Sunny's Hope

by Nola Cross

  “I’ll be right back,” she told Jasmine. “I’m just going to get Spencer. He’s out in the hallway, waiting to see you.”

  They watched through the window as the nurses connected Jasmine to a new piece of equipment that would monitor and report the slightest fluctuation in her oxygen level. Finally the staff left the room and Sunny led Ben and Spencer inside.

  “We’ll need to let her rest again in a minute, but I know you’ve been waiting to say hello to her, Spencer.”

  While Ben and Sunny watched, the little boy approached the bed. “Hi.”

  Jasmine’s eyelids flickered open and a sleepy smile lit up her whole face. “Hi.”

  “I see you’re awake now.”

  Jasmine nodded.

  “I came to see you before but you were asleep. I brought your WonderTales Pony for you to cuddle.”

  “Thank you.”

  “When can you come home? I miss you.”

  Sunny squeezed Ben’s hand. A lump the size of Texas was lodged in her throat. She thought she would never stop smiling.

  * * * *

  Ben scowled at his reflection, unknotted the maroon tie and tried tying it again for the third time. Of their own volition, his eyes flicked down again to the dresser top where the letter from his car insurance company lay open. His fingers paused at his collar as he read one phrase for perhaps the tenth time.

  The other driver has been found to be 100% at fault.

  That meant one hundred percent not his own fault. After all the witness statements and the formal investigation filed by the sheriff’s office, he’d been officially absolved of any responsibility for the accident. Great. So why did he still feel so lousy? Why did he keep remembering the look in Jasmine’s eyes when she first woke up last week?

  And why did this have to come up again tonight when he’d finally convinced Sunny they should make a little time for themselves?

  They deserved this night out together. Not only would they be celebrating Jasmine’s first steps on the road to recovery, but he hoped they’d also have a chance to reconnect, physically and emotionally. Since he’d gone back to work full-time and Sunny had been spending so many hours at the hospital, they hadn’t seen each other at all in the last few days. She’d given him daily updates on Jasmine’s progress by phone and email, but the personal element seemed to be missing from those communications.

  But maybe he was expecting too much from Sunny right now. If it were Spencer lying in that hospital bed, would he be able to think about anything else?

  Jasmine had been moved out of ICU the day before and into a semi-private room. Speech and language therapists were already working with her. She had intermittent periods of confusion, of not remembering what had happened to her or why she wasn’t at home. The therapists assured Sunny this was normal. It might take months for Jasmine’s mind and memory to clear. In the meantime, patience and repetition were the order of the day. This morning they had told Sunny that Jasmine might be able to come home by mid-February and continue her therapy there. She had wept over the phone as she shared the news with him, and he’d sent up a prayer of gratitude.

  Now, cursing mildly, he finally decided to leave the damn tie lopsided. He was due to pick up Sunny in five minutes and didn’t want to be late. His gaze fell once more on the letter. Black guilt poked at him again, seeming to know all his vulnerable spots. Damn it! He wasn’t going to let it ruin this evening!

  As he went down the stairs, calling to Spencer, he pushed back against the sense of despair. Would these gut-wrenching feelings fade in time? Or—God forbid—would they get worse? He wasn’t an irresponsible person, he wasn’t. So why couldn’t he shake this rotten self-doubt?

  In the hallway, he passed a framed photo of Corinne and toddler Spencer taken shortly after her diagnosis. A sudden realization flashed into his mind. In some ways these awful feelings reminded him of the grief he’d experienced when Corinne was so sick with cancer. He’d felt some guilt then too that it was happening to her and not to him.

  He’d seen a counselor about it and that had helped some. What was it Dr. Wellington had called it? A form of survivor’s guilt. It had helped to know there was a name for what he was experiencing and that he wasn’t the only one who had ever felt that way. Maybe he needed to see the good doctor again.

  Feeling suddenly hopeful, he picked up Spencer’s sleeping bag and backpack from the front hallway. “Come on, buddy. Let’s get going!”

  They headed first for Sunny’s house, two blocks away. In the back seat, Spencer fussed with the zipper of his backpack.

  “Did you remember to pack my RC car, Dad? I know Grandpa wants to play with it. He told me.”

  “Yep. It’s in there. Leave it zipped up, okay, Spence?”

  “What about my pillow? Where’s my pillow?”

  “It’s rolled up in your sleeping bag, remember?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “You can stay for breakfast and cartoons tomorrow. I’ll pick you up before lunch, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Spencer had stayed with his grandparents fairly often since Corinne’s death, but not since they had returned from Europe. Ben hoped they’d be willing to have him sleep over every now and then to allow him and Sunny some grown-up time together. But would Sunny be willing to leave Jasmine at home with Peggy once the little girl was home from the hospital? Maybe they should find a private nurse to stay overnight with her on those occasions. With some careful planning, perhaps they’d find once again a temporary escape to that carefree, romantic space they’d discovered before the accident.

  Sunny greeted him at the door, looking stunning in a slim black dress and heels. She had pulled her hair up and back, fixing it in place with a gem-studded comb. Her beautiful golden-brown eyes sparkled too.

  “You look incredible.” He kissed her cheek, nuzzling her neck as he helped her into her coat. She giggled softly. As they walked toward the car he took her hand, smiling at her as her warm fingers curled through his. She smiled back, their gazes locked, and just for that moment, in the cold, clear night, all their troubles seemed far away.

  He broke the spell himself. “How was Jasmine this afternoon?”

  “Good. Good. She remembered playing in the snow park and riding the inner tube with you.”

  “She did? That’s amazing! That’s great!”

  Sunny nodded. “Dr. Joffman says she’s doing exceptionally well.”

  He stopped in the middle of the walkway, glorious relief flooding through him. He pulled her close. “I’m so glad,” he whispered into her hair.

  They stood that way for half a minute, warm breath sending clouds of vapor into the night.

  “Thank you,” she finally whispered back, and he knew without being able to see that her eyes were damp.

  As they walked on toward the car, Sunny fanned her face. “Whew. I’m really nervous.”

  “About meeting my folks?”

  She nodded. “What if they don’t like me?”

  “How could they not like you? You’re perfect.” He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her knuckles. For someone so capable, so intelligent, it always surprised Ben when he saw this less-than-confident side of Sunny.

  She sent him a fleeting grin. “So you say.”

  “I do say. And they’ll feel the same, trust me.”

  She came to a sudden stop near the street, her eyes taking in the pale blue SUV he’d bought the day before. “Wow. Is this your new car or another rental?”

  “It’s mine.”

  “It’s beautiful. You must have gotten a nice settlement from your insurance company.”

  “I did.” His festive mood wobbled. He fought back, determined not to let it get him down. This was not the time to think about the accident or question his culpability.

  Sunny greeted Spencer and they settled in for the short drive to his folks’ place. She filled him in further on Jasmine’s progress, happily relating every detail of their afternoon. Ben’s heart lifted as
she told him Jasmine had remembered the whole alphabet with only a stumble or two. He knew there would be setbacks along the way, but today had been a day of several steps forward.

  “I guess we do have things to celebrate tonight, don’t we? We’ll have to have the front desk send up a bottle of champagne.” He sent her a meaningful glance.

  “That would be perfect.” She smiled back, her hand roving across the console to give his upper thigh an intimate squeeze.

  His cock hardened, sending his thoughts in more sensual directions. He could hardly wait to eat dinner and get to their hotel, to unbutton her coat and peel that dress away from her gorgeous body.

  A few minutes later he pushed open his folks’ front door. “Knock, knock,” he called as he set Spencer’s stuff on the bench in the entryway. He took Sunny’s hand again, gave her an encouraging smile, and pulled her close to his side.

  “Welcome, welcome.” His mother’s cheery voice preceded her down the hall, and in a few seconds she appeared in the archway, drying her hands on a kitchen towel. If Ben hadn’t been watching her face intently, he would have missed the subtle widening of her eyes when she first saw Sunny. Had Sunny been right? Maybe he should have mentioned to his folks that his lady love was African American. Well, no problem. His folks were liberal and Sunny was wonderful. In no time they’d love her as much as he did.

  “Mom, I’d like you to meet my special friend, Sunny Williamson.”

  His mother extended her hand and gave Sunny a broad smile. Probably only Ben realized that the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “So nice to meet you,” his mother said.

  “Likewise, Mrs. Stillman.”

  “Please call me Beverly.” She looked down at Spencer who was busily opening his backpack. “Are you ready for movies with me and Grandpa tonight?”

  “Can we watch Transformers?”

  “Again?” His mom rolled her eyes in mock despair, but Ben knew she’d happily agree to anything Spencer wanted. “Of course we can. And I might just have a fresh bag of Oreos in the cookie jar.”

  “Yes!” Spencer’s fist pumped air and he took off for the kitchen. The three of them chuckled.

  “Ben tells me you’re a school teacher. Second grade, is it?”

  “Yes, that’s right.” Sunny seemed to be feeling a bit more relaxed as they followed his boy down the short hallway.

  “Perhaps you’ll have Spencer in your class in two years.”

  “That would be fun. He’s a wonderful kid.”

  “I agree,” his mom said.

  “What do you agree with?” his father asked as they came into the living room. The older man put down his magazine and stood to greet Sunny. Unlike with his mom, Ben saw no hesitation in his father’s demeanor; perhaps he was just as surprised but simply knew how to hide it better.

  “Sunny, this is my father, Edgar.”

  “Call me Ed.” His dad’s smile was definitely genuine as he shook Sunny’s hand. “Nice to finally meet you.”

  “Thank you. I’m glad to meet you too.”

  “Ben tells us your daughter is doing well in her recovery.”

  “Yes. Actually, I was just telling him that today she recited her alphabet!”

  His mom and dad both beamed and nodded as if they fully understood what an accomplishment that was.

  “It may be months or even years until she catches up to where she would have been, but I’m very optimistic,” Sunny went on.

  “So is her doctor,” Ben added.

  “That’s wonderful news,” his father said.

  “Thanks.” Sunny gave him a happy smile. “Do you think I could use the restroom before we go, Ben?”

  “Certainly.” Beverly gave her directions to the powder room off the kitchen. As soon as they heard the door shut his mother turned to him. “Ben! Why didn’t you tell us she’s black?”

  Shocked, he took a step back. His neck and cheeks heated. “Why does it matter?”

  “It doesn’t,” his father said quickly.

  “That’s not entirely true.” His mother lowered her voice. “I hope you’re not serious about this woman, Ben. You don’t need this kind of stress.”

  “What kind of stress, Mom?” He struggled to keep his voice respectful. He glanced at his father, who was staring at his mom as if he’d never seen her before.

  “This whole interracial thing. It puts stress on a relationship. Some people are just not accepting, you know?”

  “What people would those be, Mom?”

  His pointed sarcasm seemed to be lost on her. “Oh, you know. Just people. Just everyone.”

  “Beverly—” His dad’s low growl should have been enough to stop her, but she seemed to think she was on a sacred mission to save Ben from himself.

  “And then on top of that you have this poor little girl who may be handicapped for the rest of her life. You don’t want to saddle yourself with that kind of thing, Ben. You and Spencer already lost Corinne. That should be enough heartache for one lifetime.”

  “Oh my God, Mom. Are you serious?” Ben balled his fists as his heart thrashed in his chest in a terrible, jarring rhythm. A sudden flash of movement caught the corner of his eye and he turned.

  Sunny stood in the archway, her eyes huge, her hand to her mouth.

  “I’m ready to leave now, Ben,” she said.

  Chapter 8

  Somehow Sunny made it to the car. Later she barely remembered any of it—saying goodbye to his parents, walking out the door, crossing the frosty lawn to Ben’s SUV. When Ben opened the door for her she got in.

  “Sunny—” he began, leaning in as he held the door open.

  “Close the door, Ben. It’s cold.”

  While he went around to his side, she took a deep breath or two, trying to settle her pulse. Her heart was going at a sickening rate and her belly felt raw, twisted, as if she’d been food-poisoned.

  Just get me out of here. Get me home. Anywhere but here.

  When Ben got in she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. He sat there, unmoving for several seconds. Then he turned to her. “I’m so sorry if you heard any of that.”

  “I heard all of it. All I needed to hear. I’ll never be able to unhear it, Ben.” Damn it! Why did her voice have to tremble like that? “Start the car, will you? Let’s go.”

  After a moment she realized he was heading in the opposite direction from her house. Apparently he thought their evening out together was still going to happen. Was he nuts?

  “You need to take me home, Ben.”

  “Aw, come on, Sunny.” He pulled the car to the curb and turned toward her. “My mom didn’t really mean all that. We surprised her, that’s all. Just give her a little time to get used to the idea.”

  “She was right. She was absolutely right.” Sunny stared at him as Beverly’s words played again in her mind. Why had she never seen it before? Ben’s mom was one smart woman.

  “What?” A nearby street lamp cast a sick yellow light over the planes of his face, emphasizing the shock and misery in his eyes.

  “You’ve already had your share of heartache, exactly like she said. You don’t need the extra burdens of being with an African American woman and her handicapped child.”

  “What?” he said again, staring at her with the same expression of disbelief she’d seen on Ed’s face moments before.

  She shrugged. “I can see now that it’s going to be many long months until Jasmine fully recovers—if she ever does—and that’s my problem, not yours. I’m not going to have any energy left over for a relationship with you.”

  He winced. “But I love Jasmine. Of course she’s my ‘problem’.” He made desperate air quotes.

  “I’m her mother—”

  “And I’d like to be her dad. Marry me, Sunny. Marry me and let me adopt Jasmine as my own. Together we can—”

  “You are truly crazy, you know that?” Didn’t he see how stupid the whole idea was? Her number one priority for the foreseeable future had to be her little girl. She couldn�
�t promise him anything but that she’d lean on him every possible opportunity. And that didn’t feel right. It wasn’t fair to him. And it certainly wasn’t an auspicious beginning for a marriage.

  Besides, it was clear that Beverly Stillman disliked her. The last thing she wanted to do was intrude in a family where she wasn’t welcome.

  “Can we go please?” She clasped her hands together and faced forward.

  “Sunny. Sunny. Look at me, will you?” His voice broke, sending shards through her heart. She’d been so foolish to think she and Ben had a chance for anything beyond a pleasant friendship. Maybe not even that!

  “It’s not going to work out.”

  “But she’s my responsibility too. I was driving—”

  Of course! He still felt responsible. That’s what this was about!

  “I’m not going to marry you to assuage your guilty conscience, Ben. You had nothing to do with her getting hurt. It could have been me at the wheel just as easily.”

  “But I love you, Sunny. And I thought you loved me. What about that?”

  She shrugged, hardening her heart against the pain in his eyes. “If you love me, then say we’ll remain friends, but don’t ask me to tie myself to you. I have to think of Jasmine, Ben. She’s the most important thing in my life.”

  * * * *

  “…and when I get to the number one, you’ll open your eyes, fully awake and completely refreshed. Five…four…beginning to come to the surface…three…two…getting ready to open your eyes now…and one.”

  Dr. Wellington’s soothing voice faded away and Ben came awake. As always following one of their hypnosis sessions, he was filled with a deep sense of peace, his body as limp in the cozy chair as a piece of cooked linguine. If only he could hang on to that relaxed state after he left the doctor’s office.

  “How was that?” she asked, turning down the volume on the recording of the ocean that always played in the background.

  “Fantastic. As always.” He let out a long sigh. “Sure I can’t talk you into climbing into my pocket?”

  The doctor laughed. “As a matter of fact, I do have a CD to send home with you. That’ll be almost as good. You can listen at bedtime on your own.” She folded her hands in her lap. “So what do you think? Do you need another session or are we done?”