When Love Ignites

by Neideffer, Tara

  It was Friday night and he was parked on the couch sipping wine and feeling sorry for himself, and if he were to be honest, acting like a damned chick. He decided to own up to his chick flick moment and send Brooke a quick text of his infamous one line of poetry. He had yet to break out of the routine of his nightly poetry texts.

  Ethan: When love is true, time and distance have no meaning. Your love is forever, not fleeting. You’ve had my heart from the start, because our string never lets us part.

  He stared at the phone waiting on her reply, but after a few minutes when there was no reply, he set it beside him on the couch. The wine had made him drowsy, and just as he was drifting off he heard his phone buzz. He grabbed it and read the text, grinning like an idiot.

  Brooke: I’ll wait for you until the stars call me home

  Ethan: Someone is getting poetic.

  Brooke: I’m calling on my inner poet. You’re getting good at writing your own poems.

  Ethan: I’ve had a lot of practice lately. How are things going?

  Brooke: Chemo is kicking her ass, but she’s a trooper

  Ethan: If she’s anything like you, she’s a fighter

  Brooke: That’s probably the only thing we have in common

  Ethan: Then, she’ll be fine

  Brooke: I hope. I gotta go, I need to make sure she takes her medicine. I’ll call you tmrw

  Ethan: Try to get some sleep, hun. I love you

  Brooke: I don’t know what sleep is and love you, too

  He dropped the phone to his side and closed his eyes, trying not to let himself worry about how Brooke was dealing with her sick sister, all alone in New York. His phone began buzzing and he looked at the display and frowned.

  “Dr. Harris.”

  There was a pause and then, “Ethan, it’s me, Jamie.”

  He closed his eyes in frustration. She had definitely been on his mind lately, but he hadn’t spoken to her since the hospital, and he really wasn’t expecting her to call. He was expecting her to just ignore him like she had been doing for the past few years.

  “Yes, Jamie, how are you feeling?” he asked, as he stood and headed to the kitchen to pour another glass of wine.

  “Um, I’m okay. I’m doing better. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to get together tomorrow night. Maybe talk a little more about the past few years?”

  Her voice was quiet, even in the stillness of his house it was hard to hear her. “Uh, yeah, that will probably be okay,” he said, not able to hide the uneasiness in his tone.

  “Okay, that will be great. Do you want to meet up at the little coffee shop on Ninth Street?” she asked.

  “Sure, yeah, that works. How about seven?”

  “I’ll see ya at seven, then,” she said, and then hung up.

  He set the phone down on the counter and tossed back the entire glass in one long gulp, and then poured another one before heading back to the couch. He sat down, grabbing the red ribbon off the end table, absently rubbing it between his fingers as he lost himself in thought. Part of him wanted to ignore the whole situation with Jamie, but another part of him wanted to seek closure.

  He just wasn’t sure what it would take to get that closure.

  The picture of them on his mantle caught his eye, and he stood and walked over to it. He picked it up and studied it, the memory was vague, but he remembered being happy. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He wasn’t the same man he was back then, and she wasn’t the same person, either. Life had changed them. With the red ribbon still dangling in his hand, he took the picture into his office, pulled the filing cabinet drawer open, and stuffed the picture inside.

  He sighed into the empty room and prayed he was doing the right thing by saying yes to this meeting.

  The open-sign that hung in the little coffee shop window taunted him with each blink of the word open. He stared at it, willing his feet to start moving, but he was stuck next to his car. What would they talk about after all this time? His eyes followed a short brunette walking down the sidewalk and then opening the door and heading inside. It was Jamie, even after all this time, he’d know that walk anywhere. He let out a sigh of determination as he forced his feet to move.

  The door jingled loudly, yanking away his desire to step in unnoticed, because there in the far-right corner, he saw Jamie look up at him as he stood awkwardly in the entrance. He nodded to her and she gave him a hesitant smile.

  “Hey,” he said, as he approached and slid into the seat across from her.

  “Hi.”

  They sat there in silence for a moment, Ethan trying to find something to say to break the tension, when a waitress saved him.

  “Hi, guys, what can I get you?” she asked, smiling brightly, clearly unaware of how uneasy they both were.

  “I’ll take a small chai tea,” Jamie said.

  “I’ll take a large coffee, black,” Ethan said with a nod.

  He leaned back against his chair and began rolling up his sleeves. It was a nervous habit he always did and right now he wasn’t exactly nervous, but he was something all right. He studied Jamie’s face as she stared down at the cup of tea the waitress had just dropped off. She looked small and timid, as if she was about to bolt out the door at any moment. He wondered why she even wanted to do this.

  “Jamie,” he started.

  “Ethan, I know this is difficult,” she cut in. “But, I just felt like we needed closure after I just up and left you like I did. I know I explained everything at the hospital, but...”

  He watched her tuck a strand of dark hair behind her ear and felt a pang of sympathy for her. He knew she had been through a lot, but he had been through a lot, too. He didn’t care if that made him sound selfish, but he had worried about her for three years, praying she wasn’t dead. But she had been fine all this time.

  “Do you know how it felt to not know what happened to you?” he questioned. Her eyes shot up at the accusation, and the pain and regret in her eyes made him feel good and disgusted with himself at the same time. “I looked for you for years. I was in so much pain from not knowing, that I could barely function. I grieved, I searched, I hired detectives, and I sank into depression. And then, when I finally found the strength to move on, you show up and take yet another thing away from me.”

  “Ethan, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can say, but I wasn’t in a good state of mind at the time. I never meant to hurt you, that was the last thing I wanted to do,” she said.

  “It’s all you did.” He stared at her, his eyes boring into hers, trying to make her realize the gravity of her actions.

  “I just wanted us to talk, and maybe find a way to work this out. I’m a lot better now than I was back then, Ethan. I’m still going to therapy, but I’m finally able to look ahead into the future instead of dwelling on the past. I still have things to work on, but I’m better.” She paused, looked away, and then said, “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you.”

  Ethan wasn’t sure if he had heard her right. She wanted them to get back together? That couldn’t be what he just heard. He tilted his head to the right and asked, “Did you just say what I think you did?”

  She reached out and put her hands on top of his, and said, “Ethan, I still love you. You’re not why I left. I left because I needed to find another way to get past that whole incident.”

  He stared down at their hands, her small one on top of his large one, her small thumb caressing his own. He’d seen them like this countless times in the past, and three years ago, he didn’t think he’d ever see them like this again. The contact spurred memories of when they were together. Their first date was at a little coffee shop just like this one, six years ago. Their first apartment together came into his mind. The ugly green carpet that made them scrunch up their noses every time they had walked in. And then there was the mustard yellow walls that cla
shed with the carpet. They had painted over them with a subtle tan color, hoping to make the carpet not so much of an eyesore. It hadn’t worked, but they didn’t stay in that place long enough to have to worry about it. He squeezed his eyes shut, appalled by the fact that part of him missed those times. That part of him enjoyed reliving those memories.

  His eyes met hers, and as he stared at the woman he had longed for, for so many years, finally sitting across from him, his heart knew it had found the answer it had needed.

  Chapter 30

  BROOKE

  She felt her phone buzzing in her purse and she quickly pulled it out, seeing Ethan’s name on the screen. She slid it back into her purse and focused her attention on Casey. She was pale and thin as she sat in the chair across from her. Her head was resting against the back of the chair and her eyes were closed. She looked peaceful, but Brooke knew she was anything but. These past few months had been hard on the both of them, especially Casey. The nausea had been the worst, causing her to not be able to eat much. She was losing even more weight and Brooke feared losing the battle.

  She had been here in NYC for a few months now, and with each passing day, she felt Ethan and her drifting farther apart. It had been subtle. Less talking, less texting, the little bit they had that was keeping them together was diminishing. She just didn’t have the time or energy to focus on their long-distance relationship, and it was taking a toll on their connection. But, Casey came first, and in the past couple of months, she had needed her more than ever. She was exhausted and overwhelmed with the idea that Casey was slipping away from her.

  “Can I have a cool washcloth?”

  Brooke barely heard her, but even the slightest sound of her voice made her jump up out of her chair. “Yes, Casey, I’ll go grab one.”

  She quickly ran into the bathroom and ran a clean washcloth under cold water. She walked over and gently placed it across Casey’s forehead. She touched her cheek softly and asked, “Do you need anything else?”

  Casey shook her head. “No, thank you, Brooke.”

  “No problem, sis.”

  Her phone buzzed again, and she looked down to see a message from Kyleigh. She swiped open the message and frowned in confusion at what she read.

  Ky: Are you and Ethan still together?

  Brooke: Yes, why?

  Ky: Well... did you know he was meeting up with his ex today?

  Brooke: Um, no, how do you know he did?

  Ky: I saw him at the little coffee shop on ninth. They looked, uh, cozy. I snapped a picture of them. He had no idea I was there.

  Brooke stared down at the picture Kyleigh sent, not believing what she was looking at. It was a side view, and Jamie was looking up into his eyes as they sat with their hands clasped together. Ethan had his head tilted slightly as he studied her face. It looked intimate. Intimate as in date intimate, and Brooke felt her stomach drop. Her hand gripped the phone tightly as she stared at the picture until her phone began buzzing with a call from Kyleigh, breaking her trance. She quickly got up and stepped out into the hall.

  “Brooke, I’m sorry, to tell you this. Are you okay? I know you’ve got a lot going on with your sister, but I thought you needed to know.”

  Kyleigh’s voice was soft and full of empathy, and she bit back tears. She couldn’t let her sister see her upset right now. “Not really, but I’ll survive.” She paused and looked into the room at her sister, who was still resting with her eyes closed. “I should’ve expected this, though. Why would he not want to go back to her?”

  “He should have talked to you about this,” Kyleigh said.

  Brooke leaned her head against the wall and said, “I haven’t really had a lot of time to talk to him lately, with taking care of Casey and running her restaurant I’ve been too busy. I’ve missed some of his calls. I just haven’t had time to call him back in the past couple of days.”

  “But that’s not your fault and he should be understanding of everything you’re going through. He should be helping you, not making things harder for you. What an asshole,” Kyleigh said, her voice rising with each word.

  “Yeah,” was all Brooke could manage to say.

  “How are you holding up with everything?”

  Brooke sighed. “I’m an exhausted mess. I’m running on coffee, four hours of sleep, and the most make up I have the energy to put on is a quick coat of mascara.”

  “I’m sorry, hun, I can’t imagine how hard it is on you right now. I wish I was there to help.”

  Smiling, Brooke said, “Thanks, Kyleigh. I’m just worried about Casey right now. She’s struggling and it scares me.”

  “It’s just the chemo working, if she’s anything like you, she’s a fighter.”

  “With what she’s going through, she’s stronger than I am,” Brooke said. “Well, I’d better get back in there in case she needs something. But, thanks for letting me know about Ethan. I’ll deal with it later.”

  “I really hated to, but I’d want to know if you saw my boyfriend out with his ex. I really hope it’s just a misunderstanding. Maybe we’re looking at it wrong,” Kyleigh said.

  Brooke smiled at the hopeful tone in her voice and wished it were that easy. But even if it was a misunderstanding, he still never told her about it. Unless that’s why he had called, to end it with her? “I hope so,” she said. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  “Okay, I love ya, and let me know if you need anything.”

  “Love you, too, Ky.”

  She hung up, looked down at her watch, and figured they had another hour here before they could go home. If everything went okay, she would call Ethan later tonight and see what he had to say about his coffee shop date with his ex. She honestly didn’t have the energy to fight with him about it.

  She leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes, trying to relax a little while they waited for this appointment to be over with.

  A couple of hours later, she was helping Casey into bed, and praying her sister could get some sleep tonight. She couldn’t remember the last time Casey had a decent night’s sleep.

  “I’ll get you a glass of water,” Brooke said, as she headed to the kitchen.

  She poured a glass and as she was setting it on Casey’s nightstand, her phone rang. She rolled her eyes as she looked at the phone.

  A cold, frail hand reached out and grabbed her arm. “I’m fine, just answer that and spend some time talking to him. You haven’t talked to him much lately. You need to.”

  Casey’s dull eyes were urgent, pleading, and Brooke couldn’t refuse. She nodded and said, “Okay, just yell if you need anything.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she said, weakly pushing her away from the bed.

  Brooke headed into the living room, scrolled to Ethan’s number and hit call. He picked up on the first ring.

  “Brooke, I’ve been trying to call you all day. Well, actually for days now. Is everything okay?”

  Worry dripped from his tone and the emotions behind his voice made her hopeful that what Kyleigh saw was all a misunderstanding. “Yes, Ethan, I’m sorry, I’ve just been so busy with Casey and the restaurant. She had another round of chemo today.”

  “It’s okay, Brooke. I was just worried, is all. How’s she doing?”

  “Not great,” she sighed, falling back onto the couch.

  “Chemo is hard on people, but it’s killing the cancer, which is what we want,” he said.

  “I know, that’s the only thing that keeps me looking ahead and not dwelling on how things are going right now. Because, right now, things are hard.”

  “Yes, I bet they are.”

  She heard tension in his voice and asked, “Ethan, is there something you want to tell me?”

  “Everything is fine, Brooke. You don’t need to be worrying about me, you have enough to worry about right now.”

  The hardness in his to
ne made the hope she had earlier diminish. Why was he so on edge, and why wasn’t he telling her that he had met with his ex today.

  “Ethan,” she began, frowning at his diversion, “what’s going on?”

  There was a long pause and then with a sigh he said, “I met with Jamie today and...”

  She cocked an eyebrow and waited for him to continue, but he was silent. Silence was never good. Silence was the person contemplating their emotions before they answered the question.

  “And what?” she finally asked.

  “I thought she wanted to meet with me to discuss what had happened in the last three years, but that wasn’t all of it.”

  “And what else was there?” she asked, getting irritated at how he was making her drag the conversation out of him.

  “She wanted to get back together,” Ethan said.

  Brooke sat there silently, not exactly sure of what to say to that. She had been so caught up in taking care of Casey and running her restaurant, that she had pushed Ethan’s ex showing up onto the back burner of her mind. She hadn’t given it any more thought once she had gotten to New York. But now, it was all clicking. How could she have let that slip through her mind? He had searched for her for three years, and now, she was here, wanting him back. How could he not want her back?

  “Ethan,” she said softly, “Do you want her back?”

  There was another long pause and she squeezed her eyes shut at the silence. Of course, he did, how could he not?

  “I’m in love with you, Brooke,” he said.

  His voice was low and soothing as he tried to reassure her, but instead of leaving her feeling warm and safe, it left her feeling cold. Because he didn’t say he didn’t want her back, he only said he was in love with her. Her eyes scanned her sister’s pill bottles lining the counter, the chemo schedule on the counter in front of her, and the sound of her sister coughing in her bedroom. She didn’t have the strength to deal with this.