by Autumn Marks
Trent and Katie were called next and the happy couple made their trek to the head table, a symphony of claps and cheers coming from the crowd. At the head table, the two of them gave each other a kiss and then the deejay instructed everyone to take their seats.
After announcing that Brandon would be giving a best man’s speech, the deejay then handed him the mic.
Brandon took a sip of water then stood up and opened the paper. “Trent and Katie, if there ever was a picture for defying the odds, it would be you two sitting right there,” he started, facing toward the couple. As he continued reading, there was something about the speech that caught his attention. Single letters throughout the speech were underlined and he carried on talking, while part of him searched the paper to figure out the hidden message. It started with the i in if, then the l in would, then o in two. He read on, knowing deep down what the intended message was. Then he got to the last underlined letter—u. He pieced the letters together: i-l-o-v-e-y-o-u.
The world stilled around him and everything was so silent, he could hear a pin drop. He sought out Emily in the crowd and when their eyes met, the way she looked back at him was all the indication he needed. She knew he’d received her message loud and clear.
There was so much he wanted to do in this moment—but could do none of it. He wanted to seek Emily out in the crowd and tell her he felt the same way. He wanted to pull her close to him and kiss her like crazy because for the first time ever in his life, he knew what it was truly like to love someone. Loving someone meant you’d do anything for them. Loving someone meant there wasn’t a time that went by that you didn’t think about them. Loving someone meant respecting them and accepting them as they were.
A few seconds passed and someone in the crowd cleared their throat, bringing Brandon back to reality. He was still very much on the spot and after a short, slightly awkward pause, he concluded his speech and sat down.
He’d seen it. Of course he’d seen it. It was the only reason for the pause in his speech. He’d connected the letters together and understood her message. But Emily couldn’t read his expression. He’d stayed straight-faced the whole time which unnerved her. Her stomach twisted in knots, fearing she’d overplayed her hand.
When the salads were delivered to the table, everyone else at her table dove right in while she couldn’t even bring herself to take one bite. She smeared the ranch dressing around with her fork, making it look as though she had attempted to eat it. She pushed the salad away from her and picked at a piece of bread she’d plucked from the basket at their table. She pulled off a piece and chewed it. But the piece of bread stuck in her mouth like glue and she took a sip of water to help it down. Dinner was next, a piece of honey-glazed chicken with roasted potatoes and green beans. She managed a few bites of each item, not wanting her meal to go completely to waste.
After dinner, the bar reopened for service and Emily got up from the table to get herself a drink. She needed a hefty dose of liquid courage to face Brandon again. She ordered a vodka cranberry and stepped out of the way to hide out, possibly for the whole night. As she stood there, she scanned the crowd for any sign of Brandon. By now the head table was up and milling around with the rest of the crowd and if she wasn’t careful, she could run into him when she wasn’t ready.
Who was she kidding? At no point would she be ready.
The whole thing was a dumb move on her part, but she’d felt so strongly about it. Felt that if she didn’t act now, she’d chicken out. Well, now here she was wishing she’d kept it under wraps for a little while longer.
As the sun faded outside, the lighting in the barn became subdued, setting the tone for the rest of the evening. The dances were starting and while the rest of the crowd focused their attention on the happy couple and their first dance together, Emily took a few more steps back, further distancing herself from the rest of the crowd.
A warm hand touched her elbow and as she turned her head, her mouth was captured in a scorching kiss. She knew those lips, that tongue, that hand pressed against the small of her back. She closed her eyes and any nervousness she’d had about facing him melted away.
Brandon broke away. “I got your message,” he said, his eyes locked on hers.
“I figured you did,” she said with a smile. “What’d you think?”
“I loved it.”
It wasn’t quite the answer she’d been hoping for. She’d been hoping to hear him say I love you too, but that hadn’t happened and she’d be sure to dissect it all later. “What’d you think about the rest of the speech?”
“Honest answer?”
“Honest answer.”
“I don’t remember any of it.”
Emily laughed and nudged him in the side. “I worked really hard on that!”
“It’s your fault. Your message tripped me up—in a good way though. But I hope I didn’t pause too long.”
“It wasn’t long at all. A few seconds maybe.” It had seemed like forever to her and she’d heard each second tick by in her head. “How was the rest of the ceremony?”
“It was good. Trent and Katie seem really happy together.”
“They make a cute couple,” she said.
“Yeah? You got a thing for Trent?”
Emily smiled, detecting a hint of jealousy in his words. “He’s good looking, but I’ve got something better.”
The crowd ahead of them cheered as the newlyweds finished up their first dance together. The deejay then opened up the dance floor to everyone else while Trent and Katie grabbed a quick drink. The music surrounding them shifted into something slow and soulful and Brandon stuck his hand out to her. “Would you like to dance?”
Chapter 26
Brandon set Emily’s empty glass down on the bar and led her out to the dance floor. To the almost-empty dance floor, the deejay was playing Ben Harper’s version of “Fade Into You.” They were joined shortly thereafter by Trent and Katie and a few other couples.
He circled an arm around Emily’s waist while she placed a hand on his back. The two linked their other hands and swayed in time to the music.
His eyes stayed locked on Emily’s, wondering what she was thinking. He hadn’t told her he loved her. Guilt gnawed at him, knowing each moment he made her wait, she became less confident in herself and her feelings toward him. But the moment wasn’t right—yet.
“Are you getting a feeling of déjà vu?” she asked, leaning forward so her cheek was almost touching his.
Brandon chuckled. “No. This time I don’t have to think about what it’s like to have you all to myself. I already do.”
Emily leaned back and looked him in the eye. “That’s a pretty bold statement.”
“Do you deny it?”
“No. I’m yours if you’ll have me,” she whispered in his ear.
She was making this difficult for him. She was fishing for those three words and he wanted nothing more than to put her out of her misery and tell her. But he wanted to say it at a time when it was the two of them, when it would be their moment and no one else’s. He wanted to make it a time when she wouldn’t expect it. He had to make her wait a little while longer. “I think you know I wouldn’t say no,” he whispered back.
The song ended and the deejay picked something more upbeat, which a bunch of kids took to mean it was their time to hit the dance floor. That meant it was time for him to leave.
He pulled away from Emily. “I’m going to go get us something to drink. What would you like?”
“Just water.”
Brandon went to the bar and while he waited for the line to dissipate, he was joined by Trent. Trent, being the man of the evening, cut the line and ordered Brandon and himself a beer.
“Are you having a good time?” Trent asked after taking a swig of beer.
“Are you having a good time?”
Trent smiled and his face took on a sort of dopey-eyed look that Brandon could only assume was caused by true love. “Yeah, I am. One of the best days of my life
.”
Brandon looked around. “Where’s Katie?”
“She’s over talking to Emily. I think I heard your name mentioned so I’m sure Katie is grilling her about you.”
Brandon nodded, purposely not elaborating further. He wasn’t going to do the talking here. If Trent wanted to know more, he’d have to ask.
“So…you and Emily Smith? You’re a thing now?”
“Yeah, you know her?”
“She was Katie’s real estate agent, but aside from knowing what the rest of the town knows, no, I don’t know her. She was too many years behind us in school for me to take notice.” Trent paused to take a drink of beer. “I think we all knew her sister though. I don’t think there’s a person in town who doesn’t remember Trina.”
Brandon’s heart raced and everything around him turned white. He could hear nothing else except a whooshing sound in his head. He shook his head, as if that act alone would shake out any memories. He had to have heard him wrong. “What did you say?”
“I said she was Katie’s real estate agent and aside from knowing—”
“Yeah, I got that part. What else did you say?”
“I said I think we all remember her sister, Trina.”
Katrina Smith. Brandon could never forget her. They’d been chemistry lab partners their junior year in high school. What had initially started off as getting together to study and do homework after school turned into something more. Trina’s smile, her delicate and lithe figure offset by her no-nonsense attitude had driven him crazy. Soon, their study sessions had been quickly replaced by make-out sessions. But they’d had to meet in secret and kept their relationship under wraps because Trina wasn’t allowed to date. To all their friends, they were just friends—nothing more. But to them, it was the start of something serious.
Then something had happened to Trina. She was no longer the funny, easy-going person she used to be. She was edgy and angry all the time, lashing out over trivial matters. Her delicate frame became even more so with the weight she was losing. She had changed—and not for the better.
One evening, Trina had picked Brandon up because one of their friends was having a party. They’d had a few beers and then when Trina demanded that Brandon drive her home, he refused. He wasn’t ready to leave yet and she’d been nothing but mean and belligerent all evening. Trina took the keys to the car and told him he could find his own way home. He didn’t stop her. He should’ve stopped her.
She’d died because of him.
Brandon drained the rest of his beer and set the empty bottle down on the bar behind them. “Excuse me. I need to go to the restroom.”
He rushed to the bathroom and took a few deep breaths to steady his racing heart. He was alone in the bathroom, but just to be sure it would stay that way, he locked the door. His stomach twisted, the contents of dinner threatening to come back up. He rubbed his hand across his forehead and it came away moist with sweat. He took off his suit jacket, folded it on the counter, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. The color had all but drained from his face and he splashed water on it, hoping it would revive him. He gripped the counter’s edge for support, focusing his attention on the beads of water that dripped off of his face, some landing in the sink and some on his shirt. It was better than him focusing on what was really slicing through his gut—
Emily’s sister was dead because of him.
It was the one part of his past he’d hoped to keep buried. A secret he’d take to the grave if necessary. His inaction had caused someone else to die.
He’d relived that moment so many times in his head, replaying it over and over. What if? What if they’d never gone to that party? What if he’d driven her home like she’d wanted? What if he had stopped her?
The guilt had led to him losing his football scholarship, had led to him almost not graduating, it had caused the rift between him and his dad. He’d told his dad they’d been dating, hoping it would garner some sympathy. But his dad hadn’t cared. His dad had told him not to waste his life crying over a dead girl. But his dad hadn’t known Brandon’s role in it—and he couldn’t. Brandon feared the fallout that would come from that. He’d be an outcast, ostracized, and in a town as small as Brookview, he’d be talked about for years. Always known as the guy who killed Trina.
In the end, he’d had to leave anyway, forced out by his own father, right when he’d been on the path to healing. In an attempt to drive out all the memories, he’d distanced himself from Brookview, going as far as Charlotte, North Carolina. The goal was to leave and never return.
But he had returned, although falling in love had never been part of the plan.
But he couldn’t look at Emily without seeing the life he’d extinguished. And he couldn’t tell Emily he’d caused her sister to die. She’d hate him for that.
He had to break things off, knowing full well she’d hate him for that too. But that was a hate he could live with. Love was fickle. She could carry on with her life and find someone else to love—someone worthier than him. In time, she’d forget about him and their relationship would be only a distant memory.
Brandon steadied his nerves as much as possible and left the bathroom to seek out Emily. He found her, standing off to the side with a glass of water in hand. She’d likely given up on him and got her own glass since he’d failed to carry out that simple task.
“I’m sorry. I meant to bring you your glass of water, but—”
“Are you okay?” Emily asked, her eyebrows creasing together in worry. “You look a little peaked.”
Only a little? Brandon shook his head. “I think I’m going to have to call it a night. I’m not feeling well.”
Emily placed a hand on his forehead. “You feel clammy. Are you okay to drive?”
“I should be. It’s not that far of a drive.”
“Let me at least walk you to your car to make sure.”
He’d allow her this much, owing it to her for cutting their evening short.
She’d kept a watchful eye on him the whole time they walked outside, probably trying to make sure he wasn’t going to pass out. The air outside didn’t offer much in the way of relief, only cooling off about ten degrees since the last time he’d been out here. “I’m sorry about this,” he said. Sorry about cutting their evening short. About cutting their relationship short. About everything.
“Don’t worry about it. I hope it’s nothing serious.”
But it was serious, although she’d never know. “I’m sure I just need to sleep it off.” As if that would cure what ailed him.
When they got to his car, Brandon turned and faced Emily. He wanted to remember her in this moment, in that dress…when she still loved him. Soon that would change. “Thanks for walking me out here.”
She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll check on you tomorrow, okay?”
Brandon nodded and got in his car and started it up. Emily stood there as he drove away, oblivious to the thoughts rolling around in his mind.
He needed to end it…because loving someone meant knowing when to let them go.
Chapter 27
Well, this sucks. All dressed up with nowhere to go—except back inside to a wedding she didn’t even want to be at. Not without Brandon anyway.
Emily stood outside the wedding venue, watching as Brandon’s taillights faded in the distance. She bit her lip, trying really hard not to cry. She knew Brandon was sick and that couldn’t be helped, but it was hard not to feel discouraged about the whole evening. Nothing about it had gone as planned.
What had she expected? Well, a proclamation of love for one thing.
She never expected to him to say those three little words if he didn’t want to; she didn’t want to pressure him there. But damn, didn’t he feel the same way too? She’d been getting those kinds of vibes from him all along, so she’d taken the chance. She was regretting that now.
And she’d fully expected to end the evening with Brandon…in bed. Now, it looked as though she’d
be spending the evening by herself…in her own bed…nursing her sore heart.
As she trudged back to the wedding venue to at least bid the happy couple adieu, her high heels pinched her toes making each step more painful than the last. Her trip out here had also resulted in some sticky skin which didn’t fare well for her dress tape. Its grip was loosening and pretty soon she’d be spending her time hiking her dress up, making sure nothing would fall out. Her hair was probably a hot mess too, the humidity surely doing a number on it. Her frustration with her dress, her situation, this whole event, bubbled up inside her and pretty soon she was going to lose it.
When she reentered the wedding venue, Mickey spotted her and waved her over.
“Where’s Brandon?” Mickey asked.
“He left. He wasn’t feeling well.”
“That stinks,” Mickey said with a frown. “I hope he’s okay.”
Emily could only manage a deep sigh in response. She was feeling too sorry for herself to manage any sympathy for Brandon.
Mickey scooted a chair out from under the table with her leg, as an invitation for Emily to sit down. “What’s wrong with you?”
Emily plopped down in the seat, not even caring how unladylike she looked in that moment. “Nothing,” she said, her gaze fixating on the people who were doing the Cha Cha Slide on the dance floor.
“Emily, if there’s one thing I’ve gotten pretty good at over the years, it’s reading people. And I have to say, right now you’re being a terrible liar.”
Emily snapped her head back toward Mickey. “Okay, fine. I’m lying. I’m having a shit time and Brandon just left, leaving me stuck here by myself. Let’s just say that when I pictured how my evening was going to turn out, I certainly didn’t picture this.”
