The Bad Girl and the Baby (Cutting Loose)

by Nina Croft

  She glanced at her watch. “One minute.” That was because she’d gone back for the second bottle of wine. She held the bottles out to him, one in each hand, but he ignored them. Grasping her upper arm, he tugged her inside, kicking the door closed behind them.

  “I missed you.” He lowered his head and kissed her deeply, his tongue thrusting inside, his hard body pressing her up against the closed door. She couldn’t do much; she had a bottle of wine in each hand. Raising his head, he stared down into her face. “Tell me you missed me, too.”

  “Nope.” She glanced past him, expecting to see his whole family lined up watching them. Great way to meet her niece’s grandparents.

  “Liar.” He kissed her again, and she melted.

  “Matt?”

  He stepped back at the woman’s voice and gave a rueful smile. “Later,” he mouthed.

  Darcy peered past him. A woman stood in the doorway to the living room. She had a look of Matt about her. The same black hair and blue eyes. Tall and slender, in a floor-length flowery dress, she didn’t look old enough to be his mother. She must have had him very young.

  Darcy cleared her throat and forced a smile, then took a step forward and almost banged into Matt, who hadn’t moved. He probably couldn’t without giving away the huge erection that had been pressed up against her only seconds ago. Not something you’d want your mother to see.

  She took pity on him and edged around his unmoving form. After putting her bottles of wine on the table, she walked across and held out her hand. “Hello, I’m Darcy Butler, Lulu’s aunt.”

  “I’m Jolene, Matt’s mom. It’s lovely to meet you at last. Lulu has told us all about you.”

  She seemed genuine and nice. Darcy knew from the few things he’d said about his family that Matt didn’t really get on all that well with his parents. No doubt he had his reasons, but whatever they were, they weren’t obvious. Then again, this woman had also produced Steven. So she’d wait to pass judgment.

  “Come in, and I’ll introduce you to the rest of the family.”

  Darcy followed her into the sitting room. A man sat on the sofa, bouncing Lulu on his lap as she chuckled to herself and waved at Darcy. A girl was sitting opposite him, reading a book, though she put it down immediately and got to her feet. She studied Darcy closely. Darcy guessed she’d heard all about Lulu’s ex-con of an aunt. She came forward and held out her hand.

  “Hi, I’m Hannah.” She took after her father, with no look of Matt. Her hair was dark blond, her eyes hazel in a pointed face. She was tanned and wore jeans and a tank top. Darcy took her hand and shook it.

  “I’m Darcy.”

  Hannah cocked her head to one side. “You look just like Lulu. Except for the tattoos, which are awesome, by the way.”

  “Thank you. And yes, Lulu takes after me more than she did Emma.”

  “I’m sorry about your sister.”

  Perhaps she should say sorry about Steven, but she couldn’t get the words out, so she just nodded and turned to the man who’d risen to his feet and swung Lulu onto his shoulders.

  “This is Matt’s dad, Gareth.” Jolene had come up beside them. “And no, you can’t have a tattoo,” she said to Hannah.

  “But—”

  “But nothing. We’ll talk about it when you’re eighteen.”

  Darcy shook hands with Matt’s dad as the man himself came into the room. “You want a drink?” Matt asked. He brandished the red wine. “A glass of wine?”

  “Please.” Did she sound desperate?

  “Did you drive here?” Gareth asked.

  She shook her head. She had a car that she’d inherited from her mother. It was a red open-topped sports car that her mom had loved, and Darcy kept it for sentimental reasons but rarely drove. She didn’t see the point in the city. “I took the bus.”

  Matt handed her a glass, and she took a sip, not knowing quite what to do with herself.

  “Why don’t you come and chat with me in the kitchen,” Jolene said. “The food is nearly ready.”

  She followed Matt’s mother out into the hall and through to the big kitchen.

  “Oh, shit,” Jolene said, hurrying across and pulling a pan from the oven and dropping it into the sink where it hissed and sputtered. “Oh well, luckily Gareth likes his food well done.” She grinned. “Or half raw. I never really got the hang of cooking. I should have let Matt do it, as he suggested.”

  “So Matt didn’t get his cooking skills from you?”

  Jolene picked up a half-empty glass of wine from the counter and took a sip. “In a way, he did. I wasn’t much of a mother. He learned early that if he wanted to eat, learning to cook was a good idea.”

  “I’m sure you were a wonderful mom.”

  “I was crap, but I was only seventeen when I had Matt. So was Gareth. We were school sweethearts and weren’t ready to settle down.”

  “Matt seems to have turned out all right. And Hannah is lovely.” As soon as the words were out, she wished she could take them back. Because there was one member of the family who hadn’t turned out fine and who wasn’t lovely. Not in any way.

  Jolene pursed her lips, a shadow crossing her face. She took another drink, as if getting her courage up. “I’m so sorry for what Steven did to your family.”

  Part of her wished they could have ignored the issue, but most of her knew that it had to be put out into the open if they were to have any sort of honest relationship.

  “We really believed Emma had changed him. But we should have made sure of that. We knew he had a temper. Just not that bad. I suppose a mother always tries to see the best in her children.”

  Darcy had no clue what to say. Partly because what Jolene said was true. They should have checked up on Steven. Maybe Emma would be alive today if they had. And maybe she’d be alive if Darcy had behaved differently. She was in no position to cast blame.

  She took a deep breath. “Look, it’s over. Steven and Emma are dead. I think we all made mistakes, but nothing we do now will change that.”

  “You spent nearly three years in prison because of Steven.”

  “As I said—it’s done. Over. I have to learn to move on, and so do you.”

  “You’re a good person.” She wiped her hands and turned to face Darcy. “Are you and Matt…seeing each other?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Well, he was kissing you in the hallway, and you weren’t fighting him off.”

  She shrugged. “It’s nothing serious. We’re just friends.”

  “No chance you could be anything more?”

  Now a frown tugged her brows together. She suspected there was more to the question than a mother’s curiosity but couldn’t think what. “None. Neither of us is looking for a relationship. We’d drive each other crazy in no time. We’re total opposites, with Lulu tying us together. That’s all.”

  “Tell me, did you never think to try for custody of Lulu yourself?”

  “No. First, I’m on parole, so I’m sure they’d just laugh. But I never considered a family. Never wanted one. Not like Emma did.”

  “But Matt says you went to a lot of bother to get to see her. You could have just walked away.”

  “She’s my niece, my only family, and I’d promised Emma I would make sure she was okay. Don’t get me wrong. If Steven had survived, I would have fought with everything I have to get Lulu away from him. But Matt’s a good man, and Lulu loves him. I just want her to be safe and happy.”

  “Good.” She smiled, relief in her eyes. “Let’s take the burned offerings in.”

  The food was pretty terrible, but nobody commented, except Lulu, who threw a charred Brussels sprout across the table, and it landed in Gareth’s wineglass. He made no comment, just fished it out, popped it in his mouth, and continued as though nothing had happened. Lulu giggled, threw another. Matt caught this one, then reached across and pulled the dish out of her reach.

  Hannah kept up a constant stream of questions mainly aimed at Darcy and Matt. She seemed genui
nely fond of her soldier brother. They had ice cream for dessert, apparently the one thing his mother could be relied on not to burn. Afterward, Darcy put her spoon down and glanced around the table, intercepting a look between Jolene and Gareth, who gave a small nod.

  “Hannah, why don’t you take Lulu up to her room and see if she’ll settle for a nap?”

  “Are you going to ask them?” she said as she got to her feet and held out a hand to Lulu.

  “Yes.”

  “Okay then.”

  They waited until the door had closed behind them.

  “Ask us what?” Matt said.

  “We’ve talked about it as a family. We would love to adopt Lulu and take her back to Australia with us.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Matt looked around the dinner table. His mother’s expression was expectant, almost radiant. She was happy. Why hadn’t he seen this coming? His father frowned as though he was less sure of an ecstatic reaction.

  Why the hell hadn’t his mom and dad warned him that they were going to drop this bombshell? He might have been more prepared. He might have also warned Darcy so she could have prepared herself.

  But maybe that’s what they’d wanted: to get an initial, unpremeditated reaction from them both together. It was the sort of thing they would do, and it pissed him off.

  He couldn’t get his head around the idea. It was just a big empty space where intelligent thoughts should be. And Darcy was no better. He couldn’t get a handle on what she was thinking or feeling, at all. Her face had gone blank as soon as she’d processed the announcement. Keeping everything inside.

  “What do you think?” his mom asked, beaming around the table. “We’ve talked it through, and it seems to be the best answer for everyone. Lulu will get a family and a sister. She’ll love Australia.”

  And he would get to see her maybe once a year, if he was lucky. Darcy, the same.

  “You could always think about a move to Australia,” his mom continued, speaking to both of them. “Not right now. But sometime. There are wonderful opportunities out there.”

  Never going to happen. There wasn’t much need for a British army captain in Aussieland.

  “I’m on parole,” Darcy said, her voice devoid of emotion. “For breaking your son’s arm, among other things. I don’t think they let convicts into Australia like they used to.”

  His mother’s smile faded from her face as she glanced between the two of them. “Matt?”

  He waved a hand at her. “Leave it for now, mom. It’s just a surprise. We need to process it.”

  “But you do see it’s the best option for Lulu?”

  He didn’t, right now. But he suspected with a bit more thought that yes, logically, it was the best option. But he wasn’t feeling very logical at that moment.

  Darcy pushed her chair back and stood up. “Thank you for a lovely dinner.” It had actually been far from lovely. Most of it had been charred at the edges. “But I think I’ll be leaving now. I have a class to prepare for tomorrow.” She gave a general smile around the room and started to walk away.

  He couldn’t let her go like this. They needed to talk. He needed to find out what was going on in her head.

  “Wait,” he said. “I’ll walk you part of the way.”

  She hesitated at the door, then turned and gave a brief nod. “I’m just going up to say good-bye to Lulu. I’ll see you outside.”

  They didn’t talk for the first five minutes, but just walked side by side, both lost in their own thoughts. Finally, she slowed her steps.

  “Did you know?” she asked.

  Was her question an accusation? “No. I knew nothing. This came as much a shock to me as to you. They never even hinted.”

  “You never asked them to take Lulu?”

  He halted at the question. “Of course I never fucking asked them.” How could she even think he would have done that without talking to her? But not even in the beginning, when he’d first heard about his brother’s will, had he considered refusing the request. Maybe he’d done it out of guilt, because he felt deep inside that he’d let his brother down. His mother had never even seen Lulu.

  “It would be the answer to your problems. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d asked. I just wish you’d talked to me.”

  He gritted his teeth. That she would believe he would lie to her, after what they had together. “I never asked them,” he replied through gritted teeth. “It never even occurred to me.”

  They walked on. But he supposed she was right. He could have his life back. The life before Lulu. And Darcy. He could go back to active duty without the inconvenient feelings of guilt. His money worries would vanish with no more childcare to pay. Hell, he should be ecstatic. He waited. Nope, no waves of relief or ecstasy washed over him. Just that blankness. And a little niggle of fear. Except he wasn’t sure what he was afraid of. He cast a glance at Darcy and still couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

  Right at the start, she’d told him that all she wanted was to be sure that Lulu was safe and happy. He suspected things had changed since then.

  He cleared his throat and asked the question. “What do you think?”

  “I don’t know. I have no clue.” She turned to him and rested a hand on his chest. “Just give me a little time to process this and then we can talk.”

  “You want me to come back with you?”

  Right now, he could imagine nothing he’d rather do than forget everything and lose himself in Darcy’s delectable body. But she gave a small shake of her head.

  “No. I need a little space.”

  Space from him? Obviously.

  But her expression was resolute. He didn’t think he could change her mind. And more to the point—he didn’t think he should try. She clearly did need time to consider his parent’s offer. He cupped her cheeks with his palms, lowered his head and kissed her gently. She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them, they were bright.

  Hell, he couldn’t leave her like this. He hated to see her sad. She needed to look at the positives of this. Just like he did. But it felt like something was squeezing his heart.

  She stepped back, and his hands dropped away. “There’s my bus,” she said, nodding down the road. He hadn’t even realized they’d halted at a bus stop.

  He ran his fingers through his hair. He had to let her go. Just not too far. “I’ll be round tomorrow night.”

  She nodded almost absently. Then the bus stopped, the doors opened, and she climbed on board without a backward glance.

  He waited until the bus had disappeared down the road. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and headed home.

  …

  “Maybe it’s better she goes now,” Darcy said. She was seated on the sofa in the apartment, next to Regan, a big glass of red wine in her hand. “You know, before I have a chance to get really attached, and I make the wrong decision for selfish reasons. This is about Lulu, after all. Not me. Or Matt.”

  Strangely, though, Matt hadn’t seemed happy.

  “You think he’s telling the truth, that he didn’t put them up to it?”

  “Oh, yes. Matt doesn’t lie. Besides, he looked as shocked as I was. And he didn’t jump up and shout ‘yes, take her now.’”

  And really, it was a much bigger thing for Matt. His whole life had been turned upside down by the advent of a baby. It affected everything; where he lived, his job, his financial situation—which, whatever he said, had to be strained. She’d investigated the agency Diana worked for, and they were very expensive. For her, there would be hardly a ripple in her life if Lulu went. She’d have her Saturday afternoons back. That had to be good, right?

  “It’s not as though I even like kids,” she said. “I never wanted them. Not like Emma did.”

  “Aw, sweetie,” Regan said, patting her arm. “You love Lulu. At least accept that. Don’t make this decision by pretending she means nothing to you. Because it’s clear to everyone you love her. And she loves you.”

  “She�
�ll forget me soon enough.” She took another slug of wine. “Hell, I won’t even be allowed out of the country until my parole is up. Lulu will have forgotten I even exist by then.”

  “Maybe they’ll bring her for a visit.”

  “This is the first time they’ve been back in over ten years. It’s not like popping down the road.”

  “Perhaps Matt won’t agree.”

  She remembered the shock on Matt’s face. And it hadn’t been a happy, this-is-the-answer-to-all-my-problems shock. But Matt would do what he believed was best for Lulu in the end. “I think he will.” She forced a smile. “They were great with Lulu. It was so sweet seeing her with Hannah.”

  “What were they really like? I sort of got the impression from things you’ve said that Matt doesn’t get on too well with them.”

  “He loves them. But he says they drove him crazy when he was a kid. I think they were just too young to settle down. And Matt likes things organized.”

  “Weird. What about Steven?”

  “What about him?” She did her best not to think about Steven, if she could possibly help it.

  “Do you think it’s their fault Steven turned out the way he did? Is Lulu safe with them?”

  This would be much easier if she even had any inkling of doubt on that matter. She could just say no. She had the report on Steven—she was sure she could make them back down. But she wouldn’t. “Without a doubt. They’re genuinely nice people. I suspect Steven was an asshole by nature rather than nurture. But his mom feels a lot of guilt about him. Maybe, like Matt, they let him go his own way too much and were too engrossed in themselves to notice what he was becoming. Then they ignored it because he was a long way away.”

  “So a little parental ineptitude, but no evil intent.”

  “I guess.”

  “Have some more wine.”

  She held out her glass and Regan refilled it. She sipped it slowly, but the glass was empty by the time she spoke again. “Matt loves Lulu, but he won’t give up his life for her. If she stays, she’ll be brought up by a series of nannies, and while Diana is good, she could hand in her notice any day and leave. Lulu would be hurt, and maybe next time she’ll try not to care so much, and the time after that, she’ll shut herself off and won’t care at all. She’ll end up as screwed up as her Aunt Darcy.”