Denial

by R. M. Walker

  “What?” Josh turned to him.

  “Could Lily have done it?” Jake asked quietly. “We’ve seen her light up like a firework, make flowers grow from nothing, and hug a tree like it was a long-lost friend. Maybe something is going on with her that we don’t know about.”

  “Deliberately?” Nate demanded.

  Jake snorted. “She can’t bring herself to admit her seizures aren’t epilepsy—doubt she’s actively doing any of this.”

  The door opened behind him, and Lily stuck her head around. “I’m sorted,” she whispered.

  “We’ll go over it tomorrow, when we’re not half asleep,” Nate muttered.

  They all followed her back into the room. Just as Nate was about to shut the door, June came down the corridor towards them calling his name.

  “Let me speak to Lily a minute,” she said as she drew level with him.

  Nate stepped away to let her in. Matt had already dragged the pillows to the floor, along with a blanket he’d taken from the top of his cupboard. Nate looked over at where Lily was lying, curled in the middle of the bed, with her eyes already closed. She looked terrible. The dark circles under her eyes seemed to be magnified even more. The whiteness of her skin was more pronounced against the dark spill of her hair.

  “Oh. Is she asleep already?” June asked in surprise.

  Matt leant over her carefully, not touching her. Her slow, even breathing confirmed she was. He nodded at June.

  “Okay, well...” She frowned. The twins were sitting on the mattress looking up at her expectantly. “Well, just... behave,” she finished, and a flush crept over her cheeks before she went out quickly and shut the door.

  “Behave?” Josh sniggered. “What does she think we’re going to do?”

  “More like who she thinks we’re going to do,” Jake replied with a snort.

  “Not cool, Jake,” Nate muttered and crossed to lock the door. Matt put the pillows back on the bed, careful not to disturb her.

  “It’s true,” Jake said. “She doesn’t trust any of us with Lily in case we steal her from her precious Matthew.”

  “Fuck off!” Matt dropped the blanket on a chair and carefully sat down on his side of the bed, watching Lily. “Besides, if you stopped to think about it, it’s an insult on Lily more than you.”

  “How do you work that out?” Nate asked him in surprise.

  “Because she thinks that Lily is fickle enough to fall for you lot as well.”

  “Well she has, so are you calling her fickle?” Nate demanded.

  “No! I don’t mean it like that. I mean that she thinks Lily likes me at the moment, that she’s my girlfriend and we’re exclusive. If she thinks you lot can turn her head, then it means she doesn’t think Lily is very... oh, forget it, I know what I mean. It’s too late for this shit anyway.”

  “I know what you mean.” Nate sighed.

  “So do we,” Josh said. “But it’s not that. She likes us all equally, doesn’t she?”

  Matt looked over at him, aware of the hint of vulnerability in his voice. “That’s what she said, and I don’t think she’d lie over that.”

  “Better not,” Josh muttered and settled down, lying flat out, his arm pressed into Jake’s.

  “Hit the light, Matt,” Nate said. “We have a busy day ahead of us.”

  Matt put the light out and settled down next to Lily, careful not to touch her. He could hear her breathing and the others rustling around to get comfortable. He could hear Nate shifting onto his side, and the clink of his glasses on the side table. The clock on the wall was ticking, and the house was settling around them. He shut his eyes against the darkness and let his breath go on a long sigh. He was exhausted and sleep was welcome.

  A low whining noise brought his eyes open, and Nate struggling to sit up.

  “What the fuck—”

  “Shh!” Nate cut Josh off, but the noise was no longer there. They listened, waiting for the shrieking of the alarm system again, but it remained silent.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Josh grumbled, and settled down again. “Your dad really needs to get that sorted.”

  Matt was not certain it was the alarm system at all. He lay there, aware of Nate settling, but he didn’t shut his eyes. Lily shifted beside him, turning onto her back. Her arm rested against his, and tingles shot through him at the contact. He wanted to pull her into his arms, wrap her up, and go to sleep holding her tightly against him. He settled for stroking his fingers along her arm until he could hold her hand in his. Her fingers tightened around his in her sleep. He let out another deep breath, content to be touching her.

  Echoes

  She’d woken up in Matt’s bed alone. They’d left her to sleep, and it was with shame she finally tiptoed down the stairs at lunchtime. They’d laughed off her apologies for sleeping so late, saying they hadn’t expected anything else considering how little sleep she’d had. She still felt bad for wasting half the day and the time she could have spent with them.

  Matt asked if she’d remembered having a seizure when she’d met Nate’s mum. But, much to Nate’s frustration, no matter how hard she tried, she could only remember a little and nothing of the actual seizure itself.

  After lunch, they drove to Porthaven and walked down the steep cobbled street to the harbour below. The tide was on its way out, and she could see where rock pools had formed amongst the sharp rocks that edged the far shoreline. Excitement raced through her at finally being able to explore the rock pools and caves that lay around the headland.

  The Indian summer was still lingering. A warm day complete with blue skies and a slight breeze. The village was busier than before, and several late tourists were walking around the harbour walls, eating ice-cream and enjoying the views. Others had gone down onto the sandy beach that hugged the harbour wall on one side. Towels were stretched out as sun worshippers caught the last rays of sunshine before it got too cold. A few deck chairs dotted about on the sand, and several children ran about, happily splashing in the surf.

  Lily had her old tennis shoes on and a pair of rolled-up, loose fitting sweatpants with a t-shirt under a hoodie. Autumn was creeping in; the leaves on the trees were showing hints of red and orange. But today was bright and sunny, and she was going to enjoy it while she could.

  “Do you want an ice-cream?” Jake asked her. He was wearing a pair of red board shorts and a black tank top. For once they weren’t dressed identically as Josh wore sweatpants and a faded Batman t-shirt.

  “Can we get one later, please? I’m desperate to get down there.” She pointed at the rocks, wishing she’d bought a pair of sunglasses with her. The sun was reflecting off the calm sea, and the glare was bright in her eyes.

  “Yeah, of course,” Jake said, and jumped the six-foot drop from the wall to the sand below. “Jump, Lil. I’ll catch you.”

  “I’ll flatten you!” She eyed the steps further down.

  “Don’t be silly,” Josh said. He stepped forwards and swept her up into his arms, making her shriek and grip his shoulders. “If Matt can carry you up a flight of stairs, Jacob can catch you. Let go of me, and I’ll drop you down.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said doubtfully, seeing Nate and Matt jump down beside Jake.

  “Trust us,” Josh whispered. He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her. Lily melted into him, reaching with her fingers to the dark strands of his hair that hung around his ear. His kiss deepened. The tip of his tongue traced gently over the seam of her lips, making a shiver race through her. He kissed her again, but he didn’t pressure her to open her lips to him.

  “Time and tide wait for no man. Not even you, Joshua,” Nate snapped.

  Josh lifted his head and looked down at her, a smirk playing around his lips. “Shall we ditch them? Find a quiet corner and make out for a bit?” he whispered to her.

  “I think they may follow us,” she whispered back, blushing at his suggestion. Her insides melted. Her t
oes tingled; she wanted to stay in his arms and soak up the feelings he gave her.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right,” he murmured and lifted his head to look down at Jake. “Ready?”

  Jake nodded and held out his arms. Josh stepped forward, kissed her forehead, and whispered for her to let go. She let go of him and couldn’t help the gasp that left her as he dropped her. Almost instantly she was caught up by Jake, who stumbled back a step to keep his balance before setting her down.

  Josh jumped down beside them and winked at her. “See? You can trust us.”

  A feeling ghosted through her—a vague recollection of someone saying she couldn’t trust them—but she couldn’t place who had told her that or why. She looked over at Josh. His arm was around Jake’s neck as they started to walk towards the rock pools, their heads bent together, talking. It was important, something she should remember. She struggled to think, but it was like trying to see through thick fog. The sun went behind a cloud, and she shivered as a cool breeze lifted her hair from her neck.

  Nate stepped into her line of vision, waving his hand in front of her face. “Where did you go?”

  “Go?” she asked in confusion.

  “You zoned right out,” he explained. “We were calling your name, but you didn’t hear us.”

  She shook off the feeling of fogginess. She was being fanciful again. She’d remember someone saying that she couldn’t trust them. It had that dreamlike quality to it—that vague recollection of something that when you tried to grasp it, it floated away because it was just a dream.

  “Miles away,” she said, smiling at him. Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth worrying over. He tilted his head, a serious expression on his face that she suddenly had the urge to erase. She launched herself at him. With her arms around his neck, she kissed him noisily on the cheek. He staggered, caught his balance, and wrapped his arms around her waist. He kissed her cheek just as noisily before laughing. She pulled away from him, and grabbing his and Matt’s hands, she raced after the twins, pulling them with her.

  “Lily!” Jake was already in the surf. He had a mass of seaweed in his hands. “Want a new hair-do?”

  “Not me,” she called and dodged away from where he was advancing towards her.

  “If we work our way over the rocks and keep going”—Matt pointed, as he caught up with her—“we’ll come to the next cove; that’s where the caves are.”

  “If it’s cut off by the tide, why was that such a good place to hide the booty? Wouldn’t it have got wet?”

  “Booty?” Josh climbed up behind her and slapped her butt, making her jump and blush. “Pretty fine booty if you ask me.”

  “I think she meant contraband, and no, it didn’t get wet,” Nate said with a grin and balanced himself over a rock pool. “Look, Lil, snakelock anemones. If you gently touch the ends, they’ll grip your fingers.”

  She bent over the pool with him, head close to his. His finger gently moved over green tentacles that were edged with bright purple. She copied him and gasped when the tentacles did cling to her fingers.

  “They think you’re food,” Matt said, crouching down on the other side of the pool.

  “It’s trying to eat me?” She pulled her finger back with a laugh.

  “Can’t blame it for having a nibble,” Nate said, looking at her sideways. “I’d try to eat you if I could.”

  She couldn’t help the blush that covered her cheeks or the tiny tendril of electricity that curled through her stomach.

  “Fish!” She pointed at the tiny, greenish-black body as it darted around the pool before hiding underneath the green algae.

  Jake lifted a rock. A crab about half the size of her palm came scuttling out, and she watched it in delight. Matt caught it expertly and lifted it for Lily to see.

  “I’ve been to the seaside before, but I’ve never looked in rock pools,” Lily said, reaching out to touch the shell of the crab gently, careful not to hurt it or get hurt by its pincers.

  “Why’s that?” Matt asked, putting the crab back in.

  Lily watched it scuttle back under the rock. “Most of the places we stayed, the beaches were full of tourists,” she said. “I’d go to the piers more than anything.”

  She stood up, and they started to clamber over the rocks towards the headland. In places, it was difficult to climb over, but they helped her until they came to a small, deserted sandy cove that had two gaping caves in the cliffs. They were like black holes, and it unnerved Lily a little, but a flurry of excitement caught her as well.

  “When the tide comes back in, would we drown if we got cut off?” she asked, looking back to judge how far out it was.

  “We won’t get cut off, but even if we did, we could stay safely in the caves. The tide doesn’t fill them right up.” Matt pointed to rocks that formed a natural wall under the water. “That edge of rocks makes it inaccessible for anything bigger than a rowing boat, even at high tide. They would bring the boat as close as they could get it during low tide, and everyone would pass the crates hand to hand in a line till it was stacked in the caves.”

  She listened to him intently as they crossed the sandy cove. He had snagged her hand in his as they walked. The others were ahead of them.

  “How deep do they go?”

  “The one on the right is not deep at all. It goes back about forty feet, maybe; you’ll see in a minute. The other one is linked to a series of underground caves. It’s blocked off now, but one used to go right inland and come out close to the quarry.”

  Nate brought out some small LED torches from his pocket and threw two to the twins. The small cave was soon lit up enough for Lily to see. The twins went right to the back, their lights bouncing off the walls as they poked about.

  “Did they store stuff in here?” she asked.

  “Yeah, but mostly next door. We’re all locals. Our family goes back hundreds of years, and they were plenty involved in the smuggling,” Josh said, his voice echoing oddly. “Mum still has some of the lace that they kept. We’ll show you one day.”

  “It echoes,” she laughed, hearing the odd resonance of their voice in the narrow cave. It tapered back to a point at the end where the rocks jutted out and the walls were wet. A peculiar smell hung in the air that she wasn’t sure she liked. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore was distant and echoed oddly. When she turned to look out, the entrance was bright against the inky blackness that surrounded it.

  “I suppose they did it without much light,” she said, trying to imagine what it would have been like to carry barrels of brandy and silk through the water, up the sand, and into the caves.

  “They would light lanterns and fires on the beach,” Matt said, his voice in her ear. He wound his arms around her waist, and she leant back against him. “They had watchers on the clifftops above that would look out for excisemen. Do you want to see how dark it is in here?”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  He turned her away from the entrance, not letting go of her. “Switch out your torches, guys.”

  The twins made a whooping noise that echoed around the cave. The torches went out, and it was as if she’d gone blind.

  “It’s so dark!” she squeaked, pushing back slightly into Matt as her eyes widened, trying to see.

  “It’s the complete absence of light,” Nate said, but with the way his voice echoed she couldn’t place where he was.

  “It’s oppressive,” she said, her eyes still straining to see. “And scary.”

  “There’s nothing in here that can hurt you,” Matt whispered in her ear. When he traced the edge of her ear with his lips, she couldn’t help the tiny shudder that wracked through her. His arms tightened around her, and he kissed her ear.

  “Hello? Is there anyone in there? I heard voices.”

  A voice echoed through the caves, and Matt turned them, as whoever it was shone a torch into their faces. Lily squinted and turned her head away; the sudden brightness hurt. She hea
rd the others switch their torches on, and she looked towards the entrance.

  “You!” Josh stepped forward. “Are you following her?”

  “What? Am I following you? Why would I do that?” came a bewildered voice that she recognised immediately.

  Drew was here.

  “I’m not interested in any of you, only these caves and the stories that go with them. Why do all teenagers think the world revolves around you?” He laughed.

  “Let’s go and look in the other cave,” Lily whispered to Matt, but it caught Drew’s attention. He shined the light on her but kept it out of her eyes.

  “Is that you, Lily? Why are you in the dark? What are they doing? Do you need help here?”

  Lily knew immediately what he was implying, and she stepped away from Matt. “Nothing’s happening. They were showing me how dark it gets. I was saying it must have been incredibly hard to get all the contraband up in here in the dark.”

  He looked suspicious for a few seconds, and then his face cleared and a grin broke out. “It would have been dark. But they were pretty ingenious for pre-electricity. There should be...” He moved to the side of the cave, using his torch to search for something. “Yes, here. Come here, Lily, boys.” He waved them over, and despite the grunt that left Nate, she went to him. “See the metal sconces? They would have had fire torches set into these at intervals, giving off enough light to see.” He moved his torch to the side, searching for more, and she studied the walls with him.

  “There’s another one!” she exclaimed, spotting the rusted metal holder that had been hammered into the rock.

  “Excellent.” He drew out a camera then handed her his torch. “Hold this, would you?” he asked, and she took it. “Keep it trained on the metal, please.”

  He snapped several pictures with his digital camera. “Have you been in the other cave yet, Lily? You can see where they hewed out shelves in the rock face. Wrecks were a blessing to these people. If a ship broke on the rocks and there were no survivors, it was licence for anyone in the village to break her apart. However, the law stated that if there was one soul alive on the ship, then salvage rights weren’t allowed. That didn’t stop a lot of villagers, but it spelled certain doom for any surviving sailors.” He put his camera away and took the torch from her. “The locals in the Blue Pig are full of stories, especially the old fishermen. They told me one that made me laugh. It was a Sunday morning, and the locals were all in church for the sermon.” He caught her elbow and drew her towards the entrance.