by Kelly Long
“Jacob’s been asleep for years, lulled by a dream. I think that you might be the one to show him that a heart awake to real life might be better than any dream.”
Lilly flushed, and though she couldn’t fully understand all of what Jacob’s mamm suggested, she knew it was praise.
“I’ll do anything I can to help him.”
Mary patted her bandaged arm with tenderness. “I know you will, Lilly.”
CHAPTER 15
Thunder took the miles toward Lockport without even becoming winded, and despite the urgency of his ride, Jacob, too, enjoyed the freedom of the powerful horse moving beneath him. It was only on a horse or around horses that he felt confident and competent. Horses didn’t judge, or question intellectual abilities, or care about appearances. They were creatures of Derr Herr’s hands, His craftsmanship and glory. Unbidden, the image of Lilly came to him. And, as he half-closed his eyes against the glare of the sun on the snow, he saw her in a rain of images, slender and poised when a teacher at the head of the class, determined and strong when she was angry, forlorn and broken when she worried for her mamm, and standing still in the fold of his arms.
He blinked as he realized his train of thought. He hadn’t been lulled by the image of any girl but Sarah for as long as he could remember. It almost seemed a betrayal somehow to Sarah, to his way of thinking, of existing, over the last months since Sarah’s engagement. But a small glimmer of an idea began to form in his heart, an awakening to the thought that the Lord might be doing something new in his life, in his world. It felt both freeing and scary at the same time.
He broke off his wandering thoughts as he entered Lockport. The small town was just beginning to come to life for a new day of business. He reined Thunder in to a slow walk on the muddy slush of the downtown main street. Several cars and buggies tooled along beside him as he began to scan the area for Mrs. Lapp or Ruler and the buggy. He didn’t have to go far. A police car had parked sideways next to the Lapps’ buggy. The shrill sounds of Miriam Lapp came to him from the sidewalk. He looped Thunder’s reins over a nearby post with a low admonishment to the horse to stand, and he approached the policeman. He almost groaned aloud when he recognized the young officer as the one who’d broken into the quiet of Sarah’s wedding. He hoped the young man would not remember him.
“Good morning, Officer. Is there a problem here?”
The police officer turned, truly young under close inspection, freckle-faced, and clearly frustrated. “Do you know this woman?”
Jacob nodded.
“Ach, you hush, Jacob Wyse! I am waiting here until this store opens and that’s it!” Mrs. Lapp announced. She glared at both men with determination.
“I offered to let her get inside the cruiser to warm up, but she wouldn’t.”
“I’m just waiting to shop—that’s all.”
Jacob looked aside. “What has she done exactly?”
“Nothing. I mean, I just need her to move her buggy from the parking space over to the hitching post. The parking meters are for cars only.”
“I’ll move the horse.”
“Great. Thank you.” The police officer turned toward his car, looking relieved, then swung back to Jacob.
“Hey, do I know you?”
“I don’t believe so—I’m Jacob Wyse.” He extended his hand.
The officer slowly returned the handshake. “I guess all you Amish look alike . . . kind of . . .”
“That was a rude statement, young man,” Mrs. Lapp said.
The officer flushed. “Yeah, right. Sorry. I don’t want any trouble with you Amish. I’ve got to move along.” He went to his car without looking back and pulled away.
Jacob looked down at Miriam Lapp. “I’ll move Ruler and then wait with you until the store opens.”
“Well I doubt you’ll enjoy that. So don’t trouble yourself.”
“It’s no trouble.”
“Nee, probably because Lilly put you up to this. Did she send you after me because she was concerned about my spending?”
Jacob tried to thrust aside the image of Lilly’s shaken face and the fresh blood on her arms. “Lilly worries for you.”
“Lilly worries for herself sometimes too—all this work on the Christmas program; she wants to put up a good image like her father.”
Jacob shook his head, realizing that Mrs. Lapp’s problems ran deeper than what he could understand. Right now he just needed to get her home in one piece and ease Lilly’s mind. He turned and went to move Ruler, speaking to the horse as he maneuvered him around a car and then to the hitching post next to Thunder. He prayed as he walked back to the woman on the sidewalk, wondering how to pass the time with her until the store opened.
Dear Lord, this is Dr. Lapp’s wife, a widow, and my future mother-in- law. You’ve promised to be a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless. Oh, Lord, help Lilly’s mamm; help Lilly. Give me wisdom beyond myself to know what to say and do here and now to get her home safe. His prayer brought him to a few footsteps from Mrs. Lapp. He decided not to mention Lilly or going back to the farm. He gazed in an absent fashion at the dressing of the store window, not noticing it before. Now his mouth twisted into a wry smile. Of course, Mrs. Lapp would choose “Emily’s Mystery”—the one store in town that boasted women’s undergarments of all kinds.
He looked down at the ground, pretending not to notice. But Mrs. Lapp must have sensed his discomfort and pounced on him like a cat. “So, you’re going to wait with me to shop, are you, Jacob Wyse?”
He lifted his gaze and regarded her with a calmness he didn’t feel. “Jah, I am.”
“Outside or in?”
He sighed. “Inside. It’s a bit too cold out here.” And there was no way he was going to let the woman sneak out a back door for further shopping and out of his hands.
“Well, I don’t know what kind of son-in-law it is who’s willing to come shopping at Emily’s. I wonder whether to be pleased or worried.” She narrowed her eyes at him.
A young Englisch woman wearing long black boots, a flowing colored skirt, and a short denim jacket walked up to them before he had to reply.
“Excuse me, folks.” Her voice was casual but Jacob noted the appraising look she threw his way and he had a sudden desire to go back and sit with Ruler. The woman jiggled some keys she lifted from a leather purse, then opened the door. “Come on in. I’ll turn on a few lights.”
Mrs. Lapp waited while he caught the door and held it open.
“If the deacons hear of this, you’re sure to get a long talking to,” Miriam warned as she passed under his arm.
“Well, so will you,” he muttered.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
Jacob took a deep breath and plunged into the velvety carpeted store, trying to ignore the strange, exotic smell of the place and the multitude of half-clad mannequins that stared at him with empty eyes. He remembered daring Seth once to take a peek into Emily’s when they’d been boys, and Daed had tanned both their hides when they’d been caught. Now he felt like an utter fool but there was no help for it.
While Mrs. Lapp went muttering among waist-high clear bins of colorful scraps of undergarments, the saleswoman approached Jacob and he removed his hat.
“It’s so nice—you bringing your mother here,” she whispered.
“I’m not his mother!” Mrs. Lapp announced.
Jacob gave a pleading glance heavenward as the saleswoman giggled. “So, do you make this a habit, bringing the ladies to Emily’s?”
“Nee. Uh, no.” He shifted his long legs.
“So, is there anything that you’re interested in personally? Something for your wife maybe?”
He shook his head and met her gaze. “I’m not married. I mean—I will be, the day after tomorrow.”
“He lost his first love, so he’s settling for a different girl,” Miriam offered.
Jacob cringed and the saleswoman waved off Mrs. Lapp’s words.
“Oh, well,
maybe I could show you some of my favorite items—for your lucky bride, of course.” The Englisch woman let the suggestion end in a purr and Jacob thought about how much Seth would be enjoying himself right now—at his brother’s expense.
“No, no thank you, ma’am. I’m fine.”
She was about to speak again when a quiet bell announced the arrival of another customer. Mrs. Zook waddled into the store with a comfortable air, and Jacob had to make a conscious effort to keep his mouth closed.
Mrs. Zook looked like she might faint on the spot when she glanced from a mannequin toward him. And, for a brief second, he might have feared for her heart, had he not been so intent on struggling not to laugh. Miriam Lapp noticed her too and called out in a tone that echoed in the intimacy of the shop. “Esther Zook. This is the sales bin. Come back here and ignore Jacob Wyse. He’s lost his mind.”
Jacob gave a sedate nod to the quivering Mrs. Zook. “Ma’am. Guder mariye. I hope you’re having a good day.”
“My day has just begun, young man. Does your mamm know you’re here?”
“Uh, probably not, but my soon-to-be mother-in-law does.”
Mrs. Lapp gave a surprising laugh.
Mrs. Zook turned with a swirl of her cape and marched past the saleswoman toward the door. “I’ll return late—I mean, good day to you. I clearly am confused this morning and entered the wrong establishment.” She tossed a searing glare in Jacob’s direction, then hurried out the door.
The saleswoman laughed. “She’ll be back; she comes here all the time.”
“All the time,” Jacob repeated in disbelief.
“There’s more to women than you know, Jacob Wyse, much, much more,” Mrs. Lapp snapped.
The saleswoman nodded, and Jacob told himself that he had to agree.
CHAPTER 16
After the class had snacks, Lilly turned the children loose for an early recess at ten thirty. She followed them, wrapping herself against the cold. she’d had to borrow another of Mrs. Wyse’s blouses. The cuffs were again too short, revealing the bandages on her arms, but there was nothing that she could do about it now.
She admonished the students not to get too wet while she anxiously looked up the icy road, praying and hoping that she might hear something of her mother soon. Then, almost like an apparition of her desires, a lone horse and rider came fast and free down the road to the school. Jacob jumped down, asking John Zook to mind the horse, and took Lilly’s arm.
“Can we talk inside?”
“Of course.”
Lilly hurried to keep up with his long strides as they entered the schoolhouse. Jacob pulled out a chair near the woodstove and asked her to sit down. He set a chair up across from hers and absently took one of her bandaged wrists in his hands.
“Is everything all right?” her voice trembled.
“Jah, I found your mamm in town. She’s home now. Mrs. Loftus is visiting with her; she said not to worry. She’ll stay the whole afternoon.”
“Ach, I’m sorry she has to do that. Maybe I could go home for just an hour or so.”
“Mrs. Loftus wants to do it. You concentrate on the program.” He stared down at her wrists and Lilly asked the question that she dreaded. “What was my mamm doing when you found her?”
“She wanted to—shop. I let her go. I tried to reason with her, and she just started getting upset. I thought it better to let her have her head and do what she wanted.”
Lilly nodded, drawing a deep breath. “I’m so sorry that you had to deal with her, Jacob, so embarrassed really. She just seems to want to fill up her life somehow—with things. I don’t expect you to understand.”
He stroked the bandages on her wrist. “Lilly, I do understand. Not why she is the way she is, but I have seen horses wild with fear and pain, beyond reason. I think your mamm’s in a lot of pain somewhere in her mind. It makes her do things, maybe say things that she doesn’t really mean.”
Lilly’s eyes filled with quick tears at his words. If only he knew how many times her mother’s words had lacerated her feelings, her heart. But perhaps it was true; perhaps, deep inside, her mamm didn’t always mean what she said.
Lilly realized that tears had spilled onto her cheeks and chin, and she tried to wipe them away. Jacob leaned close to her and she became confused by his nearness, the scent of his skin, and the enticing thickness of his eyelashes. “Lilly, don’t cry.”
She nodded, trying to swallow her tears, only to find that the movement brought her cheek brushing against the dark fall of his hair. Time seemed to stand still as she looked into his eyes. She recognized the kindness there, but also confusion, a searching that made her feel as though he tried to see inside her soul.
“Teacher!” Reuben Mast bawled, banging open the door. “I got a nosebleed from a snowball.”
Lilly jumped up and Jacob tipped backward with his weight on the rear legs of the chair so that she could rise and slide past him.
“Shh . . . Reuben. Stop crying.” She tilted his head and squeezed the small nose with her handkerchief.
“My mamm’s gonna tan my hide for getting blood on my shirt for the program!”
Jacob laughed. “I have a mamm like that. Come with me. I’ll ride you to my house on Thunder and let my mother get that stain out. No one will ever know the difference.”
Reuben stopped his crying. “I get to ride on Thunder? Really?”
“Sure, if you hang on—”
“I will. Ach, I will, Mr. Wyse.”
Jacob held up his hand. “And your teacher agrees?”
Lilly smiled. “Just be back in plenty of time for the program.”
“No problem, Miss Lapp.”
She walked out with them, Rueben still clasping her handkerchief to his nose. The other children grumbled in disappointment that it wasn’t one of them who got to sit in front of Jacob on the beautiful horse. “All right, children. That’s enough excitement for this morning. Let’s go back inside and run through everything one more time.” She ignored the collective groans of the students and gave one last backward glance to the now small image of horse and rider. She realized that Jacob Wyse would be a good father one day. She absorbed the thought with haste as she entered the school.
Jacob was true to his word and Reuben returned to class with his shirt clean and his hair slicked. The boy wriggled with suppressed excitement and Lilly knew he needed a chance to tell them all about the ride, but parents were beginning to slip in and deposit food items on the narrow benches along the walls of the school as was the custom each year. Christmas treats were a reward for the children’s performances, and the whole community enjoyed them as well.
Jacob came to stand near her desk and bent to whisper to her. “Lilly, there’s a mare that’s having a bit of trouble foaling. I plan to go check on her. Daed says he’ll stay with her so I’ll be back in plenty of time before the program starts.” He cleared his throat. “That will also give me the chance to get the horse and buggy so I can escort you home afterward, if you’d like.”
“I’d like that very much, and please, go and check on the mare, Jacob. And don’t worry about being late—my daed used to arrive at events by the skin of his teeth.”
He smiled. “Thanks.”
Lilly read to the children with soft authority, keeping their attention and hoping to calm them as the hour approached for the program. The room began to fill with the tantalizing scents of cinnamon bread pudding, ginger cookies, peach patty pies, and a delectable mix of other sweet scents. Soon it was time for the naerfich students to line up along the blackboard while mothers with infants took the available desks, leaving Lilly’s desk open until the bishop sat in her chair. Others began to crowd into the room, spilling out the back door and peering in through the windows. And though she spotted Seth Wyse standing outside with some other men, their breath making frosty puffs of air as they laughed and talked, she didn’t see Jacob or Samuel Wyse anywhere. Maybe the mare was having more trouble than they’d thought.
Decid
ing that she could still be missing him in a crowd, or that he’d possibly be late, she rose promptly at two o’clock to welcome the bishop and all the families. Then she slid onto a small bench up front, with her back to the crowd. She smiled in reassurance at Carrie Mast, the youngest student, as she came forward to recite a short poem. The little girl stood no taller than the chalk well of the blackboard, and Lilly had to urge her twice to focus before she began in a stuttering singsong voice.
“This Christmas Day is cold and wet,
But I know,
It’s the best one yet.
Because we’re here,
Just me and you—
And Jesus Christ for His birthday too.”
Although Carrie’s tiny voice hadn’t carried past the fourth row, the applause was deafening in response, and the child popped a thumb into her mouth to the delight of all. Next came Matthew Mast, and Lilly bit her lip as the boy took his time getting into position to recite the story of Christ’s birth from the gospel of Luke. It was unfortunate that, by the time he got to the angels and the shepherds, something in his little pug nose had begun to disturb him. So, two-thirds of the gospel message was delivered with one pudgy finger jammed in his nostril. While Lilly made desperate gestures to try and get him to stop, the crowd laughed outright and then grew solemn again as he ended his digging right before he finished the beautiful traditional passage.
Then Lilly rose and, as was customary, begged a concession of not speaking English for a few minutes. She asked the bishop to lead the children in singing “Silent Night” in German.
The bishop rose and began to sing off-key, yet in the proper monotone, as everyone struggled to keep up. There were no instruments, just as there were none at Meeting, but the sweetness of the children’s voices, rising in unity, made Lilly’s eyes fill with tears as they sang the traditional song.
Stille Nacht! Heil’ge Nacht!
Alles schläft; einsam wacht . . .
When it ended, the bishop nodded to the crowd, encouraging them to sit down.
