by Kaci Rose
“You even had the staff worried about you?” I ask.
“Oh, that’s your nurse, Brooke. She’s been really great and comes in and just talks with me, so I wasn’t sitting in here alone. We’ve bonded, and I figured we should since you’ll be here a while.”
Lexi sits down beside my bed and takes my unscarred hand in both of hers. The warmth that shoots through my arm from her touch is calming. She leans over and rests her forehead on my hand, while she’s still holding it.
I feel her take a deep breath, and then a minute later she says, “Don’t you dare scare me like that again. Do you hear me?” She looks up and locks eyes with mine.
In her stormy eyes, I see the concern and the worry from the last three days, but there’s something more hidden in them.
Something I’m too broken to hope for.
Chapter 7
Lexi
Three days.
The doctors said he would wake up any time when he got to his room. After the first forty-eight hours, I knew they were worried, and at least, one nurse, Brooke, was honest with me and said it’s not good that he hadn’t. She explained what the doctors didn’t and that it was most likely his body, shutting down to heal.
She has been my rock through it all, making sure I ate and sneaking me in the good food from the nurse’s area. Becky and Johnny are on a different floor now, so it’s harder for her to watch me and me to watch her, but each night, she checks in on me.
Three days of not seeing his eyes almost broke me. Crazy, right? It’s been about three weeks, and he’s been out sleeping a lot of that time, but there’s something here, and I feel it.
There are sparks and a connection I can’t deny, no matter how hard I try. When I let my mind wander to the thought that he might not wake up, it killed me. It also destroyed me every time I had to walk out that door because visiting hours were over. Stupid visiting hours.
I look up at Noah and see him watching me.
“I promise to always fight my way back to you.” He says, squeezing my hand, and it’s the best I can hope for.
The doctor comes in and checks him over and asks him some questions, before giving the nurse a few orders. As the last few days toss round in my head, I block it all out. My parents have been by every day. They spend some time with Johnny, and then they come to keep me company. But it was still hard for my dad to be here for long periods of time, so while their visits were short, and they have been a nice distraction.
Thankfully, the doctor interrupts my thoughts and pulls me back to the present. “Tomorrow, we’re going to change your bandages. I want to see them for myself, and how they’re healing. Though, it will likely be painful, we can’t give you any extra pain medicine, because I need to assess which ones are still causing pain. With your medication schedule, we’ll do this at eleven in the morning, as your morning dose wears off.” He says.
Noah looks at me and says, “As long as she’s here.”
Be still my heart, as my grandma used to say. Who wouldn’t want a guy to need you and want you like that?
I nod. “I’ll be here,” I reassure him.
Once they leave, I help him with another one of the meal shakes.
“These shakes taste a fraction of a bit better than the ones in Germany.” He says.
“Whatever meal you want. I mean it.” I remind him, which earns me a bit of a smile.
“How’s Johnny?” He asks.
“Ready to start physical therapy. I guess, he can’t wait to get out of the hospital, as I’m sure you can’t either. He’s in good spirits according to Becky, but I haven’t seen him but for a minute, since you guys got here.” I tell him.
I help him find something on TV to watch, all the while, we’re constantly touching each other, holding hands, my hand on his arm, or his hand on mine. For me, it’s a reminder that he’s awake, and he’s fine. I like to think he needs to reassure himself that I’m here, but I doubt that’s the case.
Before I know it, Becky peeks her head in.
“Hey, girl. They’re getting ready to kick us out.”
“You’re leaving?” He asks me.
“Yeah, they make me leave, when visiting hours are over, but I’ll be back tomorrow. I plan to go see Johnny first, and then, I’ll be here. Twenty minutes tops.” I say.
He nods, as worry crosses his face. We really haven’t been apart, and this will be his first night alone. That he will remember anyway.
I look at Becky, “Give us a minute?” She nods and heads out to the hallway.
I walk over to Noah and take his hand in mine. I lean down to look him in the eye. “Hey, the nurse is going to give you some sleeping medicine, and I doubt you’ll even know I’m gone. But I will see you tomorrow, okay?”
He takes a deep breath, “Okay.” He says, and then like clockwork, the nurse comes in with his medicine. She injects it into his IV, and I stay just a moment and watch his eyes get heavy.
“Get some sleep, Soldier.” I smile and give his hand a squeeze.
I walk out with Becky like I do every night. “Good to see him awake.” She says with a knowing smile on her face.
“Yeah, it is,” I say.
She turns in the elevator and looks at me. “You like him, don’t you?”
“Well, yes, we’re friends,” I say, trying to play it off like it’s nothing.
“No, you like him, like him.”
I shake my head. “He’s in no condition to start a relationship.”
“That not what I asked.” She pins me with one of her ‘I’m your best friend so stop bull shitting me’ stares.
“Yes, I like him. Okay?” I look at her, and she waits for me to continue. “There’s a connection, but again, this is no time to start anything. Plus, I have nothing left to give.”
“You have to live again sometime.” She says with that sadness I have come to know and hate in her voice.
“I am living, it’s just not how everyone wants me to, but it’s how I want to, and I’d appreciate it, if you all let me be,” I say and walk away from her to my car, thankful she doesn’t follow me and push the subject.
On the drive home, I think of my conversation with Becky. I was harsh, but I know she’ll act like it never happened. That’s what she does. She pushes me when I don’t even realize I need it, but she knows I need it.
I guess, that’s why we have been best friends, since Kindergarten. She was the new girl in class a few months into the school year. That day I was wearing my Beauty and the Beast Disney princess shirt, and she had on a Cinderella one.
She was sitting alone, so I sat down next to her and shared my dislike for Disney’s Lion King, and she agreed. She laughed at the story of my brother, watching it over and over again, and then singing the songs at the top of his lungs to drive me crazy. We have been friends ever since.
About the time we reached middle school, she was over at my house all the time. Then, her parents started traveling more. She tried to pass it off as traveling for work, but we knew it wasn’t. So, my parents made the guest room hers, and she’d stay with us at least half of every month. I loved it because she was the sister I always wanted.
Her parents weren’t bad people they just focused on their lives and treated Becky as an equal, and not their child. My parents treated her as their daughter and pretty much raised her. When Johnny left to go to boot camp, I could tell the two of them had something, but they were fighting it. I suspected it was out of some loyalty to me. I approved and pushed them together.
They had a bumpy road but worked it out, and the day they got married, and she legally became my sister, was one of the happiest days of my life. She’s the one who tells me things and doesn’t care if it’s not what I want to hear. She doesn’t walk on eggshells around me. I need that more than I will ever admit.
My thoughts turn to Noah. I hate leaving him at night. The thought of him alone there kills me. It’s been a long time since I’ve cared this much about anyone that isn’t family. But I mea
nt what I said to Becky, I don’t have anything left to give to anyone.
Pulling into my driveway, my dream house comes into view. The dream house I’ve wanted since I was a kid.
You would think all my dreams had come true. You’d be wrong.
Chapter 8
Lexi
The next day I go see Johnny first thing, just like I said I would. He’s in good spirits, and I guess Becky has a lot to do with that. She isn’t here yet, so I get Johnny to myself for a bit.
“I talked to Becky last night,” he tells me. “Is it true you like Noah?”
I turn my back to him because I can’t look at him and have this conversation. “Yes, but I have no plans of telling him,” I say.
“He’s one of the good guys, Lexi. He’s the best guy in my unit, and he got dealt a shit hand because he chose to save me.”
Neither of us says anything. We all know we owe Noah so much more than we could ever hope to repay him.
“I asked him about it you know, saving me,” Johnny continues. “You know what his answer was?”
I turn around now and look at him and shake my head no.
“He said I had something to live for. I reminded him about Whitney, and he said in his gut he knew she wasn’t the one.”
Looking away, I walk to the window staring out, my back to Johnny, but he keeps talking.
“He sends money home every month to help his family, and he’d give you the shirt off his back. I didn’t think you’d ever go for another military guy, but if I could pick anyone for you, it would be Noah.”
My heart clenches. He’s talking about my husband. My dead husband, who wasn’t lucky enough to live through the IED blast. He didn’t make it home.
After a minute, Johnny speaks again. “Come here, Lex,” he says softly.
I turn to look at him, and he pats the bed next to him. I walk over and sit down next to him. He wraps his arms around me, hugging me to him, and I rest my head on his shoulder, and we talk just like old times. When I was younger, and I’d get scared, we’d sit just like this. Then, he’d tell stories of what was going on in school, or about his friends, until I’d fall asleep. Then, he’d carry me back to bed.
Right now, he’s telling me about Mom coming to visit and fussing over him and asking why I haven’t been home, and why I’m spending so much time with someone other than him. Though, he reassured me that he covered for me by telling her about Noah, and how he didn’t have anyone, so he asked me to be there for him, and how Mom said she was proud of me.
Before I know it, he has me laughing, recounting how Mom has been fussing over him nonstop. I’m laughing when Becky comes in.
“This right here warms my heart. But girl, you are in my spot.” She laughs.
“He’s all yours,” I say, and then I notice I’ve been here almost an hour already. “Well, I need to go see Noah. I’m late,” I tell them.
I say goodbye and then go to Noah’s room. His nurse, Brooke, is coming out of his room, and she smiles when she sees me.
“He doesn’t think you’re coming today.” She says to me.
“Oh, I went to visit my brother first, and we got caught up talking. He’s here, too.”
She nods, “You have been very good for him, but he needs to keep pushing. He’s slowly coming out of the pain medicine, so we can check his bandages. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thank you, Brooke.” I hug her.
“You’re welcome, Lexi.” She says, moving off to her next patient.
I stand in front of Noah’s room and take a deep breath. I knock on his door and peek my head inside. His eyes are closed, so I walk over and take his hand, thinking he’s asleep and not wanting to wake him, but needing to let him know I’m here.
He squeezes my hand and slowly opens his eyes. I can see the pain in them, and it breaks my heart.
“You came,” he whispers.
“Of course, I did. I’m sorry I’m late. Johnny and I got to talking, and when I looked up, I couldn’t believe what time it was. It’s always been like that with us. I should have set an alarm.”
He lightly squeezes my hand. “No, he’s your brother, and you need to see him, too.” He whispers.
I smile at him and can tell he’s fighting the pain, and also looking like he wants to go to sleep. “I’m not going anywhere, so get some rest.”
He closes his eyes, so I pull out my computer to get some work done. A few hours later Brooke comes in and asks me to call her in when he’s awake.
I get in another hour of work before he starts to wake up. I close my computer and take his hand. He opens his eyes, and they lock on mine. Neither of us says a word, but so much passes between us. While our eyes are locked, there’s a buzz in the air, and it’s like everything stands still and time stops.
The spell is broken, when my phone pings, letting me know I have a text message. Ignoring it, I press the nurse call button. Brooke pokes her head in and smiles, “Let me get the doctor.”
The doctor comes in and says he wants to be here when they change Noah’s bandages to see for himself how he’s healing and determine their next moves.
I smile at Noah, “I’ll go for a walk.”
He tightens his hold on my hand, “Please, stay.” There’s a hint of panic in his voice. Knowing I need to at least be out of the way, I look to the other side of the room.
“I’ll go sit on the couch over there, okay?”
He nods.
The nurse closes the curtain, and they start with his leg. I’m listening to them, saying his leg is healing nicely with the exception of a few spots. When they begin working on the arm bandages, I can hear his cry of pain.
“Lexi.” He groans.
“I’m right here, Noah.”
“Come here, please.” He says desperately.
Brooke pokes her head out of the curtain and nods at me. I take the chair on his left side and hold his hand.
I see the pain in his eyes when he looks at me.
“You don’t have to watch, but I need you.” His voice breaks me. I haven’t been needed like this in so long.
“Sweet, Noah,” I sigh. “Blood doesn’t scare me. I’ve seen a lot worse.”
After my husband passed, I volunteered with injured soldiers who were recuperating. My husband didn’t make it home, but these guys did. Some of the wounds were pretty gruesome, especially when they would push too hard and reopen them.
“Distract me,” he begs.
I don’t even think, as I just start talking.
“So, I had this dream growing up that I’d own one of those old southern plantations. You know the ones with the long oak tree lined driveways and the huge front porches? The ones built, before the Civil War. I loved driving by them and watched many being restored, but so many others still need some love.”
While the doctor and Brooke work, he never takes his eyes off me, so I keep talking.
“Well after,” I pause, closing my eyes, and taking a deep breath. He encourages me, squeezing my hand. “After, I went looking and found one. It was perfect. It has fifty acres, trees lining a long driveway, and even has a lake in the back with a willow tree, but it needed some love.”
He flinches, so I squeeze his hand and start rubbing it with my thumb and keep talking. “The lady who owned it was selling it and had been in her family, since right after the Civil War, but she had no one to leave it, too. She had outlived her kids, and she was an only child, so she put it on the market. I bought it, Noah.”
I pause, watching his eyes go big. “Everyone told me I was crazy with this huge house and me there all by myself, but I didn’t care.” I glance over and see some of the burns on his ribs, and they look pretty good compared to some others I’ve seen before. I notice the doctor seems pleased.
Then, I take a deep breath and smile at Noah, who is watching me watch the doctor.
“So, the first thing I did, when I got the keys was take before photos of the grounds, both inside and outside the house. I
wanted to be able to show people how far it had come. That first year I stood at the end of the driveway and took a photo, looking up the tree lined drive towards the house. Then, I took another one in spring with the flowers in bloom, one on a bright sunny day in summer with all the green colors, one in the fall with the leaves changing with the vibrant red and orange colors, and finally, one in winter with it all glistening white and snow covered.”
I smile thinking about it, “I have those photos framed and hung them along the stair wall, so everyone can see them. The house is pretty big. There are two main areas, the first and the second floors, but the attic is done up. With a few adjustments, you could get two or three bedrooms up there. There are five bedrooms on the second floor. The master bedroom is on the first floor, which is nice because it keeps me living mostly on one floor. The basement is finished thank God, because unfinished basements creep me out. It’s set up like an apartment down there with a kitchen area and two more bedrooms. There’s also a laundry room and lots of storage, too.”
The nurse shifts him to his side, facing me a bit, as they work on the bandages on his shoulder.
“The dining room on the main floor is huge, and it could fit a twenty-person table easily. I set it up as my photo area, where I take photos and have my backdrops and lighting. There are several fireplaces around the house. They were the first things I fixed up when I moved in. I wanted to keep them and be able to use them. I love curling up with a good book by the fireplace in the winter.”
I smile and look over at Brooke again. She nods her head for me to keep going.
“I’m also pretty sure one of the storage rooms in the basement was one part of The Underground Railroad. I want to bring someone to take a look, but Johnny made a good point. If I bring someone in now, and they say yes and mark the house as a historical location, then I have to follow all sorts of guidelines in restoring the property. There would be a lot of hoops to jump through. So, I’ll wait, until I’m done restoring it and plan to leave that section untouched. There are a bunch of old boxes down there too, but I haven’t touched them just in case.”
