alices_nightmare

by Jonathan Green

  Upon reaching the top of the staircase Alice passes through an arched doorway and into an eerie mausoleum-like chamber. The room has a sepulchral air to it, which is hardly surprising considering that resting atop a plinth at its heart is a white stone tomb. Upon the lid is the carving of a knight, with a carved white beard. He is holding a stone sword and also wears a coronet atop his helm.

  An inscription circles the white marble sarcophagus:

  To win the sword, speak loud my name,

  My title and my piece the same.

  Kneel now, my ring to kiss,

  And answer me, whose tomb is this?

  Alice starts, hearing footsteps on the stair she has just ascended. Someone, or something, is coming.

  Take a Logic test, and if Alice passes it, turn to 487; but if she fails, turn to 497.

  448

  Her fears prove perfectly justified when her foot catches one of the bloated fungi and a gust of choking spores puffs into Alice’s face.

  Roll one dice (or pick a card). If the number rolled is odd (or the card picked is black), turn to 458. If the number rolled is even (or the card picked is red), turn to 468.

  449

  Uncorking the bottle, Alice pours its contents over the slimy creatures, but the Patent Plant Provender doesn’t seem to have any effect… At least, not on the slimy newt-like lizards.

  The soft ground around Alice is pushed upwards as a host of knotty roots break through from beneath. These roots wrap themselves around Alice’s feet and ankles, trapping her. Unable to escape the advancing horrors, she is forced to fight them, both at the same time. (The Slithy Toves have the initiative.)

  COMBAT ENDURANCE

  First SLITHY TOVE 6 6

  Second SLITHY TOVE 6 5

  If Alice slays the creatures, she can at last turn her attention to freeing herself from the ensnaring roots, and, having done so, sets off again through the swamp. Turn to 286.

  450

  Unstoppering the bottle, Alice splashes what remains of its contents over the Snap-dragon-flies. However, her action does not have the desired effect. In fact, rather than causing the insects to shrink, the liquid only seems to encourage the brandy flames.

  “I wonder what was in that!” Alice gasps. “A drop of Nanny’s Ruin, I expect!”

  The two Snap-dragon-flies buzz towards Alice with angry intent, and no sign of forgiving festive spirit. (Cross the Shrinking Potion off Alice’s Adventure Sheet; she cannot use it again.)

  If you want to use The Pen is Mightier ability to help Alice escape her fate, and you are still able to do so, turn to 393. If not, turn to 404.

  451

  Arming herself as best she can, Alice prepares to battle the bird, wondering if how she is feeling now was how St George felt when he fought the dragon. (The Jubjub Bird has the initiative in this fight.)

  JUBJUB BIRDCOMBAT 10 ENDURANCE 12

  If Alice defeats the Jubjub Bird, turn to 408.

  452

  A huge tiger leaps at Alice from out of the mist but this is no ordinary tiger; it appears to have been formed from folded paper.

  If you want Alice to use The Pen is Mightier ability to save herself from the origami big cat, turn to 481. If you want her to use the Curiouser and Curiouser ability to change the story in some way, turn to 467. If you do not think Alice should use either of these abilities now, she will have to fight the Paper Tiger – turn to 492.

  453

  “Would you mind telling me,” says Alice, a little timidly, “why you are painting those roses?”

  Five and Seven say nothing, but look at Two.

  “Why the fact is, you see, Miss,” Two begins, “this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, afore she comes, to–”

  At this moment Five, who has been looking at Alice suspiciously, calls out, “It’s her! It’s the one the Queen wanted dead or alive!”

  “Well that doesn’t sound very friendly,” says Alice grumpily.

  Whatever you think Alice should do next, she is going to have to do it quickly. Should she:

  Run for it? Turn to 46.

  Prepare to fight? Turn to 503.

  Use something suitable she might

  have found lying around the maze? Turn to 463.

  454

  Opening the door at the end of the long passageway, Alice finds herself standing at the threshold to a large kitchen, which is full of smoke.

  A baby is howling in its cradle, which has been left next to an empty three-legged stool beside the hearth. Leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron, is a scrawny, sour-faced Cook. The heat and smoke and noise make Alice wonder if she hasn’t entered the hellish city of Pandemonium by mistake.

  “There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice says to herself, walking into the kitchen and trying to see what’s in the cauldron. There is certainly too much pepper in the air, and Alice can’t help but sneeze.

  The Cook spins round at the sound and glowers at Alice through the fug of smoke and steam filling the kitchen. Her eyes narrow as she peers at Alice along her hooked nose, and then glares at the crib as the baby alternates between sneezing and howling without a moment’s pause.

  “Shut up!” squawks the Cook, flinging a fire-iron in the direction of the cradle.

  “Oh, please mind what you’re doing!” cries Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror.

  “Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes,” the Cook snaps back. “He only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases.” And with that she picks up a saucepan and hurls it at Alice.

  Take an Agility test. If Alice passes it, turn to 444. If she fails the test, turn to 424.

  455

  Unable to unlock the secret of the Clock Gate, Alice has no choice but to return to the last junction she passed and choose another way to go – turn to 370.

  456

  Alice can take the Executioner’s Axe with her, to be her own weapon, if you like. Every time she delivers a successful strike with the weapon, it will cause 3 Endurance points of damage; however, because the axe is so heavy and hard to wield, Alice must also reduce her Combat score by 1 point for as long as she is using the weapon.

  With no other obstacles barring her way now, Alice pushes open the ornate double doors and enters the palatial room beyond.

  The throne room is as splendid as one might expect of the Palace of the Queen of Hearts, with pillars running round the outside edge of the heart-shaped chamber, a grand chandelier hanging from the high, vaulted ceiling bedecked with cut-crystal hearts and, at the centre of the room, where the curves of the heart join, is a magnificent royal seat that continues the heart-theme in both form and decoration.

  Seated upon the throne is a tall, thin woman, wearing an elegant crimson gown, its embroidered detailing making much use of a teardrop pattern, and with a delicate diadem upon her head set with a blood-red ruby. The woman’s skin is as pale as porcelain and her hair is as fine as spun silver. The irises of her eyes as are black as obsidian, and she is possessed of an unearthly beauty.

  Lying beside her, on the heart-patterned rug at her feet, is the body of a much shorter woman, wearing a dress decorated with all manner of hearts and stained red with blood. Apart from the fact that she is lying spread-eagled on the floor, there is one obvious thing wrong with the woman’s body; it is quite clearly missing its head.

  The mysterious beauty sitting on the throne is holding the missing head in one hand, smiling at the ugly woman’s rigor mortis-locked expression of horror and disbelief that have seized her sagging features. In the red-robed woman’s other gory hand is a still gently pulsating fist-sized lump of meat.

  “Off with her h
ead!” the woman says, a cruel smile curling her rosebud lips. “That was her favourite expression, wasn’t it? Well you know what they say, you should be careful what you wish for…”

  Alice cannot move, she cannot even speak, so appalled is she by what has been revealed before her in the throne room. And it is then that she realises the woman’s dress isn’t decorated with teardrops but rather it is embroidered with droplets of blood.

  “The Queen of Hearts,” the woman goes on, fixing Alice with a soul-penetrating stare. “Well not anymore.”

  With that she takes the Queen’s still beating heart and opening her mouth wide, dislocating her jaw as if she were a snake, swallows it whole.

  “And I suppose you were sent here to do away with the insane tyrant,” she adds, licking her fingertips clean with a long, snaking tongue.

  The woman, smiles seductively at Alice. “Come here child,” she says, her unblinking gaze never once faltering, and beckons to Alice with a still bloody finger.

  Take an Insanity test. If Alice passes the test, turn to 486. If she fails the test, turn to 476.

  457

  Alice gulps down the rest of the tincture (cross the Shrinking Potion off Alice’s Adventure Sheet) and immediately starts to shrink. Soon she is small enough to slip under the door of the cell.

  Once she is on the other side, she sets off along the cavernous passageway into the Palace. Fortunately, before she can run into any elephant-sized vermin, the effects of the potion wear off and she returns to her normal size.

  Turn to 342.

  458

  Alice can’t help but inhale a lungful of the mycetic spores and doubles up as her body is wracked by a terrible coughing fit.

  Lose 2 Endurance points and reduce Alice’s Agility score by 1. If Alice is still alive, turn to 438.

  459

  Retreating a few paces, to give herself more of a run-up, Alice runs towards the creatures at full pelt. At the last possible moment, she launches herself into the air, hoping to flip herself over their heads. The question is, did she give herself enough of a run-up?

  Take an Agility test, and if Alice is successful, turn to 489. If she is unsuccessful, turn to 469.

  460

  “Ahoy there!” comes a voice from somewhere nearby, and turning her head Alice sees a great sailing ship bearing down on her.

  It is a most curious sight; it has the appearance of a square-rigged merchantman, except that a great funnel, pumping out billows of thick black smoke, emerges from the aft castle. As the ship draws alongside her, a lifeboat it lowered, accompanied by the clanking of esoteric machineries. Hauling herself on board, Alice waits as the lifeboat is raised on its hoist again so that she might disembark onto the deck of the peculiar galleon.

  The crew immediately gather round her. There is a Boot-maker, a Bonnet-maker, a Barrister, a Broker, a Billiard-marker, a Banker, a Butcher, a Baker, and – most curiously of all – a Beaver.

  “Welcome! Welcome!” declaims their Captain, a Bellman, ringing his bell enthusiastically as he does so. “Welcome aboard the Snark-Hunter!”

  “Snark-Hunter? What’s a Snark-Hunter?” asks Alice, staring about her in amazement at the strange ship and her curious crew.

  “Why, we are,” says the Bellman, looking uffish. “All of us. We are, after all, hunting the Snark.”

  “And what, pray tell, is a Snark?”

  “Why, let me tell you,” the Bellman says, conspiratorially. “Come, listen my men,” he goes on, beckoning to his crew, “while I tell you again the five unmistakeable marks by which you may know, wheresoever you go, the warranted genuine Snarks.”

  His men lean in closer, with Alice caught up among their throng, as the Captain of the Snark-Hunter passes on his especial knowledge of the creature they are, apparently, hunting.

  “Let us take them in order. The first is the taste,

  Which is meagre and hollow, but crisp:

  Like a coat that is rather too tight in the waist,

  With a flavour of Will-o’-the-wisp.

  “Its habit of getting up late you’ll agree

  That it carries too far, when I say

  That it frequently breakfasts at five-o’clock tea,

  And dines on the following day.

  “The third is its slowness in taking a jest.

  Should you happen to venture on one,

  It will sigh like a thing that is deeply distressed:

  And it always looks grave at a pun.

  “The fourth is its fondness for bathing-machines,

  Which is constantly carries about,

  And believes that they add to the beauty of scenes--

  A sentiment open to doubt.

  “The fifth is ambition. It next will be right

  To describe each particular batch:

  Distinguishing those that have feathers, and bite,

  From those that have whiskers, and scratch.

  “For, although common Snarks do no manner of harm,

  Yet, I feel it my duty to say,

  Some are Boojums–”

  The Bellman breaks off in alarm, for the Baker has fainted away.

  Their Captain’s speech concluded, the rest of the crew go about their business, making sure that Alice feels quite at home on board. They offer her muffins and tea, which Alice tucks into with gusto (add 4 to Alice’s Endurance score), and the Beaver evens offers her his second-hand dagger-proof coat.

  If you want Alice to take the coat, add the Dagger-Proof Coat to Alice’s Adventure Sheet, and for as long as she is wearing it, in battle Alice may reduce any damage done to her by her enemies by 1 point.

  “And now,” says the Bellman, “navigation is always a difficult art, with only one ship and one bell, but where can we take you? Will you join us on our quest or can you drop you somewhere on our way?”

  How should Alice reply?

  “Please drop me at the first safe

  harbour we come to.” Turn to 475.

  “I would like to come with you.” Turn to 495.

  461

  Alice is fast, and on any other day such a run would win the village show sprint, but the airborne Snap-dragon-flies are faster and quickly catch up with her, one of them delivering her a nasty sting with its thorny tail.

  Lose 2 Endurance points, and if Alice is still able to continue her adventure, turn to 112.

  462

  The Red Knight dead, Alice turns her attention to recovering the Vorpal Sword. Carefully easing it from between the effigy’s fingers, Alice weighs it in her hands. The blade is perfectly balanced and unbelievably feels as light as a feather.

  If Alice uses the Vorpal Sword in combat, you may add 1 point to her Combat score and any successful strike she makes against an opponent will cause 4 Endurance points of damage.

  Hearing the clatter of armour and steel behind her, Alice turns in time to see the Red Knight rise from the floor and throw himself at her in one sudden, fluid movement.

  At that same instant, the mausoleum echoes with the thundering sound of galloping hoof-beats and a phantasmal horse and rider emerge from the far wall, in a burst if ectoplasmic mist. The guardian of the tomb has come to Alice’s rescue, now that she is mistress of the Vorpal Sword and its protector.

  Ignoring Alice now, the Red Knight turns to meet the ghostly White Knight’s charge. Swords clash and sparks fly.

  “She’s my prisoner, you know!” the Red Knight growls.

  “Yes, but then I came and rescued her!” the White Knight replies.

  “Well, we must fight for her, then,” says the Red Knight.

  “You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?” the White Knight remarks.

  “I always do,” says the Red Knight.

  It is all the distraction Alice needs. With one swing of the Vorpal Sword she takes the undead knight’s head from his shoulders, as the keen-ed
ged blade meets the stump of his bony neck.

  As the knight’s armoured head tumbles to the floor, the rest of the Red Queen’s vampiric champion falls to his knees before poleaxing onto the floor, and remains motionless this time.

  “You saved me!” Alice says as the ghostly White Knight dismounts from his phantasmal steed.

  “It was a glorious victory, wasn’t it?” says the ghost.

  “Is it your body that lies within?” Alice asks, her eyes on the great stone sarcophagus.

  “What does it matter where my body happens to be?” replies the knight. “What’s done is done, but what still needs to be done must be done also. It is time you were gone from this place. Wonderland needs you.”

  If you have the word ‘Portal’ recorded on Alice’s Adventure Sheet, then you will also have a number associated with it. If so, turn the section with the same number. If not, turn to 123.

  463

  There are three things that Alice may have found whilst exploring the maze that might be of particular use to her now in her altercation with the gardeners.

  If you want her to use a jar of Slug Pellets, turn to 473. If you think she’d be better off using Bloom’s Patent Plant Provender, turn to 493. If you think she should arm herself with a Spade, turn to 66.

  If Alice has none of these items, or you don’t want her to use any of them now, turn to 503.

  464

  Putting her hands over her head, Alice runs for the library door as books continue to hammer her body. (Lose 1 more Endurance point.)

  Back in the passageway, Alice slams the door behind her and is relieved to find that the Ghost does not follow her out into the corridor.