by Autumn Marks
“It’s hard to beat a classic,” Audrey said.
Emily looked at her friends surrounding her, the ones who had come without hesitation to be by her side. It was time to tell them. “It’s good that you guys are here because I need to come clean.” She never should’ve lied to her friends to begin with, but now that things with Brandon were over, she didn’t have to worry what they thought of him or her relationship with him.
“What do you mean?” Stephanie asked around a bite of pizza.
“My relationship with Brandon didn’t start the way I told you guys it did.” She had their attention now. “It was never supposed to go as far as it did. After my breakup with Jason, I knew he was going to be at Stephanie’s wedding.”
“Again, I’m sorry for allowing that to happen,” Stephanie piped in.
“Don’t worry about it. But I didn’t want to show up to the wedding alone, so after Ollie destroyed my flowers, I seized the opportunity. My goal had been to make Jason jealous, to make him see I was fine without him.”
“But then…” Audrey chimed in.
“But then Brandon and I started spending more and more time together and things progressed a lot further than I had ever intended them to.”
“Do you think it was a rebound?” Stephanie asked.
Emily wasn’t surprised to hear this come from Stephanie, considering it was something Stephanie had assumed all along. “I don’t think so. I know it happened really soon after Jason, but I just felt a connection with Brandon that I couldn’t explain.”
“Soul mates?” Audrey asked, always the hopeless romantic.
An image of Brandon flashed in Emily’s mind: him, kissing her on the forehead as he apologized to her for breaking her heart. He’d looked so broken then, so tormented. She should hate him right now, but she couldn’t find it in herself to do so. “Not anymore,” she said, fanning her eyelids.
“So what happened between the two of you then?” Audrey asked.
Emily looked at her friends, their faces a little blurred from the tears in her eyes. “I told him I loved him.”
“Maybe it was too soon?” Stephanie asked.
Emily shrugged. “I thought he felt the same way.”
“Do you think this is the end for you two?” Audrey said.
“You guys are neighbors. How’s that going to work?” Steph added.
Emily could do nothing but shrug again. She didn’t know if it was the end. She didn’t know if she wanted it to be the end. If he came back to her proclaiming his love for her and told her he’d made a mistake, would she take him back? “I don’t know…about any of it. I guess we’ll have to get really good at avoiding one another. At least until I can look at him without—” That familiar pang of anguish gripped her insides as tears streaked down her cheeks.
Audrey jumped up from the table and returned momentarily with a tissue, which she handed over to Emily. Stephanie leaned over from her place at the table and rubbed her hand soothingly along Emily’s back.
“It’ll get better,” Audrey said, smoothing the hair away from Emily’s face. “I don’t know when, but until it does, we’re here for you.”
“Girls’ Club forever,” Stephanie chanted, placing her hand on the table.
“Girls’ Club forever,” Audrey added, placing her hand on top of Stephanie’s.
Emily looked around at her friends, loving each of them in this moment. Her friends would always be there for her. These were the same people who had stuck with her through thick and thin, for better or for worse—and she’d had much worse than this. She was strong, resilient, and with time, she’d get through this too.
Emily picked her head up, blotted the tears from her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. She placed a hand on top of Audrey’s in a show of solidarity. “Girls’ Club forever.”
“I take it you’re not here for a social visit, given that you’re visiting me at my house,” Mickey said, propping open her storm door with her arm.
Brandon shook his head. “I fucked up.”
“Do you want to come in? John’s out fishing, so we’d have the house to ourselves. Or we can sit out here on the front porch.” John, Mickey’s husband, was a self-employed contractor and volunteer firefighter for Brookview. John had always been kind to Brandon the times when he’d stayed over, but because of the long hours John had tended to work, Brandon didn’t have the relationship with him like he did with Mickey.
“The porch is fine.”
“Would you like a glass of sweet tea? I’m about to have one myself.”
“That would be great. Thanks.”
While Mickey was inside getting their drinks, Brandon looked out at his surroundings, surroundings he’d come to rely on a lot in his youth. Mickey lived on the outskirts of town in an old yellow farmhouse with a wraparound front porch. There were hanging baskets all along the porch in vibrant colors and in the front yard, an oak tree stood with a tire swing attached to one of the lower branches. The wind picked up and he listened to the familiar whooshing sound of the surrounding hayfields. It was exactly how it’d been in his youth, except now he was older and supposed to be wiser—although he didn’t quite feel that way.
Mickey came back outside, the creak of the storm door announcing her presence, and handed Brandon a glass. In this heat, the glass was already developing a thin sheen of condensation.
“Thanks,” he said.
Mickey took a seat in one of the rocking chairs on the porch and motioned for him to do the same. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Brandon let out a heavy sigh, wishing to be unburdened from the guilt weighing him down. “I broke it off with Emily.”
“Why? I thought things were going well between the two of you.”
“They were…until I found out who she really was.”
Mickey creased her brows together. “What do you mean?”
“The whole time we’d been seeing each other, I had no idea she had a sister. None whatsoever. I knew her mom had died and her dad is traveling the country in an RV. I didn’t find out about Trina until Trent and Katie’s wedding.”
Mickey nodded several times, looking like she was piecing things together in her mind. “That’s why you left?”
“That’s why I left. I couldn’t face her after that.”
“But what does that have to do with you and Emily? I remember you took Trina’s death pretty hard, but that was a long time ago.”
Brandon set his tea glass down on the table beside him and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. He stared out at the expanse of yard before him and steepled his fingers against his lips. The time was now. He needed to tell somebody. Hell, he’d been needing to tell someone for the past eighteen years. “There’s something I haven’t told you—or anyone about Trina.” He paused and looked over at Mickey, making sure her eyes were on him. “I’m responsible for Trina’s death.”
He told her everything, from the time they’d started dating to the time of her death. Every detail that had been burned in his memory was now out in the open…and it felt good to tell someone. Brandon glanced at Mickey, wanting to see if there was disgust on her face. Instead of disgust, her eyes looked sad.
“How long have you been holding on to that secret?”
“Way too long. You’re the first person I’ve told. I didn’t think too much about it when I lived in Charlotte, but coming back here, I’ve been living with reminders on a daily basis. But Emily…she was helping me forget.” He fisted his hands in his hair. “I can’t tell her though. She’d hate me for it.”
“Don’t you think you should let her decide that?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re not even giving her the choice to hate you.”
“Could you be with someone knowing they were responsible for your sibling’s death?”
“Look, Brandon. Emily has been through a lot. She lost both her sister and mother within a year of one another before she had even reached her teen years. If she
could live through that, don’t you think she’d be capable of forgiving you too?”
Brandon shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m not worthy of her forgiveness.”
“She came to me after you left the wedding, you know. She didn’t want me to say anything, but I think you need to know how upset she was. She said she told you she loved you and you didn’t say it back.”
He nodded. “She asked me about it when I broke up with her. She asked if it was too soon.”
“I hope you told her no.”
“I told her yes. And I said I needed some distance so I could focus on my job.”
Mickey set her tea glass down with a thud. Her eyes were stern now, replacing the sadness from moments ago. Brandon braced himself for the lecture that was sure to come.
“That’s cruel and not very fair to her. Your actions aren’t just going to affect her now, but they’ll stay with her for a long time, for however many relationships after yours. She’s going to have a hard time putting herself out there now because of how you handled it.”
Brandon paused to take all that in. “I never thought of it like that,” he said. All along he thought he’d been doing her a favor by getting out of the picture. He thought she would bounce back and find someone else without hesitation.
But he failed to see the other side of things—that his actions wouldn’t have the results he’d intended. Instead of finding someone else, she might have a harder time putting herself out there because of him. He didn’t want that for her. Loving someone meant being open and honest with them—completely honest, not just the parts he wanted her to hear.
“I think you should go talk to her.”
Brandon inhaled deeply and gave a sharp nod. “I think you’re right. Thanks, Mickey, for helping me see another side to it.”
“You know, I thought that as you, Trent, and Garrett got older, I could quit worrying so much about you guys. But it turns out, you still do stupid things even as adults,” Mickey said with a sly grin.
He’d allow her this jab, having put her through so much torment already. And she wasn’t wrong. He’d done a lot of stupid things as an adult…but he was ready to try and right one of those wrongs. “Very funny,” he said with an eyeroll. He polished off the rest of his tea and stood up. “I guess I should go figure out what I’m going to say.”
“I think it’s time.”
“I appreciate you chatting with me and not mincing words for me. I needed the honesty.” As he stepped off the front porch, he turned back toward her. “Hey, how’d you get the nickname Mickey anyway?”
“I was a tomboy growing up and I thought Michelle sounded too formal. So I asked everyone to call me Mickey and it stuck.”
“Fair enough. I’ve always wondered.”
“Now you know. Now get the heck out of here.”
Chapter 30
Emily sat down in the grass and pulled her knees up to her chest. The sun kissed her bare shoulders as she stared out at the two missing links in her life. Before her were her mother’s and sister’s headstones. Today would’ve been her mother’s birthday and as she’d done ever since she could drive out here, she placed a bouquet of flowers down on her grave.
“Happy Birthday, Mom. As always, I wish you could be here with me to share it, but I probably wouldn’t be good company anyway. I’ve been in kind of a bad mood lately. Jason dumped me a while back and then when I thought I’d found someone else, well…” Emily let out a huff, “…he dumped me too. So I think it’s going to be a while before I come to you with any exciting news when it comes to guys. But work is going well, so at least I have that going for me. Summer is always the busiest time. I’ve had several new listings and some new clients come my way. Dad has been traveling in an RV with Wendy and it seems like they’re having fun. I’m a little jealous, to be honest. They’re out there having a good time and I’m stuck here by myself.”
She leaned back on her hands and tried to think if there was anything else pressing that she needed to tell her mother. She usually made a point to come out a couple times a year to give her updates. It was her way of staying connected to her mother and at times, it felt as though she was actually listening. Sometimes she’d hear a noise or feel something on her skin and she’d sense that her mother was right there with her.
Emily turned toward Trina’s grave next and so she wouldn’t feel left out, placed a small bouquet of flowers on her grave too.
She heaved a big sigh. She wished she would’ve had more time with her sister. There’d been such a big age gap between them that Katrina seemed worlds away from her, not just in her interests, but in looks too. Trina was beautiful, dainty, delicate—the exact opposite of Emily—and Emily had grown up wanting to be just like her.
Their dad, sensing that Trina would attract a lot of attention from the guys, forbade her from dating. Trina had a tendency to be reckless and their father had enough to worry about with their mother’s illness. But that never stopped her. Trina was always sneaking around with boy after boy and once their mom’s cancer became more aggressive, her dating ramped up because their dad’s focus was elsewhere. Trina would often ask Emily to cover for her and bribe Emily to keep her secret, which Emily did, even when she knew it was wrong.
“Trina, I could use some advice about boys right now. I really thought this most recent guy was The One, but I guess he didn’t feel the same way. I even put myself out there only to get turned down. I’m feeling pretty confused because I thought I had read him correctly and all the signs had been there. So if you’re listening, Trina, could you give me a hand?” Emily closed her eyes and brought an image of her mother and sister to mind. In that image, she could see her mother’s heart-shaped face and Trina’s fairylike features. This was how they would look forever in her mind: happy, healthy, and vibrant.
She kept her eyes closed and listened to the sounds around her: birds chirping, a stray car passing by, the leaves rustling in the trees. For the next several minutes, she was able to relax completely and forget about work, relationships, life’s obligations.
Emily stood up, brushed off her shorts and kissed her hand, touching each headstone in turn. “I love you both and I’ll miss you forever.”
She turned away and started walking back to her car when a figure up ahead stopped her in her tracks. Her insides squeezed with a mixture of pain and pleasure. The pleasure part, she knew she shouldn’t be feeling, not after what he’d done to her. But she couldn’t stop her body from responding in ways which she was wholly unprepared for. There was only one person capable of making her feel that way. One person she’d been talking about just seconds ago.
She turned back toward Trina’s headstone. Did you do this? Then she turned once more toward the person in front of her. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
Brandon stood in front of her, looking as handsome as ever in nothing but the most casual outfit imaginable—a T-shirt and mesh athletic shorts. The guy looked good in anything and the black Wayfarers he was wearing at least offered some protection from those eyes of his…until he took them off.
Damn.
Emily wasn’t going to reciprocate by taking her sunglasses off. She didn’t want him to see the anguish and sadness in her eyes. She wanted him to think she was doing okay without him.
“I came to see a grave, but I wasn’t sure where it was located, so I’ve been searching all over this cemetery, except for this area.”
“Whose are you looking for?”
“Your sister’s.”
Emily furrowed her brow, even though it was concealed behind her sunglasses. “My sister’s? Why?”
“I knew your sister back in high school.”
“So what? A lot of people knew her.”
Brandon focused his attention on the ground where he was kicking around a stray rock with his shoe. Then he looked back up at her. “She and I dated in high school.”
So Brandon was one of Trina’s many suitors. Emily’s mind spun with questions she
wasn’t sure she wanted answers to. Did he love Trina? Did Trina love him? Did they ever—? She couldn’t finish—didn’t want to finish—that thought. In the end, it didn’t matter. Trina was gone and Emily was still very much there. “She had a lot of boyfriends. Which number were you?” she snapped.
Brandon looked like he’d been pierced with a knife, a knife in the form of Emily’s words. But if he was going to come out here mooning over Trina’s death, she didn’t want to hear it. She’d heard it enough in her youth from boys in her grade. They’d come up to her at random times to express their sorrows. Oh, it’s too bad Trina died. Trina was so beautiful. Such a loss. Like somehow, Trina was too beautiful to die and they couldn’t comprehend it. Meanwhile, Emily had just lost her sister and had a mother struggling to beat cancer. With her entire life in disarray, she had no patience for their empty words.
“I deserve that.” He took a step forward. “Emily, there’s something I need to tell you. It’s bad and I fear you’ll hate me for it. But I need to get this out in the open.”
She scoffed. “You’ve already broken up with me. What more do you need to say?”
Brandon took another step forward and hesitated. “There’s really no easy way for me to say this.”
“Then just come out with it.”
A long pause stretched between them. “Your sister died because of me.”
Emily shook her head, tears forming behind her sunglasses. “You’re wrong.”
“No…I’m not. I’ll never forget the night it happened. We were at a party and we’d both been drinking. She told me she was ready to go home and I wasn’t ready yet. We got into a big fight over it and she told me I could find my own way home. I should’ve taken the keys from her because she’d been acting strange all night.” Brandon dropped his head. “But I didn’t. I didn’t stop her.”
“Stop being a martyr. She didn’t die because of you. If you want to blame someone, you can blame me.”
