Pedro The Ugliest Dog In The World

by Papa G

  "Really," Pedro said casually, walking up to Gecko's spider. He smacked it square in the face. The big spider hissed and jerked.

  "Yes, really. I did not know it was you ... I am very sorry about that onion thing," Gecko said, worried about what El Chupacabra might do to him.

  "And I am really sorry that I talked about your mother that way," the lizard on the wagon said, terrified that he was going to be first to get a brain sucking.

  "Really," Pedro said jumping onto the wagon and biting down on the frightened lizard's tail, giving it a vicious shake. "Owowow! Please don't hurt me," the lizard pleaded.

  Pedro jumped down and confronted Gecko again. 'So what should I do with you?" He said glaring at the shaking lizard with his crazy bug eyes.

  "You could just let us go, and we can just forget about all this," He said hopefully.

  "It was just a case of mistaken identity ... it won't happen again."

  Pedro smacked the spider in the face again. This time the big spider reared up, and Gary Gecko struggled to control it.

  "Hey, don't go too far," Dave whispered in Pedro's ear. "Just tell them to get out of town."

  "Okay," Pedro snarled, "I will let you off this time, but if I ever see any of you streaks of snot again, I will suck every last one of you dry! Muahahahah. Now get outa town before I change my mind."

  "Thank you, Señor El Chupacabra sir," the relieved lizard on the wagon said.

  "You will not regret this," Gary Gecko said, not believing his luck, then they turned and left town even quicker than they arrived.

  Pedro whooped with joy. His heart was pounding furiously. He couldn't believe he had pulled it off.

  "Haha! You did it!" Dave shouted almost as relieved as Pedro.

  Bonita came running to Pedro. "You are so brave," she said.

  Behind her came the mayor and the rest of the town, cheering. They hoisted Pedro into the air and danced around the square singing "El Chupacabra, El Chupacabra, he is a hero."

  "Yeah!" Pedro shouted above the cheering. "Being El Chupacabra rocks."

  Chapter 10—The Lizard King

  "What do you mean? El Chupa-fluffing-cabra! Where are my supplies?" the Lizard King shouted as Gary Gecko and his gang kneeled, shaking on the floor of their cave hideout. The large iguana got off his throne carved from the rock and walked around the smaller lizards cowering on the floor. The Lizard King was a frightening sight with only one eye and a long jagged scar running down his face.

  "El Chupacabra! He is at the town, and he told us that if he ever sees us again, he will suck us all ... dry!" Gary Gecko explained.

  The Lizard King pulled Gary Gecko to his feet. "Tell me, did this El Chupacabra have eyes that glowed like fire?"

  "No," Gecko replied.

  "No!" the Lizard King screamed. "And tell me, was he completely insane?"

  "Well, he kept smacking my spider's face," the smaller lizard said.

  "Hmm, that is kind of crazy," the Lizard King agreed. "But was he twice as big as you with claws like knives and teeth as long as your finger? Did he have two horns about his head and have a black forked tongue? Did he smell so bad you wanted to pull off your own noses? Did he shriek and scream until your ears popped? And did he in fact eat anyone's brains or suck their blood?"

  "Err, no," Gecko replied.

  "Then this is not El Chupacabra," the Lizard King said.

  Just then No-Nose came running into the cave with fatty and skinny following close behind.

  “And where have you fur brained twonks been hiding?” The Lizard King bellowed.

  “Sorry master, we were out looking for food” No-Nose said bowing his head.

  “So where is it then?”

  “Well we thought we had found some road kill but it turned out to be this really ugly dog with fleas”

  “An ugly dog you say” the Lizard King shook his head “I am surrounded by idiots...get back out there and don’t come back empty handed again or I will make you monkey touchers regret it!”

  The Lizard King turned back to Gary Gecko "El Chupacabra is in an insane asylum up north. We shall tell him about this pretender and bring him here to deal with him."

  “But how do you know this?” Gecko asked.

  "Because El Chupacabra, shall we say, is a friend of mine." The Lizard King stroked his long, jagged scar. "And it pays to know where your friends are"

  "But how can we get him out if he is locked up in an insane asylum?" Gecko asked.

  "Oh, he only stays there because he likes it."

  "But will it be safe?" a thin lizard asked.

  "Probably not," said the king smiling.

  The Lizard King motioned to his men to get up. "Now go and bring me the real El Chupacabra."

  Chapter 11—The Next Morning

  The mayor came and woke Pedro up at eight the next morning. The celebrations had gone on late into the night, and much food and drink had been consumed with everyone toasting the hero of the hour. Pedro had spent most of his time trying to get to speak with Bonita, but it was hard when everyone wanted to shake his paw, thanking El Chupacabra for saving their town.

  "Good morning, Pedro." The mayor pushed open the shutters, letting in the bright morning light.

  "Good morning, mayor," Pedro said opening one eye.

  "It is a beautiful day, and it is all thanks to you. You have run off the Lizard King's gang, and they will not be back while El Chupacabra is here. You will stay here as my guest for as long as you like. Come and take breakfast with me and Bonita out on the veranda, and we shall discuss your new job."

  "New job?"

  "Yes, the town got together early this morning and voted that you should be our new sheriff. You will accept, won't you, Pedro? It is a great honor."

  Pedro sat up. "Err, of course," he said before he could think it through.

  "Good," said the mayor. "Then it is settled. With El Chupacabra as our sheriff, no one will ever cause trouble in Santa Maria again."

  Pedro let out a deep sigh as the mayor shut the door.

  "Hoo-hoo-hoo," Dave said from the top of Pedro’s head. "Man, you are getting yourself in deep here, Pedro."

  "What? It was your idea to pretend to be El Chupacabra."

  "Yeah, but only to the bandits. I never said to lie to the whole town and especially not to Bonita. ladies don't like to be lied to, Pedro."

  "I suppose no one does. I will tell her the truth. She will understand . . . I hope,"

  ***

  As Pedro arrived for breakfast, Bonita smiled and said, "Good morning, Sheriff. We have freshly roasted locusts, hot from the fire"

  Pedro scanned the food spread out for them. "Mmm, locusts again! My favorite." He lied.

  "Sit, Pedro, enjoy." The mayor took his place.

  Pedro, Bonita, and the mayor laughed and joked about the night before as they ate, and Pedro blushed when they talked about how brave he was. All the while Pedro was trying to pick a good time to tell them the truth, but before he knew it, breakfast was over, and the mayor was excusing himself.

  "I must get on. I have a lot to do," he said as he got up.

  "Pedro, come with me. We have much to discuss about your duties as sheriff, and we need to get you your sheriff's hat and badge.

  "Of course, mayor," Pedro said standing up.

  Pedro turned to Bonita. "I have something I really need to tell you."

  "You will have to tell me later. You shouldn't keep Papá waiting"

  "Come. Pedro," the mayor shouted from the hallway.

  "When can you meet me?" Pedro asked.

  "How about Friday night, in the town square. There is music and plenty of locusts to eat. It can be our first date."

  "Date!" Pedro said, his eyes going wide.

  "Yes, you do want to date me, don't you, Sheriff Pedro?" Bonita smiled.

  "Oh, yes please," Pedro spluttered.

  Bonita giggled as she walked away.

  Chapter 12—The Asylum

  The large stone insane asylum stoo
d at the edge of the desert. Animals that had caught mental were treated and sometimes locked away there. Gary Gecko had drawn the short straw. The other lizards waited anxiously outside while he walked down a dark staircase to the basement. It smelt damp, and screaming could be heard in the distance. A nurse—a middle aged owl—looked Gecko up and down

  "Doctor Jose, you say the president himself has sent you to study him?"

  "Yes, El Presidente wants to know just how crazy he is," Gecko lied.

  "Oh, he's crazy alright, crazy insane," the owl said as they reached the basement. "We keep him in the last cell on the left." She gestured down a dimly lit hallway lined by a row of five cells. A thick white line was painted down the middle of the floor. "When you talk to him, always look him in the eye and do not cross the white line. Whatever he says or whatever he does, do not cross over the white line. He cannot reach you if you stay on the right side of the line."

  Gecko hesitated. "Aren't you coming with me?" he asked.

  "I might work in an asylum, Doctor, but I'm not crazy," the owl said. "If you want him, you're welcome to him, but you will have to go and get him. When you are done, just call and we will make the arrangements."

  Gecko looked down the hallway and then back to the Owl.

  "Go on then, Doctor. You won't be able to study him from here," the nurse said and walked away.

  Gecko started down the hallway, keeping as far to the right as possible. All the cells were dark, and Gecko could not see beyond the thick metal bars. He was unsure if anyone was in them. From one cell he thought he heard giggling and from another maybe crying, but he could not be sure. As he reached the last cell, he hesitated. It smelled terrible. Gary Gecko was almost too scared to look. He inched a little closer.

  "El … El … El Chupacabra?" he said, but no answer came. He got closer still, and there at the back of the dimly lit cell, two red, unblinking eyes glowed like hot coals. He could hear a deep rumbling growl.

  "El Chupacabra?" Gecko repeated.

  An ear piercing shriek came from the monster, and it threw itself at metal bars. Gecko jumped back as El Chupacabra reached through the bars snarling, growling, spit flying everywhere. Gary was terrified as he looked at the creature. It was hideous. It looked like a cross between a wolf and a pig, with a short powerful snout and teeth like a shark. Long, vicious claws reached and swiped at the terrified lizard.

  "The Lizard King sent me," Gecko squealed, squeezing his eyes shut.

  El Chupacabra pulled back and stood calm as if nothing had happened.

  "The Lizard King you say. I knew him once; he had a delicious eye."

  "He asks that you come to the desert," Gecko said.

  "What for?" El Chupacabra asked suspiciously. "I like it here. It's quiet and dark. I can hear my voices nice and clear. Besides the food's not bad. Why should I leave all this to come to the desert? The desert makes me crazy. There are too many goats there."

  Gecko looked down checking the white line. "In Santa Maria there is someone protecting them who claims he is El Chupacabra."

  "What!" El Chupacabra screamed, going into a rage even worse than before. He started jumping up and down, his eyes glowing redder than ever. Gecko thought that steam may come out of ears.

  "Aaaarrrgghhhh! Mother fluffer I will rip him to pieces and eat his brains. There is only one El Chupacabra, and that is me....me, me, me!"

  Squishing himself as far to the right as possible, Gary Gecko looked on horrified as the creature bounced off walls, tearing every piece of furniture in his cell to tiny pieces. The small lizard had never seen anything like it before. Not even the Lizard King was anything near as scary as El Chupacabra. Suddenly the monster stopped screaming, his chest heaving.

  "Tell the owl I'm leaving," he said.

  Gecko, open mouthed, nodded and ran back to where the owl was waiting.

  He panted trying to catch his breath. "We'll take him."

  "Not a problem," the relieved owl said.

  "I don't suppose you have a straight jacket, some soap, some rope, and maybe some big sticks?" Gecko asked.

  Chapter 13—Tasty Eyes

  "So we meet again." The Lizard King got up from his throne.

  El Chupacabra was in a wheelchair, loops and loops of rope bound his body, legs, and arms, a wire muzzle covered his face. Still the Lizard King approached carefully.

  "Release me!" El Chupacabra demanded. "I have come to deal with the one who pretends to be El Chupacabra. I will make him regret the day he was born."

  "All in good time El Chupacabra."

  The Lizard King looked over to the lizard gang. There were only four of them left, and they were covered in cuts and bruises.

  "What happened?" he demanded.

  Gary Gecko stepped forward. "We had some trouble. We lost some lizards along the way, and some goats were harmed." Gecko's bottom lip quivered a little. "It was awful," he murmured.

  The Lizard King slapped him before he could cry. He turned back to El Chupacabra. "I see you still have a taste for goats."

  "Goats and lizard eyes." El Chupacabra smiled.

  "Enough!" the Lizard King shouted, rubbing his scar. "Get the spiders ready. Tonight we ride."

  Chapter 14—The Hot Date

  Pedro arrived in the town square shortly after nightfall. The square was busy, Señor Squirrel wandered around serenading couples that sat beside small fires that dotted the town square.

  "So are you going to tell her?" Dave shouted down from the rim of Pedro's new sheriff hat.

  "Yes," Pedro whispered from the corner of his mouth. "Now keep quiet."

  Across the square Pedro spotted Bonita talking with Señor Hables. Feeling nervous, Pedro adjusted his sheriff badge as he watched her. He was uncertain how she would react when she found out he was just a dog, but he knew he had to tell her the truth. Bonita looked up, excused herself, and made her way over.

  "Well, don't you look fine with your sheriff hat and badge," Bonita said. She leant over and gave Pedro a gentle lick on the cheek. "Come, let us sit" Bonita said smiling at how stunned Pedro looked.

  Pedro shook his head, managing to compose himself. "Sure," he said, as they took a seat next to a vacant fire.

  For a short while Pedro and Bonita were happy sitting together, chatting and roasting locusts. Pedro wanted the evening to go on forever, but he had to tell Bonita the truth.

  "I have something I have to tell you,”

  Bonita smiled, but she could see he was troubled. "What is it?"

  Pedro stared into the flames “I am not sure how to say this."

  "What?"

  "I am not who you think I am," Pedro said at last.

  Bonita looked relieved and let out a short laugh. "I know that."

  "You do?" Pedro spluttered in surprise.

  "Of course, everyone thinks El Chupacabra is evil and nasty, but I know that you are kind and brave."

  Pedro's shoulders slumped. "That's not what I mean. I am not ..."

  Just then a loud scream pierced the night air; Pedro looked up and could see the other animals staring in horror at something behind him.

  He slowly looked around, and there stood the Lizard King with his gang.

  Chapter 15—Know When to Fold Them

  "So you are El Chupacabra?" The Lizard King sneered. "And I see they have made you sheriff. Why, that is priceless. Sheriff El Chupacabra."

  Pedro stood frozen, not sure what to do. He was out numbered, and the Lizard King was a fearsome sight.

  "You are going to have to bluff them again, Pedro," Dave whispered in his ear.

  "Yeah, I know. I guess one last time won't hurt," Pedro replied.

  Pedro pushed the brim of his hat up and looked the Lizard King square in the eye. "You and your slimy friends have until the count of three before I go all crazy on you and start sucking some lizards."

  "Is that so, El Chupacabra?" The Lizard King laughed and clapped which kind of worried Dave.

  "Erm, Pedro," Dave said.

&nbs
p; "Shhhh, I'm busy," he replied. "One!" Pedro shouted across the square.

  "Ooh, quick boys, let's get out of town before the monster of Mexico comes over here and starts sucking us," the Lizard King mocked. His men laughed.

  "Two!" Pedro shouted. Then to Dave he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "Why aren't they moving?"

  "I don't know," Dave said. "But you'd better decide what you're going to do before you get to three."

  "Three!" Pedro shouted. "Now get going before I come over there," he said hopefully.

  The Lizard King didn't move. He just smiled. "Who are you really, Pedro? Tell me, tell the town."

  Pedro was shocked and glanced at the townspeople who had gathered at the commotion, they all looked a little confused. The mayor stepped forward.

  "This is El Chupacabra," he said pointing at Pedro. "And I am warning you, Lizard King, you had better leave town before he goes crazy."

  Pedro gulped.

  The Lizard King laughed harder than ever, then stopped abruptly. "Enough of this nonsense. Bring him out." He said gesturing to Gary Gecko.

  The small lizard nodded, skittered to a wagon, and climbed in. Two wooden planks came sliding out of the back, making a ramp, and Gecko pushed down a wheel chair. In it, tied and gagged, was a most hideous creature. Its red eyes fixed firmly on Pedro. Pedro swallowed hard, for there was no mistaking the real El Chupacabra.

  At the sight of the monstrosity in the wheel chair, there was a gasp from the crowd. Bonita looked at Pedro, scared and confused.

  "I am sorry," he whispered.

  "This is the real El Chupacabra," the Lizard King said, addressing the crowd.

  The mayor turned to Pedro. "What's going on?"

  "Yes, Pedro,"—the Lizard King smirked—"tell us what's going on. Who are you really?"

  "I am a dog," Pedro said quietly, his head bent in shame.

  "A dog!" the Lizard King bellowed.