by M Dauphin
“Ah, fuck, Alexis.” I growl when she pushes me a little deeper, relaxing her throat and practically swallowing me. “Holy shit.” Panting now, trying to hold off on finishing in her mouth, I pull her hair gently and pop out of her mouth. She looks up at me: eyes watery and so fucking sexy.
“Lay back,” I whisper, nodding towards the pillows at the head of the bed. “As much as I want to continue that, I don’t want tonight to be over quite yet.”
My lips press to her body gently, as I follow her, and when her head hits the pillow I slide into her with ease.
“Shit,” I moan. “You feel so fucking good, Al.”
“Shut up and fuck me, Braydon.” Thrusting her hips up, she groans with pleasure as I set a steady rhythm. She’s so damn tight. So fucking wet. Jesus Christ.
Just when I start to feel my release, I reach down and find her clit, rubbing gently. I feel her start to tighten around me. The noises she’s making are wild and, between that and the sexy outfit she’s wearing, it’s like she’s finally opening up her sexuality a little more. And it’s fucking hot as hell.
“Oh God, Braydon.” She’s panting, eyes wide as her back arches and her hands fist the sheets. “Holy shit!”
“Let go, Alexis,” I growl, praying I can last just a few more thrusts longer. She’s so fucking close, and so fucking sexy.
“Fuuuck!” she screams, sending me over the edge.
“Shit!” When she comes around me, I completely lose myself and slam into her a few more times before collapsing on top of her. Panting and sweaty, tangled limbs and all, we lay there in complete silence. Her hair soft under my callused fingers, her gentle sigh reminding me just how precious she is to me. The soft rise and fall of her chest calms me.
She’s my Alexis. She’s the reason I am where I am today.
She’s my everything.
***
The next morning, we wake up before the sun and I watch her as she does her daily exercises and yoga poses. I can’t believe how she can get herself into these positions, but damn I like watching.
“Enjoying the view?” She looks at me through her legs as she does some type of upside down pretzel move, giving me a beautiful view of her ass as I drink my morning coffee.
“Absolutely, babe.” Winking, I get up and take my cup to the coffee maker to refill.
That’s when I see the letter sitting on the counter. Interesting… This is the same agency that Lane used to work with.
I glance over at Al, and narrow my eyes at her… Hers are closed, and she’s in some twisted move right now, looking like she’s going to be there for a while. Lifting the letter, my tired eyes focus on the letters in front of me.
Ms. Grant
We regret to inform you that, due to the nature of your physique, we are not currently able to bring you on to our team. This was a tough decision, as we all love and are familiar with you, but you should understand why our decision was made. There’s not an industry for disabled models. If you ever would like to come on as clerical work, however, we would love to have you.
Sincerely,
Bob Hosure
President/CEO Riptide Modeling.
Holy shit.
She wants to model? This is why she’s been so weird lately… It has to be.
“What’s up?” Her voice is close, which scares me. I flip around, looking at her, as she realizes what I’ve been reading. “Oh.” Her face falls, and she shakes her head, reaching out to grab the paper from me. “It was a stupid thing to think I could do it anyway, Bray. Don’t let it upset you.”
“Al, I think it’s perfect for you!” I chase after her as she makes her way back to the bedroom, not slowing down for me to talk to her. When she sits on the bed, she huffs and reaches over, sliding the letter into a drawer that looks to be filled with plenty of other letters just like the last one.
How many times has she been turned down? And all because of her leg?
“I thought it was, too. Apparently, we think differently than most of America.”
“Don’t give up. You can’t. You’re fucking beautiful, and could be a positive face in a sea of women and young girls that feel useless after going through what you did. You could really make a change in this!” I think I’m more excited than she is at the prospect of this panning out. She has a chance to do something with her life that will make her feel important again. “I think you need to keep looking.”
She sighs and laughs a small, defeated laugh.
“I have a few more feelers out there to a few smaller agencies, but I don’t expect anything. It’s fine. I think my best bet is just to do deskwork somewhere. From the looks of it, my career working in the industry is more than likely over.”
“Don’t give up just yet, baby.” I walk over to where she’s standing, and wrap my arms around her. “You never know what could happen.” I was going to talk to her about my reservations with the band when it comes time to travel. I wanted to see what her opinions were if I pulled out of the band and focused on keeping the bar afloat during the tour. Dates aren’t set yet, but, with having a baby on the way, I feel like I need to be here.
I want to talk to her about all of this, but right now isn’t the time. Right now, she needs to focus on finding something she loves and not worry about my fears.
I kiss her, then start getting ready to meet Trixie at her doctor’s office.
Today, I find out the sex of my baby.
Alexis
Another rejection letter to add to the pile… just perfect.
That makes about ten now, and none of them hinted that they’d get back to me in the future when the world stopped seeing my disability as ‘ugly’.
There’s one letter I sent out, and haven’t heard anything back yet, but I’m not looking for it to be anything but a rejection. Braydon’s been fantastic since he found out what I was trying to do. I had it in my head that I could put a good, positive spin on people with disabilities. I thought that I could make a difference in someone’s life, but the big shots feel differently, apparently.
“Hey, babe, does this look okay?” Braydon walks back into the living room, after getting ready in his apartment, wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans. His hair is gelled perfectly, he looks sexy, and I find myself wishing he didn’t look this perfect when going to see that woman.
Trixie.
She’s been nothing but a huge pain in my ass since she told us she’s expecting Braydon’s baby. I asked him a few days after the announcement if he was certain it was his, or if he thought she was playing him just for the money. That was our first fight as a couple. Something about the thought of having a kid has him over the moon excited and, as sexy and awesome as I think it is that he’s embracing this whole ‘accidental kid’ thing, I’m still worried that she’s using him for the money. I have a hard time trusting someone named Trixie….
“You look great, Bray… Is this you pulling for a boy?” I stand and tug on the hem of his blue shirt. He grins and nervously chuckles.
“Is that so wrong?” Grinning, his arms wrap around me and he sighs. “I’m sorry you can’t be in there with us, Al.”
“It’s fine,” I lie. “I know you’ll take pics and shit. Plus, you’re not going to stop talking about it afterwards, so I’m not worried I won’t find out.” Sure, I’m jealous that it’s not me carrying his child, but there’s nothing I can do about that now, is there?
Hell, I’m not even sure if I’d be able to carry a child full term in my condition right now anyway. Maybe this is a close to having a kid as I’m going to get… being a girlfriend to their dad.
Oh, my god.
“Okay, I’m heading out. Big plans today?”
“Nah. Thinking about repainting the bedroom but, other than that, nada.” His eyes go wide, and he pauses in his steps to the counter.
“Uh. Why don’t you wait for me to do that? Ya know, just in case… something…” He won’t look at me, and his behavior has suddenly changed dramatically. Maybe he’s not r
eady to have such a big change in the apartment that Lane used to live in, but I am. I’m ready for new… and the paint here hasn’t been refreshed, ever… It’s time.
“I can do it, Bray. It’s not a big deal.”
“I want to help,” he blurts.
“Oh... okay.” I’m not certain what that’s all about, but at least he’s not going to fight me on changing things. “Have a good time.” I offer a weak smile and, when he sees the hesitation on my face, he sighs and walks back to me.
“I love you, Alexis. If I could have it my way, you’d be coming with me right now. I promise I’ll text when it’s done.” Grinning, he leans in and kisses me before leaving me to my thoughts and a silent apartment.
I spend the time researching different courses of employment I could go with now that I know what I want to do with my life.
I want to make a difference.
I know I didn’t lose my leg heroically like war vets have, and I know it isn’t a birth defect that I’ve had from the start, but it’s still traumatic all the same. Looking in the mirror, and not seeing the girl I know, is startling. I’m slowly becoming used to my new self, but those first couple months were rough.
***
“You ready, honey?” my mom yells to me from the kitchen, and I sigh.
No. No I’m not ready. I’m never going to be ready. I want to wrap myself in a blanket, and cover myself from the world… but it’s over a hundred degrees outside and there’s only one option for me right now… shorts.
Shorts, which is going to show off my… thing.
Granted, I finally got my custom one in, and the black and silver with pink specks in the metallic frame of it look badass, but I’d rather not get the stares I know I’m going to get. People will stare, they’ll wonder what happened to me, and they’ll probably make up some insane story in their head of how awesome of a war vet I was when I saved those kids before getting my leg blown off… but that’s all a lie. Truth is, this was a complete accident and I did nothing heroic at all. I was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time, and now I’ll be getting funny looks and judging eyes the rest of my life.
Or, I could stay in my room and never come out again. Then, I wouldn’t have to deal with any of it.
“Mom, I think I’m going to stay home. I’m not feeling the best.” I curse and flip down on my bed, closing my eyes and waiting for the tears to fall that don’t ever seem to stop lately.
A minute later, I hear my mom at the door talking to someone. She knocks gently and walks in, the smell of her lotion wafts into my room and I’m immediately calmed by her presence. I know I’m going to be thirty years old soon, but my mom and I will always have a special bond… I have no shame when I say she’s my best friend.
“Here, Alexis. It’s for you.” She places the phone in my hand, and I snap my eyes open to look at her. She’s grinning before she walks out of the room and leaves me with whoever is on the other line.
“Hello?” I probably sound irritated, but that’s because I am. I just want to be left alone!
“Hey, you,” Braydon’s voice comes through the receiver and I sigh inwardly. It’s been a couple days since I’ve heard his voice and, as much as I miss him, I’ll never let him know. He’s going somewhere with his life, and not being held back by me is helping him.
“What’s up?” I groan when I sit up, hating that I’m starting to lose some of my muscle ease that I had before the accident.
“I’m coming up tonight, so you better be ready to go out. It’s been a hell of a week.”
“It’s only Tuesday, Bray! Isn’t tonight your night to work the bar? Oh, god, did my mom put you up to this? She’s insane. I told her I don’t feel good. She shouldn’t go around call-”
“Whoa, whoa!” He laughs. “Stop thinking the world revolves around everyone wanting to bring you up. What if I’m coming down just to see how pitiful you are, so it makes me look better?”
“You wouldn’t.” I smile, starting to feel like I could go out for a bit.
I mean, he’s driving all this way…
“I would. And I’ll see you in under two hours. Don’t get ready, please. I like to make myself look good around frumpy people.” I laugh at his smartass, and he hangs up on me with a sharp laugh.
Asshole. Even worse, I can’t stop grinning at him.
He knows exactly what I need.
Always.
***
Waking up smiling from a dream for the first time in ages, I hear my phone buzzing in the background. Shit! It’s been an hour and half. There’s got to be news by now! Blindly reaching above my head to the side table of the couch, my hand fumbles for my phone, and I grab it just in time to miss the call.
Great.
Sitting up and rubbing my eyes, I notice that it’s started to rain outside. Just great. October rain in LA really sucks. Really, rain period sucks.
Looking at my phone, I have two missed calls from an unknown number, and a text from Braydon telling me they are still waiting at the office.
Jesus… good thing I didn’t go. I’m not certain I’d have been able to sit in a waiting room with Trixie for that long without ripping out her fake hair.
Checking my voicemail, I recognize the voice as soon as it starts to play.
“Alexis, it’s Gabe. I really need to talk to you, and would love if you called me back. Soon. Thanks, uh… bye.”
What the hell is that all about?
Dialing the missed number, he picks up on the first ring.
“Hey,” he clips. “Listen, I know they’ll be done soon, but I just found out Trixie’s been using and, if she hurts that baby, I swear to Christ…”
“Wait, what?! Using what?” Please, dear God, don’t say drugs.
“Shit, Al you’re not that dense. Drugs, Alexis. Hard shit, too, not just pot.” He growls, and I hear a loud noise in the background. Did he punch something? “Listen, Alexis. I can’t break the news to Braydon because I’ve been hanging around her a lot lately, and he’s going to blame me. Maybe if you tell him then he won’t know it came from me but I swear to god, Al, I didn’t give them to her!”
He’s completely losing his cool, and he keeps rambling, but all I can do is think about that poor baby. Hell, she can do that shit to herself all she wants… but she’s carrying Braydon’s baby, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting her hurt it.
“What do you mean you’ve been seeing her a lot? How do you not know she’s been using, Gabe?!” Frantically throwing my shit in my purse, I’m not sure where I’m going, but I need to find her, I need to make sure that baby is okay, and I feel the need to punch Gabe for being stupidly blind when big tits are involved.
“I mean, that’s not the first thing on my mind when we’re together!”
“And, what the hell is it on your fucking mind, Gabe?!”
“She’s…Agh!” The sound of him slamming the door crashes through the phone. “She’s so torn up about having a kid, Alexis. You don’t even know how many times I’ve had to talk her out of adoption or abortion or some other shit.” He grunts and sighs. “I can’t see her kill his fucking kid, Alexis.”
“Fuck,” I groan. “I’m on it, Gabe.” Locking the door after me, I rush to my car, careful not to slip in the puddles and wet sidewalk.
My phone keeps ringing from Braydon, and, as much as I want to pick it up, I need to get to the one woman I hate.
By the time I make it to her apartment, I see the bright red Camaro parked out front and immediately tense. The last time I saw her in person, she shattered my dreams of having a normal relationship with Braydon. The time before that, she made sure the entire bar ended the night thinking I was the reason Lane was dead.
She’s toxic, and I’m walking into the lion’s den.
“Trixie, I know you’re there. Open up!” Banging on the door in the pouring rain, I know I probably look like a drowned rat when the door swings open.
“What?” She slurs, beer in hand.
“Hol
y fuck, Trixie!” Instinct kicks in and I slap the beer out of her hand, watching it hit the open door.
“What the hell, bitch?!” She goes for the beer and stumbles, bracing herself on the table. “Cunt.” Her drunk mumbles make me even more livid, and the only fucking thing keeping me from beating her ass is the baby she’s growing inside her.
“Sit.” The demanding growl that comes out of me is unnatural, but I can’t punch her, so this is the route I have to take.
The ‘take charge Alexis’ that everyone used to know and love is back, and she’s staring at this bitch across the room, wanting to peg her in the head with this bottle of water.
Fucking bitch.
“Drink. All of it. Now.” Holding out the bottle, she rolls her eyes at me and, when I don’t back down, she takes it and chugs it, resting her hand on her protruding stomach.
“Damn little man is just ruining everything,” she mumbles, then groans and lays her head back.
I freeze.
Man? He’s getting his boy? I can’t help a small smile that’s starting to spread over my lips, but force it back. I have no room to be happy around a selfish bitch like Trixie.
“God, good thing you’ll never be able to carry a kid. Consider yourself lucky. This fucking thing… He’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made. All I want to do is party, drink, smoke, and fuck… believe it or not, pregnant chicks are frowned upon in bars, and it’s hard to find someone to fuck me with a view like this.”
I grit my teeth and clench my fists, wanting to bad to reach out and slap her.
“You’ve created a life, Trixie. A life that’s going to depend on you. Deal with it, and stop acting like a child. That ‘thing’ inside you is innocent. Please don’t ruin it by being yourself. You need to change.” I scoff at her and shake my head. “You’re a waste of a human being, and I feel sorry for Braydon that he ever thought you were worth his time.”
I grab my purse and storm out of her apartment, making a note to get on Gabe about keeping track of her better. If he’s always around her, he should have realized she’s spiraling downwards. Honestly, he should have said something to Braydon, but I understand why he thought coming to me was a better choice. It’s not, but I understand why he thought that way.
