alices_nightmare

by Jonathan Green

  In the centre of the room, on a little table, a game of chess appears to be in progress, but there is no sign of anyone around who might be playing it.

  What should Alice do now?

  Peruse the books in the library? Turn to 229.

  Take a closer a look at the game of chess? Turn to 132.

  Leave the library and be on her way? Turn to 454.

  240

  The Crocodile having been sent to the bottom of the Sea of Tears, treading water, Alice looks about her. She can no longer see the walls of the hall, and above her, rather than a cracked plaster ceiling, all she can see is sky dotted with smudges of white cloud. She is all at sea in the middle of an ocean of tears.

  Turning her attention back to the distant horizon, Alice suddenly spots land between the rise and fall of the waves. She could try swimming for the shore (turn to 290), or call for help, in the hope that someone might hear her and come to her aid (turn to 440). Alternatively she could use the Curiouser and Curiouser ability to try to get herself out of her latest predicament (turn to 434).

  241

  The cascading water does look particularly refreshing. If you think Alice should drink from the fountain, turn to 71. If not, it’s time to look somewhere else – turn to 380.

  242

  The cannibal Cook will never threaten, or indeed eat, anyone ever again. Despite a grumbling ache in her belly, at the thought of eating anything she might find in the macabre slaughterhouse-kitchen, Alice suddenly loses her appetite.

  However, on the table is the Cook’s over-sized Pepper Grinder that she was so fond of employing in her cookery. If Alice wants to take the Pepper Grinder with her record it on Alice’s Adventure Sheet; before a battle one twist of the Pepper Grinder will set her opponent sneezing, reducing their Combat score by 1 point for the duration of the battle. (There is enough pepper left in the grinder for Alice to use this trick five times but it will only work against living creatures, and not animated inanimate objects such as Tick-Tock Men.)

  Keen to leave this house of horrors as quickly as she can, Alice lets herself out through the back door of the kitchen.

  Turn to 228.

  243

  Stepping over the bodies of the Six and Seven of Clubs, Alice pushes open the gates and escapes the maze at last.

  Turn to 446.

  244

  Heaving the portcullis up over her head, Alice shuffles underneath before letting it fall again, only with her now on the other side. Shaking the lactic acid burn from her arms, she sets off again through the maze. Turn to 360.

  245

  In her flight from the Red Queen, Alice suddenly turns a corner and finds herself standing in chill chamber, empty except for the large, heart-shaped mirror hanging from the wall opposite her.

  But as Alice enters the room, her reflection in the mirror shifts and changes, becoming a vista of a darkened forest lurking on the other side of the looking-glass. It is hardly the most inviting place but surely going anywhere would be better than staying here, still hunted through the palace by the blood-thirsty Red Queen, as long as Alice can actually pass through the mirror, of course.

  If you want Alice to try to reach the sinister wilderness beyond the looking-glass, turn to 155. If not, turn to 196.

  246

  As Alice tries to think of a way out of her dire situation, the Tick-Tock Men continue to advance with lurching movements that are strangely out of time with the ceaseless ticking of their internal clockwork mechanisms.

  Take a Logic test. If Alice passes the test, turn to 263. If she fails the test, turn to 278.

  247

  As the Grandfather Clock climbs over the desk to reach the child, its movements slow and its wooden body stiffens, until finally it comes to a dead stop.

  “Someone must have forgotten to wind the clock this morning,” Alice says, “much to my good fortune.”

  Turn to 152.

  248

  Remembering the prickly encounter she had to endure last time she was here, Alice hurries across the rutted lawn and continues on her way. In which direction is she heading?

  East? Turn to 250.

  West? Turn to 58.

  249

  The instant Alice turns around she finds herself looking at a blank wall. The front door, and indeed the entire entrance hall, have gone, the blank wall making it look like there was never a door there at all!

  (Add 1 to Alice’s Insanity score.)

  Having no choice but to go onwards, deeper into the house, should Alice go through the door at the end of the passageway (turn to 454), or investigate the room to the left on the way (turn to 239)?

  250

  The path Alice is following turns sharply by ninety degrees. Should she head north (turn to 270) or go west (turn to 465)?

  251

  Alice watches in appalled amazement as all the crockery and cutlery that has been carefully laid out on the table rises into the air and comes together to form a distinctly humanoid shape. The strange creature – if it can even be called a creature – has knives and forks for fingers, and a large teapot for a head.

  The Tea Service stalks across the tablecloth, with rattling clattering steps, reaching for Alice with its cutlery claws.

  If Alice is able to use The Pen is Mightier ability, and you want her to take this course of action, turn to 281. If not, turn to 55.

  252

  The garden is planted with all manner of rose bushes, but at its centre there stands a larger rose-tree. The roses growing on it are white, but three gardeners are busy painting them red. Each of the gardeners is wearing a tabard with the image of a playing card embroidered upon it. They are numbered Two, Five and Seven, and all of them are Spades, as befits a group of gardeners. Or should that be a sprinkling?

  As Alice approaches the rose-tree she hears the gardeners arguing with one another.

  “Look out now, Five! Don’t go splashing paint over me like that!” says Two.

  “I couldn’t help it,” says Five, in a sulky tone, “Seven jogged my elbow.”

  At which Seven looks up and says, “That’s right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!”

  If you want Alice to talk to the gardeners, turn to 453. If you would rather she sneak past before they’re aware she’s even there, turn to 433.

  253

  “I’m very sorry, Puss,” Alice begins, “but who are you?”

  “Who am I?” asks the Cat in disbelief, its smile never once faltering. “Why, I am the Cheshire Cat, but then you should know that already. The real question should be, who are you?”

  “But I’m Alice,” replies the child indignantly.

  “You might say that, but how can I be sure?” replies the Cat. “If you don’t know who I am, even though we’ve met before, how can you be sure that you know who you are?”

  “Well how do you suggest we resolve this problem?” Alice challenges the Cheshire Cat in return.

  “By asking and answering a series of questions. I will ask them and you must answer them correctly to prove that you are who you say you are.”

  Unless you want Alice to ignore the feline and continue on her way (turn to 216), it looks like she has little choice but to play the Cheshire Cat’s game (turn to 303).

  254

  Blocking Alice’s way onwards through the maze is a stone archway set within which is a heavy iron portcullis. Approaching the gate, Alice grabs hold of the portcullis and tries to lift it. She feels the heavy gate move slightly, but it will take all her strength to lift it.

  Take an Endurance test. If Alice passes the test, she manages to raise the portcullis with her bare hands (turn to 264). If she fails the test, she cannot shift it, and will have to retrace her steps (turn to 360).

  255

  Taking the bottle from her pocket and unstoppering it, Alice proceeds to pour what is left of the
Shrinking Potion onto the root-like feet of the advancing topiary. The effect is almost instantaneous.

  Before Alice’s very eyes, the hedge-born creatures begin to shrink. Soon they are no taller than she is. Not long after that they are no bigger than dogs. They finally stop shrinking when they are the size of garden ornaments.

  Alice looks at them, her brow furrowed in annoyance. “Now be off with you!” she tells the topiary, stamping her foot to emphasise her point. “And next time, think twice about picking on someone smaller than you,” she adds, entirely failing to see the irony in what she is saying.

  The curious foliage creatures scamper away with a rustle of leaves, leaving Alice free to continue on her way through the mysterious garden.

  Turn to 146.

  256

  “Perhaps the Hatter and the Hare succeeded in stuffing the poor Dormouse inside the teapot,” Alice says to herself as she approaches the table, which has been laid out for tea. Leaning across the table she lifts the lid of the huge teapot to look inside.

  At once, the teapot launches itself into the air and smashes Alice in the face. Blood immediately starts to pour from her nose and she reels back from the blow, her head in a spin.

  Lose 1 Endurance point and for the duration of the battle to come, reduce Alice’s Combat score by 1 point as well.

  Now turn to 251.

  257

  Alice turns a corner and, much to her relief, finds herself at the heart of the labyrinth. (If this is the first time you have been here, gain 2 Endurance points.)

  Unlike the lethal labyrinth of King Minos that she learnt about in classical studies, there is no bull-headed Minotaur lurking at the centre of this maze. Instead, what Alice finds is a beautifully-kept square of grass and at its centre a heart-shaped pool.

  Alice can see no obstacles to her continued progress through the maze, so what should she do now?

  Leave through the trimmed hedge

  arch to the north? Turn to 340.

  Leave through the trimmed hedge

  arch to the south? Turn to 170.

  Linger for a moment and take a

  closer look at the pool? Turn to 353.

  258

  As Alice makes her way along the beach towards the bay, she sees a number of oyster shells lying discarded on the sand. It soon becomes clear to her that the shells form a line, leading her further around the headland into the bay.

  If you want Alice to keep following the trail of shells, turn to 273. If not, she can either explore the rocky cove, back the other way (turn to 138), or head into the dunes (turn to 312).

  259

  Entering the house, Alice finds herself creeping through a darkened entrance hall, her cautious footsteps echoing from the high ceiling, with its plaster stucco work, and its looming marble columns.

  Off to the right Alice can see a small, unassuming door, while on the opposite side of the hall an open doorway leads deeper into the house.

  If you want Alice to open the door to see what lies beyond, turn to 482. If you think Alice should leave the hall through the open doorway ahead of her, turn to 502?

  260

  Turning her attention to the box under the table, which now seems to be the size of a packing trunk, Alice heaves off the lid. Inside is a large cake in a large paper case, upon which the words ‘EAT ME’ have been painstakingly marked out in currants. It looks delicious.

  “Well, I’ll eat it,” says Alice, considering what had happened when she followed the instructions on the bottle, “and see what happens” – and takes a big bite.

  Turn to 77.

  261

  Passing between trim box hedges, Alice reaches a crossroads where four gravel paths meet. Ahead of her is an ornate wrought-iron gate, which stands ajar, beyond which is a very grand house indeed. To her right she can see a tree growing at the north-east corner of the garden.

  Wanting only to keep moving forwards, and not retrace her steps or head back in the direction from which she has come, ignoring the path to her left, should Alice go through the gate in front of her (turn to 319) or make her way towards the tree away to her right (turn to 80)?

  262

  “Yes, it is his business!” says Five, “and I’ll tell him – it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.”

  Seven flings down his brush. “Well, of all the unjust things–” he starts to protest, when his eye chances to fall upon Alice.

  “Hey! It’s her!” he shouts and the others looked round too. “It’s the one the Queen wanted taken dead or alive!”

  “Well that doesn’t sound at all friendly,” says Alice unhappily.

  Whatever you think she should do now, she is going to have to do it quickly. Should Alice:

  Run for it? Turn to 46.

  Prepare to fight? Turn to 503.

  Use something suitable she has

  found in the maze? Turn to 463.

  263

  An idea suddenly comes to her. Rather than running away from the menacing mechanical men, Alice runs towards them. Metal claws unsheathed, they swing at her, just as she throws herself onto the tiled floor and slides past between them.

  There is a metallic shearing sound followed by a crash as something hits the floor. Alice is on her feet in seconds and looks back over her shoulder to see the head of one of the clanking horrors lying in pieces on the floor.

  Alice has no choice but to defend herself as the remaining automaton bears down on her with long, scissoring strides. (As Alice is still struggling to get up, the Tick-Tock Man has the initiative in this battle.)

  TICK-TOCK MANCOMBAT 7 ENDURANCE 7

  If Alice manages to overcome the automaton assassin, turn to 314.

  264

  Raising the portcullis above her head, Alice passes beneath it before it can drop again. Safely on the other side, the child sets off once more through the maze. Turn to 320.

  265

  Alice must fight the strutting, squawking Borogoves at the same time.

  COMBAT ENDURANCE

  First BOROGOVE 7 7

  Second BOROGOVE 7 6

  If Alice kills the birds, she hurries off again through the swamp before anything else unpleasant can make an appearance. Turn to 286.

  266

  Being an active outdoorsy sort, Alice has climbed plenty of trees in her time – much to her Governess’s chagrin – and aren’t bushes just small trees?

  Running at the nearest shrub monster – the Unicorn – Alice takes the creature entirely by surprise when she grabs hold of one of its hidden branches and hauls herself up onto its back.

  Take an Agility test. If Alice passes, turn to 288. If she fails, turn to 277.

  267

  Outside again, Alice takes a deep breath to calm herself, before deciding what to do next.

  If you want her to approach the table under the tree, turn to 327. If you think she should be on her way before anything else untoward can happen to her, turn to 15.

  268

  At long last Alice finally finds her way back to the spot where she first entered the tulgey wood, pursued by the Red Knight, unbeknownst to her at the time. Standing before the looking-glass, she watches as the reflection of the forest behind her melts away to become a view of the mirror room back in the Queen of Hearts’ Palace.

  Without a moment’s hesitation, Alice closes her eyes and steps through, the glass becoming a silvery mist before her. And then she is back in the palace and the Red Queen is waiting for her.

  Turn to 41.

  269

  Alice starts as an even darker shadow falls across the footstep of the grand house and the air is rent by a terrible croaking cry. The Frog Footman breaks off its attack and looks up, just as a huge bird – with a wingspan as wide as a croquet-ground is long – swoops down from the sky, and snatches the amphibia
n up in its beak before flying away again, leaving Alice alone at the entrance to the dark house.

  Turn to 259.

  270

  A little further on the path forks again. Should Alice go east (turn to 300), south (turn to 250) or west (turn to 280)?

  271

  Unable to think her way out of danger, Alice readies herself as best she can, and prepares to enter into a duel with the Tea Service. (Alice has the initiative, unless she has been smashed in the face by the teapot.)

  TEA SERVICECOMBAT 8 ENDURANCE 7

  If Alice weathers this tempest in a teapot, turn to 298.

  272

  Beyond the maze to the south, Alice can make out the buttresses and the turrets of the palace, seemingly closer than ever before.

  Which way should she go now?

  North? Turn to 480.

  East? Turn to 413.

  South?Turn to 76.

  273

  Alice follows the trail round into the peaceful bay where gentle waves lap the shore. There is something lying there on the sand, at the end of the line of discarded shells. Something large and blubbery, with a hide like cracked leather. As Alice watches, the creature’s sides rise and fall with each snoring breath.