Thankful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  He didn’t even increase his pace so that he could walk by her side again. Obviously, he was letting her lead. Letting her make the next steps on her own. It was exhilarating, the idea that he trusted her enough to keep his silence. But it was scary, too. For the first time in their relationship she was with him, but not leaning on him.

  Not until they got to the onset of the pond’s banks did she stop.

  She hadn’t done it intentionally. Instead, it was as if her feet had elected to take control and froze.

  Looming barely three feet in front of her, almost close enough to touch, the ice taunted her. And as every fear she’d cradled close to her heart gained strength, her body began to shake again.

  Tears formed in her eyes. With a cry of dismay, Christina realized that there wasn’t a thing she could do about it, either.

  Suddenly, she was helpless all over again, as weak and terrified as she’d been all those years ago when she’d fallen through the ice and felt the bone-crushing cold, covered only by the panic of her terror.

  Teeth chattering, she wrapped her arms around her waist and held on tight. “I’ve been such a fool, Aden,” she whispered. “And I have a confession.”

  “What is it?”

  “I . . . I did want to skate again for me. But this morning, I wanted to do it for you, too.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “Because I . . . I wanted you to love me.” She hung her head, too embarrassed to look at him. “I wanted you to think of me as someone who was mature. Strong. A woman you could be proud of.”

  “Christina, I am proud of you.”

  She shook off his words. “Now here I am, too scared to do anything but stand here and shake. Obviously, I’m not going to get any better, am I? This . . . this fear is as much a part of me as my dumb scar.”

  Just as she braced herself for his rejection, a warm, solid arm curved around her waist. “You don’t ever need to do a thing to prove yourself to me. You never have.” Cuddling her closer, he blew out a ragged sigh. “The thing is, I’ve loved you, too. I’ve loved you for most of my life. For as long as I can remember.”

  She squeezed her eyes tight. Trying to drink in his words and figure out what they meant, all at the same time.

  Then she felt his lips brush the nape of her neck. And felt his strength flow into her. “I’ve got you, Christina,” he whispered again and again. “I promise. I’ve got you. I’ve got you and I’m not going to let you go. Not now, not ever.”

  After the slightest of hesitations, she leaned back against his body. Felt how solid and strong he was. Felt his warm breath as it brushed her cheek.

  “I’ve got you, Christina,” he whispered again. “I’ve got you.”

  And in that moment, she knew it was true. Aden was going to help her, no matter what. If she decided to leave, he would be by her side.

  If she dared to step on the ice, he was going to keep her safe. No matter what, he wasn’t going to let her go through any of it on her own. And because of that, she knew she no longer had to be afraid.

  And right then and there she knew that she was finally going to be able to do anything she wanted—because he already held the most important thing: her heart.

  Aden’s heart was pounding as he wrapped his arms more securely around Christina. He’d just given her everything he had. His heart, his secret, and the promise that he’d kept so carefully guarded for most of his life.

  Little by little, he felt her body relax. He gave her a little squeeze, then released her with reluctance when he realized his hands were now what was trembling.

  She noticed. Looking over her shoulder, she met his gaze. “Aden?”

  “Sorry. I, ah, though I might have been holding you too tightly.”

  The emotion shining in her eyes went a little flat. When she took a step away, a dozen emotions fluttered through Aden’s insides, desire warring with an overwhelming feeling of protection while worry and pride kept company in his heart.

  Never had he been so afraid. His mouth had surely gotten them to this place. Once again, he’d been thinking he knew everything when it was becoming more apparent by the second that he knew nothing. What was he going to do if she fell and got hurt, or if this experience only heightened her fears instead of easing them? The last thing he’d wanted to do was make her even more afraid of being on the ice.

  But then he remembered hearing Treva say she’d gone skating yesterday after work. If she had skated on the pond just a few hours earlier, he knew it was safe.

  Plus, as he stared at the ice, it looked as firm and solid as he’d ever seen it to be. It was as safe as it had ever been.

  That bit of assurance eased his conscience and helped him regain his usual confidence. “What do you want to do?”

  “I want to skate one time around the pond. Even if I never do it again, I want to know that at least one time I was brave enough to get back on the ice.”

  “Then that is what we’ll do.” He slid his skates off his shoulder and took the last two steps toward the snow-covered ridge. “Let’s do this, Christina.”

  She nodded, then sat down on one of the rocks and methodically began switching out her heavy black winter boots for her sister’s white leather skates.

  As Aden laced up his own black skates, he was relieved to notice that her hands weren’t shaking as she tied the white laces, taking care to double-tie the neat bow on each skate. “I’m ready,” she said at last.

  “All right, then,” he said, inserting a bit of enthusiasm into his tone that he didn’t feel. “Let me have your hand.”

  She slipped her palm right next to his. “Aden—”

  “Jah?” he said as he planted one foot in the snow and pulled himself up.

  “If I fall . . .” She bit her bottom lip, obviously too unsure how to verbalize what she needed to say.

  And because he knew he loved her, he made a promise he could only hope the Lord would help him keep. “I won’t let you fall.”

  “But if I do—”

  “I won’t,” he interrupted as he pulled her up beside him. Summoning a smile, he met her eyes. “Remember? I’ve got you. Now, stop worrying and follow my lead.”

  Her steps were as wobbly as her smile as she got to her feet. Her grip, however, felt as strong as his own.

  He’d never been so proud of her.

  And as they stepped onto the ice, Aden realized two things. One, he was going to skate as if his life depended on it. And two? He now knew without a doubt why his life depended on it. Christina Kempf was his life. She always had been, from the first time he’d spied her. She always would be his life, too. And now that they loved each other, he knew she was his forever.

  He didn’t even care any longer if her family hated him for falling in love with her. He’d waited too long for this moment. And just as he held her hand, she held his heart forever.

  With a deep breath, he positioned one arm around her waist, his other holding her left hand securely. Then, at last, he said a silent prayer and pushed off with his right toe.

  And like it had always been meant to be, they glided across the ice as one.

  chapter twenty-three

  Christina was learning that it was possible to see absolutely nothing with her eyes wide open. Her world felt like a black void, illuminated only by the wind blowing across her face and the mind-numbing realization that she was facing her greatest fear.

  “You’re doing it, Christy!” Aden called out. “Gut for you!”

  His voice sounded like it came from the back of a long, windy tunnel. It registered in her brain but she still remained confused. It was truly as if her brain and her body were two separate beings. Little that she saw and felt made any sense.

  All she was aware of as Aden led her across the ice was that she was surviving. She wasn’t falling through the ice. She wasn’t gasping for air as frigid water tried to choke her.

  Then Aden laughed. The sound was filled with such joy that it jarred her from her stupor. She blinked onc
e. Twice. And then finally allowed her eyes to focus.

  What a sight was before her, too! The tree branches that surrounded them were covered with bright, sparkling snow. The air was crisp and smelled fresh and heavenly. Delicate snowflakes painted their coats and cheeks. And Aden was gazing at her with so much love in his eyes that it nearly took her breath away.

  “There you are,” he murmured. “For a moment there, I was afraid I’d lost you.” His lips curved upward as he pulled her a little closer, easing her around the pond in a wide circle. The pace was just fast enough to keep them easily upright. Just slow enough to let her feel like she was in control.

  “For a moment, I thought I had gotten lost. That I’d slipped into another dream,” she admitted. “But now here I am, skating by your side. I can hardly believe it.”

  “I’m so proud of you, Christina.”

  “And I’m so thankful for you, Aden. You’ve given me a gift today. A wondrous gift. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.”

  “I didn’t do anything. It was your courage that got you here.”

  Not wanting to argue the point, she merely smiled. As they made another pass, she slowly let herself relax enough to allow her body to settle into an easy stride. But still she clung to his hand.

  “Good girl. You look like a champion again,” he teased.

  “Hardly that. But don’t let me go.”

  “Never.”

  His voice was so solemn, she tilted her chin up, met his gaze. And read the promise in his eyes. “You’re talking about more than skating, aren’t you?”

  He nodded. “When I said I loved you, I meant every word. Did you?”

  There was only one answer. “I love you, too, Aden. I’ve loved you for years. I’ve simply been waiting for you to feel the same way.”

  He chuckled. “It sounds as if we’d been a little bit braver we could have saved ourselves a lot of pain.”

  “Maybe so. Or maybe the Lord had always intended for this to be the right time.”

  “I think that’s it. At last, this is our time, Christina. And though I may be rushing things too fast, I have to warn you that I want it all. I want you to be mine forever. I want to marry you.”

  “You want to marry me?”

  “Uh-huh. And as soon as possible.” He winced. “Did I speak too soon?” He stopped abruptly, obviously trying to gauge her reaction.

  Taken off guard, she teetered on the blades of her skates, let go of his hand in order to regain her balance, and then promptly fell.

  “Oh!” she cried, closing her eyes tightly and preparing herself to face her worst nightmares. But all that happened was that she landed with a thud on her backside. “Umph!”

  In an instant, Aden was kneeling next to her. He reached for her and held her close. “Christina, are you all right?”

  As she looked into his eyes, all the fears and doubts and pain drifted away in a bubble of laughter. She’d done it. She’d conquered her fears and had skated a full circle around the pond. Her worst fear had not come true. She’d fallen, but instead of crashing through the ice, she’d merely gotten a little jarred.

  Aden loved her and he’d asked her to marry him.

  “I don’t know if I’ve ever been better!” she exclaimed, wanting to shout her happiness to the heavens. “Oh, Aden, look at us!”

  Little by little, his tentative smile eased into a genuine one, and then was replaced by a low chuckle. Within seconds, he pulled her to him and kissed her.

  And kissed her again.

  It was miraculous. And magical. And life affirming. Making Christina realize that the Lord had been exactly right. For everything there really was a season.

  Everything was going to be just fine. Aden and she were going to finally stop playing games and circling each other. Instead they were going to declare their love and begin to make plans to be together.

  Already she could imagine how excited everyone was going to be about their news!

  “Christina?” her father’s voice reached them like the deep clang of a brass bell.

  Startled, Aden broke apart from her and clambered to his feet. “Joe. And Martha. What a surprise.”

  “If you’re surprised, I am shocked, Aden,” her mother said. “And you, Christina? Why, I don’t know what to say to you.”

  “Obviously you do,” she muttered under her breath. Christina didn’t trust herself to stand up quite yet. Instead, she braced herself on her hands as her parents strode forward.

  As they marched closer, Aden reached down for Christina’s hands. “Let me help you to your feet.”

  His voice was as gentle and silky as she’d ever hoped. And it gave her courage to clasp his hands and get back on the blades of her skates.

  And as he helped her, she realized that she only had eyes for him.

  Nothing else mattered.

  chapter twenty-four

  This was certainly a situation she’d never expected to be in. Her parents were standing on the edge of the pond, both looking angry enough to spit nails.

  And here she was standing next to Aden in the middle of a frozen pond. Which, of course, was the absolute last place she’d ever dreamed she’d be.

  The situation was so fanciful, Christina didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  She decided to keep silent and hope that Aden would know how to best handle the situation.

  “What is going on, Aden?” her father asked. “When Treva told us her skates were missing and that she feared you took Christina skating, we could scarcely believe our ears. But this sight you treated us to . . . both of you lying on the ice, kissing?” His expression darkened. “I hardly know what to say.”

  Christina opened her mouth, more than ready to explain things. But before she had a chance to utter a word, Aden replied.

  “What just happened is all my fault,” he answered. “Christina asked me to help her conquer her fear of the ice and I agreed. But I should have asked you first.”

  Martha folded her arms over her chest. “Yes, you should have. Anything could have happened! Christina could have fallen again!” she exclaimed, each word practically shaking with emotion. “Or she could have gotten hurt. All sorts of things could have happened and we wouldn’t have known. You shouldn’t have kept this a secret, Aden. After everything we’ve given you, you’ve repaid us by betraying our trust.”

  “I realize that.” Not meeting Christina’s eyes, he stepped off the ice. “I am sorry,” he told her parents. “It is obvious you are angry, and you have every right to be.”

  Still wearing a thunderous expression, her father glared at her. “Christina, do not think that you have gotten out of this discussion. We have not even started.”

  “Jah, Daed.”

  “Now, get off the ice, change out of those skates, and then come along. We will discuss your behavior at home.”

  A couple of things were preventing her from doing that. She didn’t want to be dragged home like a wayward child. She certainly didn’t want to follow her parents down the path toward the house, wondering all the while what was going to happen.

  But more than anything, she realized that she wasn’t in any hurry to leave Aden’s side. She also had a bit of a problem. Without Aden by her side, she was a little afraid to skate off the ice. “I canna do that,” she blurted.

  Before her parents could comment on that, Aden turned around and skated back to her side. “What’s wrong? Did you get hurt when you fell?”

  “My body is okay, but everything else? It’s not,” she whispered. “This is ridiculous. We’ve come too far to be ordered to take off our skates and go back home. My parents are acting like I’m too young to know my mind.”

  “So you have no regrets?”

  “Not a single one,” she said with a smile.

  Her father groaned. “Christina, if you’re going to get all upset and in a mood, I’d rather you did it in the kitchen. There at least we’ll all be warm.”

  “Daed, Aden and I are fine. He
and I will be inside in a moment. But I need you to leave us alone.”

  “Christina, are you sure about this?” Aden asked.

  She looked into his eyes, and for the first time she saw an honesty there that gave her hope. “I’m certain. I’m more than sure.”

  After giving her a brief nod, he turned to her parents. “I’ll bring Christina home in a little while.”

  Her father looked flummoxed. Martha looked stunned. “Are you ignoring our wishes, Aden?” she said.

  “Not at all. I’m simply choosing to follow Christina’s wants.” He turned back to her. “Listen, I want to talk with you for as long as you want, about whatever you want. But not while standing out here on the ice. May I help you skate to the edge?”

  Christina was afraid her legs were shaking too much to support herself. “Jah. As soon as we’re alone.”

  Thankfully, they didn’t have to wait too long. After few more grumbles, her parents walked away, their steps measured and slow.

  When she was sure they were out of sight, Christina held out her hand with a laugh. “Now you can help me. But I have to warn ya, I think my legs are frozen stiff.”

  “I hope not. Your parents are mad enough at me. I can’t let you get sick, too.”

  “I’ll worry about them.” She chuckled. “You worry about getting me off the ice.”

  Something new lit his eyes. “Hold on to me and hand me your foot.”

  Mesmerized, she did as he asked, then gasped as he started unlacing one boot. “Aden, what in the world?”

  “Shh. Don’t argue. Give me your other foot now.”

  Now feeling like she couldn’t have ignored his wishes even if she’d wanted to, Christina straightened her other leg and let him unlace her boot.

  Then she stood motionless as he carefully tied the laces together in a neat bow and walked them to the bank. When he returned, he murmured, “Lift your arms, Christina.”

  She lifted her arms. And then gave a little shriek as he swung her into his arms, cradling her close to his chest. Giggling, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight. “Aden, be careful. I fear I’m too heavy for you to carry around.”