Denial

by R. M. Walker

  She nodded, reaching for a biscuit to dunk in her tea.

  “Anyway, your mother, for some unknown reason, loved me back as deeply as I loved her. We were happy. Neither of us wanted her staying trapped with her parents and sister, so we moved in together. We were both in uni, trying to hold down part-time jobs and still study. It was hard, but we were getting by, and I won’t lie, magic helped us both. No electric bills when you can wave your hand and boil a kettle of water. No heating bills when you can create a warm space around yourself. All we really had to do was find the rent and food.

  “There isn’t a day that goes past when I don’t miss her. We were together for nearly two years when she got pregnant. You weren’t planned, not by any means, but you were wanted. It was sooner than either of us had planned for, but you can’t have sex and not take that risk, no matter how much protection you use.”

  He took a sip of his tea and put the mug back down. “Your mother struggled with bad morning sickness. And I mean bad. Stupid name, morning sickness. Seemed that it lasted from the moment she woke to the moment she fell asleep. She had to give up her job earlier than we planned. I couldn’t take up any more slack, and we were struggling to pay the rent and get things ready for you. I took double shifts, but my studying started to suffer. In hindsight, I should have quit uni, got a full-time job until you were born, and then gone back. But well, like I said, I was stupid. Doubly stupid, because then I really mucked things up for us.

  “A friend of mine, also a witch, knew I was struggling financially. He put me in touch with someone who could help. Extra magical jobs that would pay the rent and make our lives a little more comfortable. I joined up without calculating the cost, and I lost. I won’t go into what things I did, or for who I did them. Not yet. Suffice to say that it wasn’t respectable work, but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the power it gave me, and I enjoyed the money it paid. I didn’t want to tell Sarah what I was doing. I knew she’d never approve and would insist I stop. Sarah was the type of person that no matter how low she got, she would never lose herself, would never stoop as low as I did. I told her I’d managed to get a better paying job. The hours were odd though, and she thought I was seeing someone—that I was having an affair.”

  He snorted sadly, staring into his mug. “As if I would ever look at anyone else but her. I had the best woman I could ever wish for. Why would I throw that away? I told her the truth, and she reacted exactly how I knew she would. She gave me an ultimatum; finish or she’d leave. It was a no contest for me, no way was I losing her or you.”

  He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I told my bosses that I was quitting, but it wasn’t the type of job where I could resign and walk away with a pat on the back. I wasn’t getting out that easily, but I was getting out, for her, for you, for us. I had to fight and it was a dangerous time. Too dangerous for Sarah or you, so she went away for a while. I didn’t just get out of the job. I took it, made it mine, became the boss. I was the one calling the shots, and I tried to get you both back.”

  He drained his tea and made a face at the soggy biscuit crumbs in the bottom. “You were about six months old. She wasn’t convinced at first that I’d managed to fight my way up. She didn’t think it was possible. Neither did I at first, but I wasn’t losing either of you. She was going to come back.” He sighed heavily, staring into the depths of his mug. “She left you with Lynda and came to see me. She never made it. She was hit by a car and killed instantly. I went mental. I went to a very dark place. I tried to get you back, but I was already known to the Council, and when Lynda lied about my relationship with Sarah, they kept me from you. I wasn’t allowed near you until you were in your eighteenth year, an adult in their eyes.”

  “What is this council to have that much control?”

  “You didn’t ask what I was doing that caught their attention,” he said dryly. “You ask all the wrong questions.”

  “Okay, what were you doing?” She huffed out her breath in frustration.

  “I stripped souls from people.”

  “You stripped...” She faded out, not understanding at all. “I thought vampires did that.”

  He frowned at her and sat forwards suddenly. “Who’ve you been talking to, Lily? Most people would reply that vampires take blood, not souls. How do you know what they really take?”

  “I...” She closed her mouth and shrugged. “Didn’t I read it in one of your books?” She concentrated on taking a biscuit, unable to look at him.

  “No, you didn’t.”

  She shrugged again. “Oh, I must have read it somewhere else then.” She bit into her biscuit and chanced looking at his face. It was clear he didn’t believe her, but nothing short of torture would make her reveal anything to him.

  He regarded her quietly for a few moments. She just ate her biscuit, not budging an inch.

  “All right, you read it somewhere. I’ll buy it for now,” he said. “So, now you know the full sordid story, how does it compare to Lynda’s side of things.”

  “You filled in the details about what you were up to instead of having an affair. She’s of the opinion that you’re dangerous and that my real mother was scared of you.”

  “I never did anything to hurt your mother. I never once raised my voice or fists to her. I would’ve died for her, and she knew it. She was never scared of me, Lily. She was terrified for me, and for you.” He looked into his mug with disgust and got up. “She could see what those extra jobs were doing to me long before I realised.”

  She watched as he crossed to the sink and rinsed it before coming to sit back down. “And this council? What is it?”

  “Its full name is the Council of One Purpose, and it’s a hogwash.” He snorted in derision. “Originally it was a good idea. Keep magical people safe, keep humans safe, and never the twain shall meet. Like anything though, it wasn’t perfect and easily corrupted. It failed monstrously during the witch hunts and was disbanded soon after. Over the years, a few monarchs that were witches or fae tried to restore it, but the witch hunts had driven magical people underground, and no one was willing to stand up and re-create something that didn’t work in the first place. Most of the women and men you’ve read about weren’t even hedge witches, they were just caught in the fanatical crossfire.” He filled his mug with tea and indicated hers in question. She pushed her mug closer in answer, and he filled it for her.

  “So how come it’s working today?”

  “I’m getting there.” He grinned at her, but it didn’t hold the usual humour she saw in his eyes. “There’s so much you don’t know, but you can’t possibly hear it all today and not have your brain explode.”

  She knew he had a point, but she wanted to know it all. She picked up the milk, and jumped violently when her phone rang, spilling the milk and almost knocking her mug over. Drew’s reflexes were fast, and he caught the mug before it went flying.

  “Sorry!” She ignored her phone and got a cloth to wipe up the mess.

  “No problem. Lily, it’s no problem.” He took the cloth from her and pointed for her to sit down. “It’s just a bit of milk.”

  Her phone stopped ringing to start up again a couple of seconds later.

  “If I was a betting man, I’d say ten to one that’s the boys. They’ve discovered neither of us is in college, so they’ve put two and two together and come up with six,” he said.

  “Six? You don’t think they think I’m talking to you?” She took her phone out just as it stopped ringing.

  “That would be getting to four. No, I expect they are way past thinking we’re talking and onto one of two things happening. One, I’m ravaging you over the kitchen table because I lied about being your father, or two, I’m currently sacrificing you to some unknown goddess. And if the twins are doing the maths, they’re probably imagining both things happening.”

  She refused to respond, knowing he was most probably right. Her phone started ringing again.

  “Lily, answer the damn phon
e before they skip out of class and break in here. Again, I might add!”

  She answered the phone. “Hello?”

  “Lily? Lily! Where the fuck are you? Drew isn’t here anymore!” Nate’s urgent voice filled her ear.

  “Oh, would you look at that!” Drew’s voice dripped sarcasm. “I’m a rich man now.” He got up and went to the kitchen door, hesitated then looked back at her. “Tell them that if they ever come into my house without my permission again, I will not overlook it.” He went out, shutting the door behind him, and she blew out her breath.

  “Who was that? Who just spoke to you?” Nate demanded.

  “Please, god, don’t tell us you’re with Drew!” She heard Matt’s voice and realised they had her on speakerphone.

  “I’m fine. I’m just getting both sides of the story, that’s all.” She kept her voice as low as she could.

  “Has he hurt you?” Matt demanded.

  “No, of course not.”

  “There is no ‘of course not’ in this. He actively came into your room at night.” Matt spoke over an explosion of swear words from Nate.

  “He’s explained all that to me. He only did it at the manor to make sure I was all right and to scare me away from you.”

  “Jesus Christ! Listen to yourself, Lily May! Making sure you’re all right and scaring the ever-loving fuck out of you, do NOT go hand in hand. They are polar opposites. You don’t look after someone by scaring the shit out of them!”

  “I’m not saying I’m all right with it, I’m just saying why he did it,” she pointed out. She wasn’t okay with it. She wasn’t okay with a lot of it. But for now, she just wanted to know where she stood with her past and who she was. “He told me—Look, I’m with him now. Can I call you back when I get out of here?”

  “Fuck me, she’s going to be the death of me! I can’t believe her! You talk to her,” Nate muttered.

  She heard the phone being banged about a bit before Matt spoke. “Lily, sweetheart, it’s really not safe being with him.”

  “I disagree; he’s been honest with me so far—”

  “How do you know he’s not lying to you?” Matt cut her off, and she rubbed at her forehead. The headache was back and niggling behind her eyes.

  “Because the stories match. He’s telling me the same as what she told me.”

  “So why did she keep you from him? Why lie about who he is and what you are?” Matt asked.

  “You don’t keep someone hidden for eighteen years for no reason. He did something that made them both frightened for you. Frightened enough to try and hide you and what you are,” Nate spoke before she could reply.

  “I’m not a hundred percent sure that she was unbiased when it comes to that. Her parents sent Sarah away when they found out what she was. Look, there’s an awful lot here I need to really think about and, hopefully, talk through with you. I’m okay here. I’m quite safe. Mum is over the road. I can leave whenever...”

  One of the twins spoke for the first time. “She knows you’re there?”

  “Well, she thinks I went for a walk to clear my head. It was all I could do to stop her from packing up and leaving again. I wasn’t about to let her know I was going to see Drew. I want to sort this out for myself. I need to know who I am. I’m not helpless, or a child. I need to know.”

  She heard Nate sigh and the twins whisper. “She isn’t going to let you order her around, Nate.”

  “Bloody hell! Look, we’ll skip out the rest of the day and wait for you in the treehouse. As soon as you leave there, come straight over to us,” Nate said.

  “You don’t need to miss lessons. This is an important year for you as well as me.”

  “It’s still early in the term. We can play catch up no problem, so can you. And it wasn’t a suggestion, Lily May.”

  “All right.” She knew they weren’t going to let it go, and it was only because they were worried for her. “I’ll meet you there as soon as I get away from here.”

  “Please, be careful,” one of the twins called out. “Don’t trust him yet, Lily.”

  “Yet? Don’t trust him at all!” Nate snapped.

  “Have you heard from...” She hesitated and looked over to the door, but they knew who she meant.

  “No, not yet. He’s teaching today. If he hears anything, he’ll text us,” Matt said. “Take care, Lily, please.”

  “I will.”

  “I know we seem all grunting cavemen, or at least he thinks we do, but it’s only because we don’t want to see you get hurt. You’re our girl, Lily Pad.”

  “We’ll text you when we get into the village, okay?” Nate said. “Lily, just... just be careful, okay?”

  “I will, I promise.” She heard shuffling around. “I’ll see you all soon.”

  She put her phone away and looked over at the door Drew had gone through. She’d learnt so much. But she was as lost as she’d been before, and she knew it was because there was nothing she could do about it. Knowing what happened didn’t change anything, not a thing. The boys didn’t trust him, even knowing he was her father. She didn’t know whether she could trust him or not, the jury was still out on that, but she was willing to give him a chance. There was still so much she wanted to know from him.

  Fire

  “Is it safe to come back in?” Drew sat down opposite her. “Lily, you look so damn lost.”

  “I’m not lost, I’m...”

  “Lost. You’ve had your foundation pulled out from underneath you, and you’re floundering. I’m not going to lie, it makes me angry. It’s made me angry for the last eighteen years, watching you be lied to! And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.”

  “Why did you have to listen to them? Why didn’t you just ignore them?”

  “The Council? Because I’d have been a target for the witch-hunters, and they never give up until they succeed. It was a penalty of death if I broke the bond over me. I had to make a choice between trying to contact you, risking both my death and yours, or waiting till you were eighteen.”

  “Why eighteen? Why only now?”

  “You’re classed as an adult. Able to make up your own mind about what I did. They put the bond over me not just because of what I was doing, but because your aunt lied...” He drew in a deep breath, and she could see that he was struggling to keep calm.

  “What did she do?”

  “She told them I was a danger to you, that Sarah was scared of me, and that I was violent. They weren’t going to risk a baby, especially when they already knew what I’d been doing. The bond was being put on me anyway, so they covered it to include you.”

  “What did the bond entail?”

  “That I behave myself,” he said. “They recognised I’d lost everything when your mother died, that I wasn’t myself, and that was the only thing that saved me from a death sentence.”

  “I don’t get it, what does stripping souls mean? How can you do that when you aren’t a vampire? How did they know anyway? Why did you do it? What do you get from it? Who are the Council anyway? You said they were disbanded; how did they find you if they don’t exist?”

  “Slow down, Lily, slow down.” He held up a hand. “I know you have a lot of questions. I expected nothing less. But I can’t answer them in one day.”

  “Why not?” she demanded. “I want to know. I have a right to know.”

  “Yes, you do. But you also need time to figure out what you already know. You need to make some decisions too.”

  “I do?” She frowned.

  “I realise you aren’t going to suddenly pack up and move in here with me. But I would like to think that now you know I’m your father, you’d want to spend time with me. Get to know each other.” He gave no outwards indication that her response was important, but she saw the glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes.

  “Okay, okay.” She laid her hands flat on the table and held eye contact with him. “Answer me one question.”

  “Go for it
. I will answer you honestly.”

  “What do you want with me?”

  “Some of your time,” he replied instantly. “I want to hope that we can build a relationship together. I’d like to be your father properly. I realise you’re heading into adulthood and the time has passed for some things, but I was hoping that you’d enjoy the time we can spend together. I want to help you as well. Stopping those tablets is going to make your magic flow exactly as it should, but you aren’t going to know how to control it unless you have help.”

  She sighed, resting her elbows on the table and burying her hands into her hair. She closed her eyes, and heard him exhale raggedly.

  “I know it’s a lot. You don’t have to say anything today. Just please, think about it. Look, why don’t we call it a day for questions and have a bit of fun?”

  “Fun?” She looked up at him in surprise, her head still in her hands.

  “Sure. You have magic in you, let’s find it.” He snapped his fingers, and all that remained on the table was an unlit candle. “Basic magic, Lily. You can do this.” The wick caught fire with a pop, and she sat up straight.

  “What about the tablets? She gave me extra and—”

  “She what?” He cut her off. “How many? Since when?”

  “She upped them Friday. I think it gave me the nosebleed.”

  He slammed his hand onto the table in anger. His eyes seemed to glow, and she scrambled back, her chair scraping across the floor. He calmed instantly and lifted both hands up in submission. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m angry with her. Damnation, I should have questioned you more. I didn’t think her blind hate would make her put you in danger. I hoped that at least she’d look after you! I knew she was blocking you with the tablets, but the dose was minimal. She would’ve made your life unbearable if you were accessing your magic. Why would she up the dosage now? What happened to make her do that?”

  She picked through his hastily spoken words and ignored his questions. “Blind hate?”