To Love A Hitman

by Randell Mccreary

  He is a beast of a man and looks like he could snap me like a twig without even trying to. Mister Christian could probably just look at me too hard and bruise me. His arms are like tree trunks. He looks like one of those guys you see on them circus posters. The strong man that can lift a whole bench of ladies over his head with one arm.

  They begin to blow out the candles and snuff out the lanterns around the house. Mister Christian takes one lantern into his room and closes the door. Mister Jacob grabs a lantern and points me in the direction of his room.

  I walk there slowly, sweating and shaking with nerves. He follows and closes the door behind him once we step into the room.

  It is a very simple room with a bed pushed to one side in the back corner and a rough night stand next to it. I am actually a bit surprised to see a thick book sitting on the stand. There is a large dresser against the wall near the door with a few dust-covered knick knacks and picture frames on top.

  Then I look over to see a small cot similar to the one upstairs opposite the bed. It is already made up with a blanket and pillow. Mister Jacob places his hand on my shoulder which startles me something fierce.

  I slowly look back at him and he waves me over to the cot. I stand over by it and slowly sit down. Mister Jacob goes over to his dresser and starts to remove his shirt and pants. My hands clutch at the blanket next to me and I bite down on my quivering lip.

  He folds his shirt and places it on the dresser, followed by his pants. Seeing Mister Jacob in his cut up John’s was really quite something. Somehow this seemed to calm my nerves just a little.

  Mister Jacob came close to me and I turned away. Then I heard his bed creak and looked over to see him sitting down across from me. He sat there with his feet on the floor and his elbows on his knees, leaning forward as though he were about to ask a question.

  I sat there for a while waiting for his question, but it never came. He just sat there looking me up and down as though tracing a picture on a piece of paper. I wanted to speak up but the lump in my throat stopped me from being able to say anything.

  “Gin, right?” Mister Jacob asks in a soft tone, finally breaking the somewhat awkward silence.

  I nod.

  “Tell me about yourself,” he states.

  I clutch my hands tight around the blanket again and my throat seems to open up. All filters between my head and my tongue are turned off. “I think you and your brother are sick!” I blurt out.

  Mister Jacob doesn’t even flinch.

  “It’s sick the way you buy a black boy just for sex. I swears to ya Mister that anything with me is gon’ be a fight.”

  Mister Jacob just sits there with a calm expression on his face, listening to me intently.

  “Now, I don’t mind doing your cookin’ and your cleanin’ and all that. But ain’t no way you’re gon’ turn me into a whore. Ma told me what you was gon’ do with me.”

  I rant on and on about this until my eyelids are heavy. I do my best to keep myself awake. There is no way I could fall asleep after saying all that to Mister Jacob like that. Surely Mister Christian heard some of it. I was hardly quiet and I can’t imagine these walls are that thick.

  I start to yawn between my sentences and some of my words begin slurring together. Mister Jacob hasn’t even budged. He has been sitting there on the edge of his bed this whole time, just listening to me rant on about how disgusting him and his brother are for buying me.

  Mister Jacob gets up off his bed and bends down to take off my shoes. I don’t even stop him. I am still slurring words at him about how I won’t have sex with either of them. He then lifts my feet onto the cot and turns me so my head is near the pillow.

  The second he lays me down and my head touches the pillow my eyes close. I feel him run his thumb over my cheek and then his warm lips touch my forehead. I hear him get back into his bed and pull the covers over himself. Then I hear the lantern get snuffed out. Once the room is dark, I go out like a candle.

  Chapter 5

  The old rooster starts to crow outside and wakes me up. I look over to see Mister Jacob rolling over to ignore the cock’s crow. I get myself up as quietly as possible. Just like before there is a set of neatly folded clothes ready for me.

  Mister Jacob surprised me last night. I was expecting him to pull me into his bed and have his way with me, seeing as I am technically his property and all. But he didn’t. He just sat there and let me rant at him about how disgusting I have made him and his brother out to be in my head.

  He never stopped smiling at me. Not like he was laughing or amused really. Much softer than that. Like he was just happy to have company and someone to listen to.

  I get myself into the kitchen and start beating together some pancake mix. They have a decent sized basket of eggs but I know they are not from those chickens out in the barn. Those hens probably haven’t laid an egg in years.

  I get breakfast made and ready by the time I hear them start to stir. I get the pancakes stacked, with a sizable pile of scrambled eggs, and a few sausage links. Once I get the food set and wipe off the table a little more. They round the corner into the dining area and stop almost immediately.

  The first thought that comes to mind is that maybe they don’t like pancakes. Maybe I should have made some grits or hash. But they don’t yell at me or anything.

  Mister Jacob has a big smile on his face. He takes his hat off as though he just walked into a church. Mister Christian looks over at me then at the plates of food then back at me. He seems dumbfounded and unsure if this was really made by me. I can’t blame him. The first thing I tried to cook ended up black as death.

  Mister Christian takes his seat and starts eating. To me he looks like a pig gorging itself on fresh slop. Mister Jacob comes up to me and pats me on the back. I wince and my shoulder shudders initially. Then he takes a seat and starts eating a bit more civilized than his brother. They thank me again through mouthfuls of food.

  Once I am sure they are satisfied I go around the house trying to decide what I should clean and what needs it more. I grab a bucket in which I put some soap flakes and some water with a large scrub brush. This will be good for the floors and maybe the walls. I also grab a stack of rags good for dusting off the shelves and knick knacks.

  I begin by sweeping out the majority of the house. With only the two of them here for who knows how long, they have definitely let this place go to the dogs. I manage to sweep a few piles of dust in just the first room. Some of the spiders seem a bit put off that I am disturbing them.

  They seem to be finishing their meal. I can hear the plates clinking against each other as they stack them. Then I hear them walk out of the house in their clunking shoes. They are probably going to spend most of the day out in the barn while I am in here. That gives me time to think about tonight.

  As I clean I think about the night before with Mister Jacob. I said so many nasty things to him, about him and his brother. He just sat there, listening and smiling at me. Then when he touched me, I expected him to touch more, to do something more. He didn’t. He just tucked me into bed and kissed my forehead like putting a child down for the night.

  I don’t think Mister Christian will be like that. I don’t see him being big into talking. He seems more stern. When he talks he is harsh and doesn’t say much at all. If Mister Jacob isn’t going to be the one to beat me and force me to do his will then surely it will be Mister Christian.

  By midday I have swept out all of the dust on the floors and have started dusting off the shelves. I can’t reach everything but I manage what I can. I get a rag out and start wiping down the windows. I can see them out there at the barn dealing with the animals and grooming them.

  I watch them for a moment. They seem to care about the animals although the animals themselves are not in the best shape. I wonder if they think of me as an animal. That I will be thought highly of, used for my purpose, and only barely cared for.

  They start to turn away from the barn and begin heading back
to the house. I look up and see where the sun is. They are probably heading back for lunch. I run over to the kitchen and look around for something to fix up for them. I grab a loaf of bread and some cheese. Once I get it all set up I grab a few plates and set the table for them.

  They never asked me to prepare lunch for them, but maybe if I do it anyway they will be nicer to me. Mister Jacob said I don’t have to sleep with them until I am ready but I don’t think Mister Christian agrees with that.

  The second they step foot inside the house they seem amazed. Their eyes are wide as they look around and see just how clean I managed to get things. Really I didn’t clean much but considering how much dust and crud I did get off the floors, I can understand their amazement.

  They sit down at the table and begin to eat. Mister Jacob calls me over and thanks me for cleaning. Mister Christian raises a chunk of bread at me in sort of an agreement with his brother. I stand back and let them eat while I watch them.

  I start to pick up on a few little things. Mister Christian seems more like stone. His gaze is just stuck in front of him as he eats. He isn’t really looking at the table, just in that direction. He takes large bites, chews, swallows, and does it all again. He reminds me of a machine, like one of those big steam engines.

  Mister Jacob seems more animated. He is rocking his head as though humming an unheard song. He is in high spirits and takes a look around the room while eating his fill. The smile on his face is similar to the one I saw last night. A little bigger, but still just as happy.

  They finish lunch and get up to go back out to the barn. I go to clean off the table. I reach out to grab the plate in front of Mister Christian and he grabs hold of my wrist. I stop and look over at him, wondering what he will do next. He looks at me as though he wants to say something. We stay there for a few seconds. I dare not say anything just in case he actually says something so I don’t interrupt him. He eventually nods his head and lets go of me.

  They leave and I finish cleaning off the table. They head out to the barn together and I finish cleaning up the kitchen. Although I still have a few hours before supper if I want to make sure I don’t burn it like before so I should start some of it now.

  I get the cornbread ready and in the oven. Then I finish up the windows and dusting. Then I get a decent roast in, chop the potatoes and carrots, and begin boiling some water. It takes a few hours but now all I have left is actually scrubbing the floors. I am even amazed at how much I managed to get done.

  The sun is just starting to go down so I have a little while left. I get the table set again and as I set Mister Christian’s plate down the realization that I will be spending the night with him hits me like one of them steam trains.

  A few minutes later they come in for supper and sit down at the table. They are amazed at the spread before them. They both pile their plates high and dig in. Mister Jacob asks me to join them and I hesitate before accepting the invitation.

  Mister Christian doesn’t say anything throughout supper and doesn’t even smile. I guess he likes the food though, he ate a good two plates full. Mister Jacob only ate one plate full but he was actually smiling at me. I ate a little, maybe half a plate. I couldn’t bring myself to eat more even though I wanted to. The thought of staying the night with Mister Christian makes knots form in my stomach.

  They finish their meal and I clean up the table, as usual. I get the plates into the wash basin and start to scrub them clean. I hear someone come up behind me and my knees start to shake. It must be Mister Christian making sure I will be coming to bed with him.

  “Gin,” Mister Jacob says.

  My heart nearly jumps out of my throat. I am kind of relieved that it is him. I turn around to acknowledge him.

  “I wanted to thank you for being so honest with me last night. I know it must have been hard to say all that.”

  I can’t move. All I can do is stare at him. I don’t know if I should be ready to be beaten or not. He is saying nice words, but I can’t believe that anyone would be happy with hearing what I said last night. His smile never wavers as he approaches.

  Mister Jacob extends his hand and cups my cheek. I close my eyes as his hand touches my face. Then I feel his warm lips against mine. My eyes open wide and I stumble back, bracing myself against the edge of the counter.

  Ma and Pa always told me that I would be married to a fine girl. They always told me that I would be with a girl and love a girl and do all sorts of things with a girl. Somehow all of that is erased with this one kiss.

  His lips are calming, warm, and amazing. He tastes so sweet to me. Mister Jacob keeps his lips against mine for a few more seconds before pulling away from me. Once he is away from me, I bring my hand up to touch my lips. Almost as if I am checking to make sure they are still there and that it was in fact real.

  Mister Jacob smiles and pats my shoulder. “There is a bath ready for you when you’re done here. Christian will be waiting for you after.” With that he turns around and leaves me in the kitchen.

  Immediately the warm feelings are replaced with fear and the butterflies in my stomach die and turn into knots.

  Chapter 6

  I have never had a bath made up for me. Often I have drawn a bath for Ma or for Pa, but they never made one for me. I mean I guess they must have when I was a baby, but not while I could remember.

  Sitting in the water is quite relaxing but the looming fear still holds my muscles stiff. It has been a long time since I have had an actual hot bath too. I take advantage of the fact that the water is hot and lie there trying to relax. Every time I close my eyes I imagine another instance with Mister Christian making me do something I don’t want to do.

  I wash myself off which makes me feel a little better. Then I just sit there, staring at the door. I know Mister Christian is waiting for me, Mister Jacob said so.

  The water is starting to get cold but I can’t bring myself to leave the tub. I figure I should take a deep breath and face it head on, but I don’t want to. I start to shiver and consider my options. I could stay here and eventually freeze to death, or maybe drown. Or I could close my eyes and let whatever is going to happen, happen. None of these seem like good options.

  I look over at the little chair with a clean set of close folded neatly for me and the towel hanging over the back. No one has come near the door yet, so I can take my time and get dressed.

  I stand and the water drips off of me. As soon as I reach over to grab the towel, I hear someone grab the doorknob. The door swings open and I am caught like a catfish on a hook. I stand still, barely even breathing.

  Mister Christian approaches and closes the door behind him. He stands there for a moment looking at me. I am sure if my skin were any lighter he would be able to see the redness in my cheeks. He seems to want to touch me but he doesn’t.

  He looks over and grabs the towel that I am reaching for and holds it open in front of him. I look up at him and our eyes meet. His hazel eyes shine like jewels from behind his bushy brows. I can see something in them that I can’t see in his beastly demeanor.

  I carefully step out of the tub and turn around, taking a small step back towards him. He wraps his big, burly arms and the towel around me. He feels warms against my back. I can feel his nose, lips, and mustache against my neck.

  His arms are thick and hold me close. He starts to move his hands slowly drying me off with the towel. Then he slides one hand lower than I expected. My muscles tense as it reaches its destination. The second he feels me tense, he moves his hand back up.

  We play this game for quite a while. Mister Christian rubs my body with the towel and backs off a little when he feels my body tense. Soon he is able to touch everything. He allows me to get used to him touching me and really it is not as bad as I thought it could be.

  I start to wonder if Mister Christian’s lips are like Mister Jacob’s. I liked that. Maybe I could like this too. His hands scared me before and I know he could hurt me, but he is not. He is touching me softly.
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  I turn around and Mister Christian seems surprised by this. He places a large hand behind my head and I realize that I am not actually that ready for this. He pulls my head close to his and places his lips against mine. His mustache and beard are scratchy against my face.

  The kiss is not as warm and calming as Mister Jacob’s but I kind of like it. There is a certain heat behind it that kind of scares me. He keeps his lips locked with mine and begins touching me again. I don’t know what to do so I just stand there.

  As he touches me I start to feel a hot tingling rushing through my body. I don’t know what to do. My knees get shaky as do my chest and arms. He holds me close as I gasp and reflexively wrap my arms around his thick neck.

  I am not sure what just happened but I can’t say I didn’t like it. He turns me around so that my hands are clutching the edge of the bathtub and I can feel him touching me again. Then I wince at a sharp pain. Mister Christian seemed to notice and starts going slowly.

  It took me a few seconds but then I realized what was actually happening. I thought it would hurt more, that I would struggle more, that he would force me more. But none of that happened. He never said anything but he seems to notice if I tense up or wince.

  I was like a ragdoll in his strong hands. He took me a few times and never once made me touch him. I never knew that this kind of pleasure existed but now I want more.

  Chapter 7

  Morning comes and the rooster hasn’t even crowed yet. I am already up and in the kitchen trying to make something for them to eat. My legs are still weak and there is a fog in my head that I can’t seem to shake. Sometimes my vision blurs and I feel light-headed, but I push past it all.

  Last night was not what I expected. Mister Christian had so much passion in what we were doing that I can’t say for certain if it was right or wrong. How could something so pleasurable be wrong?