A Month to Marry the Midwife

by Fiona McArthur

‘Ditto.’ Sam grinned at her.

  Normally the nurse from the hospital disappeared as soon as the birth was safely complete, and most of the locums were burnt out and uninterested, so as soon as the excitement was over Ellie didn’t usually have a third person to talk over the birth with. ‘I’ll remember that hint with the after-coming head if I have another unexpected breech delivery,’ she said now, thinking back over Thorn’s birth. The two breeches she’d been present at before had progressed to birth easily.

  Sam nodded sagely. ‘He was star-gazing. Silly boy. You have to keep your chin tucked in if you want your head to pop out.’

  Ellie bit her lip to stop the laugh. Stargazing... A funny way to say it, but clear as a bell to her. She smiled up at him as the last of the tension inside her released.

  She stayed with Roz in birthing until the ambulance officers returned. Thorn and Rosebud were positioned twin style at each breast and did an excellent job with their first breastfeeding lesson in life. Besotted parents marvelled, wept and kept thanking the three staff, so much so that Sam escaped from the room to write up the transfer papers.

  Just under an hour after the twins were born, Ellie and Sam stood watching as they were loaded into the back of the ambulance.

  ‘Come back and visit us next year when you come on your holiday. We’d love to see you all.’ Ellie said.

  She’d offered to go in the ambulance but Roz had laughed and said she should take the easy job and stay with the empty ward. Hopefully nobody would come in. Surely they’d had their quota for the week?

  Which left Ellie and Sam standing at the door, waving off the ambulance.

  As the vehicle turned out of the driveway Ellie told herself to keep her mind on what needed to be done but she could feel Sam’s gaze. She kept her own on the spot where the ambulance disappeared and then suddenly turned away. Over her shoulder she said, ‘Thank you. You were great. I’ll be fine now.’

  Sam didn’t move. ‘So I should go?’ His voice was quiet, neutral, so she had to stop or it would have been rude. But her feet itched to scoot away as fast as she could because this man was the one she had kissed. On whose lap she had squirmed and wanted more. Oh, my—where was she supposed to look?

  She didn’t decide on flight quickly enough.

  Still quietly, he said, ‘You don’t need me any more—that right? And we both pretend this morning didn’t happen? Is that what you want, Ellie?’ She didn’t say anything so he added, ‘Just checking.’ There was definite sardonic tinge to that last statement.

  She forced herself to look at him. Maybe she could tell him the truth about Wayne. Because she wasn’t going to pursue any crumbs of attention he wanted to give her for the next three weeks and it was all her fault this morning had got out of hand. Maybe she owed him that—telling him how she’d been made a fool of. Lied to. Ridiculed. Abused. She shuddered at the thought. Or perhaps she owed him an apology. She could do that at least.

  ‘I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t know what happened. It’s all my fault, and I apologise. Can’t we just blame the aftermath of my migraine for the strange behaviour on my part and forget it?’

  He was studying her thoughtfully, and for so long that Ellie felt like an insect under a magnifying glass. Finally he said, ‘What if I don’t want to forget it? What if I want to hear the rest of your stories?’

  Why would he want to do that? She couldn’t do that. Should never have started it. ‘You’ll have to do without. Because there’ll be no repeat.’ She heard the finality in her voice and hoped he did too. ‘I’d like you to go now, please.’

  * * *

  Sam looked at the woman in front of him and felt the frustration of the impenetrable wall between them yet again. The really disturbing thing was an inexplicable certainty that Ellie Swift wasn’t supposed to be like this. It made no sense. He could very clearly see that underneath the prickly exterior and gazetted loner lay a warm and passionate woman he wanted to know more about. Wanted to lose himself in kissing again. And more.

  That she’d had a disastrous relationship was of course the most likely reason she was like this. Underneath her armour lay something or someone who had scarred her and she wasn’t risking that kind of pain again. He got that. Boy, did he get that. But it wasn’t all about the frog phobia. There had to be something else.

  But whether or not he’d get the opportunity to explore that conundrum and the tantalising glimpses of the woman who had reached down and kissed him with such sweetness was a very moot point.

  Maybe he should just cut and run. Do what he always did when he felt things were getting too personal or emotional. But, for the first time since Bree had died, he wanted to explore the way he was feeling. Wanted to find out if this glimpse he’d had of a better life was real, or if he was just suffering from some unexpected aberration he’d forget about when he went back to the real world.

  Maybe he’d better research his own reasons for pursuing Ellie first before he caused any more damage to this vulnerable woman in front of him, and it was only that overriding consideration which finally made him agree to leave. Since Bree’s death he’d lost his confidence in his own emotional stability.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ELLIE WATCHED HIM go and, after having asked him to leave, now, conversely, wanted him to stay. It was the kiss that stopped her asking him to come back. Ellie had never tried to hurt anyone in her life before—so why had she hurt Sam by asking him so baldly about his wife? He was already punishing himself and didn’t need her input. He’d been mortally wounded by his love—she knew how that felt—and she’d broken open his unhealed wound with her harsh request. He’d deserved none of it.

  So she’d kissed him better—and to make herself feel better. Although ‘better’ wasn’t really the right word for what she’d felt.

  Ellie had an epiphany. She’d wanted to hurt him because that way she’d drive him away for her own safety—she’d had no kind thought for him.

  And then they’d kissed and everything had changed. And she was running scared. It had all been pushed back by the birth of the twins but the reality was—things had changed.

  Ellie sighed. It would have been good to talk more about the birth. He could have stayed for that. And that was the only reason, she told herself.

  She looked around the empty ward, disorientated for a moment. Then she busied herself pushing books across the desk.

  It was Sunday tomorrow and she probably needed the space from this man. He was taking up too much room in her head. Luckily she had a whole day to get her head sorted by Monday.

  She slowly turned towards the birthing unit and walked in to strip the bed. What a morning. Premature twins. That was a first for her since she’d arrived last year. Thank goodness everything had progressed smoothly.

  She thought about Sam’s expertise with Thorn’s birth in the breech position. Sam’s calmness. She wanted to cry, which was stupid. It was Sam’s quiet confidence that had made them all seamless in their care and his rock-solid capability that made it so positive and not fraught as it could have been for Paul and Annette with a less experienced practitioner. How lucky they’d been that it had been Sam. She dragged her mind away from where it wanted to go.

  She had to stay away from Sam’s hands holding her, his lips on hers, their breaths mingled. No. If she let Sam in and he let her down like Wayne had, she suspected she’d never, ever recover.

  She took herself into the small staff change room and opened her locker where she kept a spare clean uniform. She’d been stuck here before out of uniform and didn’t like it.

  She told herself that was the reason she needed more armour. She took off her loose trousers and blouse and pulled on the fitted blue work trousers and her white-collared shirt and buttoned it to the top. Funny how she felt protected by the uniform. Professional and capable. Not an emotional idiot throwing out accu
sations and making stupid moves on men who were just being kind.

  What an emotional roller coaster the last few days had been. And action packed on the ward.

  By rights they should have no babies for a week or more because the ward had been too crazy since Sam had arrived. Maybe he drew the excitement to him like a magnet. She grimaced. He certainly did that in more ways than one and she needed to put that demon to sleep.

  By the time Roz returned Ellie had the ward returned to its pristine orderliness, and the paper work sorted and filed. Ellie stood up to leave but Roz put her hand on her arm.

  Looking a little worse for wear, Roz said, ‘Please stay for a bit. Have a cup of tea with me. I’m bursting to talk about it. Not often you get to see twins born without any intervention. Wasn’t Dr Sam awesome?’ Roz’s eyes were shining and she was obviously still on a high from the birth.

  Ellie didn’t have the heart to leave. She put the plastic bag with her bundled civilian clothes down.

  ‘Sure. Of course. The jug’s just boiled. I’ll make a pot while you freshen up if you want?’

  Roz nodded and Ellie had to smile at the bouncy excitement that exuded from her.

  Roz was right. This was an opportunity to think about how they’d handled the situation, what they’d done well and what they could possibly have done better. All future planning for a unit she wanted to see become one of the best of its kind.

  She couldn’t believe Sam had driven all her normal thought processes into such confusion. See? She needed to stay on track and not be diverted by good-looking doctors who had the capacity to derail all her plans.

  As Ellie made a pot of tea and brought two cups to the desk she knew with a pang of discomfort that a week ago Roz wouldn’t have been able to drag her away from talking about the birth and the outcomes. Maybe it was just that she’d been sick. Maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that she was running scared because a certain man had disturbed her force field and anything to do with talking about him made her want to run a mile.

  ‘I can’t get over the breech birth.’ Roz was back. Her hair was brushed, lipstick reapplied and she looked as animated as Ellie had ever seen her. She could feel the energy and excitement and welcomed the uncomplicated joy Roz exuded, because joy was dearly bought.

  Yes. They should be celebrating. Every midwife loved the unexpected birth that progressed fast and complication-free with a great outcome. And when it was twins it was twice as exciting.

  ‘I just feel so lucky I was here.’ Roz’s eyes were glowing and Ellie felt the tension slipping away. She was glad Roz asked her to stay.

  Roz went on. ‘But I was super-glad when you two walked in together. Especially since, the last time I saw you, you looked like death warmed up.’

  Roz stopped and thought about that. ‘Did you say on the phone you were together when I called?’

  Ellie fought to keep the colour out of her cheeks. ‘Dr Southwell had dropped in to ask if I needed anything. But I’m usually good when the migraine goes. It just takes about twelve hours. I’m feeling normal now.’ Or as normal as she could, considering the emotional upheavals of the last few days.

  Roz studied her. ‘You’re still a bit pale. And I shouldn’t be keeping you here on your day off. Sorry.’

  ‘No. It’s good to talk about it. You’re right. You did really well getting us here, and everything was ready. You must have got a shock when they walked in and you realised you were actually going to have the babies.’

  Roz nodded enthusiastically, totally diverted from the how Ellie and Sam had walked in together. Thank goodness. Ellie returned her attention to Roz, cross with herself, as her brain kept wandering off topic.

  ‘Paul was almost incoherent, Annette was still in the car and I didn’t get that it was twins until she was in here and I saw how big she was. Then he said they were premature and she was booked in to have them at the tertiary hospital and I nearly had a heart attack. All I could think about was ringing you, and I was hoping like heck you’d be able to come.’

  ‘I’m fine. But I guess we need to plan that a bit better for the future too. Maybe make a list to work down if one of the call-ins can’t make it, rather than ringing around at the time when you have much better things to do than make phone calls.’

  Roz nodded agreement. She said thoughtfully, ‘I did get the nurse over from the main hospital, and she could have phoned around if needed.’

  How it should be. ‘That’s great. And the babies came out well, which is always a relief.’

  Roz frowned as she remembered. ‘The boy was a bit stunned. Annette and Paul weren’t the only ones worried.’

  Ellie thought about Thorn as he’d lain unmoving under their hands, of Sam’s presence beside her as they’d worked in unison, both wordlessly supporting the other as they’d efficiently managed the resuscitation. Her stomach clenched as she remembered. At the time it had been all action with no time to be emotionally involved. It was afterwards they thanked their lucky stars everything had worked out well.

  That was why debriefing became important, because clearing stark pictures by talking about them and explaining the reasons let her release mental stresses.

  Ellie said, ‘He wasn’t responding for a bit. We gave him an Apgar of three at one minute but by five minutes he was an eight out of ten. I’ve only been at a few breech births and they often do seem to take a little longer than cephalic births to get going.’

  Roz nodded as she thought about it. ‘I guess it could be that the cord is out and it has to be compressed against the body coming through. Or the rapid descent of the head afterwards might stun them too. But he came good by two minutes.’

  The door opened and they both looked up. Sam was back. Ellie felt her heart give a little leap but it was followed by a frown as all her indecision and tangled emotions flooded back with full force. Damn. She’d been engrossed in this discussion and should have made her escape.

  Her face must have shown her displeasure because he raised his brows. ‘Sorry for interrupting.’

  ‘No. Come in. Welcome!’ Roz jumped up. ‘Have a cup of tea with us. It’s great you’re here.’ She turned to Ellie. ‘Isn’t it, Ellie? We were just talking about the birth.’

  Sam looked at her. ‘I’ll come back.’ Then he turned to Roz. ‘I thought Ellie had gone and I wondered if you had any questions, Roz. It was a big morning.’

  Ellie heard his words and felt ashamed. She reached down inside and retrieved the normal Ellie from the layers of confusion. Found her equilibrium. There she was—the one who’d greeted him, had it been only six days ago?

  She smiled almost naturally. ‘Please stay. I was going but you’re both right. It’s really good to talk over things while they are fresh in our minds. We were talking about breech babies that take a while to respond after birth.’

  The conversation that followed was all Ellie hoped it would be. Sam shared his fierce intellect and grasp of the intricacies of breech birth from a consultant’s perspective—they even covered a spirited discussion on the pros and cons of breech birth for first-time mums—and by the time she was ready to leave Ellie was comfortable again in Sam’s company.

  Or perhaps it would be fairer to say in Dr Southwell’s company, because she was every inch the woman behind the uniform in charge of the ward and her feet were very firmly planted in the real world of the hospital that she loved.

  ‘I’ll leave you two to talk more. I’m going home.’

  Sam stood up. ‘I’ll come with you. I need to grab the milk I left in your fridge.’

  They both stood and as Ellie walked to the door with him she heard Roz murmur after them, ‘Better than checking out her collection of stamps.’ Ellie winced and pretended she didn’t hear.

  ‘The breech was great,’ Ellie said to change the subject. They went out into the sunlight and Ellie w
as thankfully aware of the cool ocean breeze brushing her face—helping calm the blush that heated her cheeks.

  ‘So, was it easy to find the hard baby’s head through the abdomen when you leant down on it?’ Sam asked her with a smile on his face. They had shared something special.

  Ellie thought back to the moment when little Thorn’s birth progress had stalled. The sudden increase in tension in the room. The mother pushing and nothing happening. The clock ticking. The baby’s body turning pale. Then the calm voice of Sam instructing her to help with downward pressure just above the mother’s pubic bone.

  ‘Yes. A solid little ball that just pushed away, and then he was born.’ She pictured the baby’s position in her mind. ‘So his chin must have lifted and changed the diameters of the presenting part which made him jam up. It certainly made a difference to re-tuck his chin in, and then he was born. All great learning experiences that make sense when you think about it.’

  ‘Something simple like that can change the outcome so dramatically. The days of pulling down on a breech baby, which of course made the chin obstruct further, thankfully have gone.’

  ‘I’ve seen two other normal breech births, the rest have been caesareans, so it was a great learning experience for me.’

  ‘You have good instincts. Listen to them and you’ll be fine.’

  It was a nice thing to say, but she didn’t know what to do with the compliment because it was midwifery-orientated but also personal. So she changed the subject. The crashing of the waves from beyond the headland seemed louder than normal. Instead of turning up the hill to her house Ellie turned her head towards the ocean. ‘The sea’s rough today! I’m up for a walk out to the lighthouse before I go home. If you’d like to have a look, you could come. I need to lose some excess energy.’

  ‘So, excitement makes you energetic?’

  She shrugged. ‘I’m energetic most of the time.’ Except when she had nightmares, but she was well over that now. Luckily they didn’t leave her listless for long. ‘So what have you been doing on your time off? Have you looked around the bay? Met anybody interesting?’