, that’s what Satan wants us to think, wants us to feel. Satan is very, very good at finding your weakness and using it against you. But we have to be strong, for a few reasons here. Reason number one is very simple. What this girl is doing with this child is spiritual terrorism. That’s right, I said it. She’s a spiritual terrorist, holding that tiny soul hostage and making demands. Now, last time I checked, we’re living in America. One nation under God, and that doesn’t mean Zeus and that doesn’t mean Allah. That means one nation under Jesus Christ. And I’m pretty sure America doesn’t make deals with terrorists. I’m pretty sure America sends SEAL Team Six in and puts a bullet through the heads of terrorists. Just ask Osama bin Laden. Reason number two is a little more complex, but I’ve given it a lot of thought. So this girl is a spiritual terrorist. It’s easy to understand that she’s evil, but what about that baby? What about that innocent soul who got thrown into this situation without asking for it, without having any chance to live? Well, brothers and sisters, that baby is facing only two possible outcomes. If we don’t give this spiritual terrorist the money she’s demanding, then she will have that abortion—and, as terrible as it is, as much as my mouth sours with the taste of the word, we all know that that little baby will go straight to heaven, and God is a much better parent than anyone here on Earth could ever be. What better reward is there for that child than to send him or her straight to the loving arms of Jesus Christ?”

  James thought about this. It made sense logically to him, but in some way it still seemed like it meant supporting an abortion, which made him uncomfortable. If something could be done to save the life of this child, shouldn’t it be done at all costs? He remained unconvinced that this was the correct course of action for every Christian on the planet.

  Pastor Preston continued, “So that’s one thing that might be true for this baby. But there might be another thing that’s true. It’s possible, brothers and sisters, that Satan has done more than just conjure this evil situati
on to get us mad and to get us second-guessing ourselves and to get us talking about sin in a way that makes it seem like maybe it’s not a sin. It’s possible, brothers and sisters, that—and if these are the end times, which I think they are—that this is how Satan is trying to usher the Antichrist into the world. Remember that, above all else, Satan is a trickster. He uses us against ourselves. He tricks us into thinking that what we know to be true is a lie, and accepting what we know is a lie as truth. He exploits our weakness and makes us think there’s only one course of action. And I’ll admit to you right now that I’m weak when it comes to protecting children. I’m the weakest person in the world when I see a child in need, especially an unborn child that can’t defend itself. But what if that’s not a child at all? What if that child has no soul? What if that child, brothers and sisters, is the Antichrist? I mean, isn’t that just what Satan would do—try to trick the Christians of the world into literally paying some charlatan to give birth to the Antichrist?”

  The congregation openly began discussing this possibility among themselves. James immediately felt that this was a better explanation. It made perfect sense to him. And the realization that the Antichrist was on planet Earth, waiting to be born, was energizing. James felt that whatever God’s purpose was for him was tied to this event, to this child.

  Pastor Preston continued, “So, brothers and sisters, what are we to do as Christians in this situation? I say to you that we are to do nothing. We are not to give her a single cent, and we are to allow her to end the life of the demon growing inside her at this very moment. Satan may think he can pull a fast one on us, but we’re Christians, brothers and sisters. We have Jesus Christ on our side and it’s pretty tough to fool him. Satan might be able to fool us. We’re just human beings. But he can’t fool the big guy. He can’t fool Jesus. So all we have to do is listen to Christ, and He’ll tell us what to do.

  “And I know some of you may be thinking to yourselves that we can’t just let this girl get away with this, and I agree with you. But, trust me, she’ll be taken care of. She’s a coward. She’s doing this anonymously. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine being a Christian anonymously? I can’t. I’m proud of who I am and of everything I do in the service of the Lord. Cowards, though? Cowards hide in the shadows, behind lies and tricks, just like this girl, this coward. And if you’ll turn with me to Revelation 21:8, you’ll see what happens to cowards. You’ll see that she’s not going to get away with this. The word of God says, ‘But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.’ Brothers and sisters, this girl is going to burn in hell. Amen.”

  The rest of the congregation repeated, “Amen.”

  As James walked out of the auditorium and into the parking lot, Cathy caught up with him and said, “So, what do you think?”

  James told her that he agreed with Pastor Preston, that this had to be the work of Satan, and that the child was very likely the Antichrist. He told her that nothing else seemed reasonable to him given all the details.

  She said, “I know. It’s really crazy—I mean, exciting, but also really crazy, that we’re living in this time right now. I’ve never felt so Christian in my life.”

  As James looked at her, he saw something in her eyes, some spark, some excitement about her love of Jesus that moved him. He realized he felt compelled to ask her to have dinner with him, and although he cautioned himself to take it slow, he reasoned that God must have a reason for filling him with the motivation to ask her out. God must be moving him to action, he thought, because it was part of his plan. So James asked Cathy if she’d like to get dinner sometime, and Cathy said, “That would be great, really, but I already have a boyfriend. I’m sorry.”

  James apologized for being so forward, and Cathy said, “No, you don’t need to apologize. You didn’t know I had a boyfriend, and if I didn’t, I’d totally go out to dinner with you. I hope it’s not weird or anything now, and we can still be friends, because you’re, like, one of the only real Christians I’ve met in a while.” James assured her that nothing was weird between them and that their friendship wouldn’t change. He felt the same way about her that she did about him. She seemed like a true Christian in ways other people James knew did not. There was no hypocrisy with Cathy, no double standard.

  On the drive home, James told himself that he was trying to make decisions for himself that were outside of God’s plan for him. Nothing else could explain why Cathy already had a boyfriend. James made a vow to God as he pulled into his parking spot that he would never again make a decision for himself without praying about the issue intensely and waiting for God to give him some sign to let him know what action he should take. He made sure to include in the vow the promise that he didn’t need to hear God’s voice or anything that selfish. James just asked that God help him understand what it was that he was supposed to be doing to honor God and to fulfill his plan.

  He went inside, turned on his computer, logged in to his ChristianMingle.com account, and canceled his membership. He reasoned that God didn’t need a website to deliver his soul mate. God had been delivering soul mates to human beings for thousands of years before the Internet even existed. James cursed himself for not having realized this sooner.

  chapter

  fifteen

  Karen watched Tanya as she looked at the website and waited for her reaction. She felt like she had already lived this exact same moment with Paul. She wondered how many more times she’d have to live it. When Tanya finished reading she said, “And this is why he broke up with you?”

  Karen said, “Yeah.”

  Tanya said, “Karen, I don’t even know what to say to any of this. I mean, obviously I was happy when you decided not to get the abortion, but this is just . . . It’s not right. I know I’m your friend and I’m supposed to support you through everything, but if I’m being honest, I’m on Paul’s side here.”

  “Well, I need you to be on my side. I know it’s asking for a lot. Paul couldn’t give me that, but I need somebody who can or I’m going to crack here.”

  “Maybe you should crack. Maybe that’s telling you something. Maybe you shouldn’t do this.”

  “I am doing this, Tanya. When Paul left me, all I did was try to convince myself not to do this, to go back to the way things were before, so that I could get him back. I came as close as I was going to come to shutting it down, but I obviously didn’t. The site’s live.”

  “Have you told your parents?”

  “No. I don’t want them involved. I don’t think they’d get it at all.”

  “I don’t get it at all.”

  “I know. I know. I’m not asking you to do anything except be there for me when I need you. You know, to go to the doctor or to help me get groceries when I start getting really pregnant or just to talk to me when no one else will.”

  “You probably know this about me, Karen—that I’m obligated to help you if you ask me, because I’m a Christian, and even though you’re doing the most un-Christian thing I could possibly imagine, I know it’s not my place to judge you.”

  “So you’ll help me?”

  “I guess so.”

  Karen hugged her friend and cried. She said, “Thank you so much, Tanya. I fucking love you.”

  “I love you, too. I hate what you’re doing, but I love you. And I know I always tease you about how you’re going to hell, but you better repent for this one or you really are. I have to get back to study for a test. I’m going to pray for you and for your baby, whether you want me to or not.”

  “Do whatever you have to. I might have to call you later tonight.”

  “Why?”

  “Paul’s coming over to pick up some of his stuff. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it.”

  Tanya said, “I’ll be up late, so call if you need to,” then left.

  Karen finished eating
a pint of ice cream as she checked her site and saw that the total dollar amount collected had reached a little over five million dollars. She’d known the idea was good since she came up with it, and she assumed it would become national news, which would force the percentage of the population who considered themselves pro-life to take some kind of stance. Knowing all of this, Karen still found it extremely surreal to be staring at the hard evidence of her actions. Five million dollars was a lot of money. It was still nowhere near her ultimate goal of a hundred million, but it was significant, and there was still a lot of time before her deadline. She began to wonder what would happen if the goal of a hundred million was reached, how it would affect the country, how it would affect her, how it would affect the child’s life.

  She closed her laptop and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Paul was supposed to arrive soon, and even though they were officially over, she couldn’t help wanting to look presentable when he got there.

  In the bathroom, she stood naked in front of the mirror, looking at her body. This was a habit that Karen succumbed to every day, but more and more she felt like she was looking at a stranger, at an alien who had replaced her.

  In the shower, she rubbed her stomach and tried to imagine what it would look like at the final stage of pregnancy. She wondered if she would even make it that far, if the donations would reach her goal. As she moved her hand over one of her breasts, she became aroused. She had read that at some point during pregnancy a woman’s libido becomes more intense. She moved her hand from her breast to her vagina and rubbed her clitoris slowly just to test how aroused she actually was.

  Less than three minutes later, standing under the running water of her shower, she had masturbated to orgasm. As she dried off she became aware that she had never masturbated in the shower standing up, as she had just done, and she was also still thinking about sex despite having just had a satisfying orgasm.