Liquid & Ash

by E. M. Abel

  “Ugh,” I groaned in frustration as I rode my bike down the street.

  Although I’d left Derek, I still felt like my life was a jumbled mess. I wasn’t sure about anything—my job, school, relationships. There was so much uncertainty.

  What if I fail? What if I can’t earn enough money to go to UNCW? What if I’m ruining things with Brandon because I’m thinking too much? I’m still thinking too much.

  When I got home, I decided to call Liz to see how she was doing. I needed to talk to someone I knew I could trust. I also wanted to assure her that I’d be paying her back soon, but I honestly didn’t know when I could.

  “Hey, Penny!”

  “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’m great actually. How are you?”

  I smiled. It felt good to hear my sister so happy.

  “I’m good. What are you up to?”

  “I took the day off, and I’m heading to the beach.”

  “Oh, yeah? That sounds like fun. Since when do you take days off of work?”

  “Since I got a boyfriend,” she said, the smile evident in her voice.

  “What?” I asked, my eyes going wide.

  She laughed. “Shocking, right? His name is James. He owns the restaurant down the street. Do you remember it? The steak house?”

  I did. It was a nice place. “Oh my God, Liz! I’m so happy for you. How long have you been dating?”

  “For a few months now.”

  “Well, why didn’t you tell me? We’ve been talking almost every week!”

  “I know, Penny. I just didn’t want…you know, with everything you’ve been going through with Derek, I didn’t want it to seem like I was rubbing salt in your wounds.”

  “Oh, Liz, you don’t have to worry about that. I want to know about your life; you know that, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I know. Well, James is waiting for me. I promise, we’ll talk about it more later, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. Go have fun. I love you, Liz.”

  “Love you, too, Penny.”

  I plopped down in a chair and looked at the burn marks I’d left on my dining room table. I had memorized every mark and groove on its surface after hours, days, weeks, and years of sitting there, waiting.

  I was tired of waiting. I wanted to be happy, too.

  I stood in line at Induce with my clutch in my hand, seconds away from catching a cab back home. I felt like an idiot, standing there alone, but I knew I had to do something. My plan was to see Brandon and feel him out. If he seemed pissed and uninterested, I’d pretend I’d only come to find out about a job, so I could avoid looking completely pathetic. I was hoping that wouldn’t happen though because he was the real reason I was there.

  I was terrified, but I wasn’t going to let my fear defeat me. I could do this. I could let go and have fun. I just needed some inspiration, and I had a feeling all the inspiration I needed was inside, working behind that bar.

  As I approached the front door, I smoothed my hands down my black dress. It was kind of short, and I hadn’t worn it in years, but it still fit me like a glove. I’d left my hair down and put on a little more makeup than usual. Hopefully, it was enough.

  The man at the door asked me for my ID, and a grin spread onto my lips when I walked inside. It was just after ten on Thursday night, and the place was packed. I made my way toward the bar, and I was able to get a stool on the corner just as a man left.

  It was easy to spot Brandon on the other end. He was talking to a group of women, and they were all laughing at something he’d said. He leaned forward and kissed one on the cheek before wiping his hands on his towel and taking another order. The women all giggled and stared at Brandon as he worked. I felt my courage sinking by the second.

  Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I felt someone next to me. I turned to look, and a guy was standing there.

  “Hey. How are you?” he said, moving closer so that I could hear him.

  He smelled like strong cologne and beer, and he didn’t look a day over twenty-one.

  “I’m good. How are you?” I replied, my eyes going back behind the bar.

  I saw Brandon take cash from a customer, and when he began walking toward the register, his gaze lifted to mine. He glanced at the guy standing next to me before his eyes zeroed in on my cleavage.

  “I’d be a lot better if you let me buy you a drink,” the guy said.

  I tore my eyes from Brandon and looked back at the man next to me. I opened my mouth to respond, but I wasn’t given the chance.

  “Vodka on the rocks?”

  We both turned to see Brandon with his hands on the bar and his eyes steady on mine.

  “You remembered,” I said with a grin.

  “You’re not easy to forget.”

  Before I could respond, he tapped the bar with his hand and took another order.

  What was that?

  “So, do you come here often?” the guy next to me asked.

  I’d already forgotten he was there.

  “No. I’m married.”

  He put his hands up and walked away.

  That was easy.

  Brandon poured my drink and walked it over to me. I knew I’d have to say something before I lost my chance.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered as he placed the glass down in front of me.

  He looked at me and leaned in closer, “What?”

  “I said, I’m sorry!” I shouted over the music.

  He held my eyes for a few seconds before the corner of his mouth lifted into a lopsided grin. “Apology accepted.” And then he was gone again.

  What the hell?

  I sat there, sipping my vodka, feeling stupid. I hadn’t really thought this through at all.

  What should I do next? Should I just leave? Sit here like a weird stalker and watch him all night?

  I finished the rest of my drink, and as I set it back down on the bar, Brandon was in front of me again.

  “Can I get you another?”

  “No. I think I’m okay. Thanks.”

  His eyes narrowed a little, and he rubbed his hand over his beard. “Why did you come here, Penelope?”

  “To apologize,” I said as I played with the napkin on the bar in front of me. “And to see you.” I lifted my gaze back to his.

  “Then, stay, and have another drink.”

  “Okay.”

  About an hour and two drinks later, I was ready to go. I’d been hit on by three guys and rejected them all as Brandon flirted with his customers and served drinks. He’d occasionally smile in my direction, but I was still feeling like a desperate loser. This was a time in my life that I needed confidence the most, but my failed marriage had left me questioning everything about myself.

  I’d watched the female bartenders in their tight jeans and tank tops, and I had wondered if I could be one of them. They were all so lively and charming. I wasn’t like that at all.

  I had also wondered if Brandon had slept with any of them. Maybe all of them.

  I sighed before taking the last sip of my drink, and just like before, Brandon was there to refill it.

  “I’m good,” I said, holding my hand out to stop him. “I can’t hold my liquor like I used to.”

  I took my wallet out of my purse to pay him, but he stopped me. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Are you sure? You don’t have to—”

  “I’ve got it. I get off at two if you feel like coming by later.”

  I bit my bottom lip as I stared into his blue eyes. This was it. This was my moment of truth.

  Would I chicken out or face my fear?

  “Okay.”

  Brandon grinned and tapped the bar with his hand. “Okay.”

  He went back to work, and I stood there, praying I wasn’t making a mistake.

  It was barely midnight, so I had a few more hours to wait. I went home and had plenty of time to worry as I sat in my apartment alone.

  I could stress myself out and question my decision to
meet Brandon, but I didn’t. I’d made up my mind. I wasn’t going to set limits for myself. I would be strong and confident and do what I wanted.

  I wasn’t going to spend every day working my ass off while my life passed me by. If I’d learned anything from my marriage with Derek, it was that there was no time to waste. If I wanted something, if I found some sort of happiness, I needed to go after it.

  Brandon was easy. He said what he felt. There were no complications, no games, and I liked it that way. I could be myself around him, and that was something I’d never really allowed myself to do with Derek.

  I decided to keep my dress on as I sat in my apartment, listening to music, drinking a couple of beers, and checking out Brandon’s Facebook page. I ended up dozing off on my air mattress, but I woke up again at two thirty.

  Shit!

  I quickly got up and checked myself in the mirror. Running to my bathroom, I brushed my teeth and hair before calling a cab.

  By three fifteen, I was approaching Brandon’s apartment door. My hands were sweaty, and I’d lost about half of my courage while walking up his stairs.

  What if I fall for him, and he doesn’t fall for me? Or what if he falls for me, and he’s nutso crazy?

  Oh, man. Just shut up. Shut up. He’s fuckin’ hot. He’s really, really hot, and he’s young and smart and—

  I wasn’t able to finish that thought because Brandon’s door opened, and a woman walked out. She was a bartender at Induce.

  “Oh, hey,” she said with a bright smile. “You here to see Brandon?”

  “Uh, yeah. Is he in?” I asked, pointing to the open door behind her.

  “Yeah.” She leaned back and shouted, “Brandon! Your friend…” She paused and gave me a questioning look.

  “Penelope.”

  “Penelope is here to see you!”

  She walked away, laughing, and a little more courage left me.

  Did they just…

  I stood there for a second, looking toward the stairs and chewing my bottom lip, before finally turning to face the door again. When I did, Brandon was standing there.

  I sucked in a breath. “Oh God, you scared me.”

  I noticed a glimmer of humor in his eyes before he grinned and said, “I know.”

  He was still wearing his jeans and boots from work, but his shirt was off. I tried really hard not to stare at his beautifully sculpted and tattooed torso, but it was difficult not to.

  “You coming in?” he asked, pointing over his shoulder.

  “Oh. Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

  Stop being awkward!

  I walked inside, and luckily, no one else was there.

  “She was just picking something up,” he told me as he closed the door behind us.

  “Huh?”

  “Elise. She was just picking something up. I didn’t want you to think I’d just had sex with her or something.”

  I laughed because that was exactly what I’d thought. “Good to know.”

  “Is it? Would it matter?”

  “Well, I’d probably ask you to shower at least.”

  Brandon shook his head and tried to hide his amusement at first, but he couldn’t, and soon, we were both smiling.

  He walked into his living room and turned on his music. The Weeknd started playing. “You’re feeling brave tonight, I see,” he said as he went to sit on the couch.

  “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  Brandon seemed surprised by my response. I liked surprising him. He looked up at me from the couch, his gaze sliding up the front of my dress and over my breasts, before finally meeting my eyes.

  Oh God. Am I really doing this?

  He stood up and walked toward me, and the tension in the room doubled. I couldn’t help but breathe harder as the reality of my situation began to sink in.

  I’m about to have sex with someone other than Derek. I’m going to have sex with a model. I have to get naked in front of the hottest guy I’ve ever met. Holy shit, you didn’t think this through, Penelope.

  Strands of hair hung over one of Brandon’s eyes as he stared down at me, and my hand itched to touch it, but I was too scared to move. He looked at my lips as he licked his own, and goose bumps rose on my skin. I could already feel him all over me, and we hadn’t even touched yet.

  Slowly reaching out his hand, Brandon approached me like I might run at any moment. He slid the backs of his fingers across my cheek before curling them around the side my neck. I was trying not to freak out while he stood before me, calm and confident, all of his attention focused solely on my mouth.

  After a few more seconds, he finally pulled me forward, and his lips came down on mine.

  Oh my God, it’s happening. He’s kissing me. He’s…oh God.

  My brain quickly shut up as Brandon’s soft lips guided mine open, and his tongue slipped into my mouth. He didn’t rush. There was no urgency. His kiss was assertive and deliberate, almost as if he were teaching me what to do, leading my movements with his own. His tongue glided against mine before he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, lightly biting it.

  I was already panting when he took a step back, as if to admire his work. His crystal-blue eyes took me in, and I was too turned on to feel shy or insecure. I just wanted him to kiss me again.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, trying not to blush and show how desperately I wanted to feel him against me.

  Brandon traced his fingers over my collarbone and across my shoulder, leaving a trail of heat behind them. I closed my eyes, giving myself over to him, allowing myself to feel pleasure, to feel wanted. His hand found the zipper on my dress, and he pulled it down. I sucked in a breath as the cool air caressed my back, and his warmth pressed against my front.

  Brandon’s lips grazed my ear as his rough hands brought my nerves to life. They sparked and ignited under his touch, kindling a fire deep inside me that I’d thought I’d lost. Opening my eyes, I pulled my arms from the sleeves of my dress and exposed my naked breasts, my lips only inches from his neck. I stared at the black lines of his tattoos as I pleaded with myself to be brave.

  Tilting his head down to look at me, Brandon cupped my breasts in his hands. “Fucking gorgeous.”

  What if I freak out again?

  Deep breaths, Penny. Take deep breaths.

  “Relax,” he whispered against my neck before he kissed it and slipped his hands into my dress.

  He began pushing it down further until it fell to my feet.

  Closing my eyes again, I was finding courage in the dark as the heat of his mouth kept me distracted. The smoothness of his skin felt like home. He slipped one of his hands between us and into the front of my panties, his fingers circling my clit.

  Holy shit. Oh my God.

  My fingers dug into his shoulders, and my chest grazed his as I gasped. His breaths moved faster against my skin.

  He felt so good. Everything felt so good.

  Brandon pressed his thick middle finger inside me, and I sucked in a breath. Vibrations traveled up Brandon’s throat as he groaned in response.

  “Fuck, Penelope,” he murmured as his finger pumped in and out.

  I held on to the corded muscles of his arm as my hips began circling against his hand. My inhibitions were escaping with each thrust of his finger. Brandon hissed out a breath while my nails dug into his tattooed skin.

  “Your touch drives me crazy,” he growled, his hooded gaze meeting mine.

  I grinned as my confidence grew, I released his arm, palming the bulge in his jeans. He responded by pressing his finger deeper inside me. The smugness quickly fell from my lips, and my eyes rolled back into my head.

  “Oh God, Brandon,” I sighed.

  He lowered his head and stole my breath with a kiss. His tongue danced with mine as we continued touching, moaning into each other’s mouths. I’d never felt more alive.

  After a while, he pulled away. His eyes were glazed with shameless desire as he took a step back. “Come with me.”

  Before I
could respond, he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him. I laughed as I tried to keep up in only my panties and heels. His room was big, and so was his bed, but I was too entranced to really notice. I watched in awe as Brandon moved toward the foot of his bed. With his lithe physique, inked skin, and the black jeans currently hugging his perfectly round ass, he was walking sex.

  His crystal-blue eyes connected with mine when he turned to face me. He took a seat on the edge of his bed. Walking forward, I got down on my knees in front of him. He licked his bottom lip as my hands went to his boots, and I began untying them. Desire and hunger grew between us as my fingers loosened the laces.

  Once I finished, he stood up. “Get on the bed.”

  I crawled onto his bed, my heels still on my feet, and I got on my back. Brandon took my right foot and lifted it to his shoulder. I giggled as he kissed the inside of my ankle, but there was no trace of humor in his stare when it met mine. I swallowed before my lips parted, and I was panting again. He trailed the inside of my leg with his mouth, his tongue coming out to wet my skin. I was squirming beneath him as his beard tickled my thigh, and I slid my fingers into his hair.

  Brandon slipped his finger into my panties and pushed them aside, his breath washing over my wet, swollen center. I moaned as he kissed me there, his tongue slipping between his lips and onto my clit. My fingers tightened in his hair, my heels pressing into his mattress, while he licked and sucked me into submission. My body was craving his, humming with an overwhelming need to feel him inside of me. His tongue made light circles over my bundle of nerves as his strong hands kneaded my thighs, just inches from where I wanted them. When he closed his lips around me, my hips lifted off the bed, begging for more.

  Tension coiled in my muscles as my orgasm approached, and Brandon wrapped his arms around me, resting one hand on my lower stomach. He held me captive against him as he continued fucking me with his mouth, his tongue relentless against my overly sensitive core. My eyes widened, and my back arched off the bed as my climax combusted inside me, my hands moving to grip his sheets. It was the sweetest release, the first moment of pure pleasure I’d felt in years. I squeezed my eyes shut, and sparks of light danced behind my eyelids as Brandon held on while my body shook beneath him.